We spent the day scouting out the forest, looking for the Pringles can that was right under our noses. Then when we finally gave up, we went to Kyle's house to draw up a proper map.
"We already searched around Kenny's neighborhood. And the place Al Gore was staying isn't going to be of any help... Where else do you think he could've hidden them?" Kyle asked.
"Uhh... could it be around school?" Clyde suggested.
"Well, it could be. But why would it be?" Stan asked.
"M-maybe it's somewhere in town."
"No way. Everyone's been searched. Cartman made sure of it." Kyle said.
"Well, then it has to be someone who doesn't have a house. He must've given it to someone who wouldn't get tracked on the system." Stan said. I gulped. They were onto me. They just didn't realize it.
"Well, w-whatever... I-I think I'm gonna go home soon." Tweek said, looking around Kyle's bedroom with paranoia.
"Already? But we're just getting started!" Kyle said.
"Uh, actually... I should get going too. My Dad probably wants me home for dinner." Clyde said. Kyle let out a sigh.
"Fine. Stan, you should stay over with me tonight. We can work on who some of our major suspects could be. Kenny, are you in?" Kyle looked at him.
"Yeah, okay." He shrugged.
"Uh... what about me?" I asked.
"Oh... um... sorry, Y/n, I'm not allowed to have girls sleeping over at my house." Kyle said. I rolled my eyes.
"Yeah, I fugured. Don't worry, I'll go sleep under the town bridge or something..." I sighed, standing up.
"Uh. Okay," Kyle said, "Stan, I already have a few ideas. First of all, this guy I once met named James. He was shady as hell, dude. Last time I saw him was on the corner of Cheripy Drive. He was talking about seeing man-bear-pig on the news."
Kenny watched me as I followed Tweek and Clyde out the door. I walked around town for a while before I came across a little basket ball court. The night was out, and it brought along it's chill. I'd probably freeze out here if I wasn't murdered first. I pulled out my ragged little blanket and wrapped it around me, using my bag as a pillow. I shivered. This was stupid. I should've been riding a bus a long time ago.
"What's so great about these dumb fucking Pringles anyway?" I whispered to my myself, eyeing my bag. I shouldn't have said it though, because now my curiosity was eating at me. I slowly unzipped my bag and dug through it. There it was. The sacred can. I carefully opened it and peeled back the paper. It certainly smelled weird. I pulled one of the chips up from the container. Moment of truth...
It crushed between my teeth. I was expecting my brain to explode with amazement from the taste... But the taste was quite odd. And after chewing on it for a while, and swallowing... the taste was horrible. It was just like salt and vinegar, only it was crossed with the strong hint of garlic, and some weird flavor that I could only describe as some sort of strange meat.
"Best flavor in exsistance, huh?" I shook my head with a sigh, capping it back up and shoving into my bag again.
"Uh. Hey." I heard someone say behind me after I zipped my bag again, making me jump out of my skin.
"Kenny!" I said when I faced him, "Uh... what are you doing here?"
"Uh... I saw you didn't have a place to sleep so I was going to invite you over to my house." He shrugged. I blinked at him.
"Wait... what? But what about Stan and that other annoying kid?" I asked.
"Don't worry. I said I'd catch up with them again later tonight," He said, "So... do you want a place to sleep or not?"
"Whatever dump you come from is better than this cold ass bench." I stood up as he rolled his eyes.
"Come on." He said. We walked back over to his house, over the abandoned train tracks right beside them. He opened the door and I was immediately faced with his grungy little abode. The broken windows, the dangling light on the ceiling. The gunk on the edge of the sink and counters, and in splotches all over the carpet. It was a real sight. But it didn't get to me as much as it might've gotten to others.
"Kenny? S'that you?" A familiar voice came out of the kitchen. I stared at the woman who I had seen digging in the trash.
"Oh. It's you..." She said. Kenny looked at me.
"You know her?" He asked his mother.
"Sure, I saw her walking down our street this morning..." she told him.
"Oh. Well she doesn't have a place to stay so I'm letting her crash here." He told his mom, leading me through his house.
"Alright, Kenny." She sighed, watching me walk into their kitchen, where his father sat.
"What do I look like? A hotel service?" His dad questioned him.
"Dad, it's just for one night." Kenny told him.
"She better be outta here by morning." He glared at him.
"Yeah yeah, whatever!" Kenny grabbed my wrist, leading me down the hallway to his room.
"Just ignore my family. Especially my brother, ok? He can't get in my room though. Horny bastard..." Kenny said.
