"Stan, you still staying at my house tonight?" Kyle asked him.
"Sure dude." Stan said.
"Kenny?" Kyle turned to him.
"No, I'm going home dude." Kenny said.
"Oh, alright." Kyle said.
"Are you feeling okay, Tweek?" I asked him, as he had been shaking uncontrollably all day.
"Ahh! N-no... I'm gonna go home a-and drink some coffee." He twitched, walking away with his hands folded. I frowned at him. He was having a rough time with that turbulence between him and Craig.
"What about me?" Clyde asked
"Ugh, sure Clyde, you can stay over too." Kyle told him
"Well, it was good talking to you guys. But it's time for me to get going," I sighed, "See ya, Kyle. Bye Stan!" I turned.
"Wh-hey! I can walk you home, Y/n!" Butters grabbed my hand, making me look at him. That was a disaster waiting to happen. If Butters found out where I lived and told Cartman about it, Kyle would have my head when they found the Pringles.
"Sorry buddy, but I'll walk myself home." I said, patting his head before carrying on.
"Oh, uh... okay then!" Butters still smiled, waving me off. Kenny looked smug as he passed him, following my direction to his own house.
"Mind if I walk you home, Y/n?" He asked me playfully. I looked at him.
"Actually, yeah... there's something I want you to see." I smiled at him. His eyes went wide, and I laughed.
"Come on." He walked me all the way to my new house in the woods. I unlocked the door and let him in, switching on the light. He stared as I peeled my coat from my shoulders and stretched a bit. I walked behind him and closed the door, locking it just in case. He gulped, watching me slowly move across the room. I started climbing up the ladder and sat on my bed, looking at him with a smile.
"So uh... wanna see my dick?" He asked, making me snort and laugh aloud.
"What the fuck?" I smiled at him. He shrugged, scratching the back of his head. He looked forward at the desk, and he walked over to pick up the book about man-bear-pig. It was open on the page about killing the person who made the deal with the demon. He read through it, and started to look guilty as he sighed.
"Sad about probably having to kill Cartman, huh?" I asked him, looking down at him from above.
"Huh? Oh... yeah..." He said sadly. I frowned at him.
"Well... I get that you guys go way back. That's why I've been hoping it wasn't him. I think killing the deal maker is our best chance. Our only chance, actually... that's why we have to figure out who it really was." I said.
"Right..." Kenny looked at the floor.
"What would make it more interesting would be figuring out why the deal was made... anyone asking for a power like that is bound to stand out." I told him, reaching up for the piece of wood I broke out.
"That's why you need to see this." I told him. He blinked at me as I pulled the red can from the ceiling. I looked at him as I showed off the question mark on the side of the can.
"You- you had it-" He began, pointing at me as I dropped from the loft.
"YOU SERIOUSLY HAD IT THE WHOLE-"
"Shhhh- Kenny..." I smiled childishly at him with a finger against his hood, "Listen... I had to show this to you. And only you! The more people that are talking about this... the easier it will be for Cartman to get his hands on it."
He stared in shock. He seemed to still be following, though.
"I have Cartman on a lead... I promised I'd give him these Pringles if he told me who summoned man-bear-pig. But I'm not going to give them to him. Just use the idea to lure information. But I need to gain his trust, so I need to spend more time with him. You can't let Kyle and Stan fuck this up, okay?" I looked at him seriously, holding the Pringles by his face. He gave me a look.
"There you go again. Sounding just like the fat fuck!" He glared at me.
"Kenny... look, I'm on your side." I told him, "Wheather Cartman is the deal maker or not, I'll be able to find out for sure, and maybe find out something else along the way. It's called a double cross! You can trust me." I promised, pushing the Pringles can against his chest.
"It's safer with you. Cartman would never suspect it. I'll make sure of that, too." I said. He looked down at the Pringles in his hands.
"I feel bad, lying to Stan and Kyle." Kenny said.
"It'll be fine. Just act like you never saw it. It can't get out to the public, dude," I said, "I'm putting a lot of trust in you."
He tucked it into his parka, letting out a long sigh.
"Okay... I'll keep it hidden from everyone." He said.
"Great!!" I hugged him, "Don't worry, Kenny. I have a great plan, it's going to fix all of this." I pulled away.
