Tuesday:
LadyWillow: You've been MIA lately.
I smiled, I was glad I had a friend somewhere.
4ster: Yeah. I had a pretty bad couple of weeks.
LadyWillow: I'm sorry. Want to play?
4ster: I'm not really in the mood to play, sorry.
I felt bad, but I really didn't feel like playing.
LadyWillow: It's alright. I have to go, anyway.
4ster: Goodnight, LadyWillow.
LadyWillow: Goodbye.
I logged off from Stormex and sighed as I lounged on my bed. It was almost nine at night and I did not feel like sleeping even though I hadn't had a decent amount of sleep in four days. I knew I wouldn't sleep knowing Sarah no longer stood a chance with me and that Dylan told her that I didn't like girls. How did she even believe it?
Jake barged into my room and caught me daydreaming. "Mom says you should go to sleep," he said.
"Sure," I told him.
"You look awful," he said.
"Yeah?" I told him. I shuddered at the image of him and Meredith together. "By the way what's up with you and uh, Meredith?" I asked him. He shrugged.
"She doesn't want to be seen with me in school for some reason," he said.
"Oh. I don't think she actually likes you in that sense," I told him, hoping he'd change his mind about her. He shrugged again.
"Whatever," he said as he lounged on my study chair. "What about Sarah?" he asked me.
I was surpised he knew about her at all. "What about her?" I asked him as I fiddled with a loose thread on my duvet.
"Don't you like her?" he asked me. "I heard Mom tell Dad about her so I figured. Is she hot?" he asked.
I threw a pillow at him, smacking him right in the face. "Don't use that word, it's disgusting." He was getting too old way too fast.
"So you like her, huh?" he said with a playful tone as he wiggled his eyebrows.
"Yeah, I do, okay?" I said. "She's with Dylan now, anyway," I told him.
Jake made a face. "Why is she with Dylan and not you? I doubt anyone can stand him," he said, and it surprised me.
I sat up straight and adjusted myself to a comfortable position. "Why would you say that?" I asked him.
He took a deep breath. "I don't know. He seems like the asshole type of guy and he wasn't exactly fun to be with during camping."
I raised a brow. "Did Meredith tell you anything about him?"
Jake began to lose interest as he walked to the door. "Nah, just that she doesn't get how you two are friends," he said. "Especially since he stole your girl. It doesn't make sense," he said. Even he gets it.
"I don't know, he's fine in my book," I lied.
"Whatever. See ya," he said as he closed the door behind him.
*
Wednesday:
The cafeteria was so noisy that it drew out the music playing in my ears. I stuffed my earpods in my bag to find a seat at my usual table, although I didn't get anything to eat. I passed by Travis's table and was surprised to find him actually lock eyes with me, but I looked away. I missed my old best friend.
"Jamie!" I heard Sarah call out from across Travis's table. I saw Sarah basicall sitting on Dylan's lap while Dylan smirked at me and kissed Sarah's cheek. I let out a breath and sat at the table, looking at my binder and not the two lovebirds across from me. My stomach and insides were on fire as I remembered what Dylan had told Sarah about me yesterday. I wanted to bash Dylan's head on the desk and steal Sarah and run far far away to somewhere Dylan-free. The only reason I was glad she was with Dylan was because she took away his time, leaving more time for her and less time for me. Plus he rode with her to and from school. It was kind of a win.
I watched Sarah bite on a fry as Dylan take a sip of, well, her milkshake. Was I called out to be humiliated? I shifted in my seat uncomfortably.
"So are you ready for Thursday's game? Dylan said you're kind of losing focus," Sarah said as she took a sip of the same milkshake Dylan had been drinking from. I hope she wouldn't get anything contagious from Dylan.
"Yeah I'm pumped. There's gonna be a scout, too," I said with a smile. Sarah nodded.
"You better not mess up today and tomorrow's practice though. It's your last chance," Dylan said, as if he actually cared. That was a joke.
"I heard Coach Brenner said you guys were the best on the team," Sarah said as she winked at Dylan and smiled at me.
"So is that why you're getting close to us? Huh? You know we'll win, don't you?" Dylan said as he tickled her and she wriggled in his grasp. I couldn't stand it.
"You got me," she joked. "We gotta go by the way, guys. I'm not in the mood for Marslow's tantrums," Sarah said as she finally stood up from Dylan's lap.
"Let's go," he said as he lightly smacked her butt and she giggled. How was this even allowed?
I followed them like a third wheel to American History where they laughed the whole time and held hands. They thankfully separated as soon as we walked into class and Marslow had his hands on his hips, eying each of his students walking in. He gave me a nod, whatever that meant, and I walked to my seat with Dylan behind me.
"Silence," Marslow said, and silence there was. I had new respect for him after he had waited for me at the nurse's office. His advice to not let anyone force me to do something I didn't want to do still baffled me. What did he mean by it?
He held up a large envelope and the class groaned collectively.
"It's not a pop quiz," he said and the class giggled out of relief. "These are your essays, which I'll hand out at the end of class." I gulped. My stomach tightened and my breathing shortened. Dylan wanted an A. Did Marslow have to grade them so quickly? I was glad he was handing them out after class. I couldn't deal with it.
"You're lucky," Dylan whispered in my ear. I managed not to flinch.
I felt sweat gather on my forehead and my underarms as I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. I couldn't listen to Mr. Marslow and the panicking drowned out the whole class. Time was passing by so slow and the thoughts in my head didn't help. I kept imagining an F or a D on Dylan's paper. I had written it all in less than a day. I was sure an A wasn't guaranteed.
God, I was almost showering in my sweat. This was too unbearable, it was like awaiting a death sentence or something. I didn't worry this much about my own grades. Dylan came first; he always did.
"Alright," Marslow said and sprung me back to class. My stomach was in endless knots right now while my legs were trembling and my body was covered in sweat. I felt and looked disgusting. Time was already over?
"I'll call out your name and you come and take your essay. Note I graded this fairly and there was no discrimination. If you have any questions talk to me after school after you've taken a good look at the pointers I'd written out. Alright, Rebecca Goulding?" he began to call out. God and it wasn't in alphabetical order. I prayed silently my paper got an A. Just that one letter and everything will be fine.
"You better be damned worried," Dylan whispered to me and I let out a breath, but nothing calmed me.
"Dylan Reed?"
Oh shit. If I had anything in my system it would've been out my body right now. I felt Dylan run his arm across my body as he stood up from his seat to collect his essay. I took in deep breaths as I watched him walk to Mr. Marslow's desk.
"You okay, man?" some kid next to me named Adam said. I didn't pay attention to him but I nodded as I watched Dylan take his essay from Marslow and my heart sunk. He turned around to face me this time and he did not have on his smirk, the one I usually wanted to punch off his face. I couldn't read his face but he was neutral, like he carried no expression. He placed the paper on my desk to show me the grade.
B.
My mouth dried. He was supposed to be a whole letter up. I ran through the essay to see my mistakes and read Marslow's comments. All I could see was "Good essay, needs more structure and backup," repeatetdly on each page. I had done that.
"You completely fucked up," Dylan whispered to me and I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand against his cool breath. I really was fucked.