"Heheh. Hey Ken. You finally bring home a little girlfriend?" His brother peered past his door as soon as he heard us.
"God, Kevin. Lay off, she's just my friend."
"Oh buddy, she'll be more than just a friend around these parts..." He started to laugh, and Kenny pushed him back into his room.
"Hey! Little shit." He groweled. Kenny finally shoved me into his room and locked the door behind him.
"God... this whole place gives me kind of a... rapey vibe." I said, looking at his dirty walls with his name written in red marker or something by his shitty little bed. But as ghetto as it was, I couldn't help smile. Maybe this guy was humble enough to know the truth about the Pringles.
"Yeah... I'm sorry. I don't want you to be weirded out, so if you don't want to stay you can leave..." He said. I turned and looked at him, before dropping my bag next to the wall under his busted, dusty window sill.
"Works for me." I sighed, finally taking off my jacket, and running my hands through my messy hair.
"Oh. Ok... wait, so you're not like... disgusted by this place?" He asked, turning to sit on his bed so he could take off his shoes and gloves.
"Honestly, any dumpy home would be better than freezing all night. At least you guys have walls and a roof. Tell me though... do you have bed bugs?" I questioned, taking off my sweaty shirt.
"Nah. I use to, but let off a smoke bomb inside my matress and finally got rid of the fuckers-" He paused when he looked over at me folding up my old dirty shirt, and then slipping off my jeans, leaving me in my under things. He sat up slowly, staring at me instensly with the skin around his eyes glowing a light red color.
"What? Never seen a half naked girl before?" I stared at him, before eyeing his wall with a giant poster of a half naked bikini girl right on it.
"I stand corrected." I said. He didn't say anything, or look away. He just clutched onto his parka and continued to stare. I finally rolled my eyes, before going through his drawers for pajamas.
"Dang... All of these clothes suck..." I said under my breath, looking through the weird, soiled and ruined garments his mother probably pulled up from the trash and threw in there. I even came across the purple underwear. Nasty.
I pulled open the second drawer and smiled at the black, oversized monster truck t-shirt at the bottom. There was also like three random pairs of boxer shorts. I slipped the t-shirt over my head, watching it fall to my knees.
"Ah... perfect." I sighed, finally walking over to fall onto his springy-bed. He hadn't stopped watching me since I took off my clothes. Just goes to show how easily he can get distracted.
"You know, this place kind of reminds me of home." I said, gazing at the wall again as I shifted into his sucky, smoke-smelling bed.
"It does...?" He seemed surprised.
"Sure. Except I had a shitty bunk bed and half way decent clothes. And a washing machine, but... beggars can't always be choosers, right?" I smiled at him.
"Oh yeah..." He sighed.
"Must be lonely huh? Being one of the poorest kids in town?" I asked.
"Sometimes... My friends can be dicks about it. Especially Cartman." He said.
"Well... lucky you. And unfortunately for me.... I don't see myself getting out of this town any time soon." I sighed. He nodded.
"Yeah..." He stared at me. That was the thing about him. I could never really tell if he was smiling or not. But he crawled up next to me. We stared at the dark, blank wall in front of us, together.
"So uh... are you ever going to take off that hood?" I smiled.
"Nah. I usually don't." He said.
"Oh. Why not?" I asked. He looked at me and shrugged. I smiled slightly.
"Well what if I-" I immediately reached up, trying to yank it from his face, but I honestly couldn't. It was on pretty tight. Anyway, he screamed and pushed me off of him.
"Dude!!" He said.
"What? I just wanted to see!" I giggled. He rolled his eyes, crossing his arms as he stared forward in a huff.
"Whatever. You'll show me one of these days," I sighed, staring up at the ceiling, "So... what should we do about those Pringles?"
"I don't know, man. If you ask me I think this whole thing's bullshit." He said.
"Yeah, you and I both, sister." I smiled at him. He laughed.
"But the town really does like to overreact. It always has... I can see them going crazy over those Pringles, even if they aren't as good as everyone's saying." Kenny said.
"This town is bonkers." I said, making him chuckle again.
"Yeah it is." He sighed. It was quiet for a while. I was getting bored, and I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep on my own. I sat up.
"Hey, Kenny... do you like... drugs?" I asked him. He looked at me in surprise.
"Like... what kind of drugs?" He asked.
"Nothing hard... all I have is cough syrup." I shrugged.
"Lame." He stared at me, making me grimace at him in question. He crawled off of his bed and went over to a little box in his closet. He opened it and brought it to the bed.