"If you say so..." He looked at the floor.
"Hey... I stole a deck of cards from some guy's pocket at the resteraunt." I smiled. He looked at me with lowered eyelids.
"Alright... what should we play?" He asked, and I smiled.
"Ah, I'm not much for card games. Mostly because I'd suck. But we can build a house of cards! I use to do it all the time with my sister while we were locked up in our room all day. We built cities." I beamed.
"Alright." He shrugged. We sat down and started to carefully build a platform together. It was silent as we concentrated, carefully stacking the cards up from the ground.
"Why don't you know any games?" Kenny asked me, seeming kind of bored.
"No one ever taught me. I asked my Dad a couple times... He always said he'd teach me go-fish at the end of that night that I asked him, but uh... He never did." I explained, successfully placing the card on top of the other two that held it up.
"Yeah. I know how that feels." He said.
"I tried to make up games. But the rules I thought of never really made sense to me by the end. I guess I kind of just gave up." I explained.
"Well... at least this is turning out alright." He said.
"Yeah. Guess we can do great things, when we work together." I smiled as the little stack became taller as the seconds ticked by.
"So, uh..." Kenny sighed after a while of silence.
"Have any other family? Besides your sister and stuff." He asked.
"Hell no. At least, hell if I know. They never really talked about family. Then again, they never really had any real, meaningful conversations with me. Not since I was really little..." I sighed.
"Yeah, I know what it's like to have a disconnection with your parents, too. My Dad doesn't understand me or my siblings. You seem to have it worse, though." He said. I shrugged, rolling my eyes.
"I'm fine with what I am. I've come to accept it. Even though I don't enjoy it... it's like... why waste your life wishing you had a different one? You might as well do something to make the one you got... you know... better." I said.
"Yeah. You know what? You're right..." He told me.
"Hell yeah, I'm right. Why do you think my parents are a couple of dead mother fuckers?" I smiled at him devilishly, making him giggle, which surprised me, honestly. But I guess it was better than him getting creeped out. We stayed and chilled out, stacking the cards until I was tired enough to tell him I was going to sleep. He stayed there for a while, until I drifted off. And I guess he left after that.
All night, the shed was freezing cold. No heater and a few shabby blankets left me tossing and turning. But I woke up and finally decided to stay awake when dawn arrived. Man did I need a shower. I actually felt bad asking Kenny, since I had already asked him and his sister do so much for me. It was Sunday morning, so they were probably still asleep.
I knew that Kyle and Stan would be totally uncomfortable with me using either of their bathrooms. Butters would probably get grounded if I used his. I guess my best bet was Kenny, but didn't he say something about how cockroaches kept crawling out of his shower drain yesterday? I shuttered.
I guess I'd have to shampoo my hair in the pond. I collected a tiny bag of my soaps and stuff, and one if those pink scrubby things that my mom use to use. Then I took a piece of bread from the loaf I bought, and let it toast on the mini stove that Karen brought around. It tasted pretty good but could've used some butter. I'd have to get a fridge of some sort one of these days.
What was I thinking about? It's not like I'm staying here in this shitty town forever...
Cartman. Cartman's house was the perfect place to take a shower. Fatass would probably be asleep until noon, but I'm sure his mother would answer the door. So I headed out of the forest, and I walked into town. The first thing I saw was a little orange-haired kid driving around Kenny's street in his chair. But no one else. Not even the occasional homeless person. The sun was slowly lighting up the sky. I was tired.
"Hey, kid." I said, squinting through the brightness of the sunrise. He turned around, looking kind if surprised to see me.
"Where are you headed?" I asked him. His eyes shifted around for a moment.
"Can you talk?" I asked.
"TIMMEH." He finally answered with his hands in the air, causing me to blink.
"Timmy. Huh. Where ya going, Timmy?" I smiled, walking closer. He smiled back at me.
"Timmy. Ah-Timmy Timmy. Ah-Tim-Timmy. TIMMEH." He explained.
"Oh, alright. Mind giving me a lift to Cartman's house?" I asked.
"Timmy?" He tilted his big, cute head at me.
"Yeah, we're buds. I'm gonna need to use his shower." I explained, hopping on the back of his chair.
