Ryan was in the kitchen when i peeked in he looked up for his coffee giving me a forced smile, i tried my best to return his smile but i was sure i had failed, the tension in the air was thick everything that happened last-night between me and Ryan happened because i let my impulses take over, i cursed my libido to hell but secretly i blamed the hot American Rock-stars.
I paced quietly into the kitchen sitting down in-front of Ryan at the kitchen table, "Ryan last-night", i began.
Ryan set his cup down cutting me off "Liisa it shouldn't have happened even if your not with Ronnie i can tell you still love him, i shouldn't have took advantage, i feel ashamed".
"No Ryan you didn't take advantage i was the one who kissed you", i reminded him.
"You may have, but i let you and in all honesty i don't see you in a sexual way", He added i understand perfectly because i felt the same towards Ryan.
"I Know", i sighed shaking my head, "Every-things just so fucked up".
"I'm not looking forward to Ronnie beating the shit out of me and being kicked out of the band", Ryan rubbed his forehead clearly feeling apprehensive.
"Ryan that's not going to happen", i tried to sound reassuring but i didn't know what Ronnie would do, anyway it was none of his business we were over he cheated on me i have nothing to be sorry for.
"Ronnie has alot of influence Liisa he can do what the fuck he likes, especially to me", Ryan placed his hands down on the table spreading his fingers.
I Stared off out of the kitchen window watching as Storm my Husky stretched and pee'd i bet he was hungry too, "Storm must be hungry" i said absently.
Ryan glanced out the window before getting up to his feet, i watched as he walked over to the fridge and pulled out a tin of fish, "Here i don't know if its any good but he small it should fill him".
I smiled standing up taking the tin from his hands, "Ye that will do it good for there fur", i paused staring up at Ryan i didn't feel anything for him other then friendship, "Ryan can we forget about last-night and just be friends", i hoped we could i would hate for it the ruin our friendship.
Ryan smiled the worried look still present in his features, "I would like that Lis", he said softly.
Leaning up i hugged him briefly before heading out back to my puppy i leaned down grinning as he ran towards me and in-between my legs, i laughed, "Hey I'm here" i said to him, Storm trotted over to me licking my foot, "Good boy" i cooned before opening the tin and leaving it on the ground for him to greedily eat away at, I watched him until he was done and strode back into the house, i stopped as i heard voices coming from the living room.
"Shes here?", Ronnie said.
I Froze mid walk staring at the kitchen door, oh god not more drama i thought, maybe i could go out back and lamely try to hop the fence, but me being clumsy i would just end up hurting myself.
"Ronnie i don't think she wants to see you" Ryan said.
"Ryan i didn't cheat, Debra's fucking fame mad she just wants me because of the band, she seen the interview Bryan stars done and decided to fuck things up for me with Liisa, I love her i wouldn't hurt her". Ronnie voice sounded full with truth.
I pressed my hand down onto my chest trying to ease my exhilarating heartbeat, for all i knew it was his word against hers, I did Love Ronnie i knew because every-time i heard his voice i shuddered but this pain in my chest hurts, it hurt me alot.
"Ronnie give her time, she might decide to talk to you again", Ryan was trying to reason with him, and if i knew Ronnie he always did what he wanted.
"If i don't tell her now it might be to late i have to tell her the story, well my story", He sounded really tired his words came out slurry.
I stepped closer to the door accidentally kicking the chair stubbing my toe and cursed, the voices in the living room went quite, suddenly the kitchen door swung open i stepped back wobbling on one foot biting my lip, Ronnie stared at me his usual messy hair was tied back he looked pale and withdrawn, i straightened immediately, Ryan stood close behind him.
Ronnie turned to Ryan, "Man do you mind giving me a minute", he asked kindly
Ryan looked toward me i bit down on my lip harder nodding lightly, Ryan smiled at Ronnie "Sure man".
Ronnie turned back looking at me as he walked into the kitchen sitting down at the table he indicating for me to do the same thing, i stayed put pressing my back against the counter Ronnie sighed "Baby nothing happened last-night".
"Really" i spit back shocked by my venom, i was angry about alot of things, "After everything i dropped for you".