"I have weed, LSD, xanies, rufies, klonopin, half a pack of cigarettes, DXM, mescaline, a pint of vodka... there's only a little bit of coke in this bag, if that's what you're into." He held up a tiny baggy of white powder. I stared at him in shock.
"Wow... uh... so do you use all of these?" I asked.
"Not in one sitting." He said. I looked at him and immediately started cracking up.
"Wait, do your parents know about this shit?" I smiled at him.
"No way! If the did they'd try to use it all." He said. I busted out laughing again.
"Shit man... you're a little more hardcore than I realized." I grinned, picking up the different pill bags in the little shoe box.
"Hmm..." I sighed, picking up the little bag of green nuggets, "Let's start simple. I'm not into mood to get fucked up." I said.
"Ok." He shrugged, taking the bag and filling up a tiny smoking pipe he made out of tin foil. We passed it around silently for a while, getting high out of our of our minds. I smiled whenever I saw his teeth and lips appear past his parka to take a hit. Then it would dissapear again, and I'd watch the smoke fly up past his eyes from inside of his hood, like his body was on fire and it was escaping near his head like a chimney.
"I've never met a girl my age who was into this type of shit like I am," He sighed, "All the girls in this town are either boring, bitches, or I'm too young for them..."
"Yeah. Well, you know what they say about girls from out of town." I said, lighting the tinfoil contraption again.
"What?" He asked me.
"They say, 'Hey. Think that girl looks like she's from out of town?' And she always is. Because she looks and acts different from everyone else. Plus she wasn't seen or heard of by anyone before. That's me. And that's how you know I'm going to be the best character. Because I'm fresh and lively and mysterious." I smiled at him.
He blinked at me a few times, and chuckled.
"Okay..." He said, "So then... where did you come from? And why?"
I sighed at his question.
"Kay look... I'm from Shreveport Louisiana. My parents always really sucked but they sucked the most when my dad killed my only little sister... He beat her to death... I-It happened uh... just- just yesterday... actually. Right around this time..." I said.
"...Seriously?" He asked. I nodded. I barely realized the tear running down my face as I reimagined the scene. It left a cold, dark feeling in my stomach. Something I couldn't get rid of... It left me with a deep desire to do something. I couldn't explain it.
I looked at him when he wiped the salty water off of my face.
"Then what happened?" He asked, leaning his head on his hands again.
"Well..." I sniffled, "I shot them..."
"You shot them?!" He stared.
"Yeah. And that's when I burned my house down and left..." I sighed.
"God damn." He blinked at me. I reached into my sock and pulled out the cash I stole.
"Holy shit!" He gawked again, "Where did you get that kind of money?"
"My parents had it hidden. There was way more last time I found it... maybe thirty thousand? I have no idea where they got it from." I said.
"Wow. With that much money I could buy you all the drugs you want!" He said. I could finally tell he was smiling, the way his cheeks got all rosey. I laughed at him.
"Yeah, okay. I don't really know what else I could spend it on..." I said. Kenny looked up at me as I sadly thumbed through the cash. He folded my hands over the money and guided it to my chest.
"I'm sure you'll think of something." He said. I smiled at him softly.
"So uh... Ken... there's something I need to tell you about this Pringles thing." I said.
"Eh. Save it for tomorrow. I have to get back to Stan and Kyle before they start getting suspicious of me." He said, turning again to put on his shoes.
"Oh. Alright, I guess." I sighed.
"If anything happens just come find me. I'll go out the window so my brother still thinks I'm here, and he won't try to mess with you." He said.
"Sounds great." I responded, putting his scratchy blanket over my legs. He opened the window and turned to look at me one more time.
"Bye, Y/n." He waved.
"Bye Kenny." I waved back. He hopped out the window and disappeared into the night. I lifted his mattress to hide the money. Maybe I trusted him a little too much... But the money didn't matter much to me anyway. Then I noticed the magazines stuffed under there too. The naked woman on the cover was enough to make me shake my head.
"Boys..." I sighed, getting up to put the money away in my bag instead. There was something about Kenny that I liked a lot. When I described myself to him it was like looking in a mirror. He was so mysterious and noble. Kind of like Batman. I love Batman. I got back into his bed and drifted to sleep pretty quickly, thanks to the smoke he offered.
I woke up to someone jiggling and pounding on the door.
"Wake up Kenny! I smell't weed outside your room last night, gimme some!!" Kevin yelled. I slowly sat up, yawning and rubbing my eyes. He finally broke in, breaking the door knob from the impact. We stared at each other as he gazed around the room.