"Oh! Ah-TIMMEH!!" He exclaimed, driving me a ways up. We rumbled over the train tracks, drove by Stan and Kyle's houses. I saw them both, along with Clyde at the top window in Kyle's room. They were up pretty early. They looked curious as to where I was going. I just smiled and waved, and they waved back slightly.
We stopped at the bright green house right next to their's. I hopped off the chair.
"Bye Timmy. Thanks." I waved as he dashed away.
"TIMMEH!!" He replied. I walked up and knocked on the door. Suddenly I realized I should've brought flowers or something. I felt my pockets and pulled out some random gold chained necklace that I ransacked from my mom's dresser before I left. I guess I was planning on selling it in Cali or something, but I guess it didn't really matter, now. After a few seconds, Cartman's mom opened the door.
"Hello?" She asked in a sweet voice, looking down at me questioningly.
"Hi Mrs. Cartman's mom." I smiled.
"Oh, uh... hello. Are you one if Eric's little friends?" She asked me.
"Sure." I shrugged.
"Oh, okay. Well, Eric is asleep with his other friends right now, but if you'd like I can tell him you stopped by-"
"Thanks but, actually, I was wondering if I could use your bathroom. Mine's uh- broken. And Cartman said I could use his any time." I smiled.
"Oh. Uh. Well I suppose you can-"
"Thanks!" I smiled, handing her the necklace as I barged past the door. She was surprised, but smiled happily at the gift.
I took a nice, warm shower upstairs, rincing all of the dirty nasty gunk from my body. I washed my hair thoroughly, and made myself smell extra nice. After I got all clean and dry in my fresh clothes, I walked downstairs, following the sweet scent that filled my nose. I saw Cartman's mom cooking something up in the kitchen. She saw me and I noticed she was wearing that necklace.
"Well hello! How was your shower?" She asked me, flipping a pancake that she was frying on a pan.
"Uh, good, thanks." I smiled.
"You're just in time. I made breakfast for the boys. You can help yourself, and I'll wake them up in a little while." She said, pulling out a chair.
"Oh... wait, seriously?" I asked, sitting down on the chair.
"Of course!" She smiled, setting a big plate of scrambled eggs, three chocolate chip, syrup-soaked pancakes, bacon, hashbrown, and buttered toast in from of me. I stared in complete shock.
"The boys usually eat fast, so you can have the first helping. To make sure you get all that you want to eat." She said, pouring me a cup of hand-squeezed orange juice.
"Wow... this is..." I looked around at the plate.
"Oh, I'm sorry... do you not like the eggs and hash browns? I could put some more powdered sugar on the pancakes, cover the bacon in chocolate, and replace that juice with a little chocolate milk?" She asked.
"What? No, no, this is great!" I smiled at her.
"Oh! Well, that's wonderful!" She smiled back, pressing her hands together in satisfaction.
"I'm just surprised you would do this for me... I mean, how could such a sweet lady raise such a rotten kid?" I asked, cutting into the pancakes.
"Oh. Well thank you. I'm surprised my little Eric managed to make friends with such a respectable young lady." She smiled back in delight, making the both of us laugh.
"I wouldn't say I'm respectable exactly. But I do care about other people's feelings." I told her. She sighed, smiling happily at me. She turned to continue cooking as I started to eat. Eventually, when I had just about cleared my delicuous plate, we heard a loud, hobbling thump all the way down the stairs, followed by a couple of lighter footsteps.
"Ahh, chocolate pancakes. It's about time you got up early to make me some-" He paused when he saw me, and his chubby jaw dropped. Craig and Token tiredly stopped behind them and looked at me in surprise, too. I smirked, wiping my face off with a napkin.
"Mahm... what the hell is she doing here?" He asked.
"Well, Eric. Your friend here wanted to use our shower, and I let her have some breakfast." She explained.
"No Mahm. What is she really doing here?" He asked her frantically.
"I.. told you, Eric, she wanted to use the bathroom because hers is broken." She explained again. He looked at his friends in shock, before walking up to me.
"What is it you want from me? I told you, I don't know who summoned man-bear-pig, and I haven't come up with my new deal yet." He said.
