I had permanent surveillance in my room.
Mom stayed by my bedroom window as she read her magazines and made sure I wasn't doing anything stupid or harmful to myself. I couldn't even go on Stormex without her checking if it was appropriate for a "severly depressed individual," as she put it, to play the game. Plus I didn't want her to be around whenever LadyWillow was going to message me.
Instead I just tried to nap on my stomach, but the blinding sun turned my eyelids a bright pink whenever I closed my eyes, and the ointment the "home-service doctor" rubbed my back with with smelled like shit even under the bulk of gauges wrapped around my upper body. I was extremely worried he'd say that these didn't seem like self-inflicted injuries but instead he shook his head and treated my back immediately.
"Mom I really can't sleep with the sun in my eyes," I told her.
"Dr. Kahn said you needed the sun. It's good for both the body and the soul," she said. I rolled my eyes; he was a lousy doctor.
"Dad seemed pissed," I mentioned. Mom looked up from her magazine.
"Of course he is. I am too. The only reason I'm here is because I can excuse myself from work," she said as she smelled a perfume from the magazine. "He said he was going to have a long chat with you as soon as he's back, I'll be joining him once he's back with Jake."
"He's coming home early?" I asked. It was usually Mom who usually picked Jake up.
"Yes, his work schedule today is completely and utterly messed up," she said as her eyes landed on mine.
I scoffed. "So it's my fault?"
Mom huffed and placed the magazine next to her. "Is this what you want? Attention?" she said as her brows were stitching together.
"No," I said with definite firmess in my voice. She kind of seemed convinced.
The sound of the main door being unlocked made Mom get up from her seat. Dad was her; interrogation time. I took a deep breath and tried to sit up straight and leaned my back against the bedframe.
Dad walked in my room with Jake next to him. Poor Jake. He looked like someone had slapped him as he focused on the bandage wrapping my upper body.
"Hey," I said, trying to sound cheerful.
"Why did you do it?" he spoke, and not even a smile crossed his lips.
"I'm sorry," was all I can say. What else can I say to him. I wanted to go up to him and tackle him into a hug but I was impaired to do so. Poor Jake. Dad patted Jake on the back and told him to go to his room before shutting the door after Jake.
Mom took her seat by the window while Dad grabbed the swivel chair by my desk.
"This is obviously a big issue," Dad begin to say. Congressman Peter Forrester was back in action. "Your mom and I have decided to take you to councelling. You'll start on Saturday, the appointment is already booked." It's not me that needed checking out, you moron.
"We don't know why you're doing this. We've offered you everything we can; a good school, whatever you personally wanted, a nice car, and the list goes on. What else do you want from us?" Dad said; his voice was raised as he uttered the last sentence.
"Nothing. It has nothing to do with you," I simply told him. Dad ran a hand through his hair as he stood up.
"Damn it, Jamie, make me understand! Make some sense for crying out loud!" Dad said while Mom began to wipe her tears in the corner. This was just great.
"I don't know how I can explain, Dad!" I almost yelled. "I'm sorry I'm not the son you didn't think I was!"
Dad was panting by now. "How is this going to look to your brother, huh? Do you know how he found out? From his friends, Jamie. You know what he told me on the way home? That he didn't know who you were anymore! Your only brother saying this!" Dad yelled some more and bringing Jake up really got to me.
"Just stop it!" I yelled as I put my hand to my ears. "Just stop talking, Dad! What do you want me to do? You want me to go to counselling? Fine, I'll fucking do it. Just don't go hammering the nail even further."
Mom was sobbing now and she left the room without a word. Dad was about to burst into flames.
"I can't do this anymore, Jamie. I really don't know you anymore," he said as he wiped his chin. I bit my tongue to keep myself from talking some more. Dad stormed out of the room and slammed the door behind him.
I needed to cool down as my heart was still racing and I was radiating with heat from the excitement of the fight. I never thought it would amount to this. Right now I wasn't sure if it was Dylan's fault or mine anymore.
I got into the bathroom and began to fill the tub with lukewarm water.
"Do you need me to take off the gauges?" Mom suddenly appeared.