"Sorry buddy. Looks like we smoked it all." I stared at the empty bag at the edge of the bed. He stormed over and picked it up.
"You mother fuckers!" He growled at me before looking around, "Where's Kenny?"
I looked around too, before shrugging.
"Guess it was a one night stand." I smiled sarcastically.
"Shut up!" He sneered. He looked at the box beside Kenny's mattress and box spring, and picked it up.
"Whatever... I'll just take this." He grinned.
"Hey! You fucking cum dumpster, those are Kenny's drugs!" I said.
"Mine now." He flipped me off before dashing out of the room, and out the house.
"DICKHEAD!!" I screamed, watching him leave from Kenny's doorway. I sighed, slamming it closed, just to watch it crash and rattle against the broken hatch.
"Fuck." I tilted my head at the mess. I went to get dressed, throwing on a fresh pair of underwear and pants, and keeping the shirt for future use. I'm sure Kenny wouldn't mind. Then I put on one of my red t-shirts with a picture of a sloth dressed up as the flash. I heard the door open behind me, and I turned around to see who it was.
There was a younger girl with dirty blonde hair wrapped in two pig tails.
"Hello." She said.
"Uh... Hi," I waved slightly, wondering who she was, "I didn't realize Kenny had a sister..."
"He does. Who are you?" She asked.
"I'm Y/n. Who are you?" I smiled.
"I'm Karen," She walked into the room, "Are you my big brother's new girlfriend?"
"What? No..." I said, gazing at the ground, "I'm just... new in town. He let me spend the night here while he stayed with his friends. I don't really... have a house."
"Oh. Ok." She said, "So, you like it here in South Park?" She asked.
"Yeah... I guess it's alright." I shrugged. I was actually starting to warm up to this tiny town's cold, and peculiar atmosphere.
"So are you gonna live here forever then? Or just keep sleeping with Kenny until you leave?" She asked. I looked at her in surprise and thought for a moment as a picked up my bag.
"Actually... I was going to set up camp somewhere. Have any ideas of where I could stay?" I smiled at her.
"Sure!" She grinned, before walking out of the room. I looked around, before following her. We walked out into the woods. We went out pretty far... and soon I knew exactly where we were heading. We stopped in front of Al Gore's place.
"How did you find this place?" I looked at her.
"I saw my brother go out here with you and his friends yesterday. I followed you guys, and I saw Cartman come here too while I was hiding. After you all left I came in here to see what you were looking at, and I found that guy's dead body, and all those weird papers." She said.
I looked back at the building. It was covered in mud and grime, and the inside of it smelled like old mayonnaise. I never really thought of it as a place to stay... But I guess it would only be temporary. It was better than nothing.
"Anyway, I think it could be a good place to live. It has locks and stuff, so your things will be safe." She said.
"Yeah, but we'd have to dump the body before I got accused of murder." I told her.
"I'll help you!" She smiled.
"Uh... okay. Thanks." I shrugged. I went inside and turned the light switch on. I could hear a generator of some sort buzzing under the floor. The place reeked. It was enough to make the faint hearted puke. Lucky for me, I didn't have much of a heart.
I lifted the hatch boards and stared down at the sight.
"Yuck..." Karen winced.
"Alright. Let's get this overwith." I zipped up his jacket so his guts wouldn't spill everywhere. We both struggled to lift his fat, limp body out of the crawl space, but we managed to drag him out of the house.
"So... where do you want to put him?" She smiled at me.
"Still not sure..." I started looking around.
"Oh wait... I know!" She laughed, before using her fingers to whistle really loud. I gave her a questioning look before and army of rats started crawling around my feet. I gasped, stumbling back as I watched the creatures rip Al Gore apart and carry him away.
"Oh... well, that was easy." I sighed.
"Yep. Happens all the time." She shrugged.
"Well... I guess I should get this place feeling like home..." I said, walking back in. She followed me, looking around at the little shack. There was a ladder to a loft where a full-sized bed space already stood. Cartman must've destroyed the old bed trying to find the Pringles. Unless there juat never was a bed. I stared pulling my things out of my bags to place around. I put all of my pots and pans on a little table attatched to the wall, along with my spoons and forks, and the dish soap I brought. I opened a little cupboard under the table, and smiled as I hid my snacks, toilet paper, and bathroom stuff in.
I climbed the ladder and Karen watched me as I laid out my blanket, and set aside my bag of clothes, which hid the Pringles can.