"Cartman. Don't you ever listen to your mother?" I asked him, eating the last bit of food on my plate. Then I got up to rinse it in the sink, once again delighting his mother with my common courtesy.
"I gave your mom a necklace so she'd lend me your bathroom. She then happen to be kind enough as to give me some breakfast, too." I smiled.
"Mom! Get that necklace off, it's probably cursed!!" Cartman said, trying to rip it off of her.
"Eric!! It's not cursed!" She yelled at him.
"Stop it, Cartman." I glared at him, immediately making him back off, which yet again shocked his mother.
"What are you planning??" He pointed at me. I rolled my eyes. Suddenly Butters appeared at the door.
"Wh- sorry Eric, I had to go to the bathroom before I came down. It was really steamy in the-" He paused at the sight of me, then he grinned.
"Y/n??" He exclaimed.
"Y/n... what a pretty name." Said Cartman's mom.
"Uhhh..." Butters got quiet as he stared at Eric's expression.
"I KNEW IT! YOU WERE WITH HER LAST NIGHT, YOU ASSHOLE!!" Cartman screamed.
"Aw, hamburgers..." Butter's muttered.
"What did she tell you? HUH??" He questioned.
"N-nuthin, Eric! We were just uhh playing basket ball with Stan and Kyle!" He said.
"LIAR!!" Cartman screamed.
"Yeah they were, dude." Craig said.
"Timmy was watching them for like two hours. They were just playing. They didn't even say anything about the Pringles." Token explained.
"Well, they did once. But they were mostly just whining about how they had no idea how to stop you. And then they went to Shitty Wok." Craig shrugged. I guess they were pretty good at understanding Timmy if the kid really saw all of that...
"Huh..." Cartman looked at my smiling face.
"So I suppose we can trust you." He said, "But that still doesn't explain why you followed her, instead of coming back last night." He mentioned to Butters.
"Uhh.." He looked to the floor.
"That's just because he does everything I say." I walked towards him, placing my hands on his shoulders.
"Right?" I grinned, giving him a flirtatious wink. He went red.
"Wha-wha-yeah..." He nodded, making me laugh again.
"Huh... that's strange. He usually only listens to me." Cartman glared.
"Sorry, Cartman. I guess you're not the only one with... Charm." I smiled, placing my hand on Butter's blonde head. Cartman glared in suspicion.
"Well, I guess you guys can eat up. I think I'll be upstairs." I said, walking away. I looked around the room when I got in there. Thumbed through his paper stacks. Looked at the pulled up tabs on his computer. Everything I saw, he'd already shown me, or I already knew about it. I looked through his drawers. Then I looked in his closet. There wasn't much. Just kid junk and clothes. But then I looked up at his wall. There was a bullet-in board, and a bunch of man-bear-pig sightings, just like at my new loft shed in the woods. There was a bunch of notes stapled under the "evidence" as it was labeled. I read some of them. They were notes on bus routes into South Park. Not a single stop into town since Janurary 25th. Until I came in from a disrouted bus on February 4th. Today was the 6th. There were so many news articles on man-bear-pig, some from places I hadn't even seen at Al Gore's. Cartman has really been doing his research.
And then there was something else on there. A big fat date was circled in red ink. February 14th. Valentine's day. Whatever this was, Cartman really was trying to find the man-bear-pig summoner. That means it really wasn't him.
Cartman walked in, still chewing his pancakes. Craig, Token, and Butters were out of breath with syrup and eggs all over their faces. His mom was right, they do eat their breakfast fast. I crossed my arms at Cartman with a smile.
"I see- nyom- that you found my research." He swallowed.
"Yeah. It seems to be getting somewhere." I told him, looking back at it.
"What's happening on Valentine's Day?" I questioned.
"I figured it out last night. I'm surprised you don't know already. Haven't you read the actual proficy?" He asked me.
"No. Read it to me." I said. He walked over and pulled something out from under his mattress. A small book.
"This is it." He flipped open to a marked page and handed it to me.