"Mom, you scared me," I said. "And no thank you. I can take them off myself," I said. She smiled and nodded.
"I have your soup ready for you by your bed. At least take a couple of sips while the water is running," she said. She looked so tired and gaunt, and this was all because of me.
"Alright," I said with a nod. I really hated myself for hurting her.
I sat on the bed and slurped the soup while Mom went down to make some tea. I wished I had a cold. I heard the main door close and the sounds following it made me drop my spoon and splash soup right on my gauges.
"Dylan, hello," I heard Mom faintly say.
"I'm sorry I hope this isn't a bad time," Dylan said.
"No, no, he's having soup in his room." Why couldn't you see, Mom?
I peeked through the crack in the door frame and watched Dylan hand Mom some envelopes.
"We got these by mistake, I hope they're not important," Dylan said with a chuckle. Mom smiled.
"That's very nice of you, thank you, Dylan," she replied. The sound of the filled water tub distracted me and I hurried to the bathroom to stop the running water and closed the door right after me.
I heard footsteps coming up the stairs and I was so silent I could only hear my heartbeat in my ears. Dylan was now in the doorway with his usual smirk right across his face.
"Well hello, Jamie," he said as he closed the bedroom door after him.
I gulped and took a step away from him.
"I thought we had an agreement that there would be no show and tell," he said as he cocked his neck. He took two steps forward and I took three steps back.
"I didn't mean for anyone to see it, I swear," I said with a gulp. "Everyone thinks I did it. My parents even got me an appoitnment with a shrink," I said. He was walking so close to me now and my back was pressed against the bathroom door.
"And I'm supposed to be proud of your? We had a fucking deal, Jamie. You don't tell anyone about me and I don't tell anyone about you. You almost screwed this up, and what? You expect me to do nothing?" he said as he shoved me against the door, sending waves of pain up and down my back as I grunted in pain. The bathroom door opened from behind me and Dylan forced me in.
"This is perfect," he said as he smiled at the sight of the filled tub. I gulped, I knew what was coming.
"Come here," he said as he grabbed me and pulled me forward. He forced me right by the tub and grabbed my neck. He gripped a handful of hair at the back of my head and I tried not to scream from his painful grip. I tried to beg him to stop but I couldn't find my voice, like it was lost. He brought my head inside the tub and forced it down deeper and deeper until I could not go up for air. I tried resisting him but he was much powerful than I was. I was kicking and hitting all the wrong places.
My vision was blurred and water was getting up in my nose as I swallowed and choked on water at the same time.
He finally lifted my head up for me to get some air and I gasped and panted to get as much oxygen inside me as I could.
"By the way," he said through gritted teeth. "I kind of told your mom about your dad's affair," he said. He forced my head back into the tub before I even had the time to collect some air. My lungs were about to burst as I screamed in the water and begged him to stop, but I wasn't one to ask. I did not focus on what he had said as my head was busy trying to figure out a way to stop him from drowning me.
He lifted my head up and I coughed out the water as I panted again.
"You're such a fucking drama queen," he said before pushing me away from the tub and against the wall. His face was an inch from mine and I felt his cold breath brush against my neck. He was too close.
"By the time I leave your house," he said. "Your family will be in hysterics, and it's all because of you," he whispered to me. I was still panting hard. What was he talking about?
"Take care of yourself, Jamie," he said as he patted my head before leaving me alone in the bathroom. I let out a breath of relief; at least he was gone. I walked out of the bathroom and peeked out of my bedroom door to see Dylan wave at my mom in the living room before leaving the house. Only Mom didn't wave back.
"What was Dylan doing here?" Jake surprised me as he too leaned from his bedroom door.
I shrugged. "Just checking up on me," I said. I remembered Dylan's words and walked back into my room closing the door behind me. I couldn't see what was going on downstairs, anyway.
I was walking in circles and waited for something to happen but nothing did. Maybe Dylan was finally wrong. I took a deep breath and went to the bathroom to unclog the bathtub. I was never using it again. I grabbed my blowdryer and plugged it in to dry my wet hair but mainly to drown out any noises that were shortly to happen. It was a perfect plan, I heard nothing but white noise.