"Actually, it's really relieving to finally get settled in." I sighed. She smiled at me.
"My friend's Dad has a propane operated portable stove that I can go steal for you, if you want." She said.
"Okay. I can help you if you need it." I said.
"Nah, it'll be easier if I do it myself. Besides, you have to get comfortable." She said.
"Oh, Karen. Don't be so selfless for me," I laughed, "Here, look. Why don't you help me sort through this man-bear-pig stuff. Maybe we can figure something out together while we get this all organized."
"Okay." We started going through everything. I looked at all of the heading of the jumbled notes, and read through them. Of course those weebs didn't find anything, it was all out of order. I found a binder and started to piece it together, and after a while I had all of his notes in the right condition, filling the binder like a novel by Stephen King.
"Hey, look at this." Karen said after handing me another stack of papers printed off about man-bear-pig's sightings.
"That weird bear thing that was in our town... it looks like it was talking to someone..." She read, "Yeah. Someone reported that they saw someone else talking to it in the forest. But I guess they think the guy was just a crazy person..."
"Wait, let me see that..." she handed it to me, and I looked at the picture of the random dude on the cover. He did look like he was on drugs... But the date showed that it was printed off to the public earlier that week. Why would Al Gore have so many pieces of yarn linking to it if it wasn't important? I picked up the book again, scanning through the headings.
There was a passage on The Dealings Of Man-Bear-Pig. The reason man-bear-pig was here was because someone made a deal with him. I knew that. But who made the deal, was the question. The crazy dude described the guy talking to Man-bear-pig as a short, stubby, bald midget. I had no idea who that could be.
I kept reading and saw something else. My eyes shot open.
"Oh my gosh! Look at this!" I gasped.
"What is it?" Karen asked.
"The only other thing that can defeat Man-bear-pig is the death and soul of the one person who summoned him!" I read, looking up at the girl before me.
"Karen! That means if we find our bald midget and kill him, we'll be able to stop Man-bear-pig without having to find the Pringles!" I laughed.
"The Pringles?" She asked. I scoffed, looking back down at the book again.
"If someone makes a deal with Man-bear-pig... it's because they want something. I bet Cartman was the one who made a deal with him! Because he wanted power! Cartman wanted the Pringles so he could control everyone! Cartman is the fat, bald, midget! Or... more or less... they guy was on meth after all..." I said, looking back down at the news article.
"Oh my gosh..." Karen stared in surprise.
"Karen... you're the first person I'm showing this to. I was going to show Kenny, but he left on short notice. You can't tell anyone, got it?" I said. She nodded at me. I climbed up and grabbed the Pringles from my bag.
"I'm the one Al Gore gave the Pringles to..." I whispered. She gasped as I hopped down from the high loft.
"It's important that this is kept hidden. I can't let it get into the wrong hands, or somewhere it can be easily taken away. The more people that know, the more dangerous it becomes. I'm going to give it to Kenny, because according to the proficy, he's the only one who can stop Cartman..." I explained. She nodded again.
"I need to put these somewhere..." I sighed, looking around.
"Have you tried them?" She asked. I looked at her.
"Yeah. They're kind of gross." I told her.
"Can I try?" She asked. I shrugged and opened it, letting her have just one. She chewed it up before spitting it back into her hand.
"Ew!" She stared in disgust.
"Ugh, yeah... throw that outside." I said. She did as told, scattering the chewed up chip into the dirt, and wiping her hand off on her pants.
"Why would anyone want that?" She asked.
"Beats me." I sighed, looking around again. I looked up at the roof and hummed in thought.
"Maybe we can make a new hiding place, though." I said. She followed my gaze.
"In the ceiling?" She asked. I looked at her again.
"Got a crow bar?" I asked.
"Yeah." She pulled one out from the back of her pants. I was surprised.
"Do you carry that around everywhere?" I asked, taking it from her. She shrugged.
"Never know when you're gonna need it." She said. I used it to slipt a spot in the roof above my loft. It was the perfect place to hide it, all snug and safe. I carefully replaced the chunk of wood so it stuck securely into the ceiling again.
"I could get you a poster to hide that cut in the wood. Plus a couple of buckets for doing your business." She said.
"Thanks, but I think I'll use your house for all of my bathroom needs, if you don't mind." I smiled at her.
"Okay. That works." She smiled back.
"Hey, thanks for helping me get my shit together though. And letting me crash in your brothers room. You're pretty cool." I told her.
"You're pretty cool too!" She laughed.