"On a day of red... when the loved one is dead, a redemption will happen with man-bear-pig's head. And will appear a mystery man, with a deal in his hand, man-bear-pig will return with a scheme he had planned. He will send down great power, a delectable flower, which to whom may ever hold it, have it quickly devoured. A hero will come around, and smack that bitch down, and save the whole world with the flower they found. But still I beleive, with a trick up their sleeve, the one who summoned the demon will not fucking leave. So without a good shove, on the day of true love, man-bear-pig will come down and and kill everyone you love... Unless someone can fight this monstrous fright, man-bear-pig will take over in the span of one night." I finished slowly.
"Damn." Craig sighed hopelessly.
"Man-bear-pig's taking over on Valentine's day." I said.
"Yes. And I have reason to beleive... that I'm the chosen one. The one who's supposed to find the Pringles and destroy man-bear-pig." He explained in full detail. I blinked at him.
"Well, Cartman. Obviously we both know that I was sent here to this hill-billy town for a reason." I said.
"That's right. You were the one who would give me the Pringles, so I can destroy man-bear-pig and Kahl. See, it couldn't have been just any of my friends that would've given it to me. It would've been a trap! But you're new, and you were sent here to tell me where Al Gore hid the Pringles." He said.
"I would never just give you the Pringles," I told him, "I said I wanted you to tell me who summoned man-bear-pig."
"And I was working on it... But I think I want to make a new deal." He said. I glared at him.
"You don't have a new deal." I said.
"Right, but that's why I needed to ask what it is you want. I can get it for you if you don't give away those Pringles." He said.
"What I want is to know who summoned man-bear-pig!" I repeated, making my point clear.
"Well why would I tell you if you're just going to give them away??" He yelled.
"I expected you to offer your idea after I knew who summoned him, so I could be sure how I wanted to deal with the situation. After all, it's my choice who I give the Pringles to, and if you keep me away from a choice then I know it's not going to be you that gets them. I might even give them to Kyle if I have to." I smirked.
"You wouldn't!!" He screamed.
"Oh, I definatley would. In fact... I think I might." I said, heading for the door.
"Wait!!" He yelled, blocking me from leaving.
"Okay, okay... I'll figure out who summoned man-bear-pig, but you have to give me time to think of my new offer!" He said.
"Great. Then it's a deal." I put out my hand, and he reluctantly shook it.
"Deal." He agreed.
"In the meantime..." I sighed, looking around the room again, and stopping at Craig and Token.
"I think I'm going to need to barrow them." I pointed.
"What?? No, wait, I need them!" He said.
"For what? Writing your notes? Spying on me? Doing illegal shit for you?" I asked, giving the three a look, which made them look at the floor.
"Well uh... yes, actually." He said.
"Fine. You can keep them. But that means no deal." I said, once again head g for the door.
"ALRIGHT FINE!! You can take them, but they're still my henchmen!" Cartman yelled.
"Henchmen?" Craig lowered his eyebrows at him.
"Dude! You said we were partners!" Token said.
"Well... you guys are my partners. Only I'm the president, and Butter's is still my henchman." He said.
"Let's go boys." I told them.
"With pleasure." Craig said as they left the room glaring at him. Cartman was left there alone, at a total loss.
"So... you actually have the Pringles?" Token asked.
"Well, they're with someone I trust. No one else knows I have them though, not Stan, Kyle, Clyde or Tweek or Kenny. It's important it stays that way. If anyone finds out where they are, this whole operation will be over. You guys won't get any of the Pringle's power, or... whatever it is that you want. And man-bear-pig will destroy everyone... I have to figure out what to do, and you won't mess this up, right??" I said to them.
"No." They both said.
"I won't mess it up!" Butters smiled, grabbing my hand again. It was weird when nobody knew it was supposed to be fake.
"Right, Butters. Right." I said, patting his head. Eventually we made it to Tweek's house. We passed by it once when we went to City Wok to eat.
"What are we doing here??" Craig asked in alarm.
"Chill." I looked at him. Some man opened the door.
"Hello? Oh, hey there Craig." He smiled at him.
"Hey, Mr. Tweak..." He responded.
"I heard you and Tweek have been arguing again lately. Do you want to talk about it?" He asked him, making everyone get a bit awkward.
"Uuuhm.." Craig stared at his shoes.
"Yeah he does. But not with you, old man." I lightly pushed the surprised dude out of our way and we went upstairs. We walked into Tweek's room. He jumped and grunted when we walked in.