"Liisa, Babe Debra's lying she fucking came over while i was working out, i tried to get her the fuck out but you showed up", Ronnie frowned.
"What would you have done if i hadn't of known? would you have told me?", I asked straighting my posture glaring at him.
"No, there nothing to tell babe", Ronnie stood up from the chair walking towards me.
I put my hands up indicating for him to stop but he didn't Ronnie continued to walk up to me he took my face in-between his hands resting his forehead against mine, "Baby I love you", he breathed.
"Ronnie don't" I whispered his breathe tickled my cheek and i felt slightly dizzy i stared up into his deep brown eyes searching them, i felt so angry, angry because i was hurting and angry that he made me feel this way even when i was mad.
"Liisa", Ronnie brushed his lips down across my cheek towards my lips.
i froze rigged as his soft warm lips pressed softly against mine without thinking i slowly raised my hand up brushing the tips of my fingers off his chin so lost in the moment that i forgot about last-night until the memories pushed forward in my brain reminding me, "No" i said breathlessly.
Ronnie stared down at me his eyes burning "Babe just come home", the words came out like a beg.
"No i cant" I shook my head more vigorously.
"Why Ryan's" Ronnie asked suddenly taking me off guard.
"Because he was the only one i could think of", I flushed remembering what happened last-night then blinked reminded that Ronnie was looking at me.
He seemed to notice my slip up and his whole face fell "Did you fuck him?", his words were blunt.
I frowned i hated the word 'Fuck' it was disgusting, i didn't answer mostly because i was scared to i looked down at the floor biting the inside of my lip, Suddenly Ronnie's hands caught in my hair roughly as he pulled my hair forcing me to look up into his face it caused my skull to prickly out in pain, automatically i reached around grabbing his hand in my hair trying to relive the pressure, "Ronnie, Let go", i cried.
"You fucked Ryan", He hissed into my face, "I can see it in your fucking face".
"Ronnie your hurting me", my head felt sore and i squirmed, his body pressed my waist into the counter trapping me, in all honesty i was scared for the first time, i never seen Ronnie like this.
"TELL ME", he shouted at me.
"YES!" i bellowed he released my hair stepping back i whined rubbing the back of my head, Tears rolled down my face and i felt angry "You fucking cheated on me, were not even together so its none of your damn business".
"I never cheated", the anger in his face was replaced with a sad look, without another word Ronnie walked out of the kitchen.
I stared at the Kitchen door click shut, suddenly i remembered Ryan, I ran forward pulling the door open just as Ronnie grabbed Ryan by the throat hauling him to his feet, "RONNIE".
"Ronnie man, It was a mistake", Ryan's eyes widened as he looked at me over Ronnie's shoulder.
"I cant believe you fucked her, you're supposed to be my friend". his face looked distorted and mad.
My head buzzed as i stepped forward "Ronnie i kissed him, its not Ryan's fault".
"He let you do it", Ronnie shouted staring back at me the look in his eyes were feral.
"Ronnie man i don't want to fight you", Ryan loosened Ronnie grip around his neck stepping back.
Ronnie reached forward trying to grab onto Ryan again.
I shuffled forwardly quickly grabbing his arm, Ronnie swung his arm back pushing me off my feet i fell to the ground on my bum with a 'hmp'.
Ronnie stared at me his face changing with regret "Liisa, fuck I'm sorry", he stepped forward frowning.
"Don't Ronnie", i scooted back with my bum on the floor pressing my back against the couch.
"I didn't mean it i was angry, i didn't think you would fall", Ronnie leaned down his face looking abit green.
"Ronnie man i think you should go", Ryan edged closer reaching down to help me up off the ground.
Ronnie stood looking at me for along time willing me to look back at him but i couldn't, i wasn't scared or afraid of him anymore i just couldn't face him not now.
"Liisa I'm so sorry", Ronnie whispered.
"Ronnie man its OK just go and cool down", Ryan went to step forward to Ronnie but he stilled i guessed Ronnie gave him a warning look.
Out of the corner of my eyes i watched as Ronnie turned leaving and my heart sunk i really wished i knew the truth and most of all i wished i was back to just me and him again, but i feared we might never be, he probably hated me, i hated me too.