"Hey Tweek." I smiled.
"CRAIG?? I-is that you over there?" He asked him, making Craig look sadly at the floor, and hide slightly.
"Craig! I can't believe you're here! I couldn't get any sleep, t-thinking about how I was going to apologize!" He shook, pushing Token and I out of his way.
"Tweek... you're not sleeping over me?" He asked.
"Oh, Craig... I haven't- GURH- slept in days..." Tweek told him weakly, gripping his coat as he twitched violently. Craig didn't know what to say to him.
"Yeah, I noticed you guys are in a hard delema. Craig, why are you pushing Tweek away?" I asked him, crossing my arms like a therapist as the two had their hands on each other.
"Because it's... it's hard to keep up with him! Tweek, you're just so overwhelming." He told him in frusteration.
"Well it's not my fault!! How do you think I feel every day!!??" He screamed back at him.
"I KNOW THAT! I'm trying, okay?? I just need a break from you once in a while. You come in to my house on my spare time without any warning, you're constantly freaking out about dumb things over the phone- I don't know what to do with you!! I can't get any time to myself!" Craig pushed him.
"Craig... I had no idea..." Tweek suddenly went soft.
"Well it's true! It's like you can't live without me. It's tiring, and it's pathetic, honestly." He said.
"This past week has been hell without you, Craig... I try so hard to be stronger but... But I'm just so afraid of everything...!" He started to cry, wiping his face uncontrollably. Craig looked guilty hugged him.
"There, there, Tweek... I'm here, now...." He said in a sigh, "I'm always here, aren't I?"
"Awe." I smiled at the two of them. But I sighed when I looked at Butters, who leant his head on my shoulder.
"Just tell me when you need space, Craig. I-I'll understand." He told him with a sniffle.
"Okay, Tweek." He sighed again.
"Wait... but Craig... why on Earth are you sideing with Cartman?" Tweek asked.
"Listen, Tweek... things have been really bad lately. The town's going crazy again. Our friends are splitting. All of this crazy stuff about man-bear-pig is floating back to the surface, and it's stressful. I sided with Cartman so I could have an advantage over it all. He already knows so much, and everyone else is just-- scared! Like you! I thought if I followed him... Maybe I'd get to feel like I was in control of our problems for once." Craig explained in a grumble.
"You feel out of control? Craig!! I feel out of control all the time!" Tweek exclaimed.
"I know Tweek. And you constantly rely on me to make you feel better, but you never think to talk to me when I need someone there!" He said in an angry tone. Tweek's jittery features, for the first time since I met him, finally started to calm down. He looked Craig in the eyes. It was silent.
"Craig I'm... I'm sorry. All you have to do is tell me how you're feeling, and I can... I can... try... to do something. Just like you do for me all the time. Whenever I need you..." Tweek said, twitching one last time, before hesitantly putting a hand on Craig's face. They both blushed, and Craig closed his eyes.
"You really want to know how I'm feeling, Tweek?" He asked him.
"Yes!..." Tweek nodded. And at that moment Craig leant in and pressed their lips together. Tweek pulled away and started shaking with exhilaration as his face burnt a dark red.
"Aha! Ahaha!" He laughed with giant, sparkling eyes, still frowning from the rushing anxiety as he clutched onto Craig's hands with their fingers all tangled together. Craig just smiled at him.
"I missed you Twee-" Craig laughed slightly when Tweek cut him off with a hug.
"Awe. You guys are so sweet. I would ask if you wanted some alone time, but we need to get to Kyle and tell him the news about Cartman." I said.
"Yeah, okay. Come on, Tweek." Craig said. Tweek laughed nervously, but happily, still clinging to his side as they started walking down the stairs together.
"Oh, great! We knew you'd patch things up." Tweek's Dad said. I heard Tweek grunt before the front door opened.
"Wait. Was the whole point of coming here, just to get those two back together?" Token asked.
"Duh, Token." I smiled at him.
"Why?" He asked. I had to think for a second.
"Because they're adorable together. There was no way I could let the fighting between them persist." I quickly came up with an excuse. He looked at Butters and shrugged. We left Tweek's house and headed for Kyle, Stan, and Clyde.