32 | straight Will would say no
A couple of days ago
Will's POV
I wake up on the couch in Avi's dark apartment and groan. No one else is home: Axel and Avi must have taken Jem to the movies already. I get up to flick on a light. I should have gone too, but I have other plans that I didn't want to tell them about yet, mostly because I don't want them to get their hopes up.
Both of them have been begging me to move to Seattle. Honestly, I have no connection to our little town in Cali at all except that I have a good job there, and that's where mom and dad are. I don't want to live without my parents because of my girls. I feel bad sometimes that they're always taking care of my kids, but I really don't want to think about what I'd do without full time babysitters.
I don't think they would want me to leave either. They love the girls. I can't imagine how mom and dad would handle me leaving to Seattle with them.
But that might just happen. That's what I'm considering while I'm here, actually. I'm looking to move my shop. I do alright in Cali, sure, but the town we live in is small and I don't get that much business. Most of the guys that would come to the shop were just close friends with Dave, but ever since he sold the shop to me and started travelling the world with his granddaughter Shiray, the shop lost business.
Also, it's so dull. I haven't really made any friends, other than the guys that work for me, but they're all older. The only friends I have in Cali are my parents and my daughters, and that's just a little sad.
I tug on a shirt and a hoodie and a coat overtop, and a red toque Avi got me for Christmas and decide to grab a coffee first before I do anything else. I slide into a pair of boots and find a Starbucks not far from Axel's and Avi's apartment. It's flipping cold outside when I trek through the lightly snow dusted sidewalk, shoving my hands into my pockets to keep them from freezing.
It's refreshing though. It's a good break from Cali, and honestly, I could use a good, long break from the Golden State.
I enter the coffee shop and stand in line, taking my hands out of my pocket to blow on them. My eyes immediately land on a figure at the counter, waiting for his coffee. I recognize him as Axel's friend, whatever his name is. I look away before he sees me looking at him, and pretend not to notice that he's here too, still in his law enforcement gear, and get myself a latte.
Awkwardly, I make my way down the counter, shoving my hands back into my pockets, and try to act casual. Jamie, right, that's his name, only notices me once I'm standing right next to him, our shoulders almost touching.
I'm not looking at him, but I hear him say, "hey handsome."
I glance at him embarrassedly. I don't know why my cheeks flush, or why I'm so surprised. He hit on me the first time we met too.
I try to act chill. "Oh hey," I murmur, meeting his brown eyes, as they crinkle at the sides when he smiles. I hold out my hand to shake his, "You're uh, Axel's friend, right?"
He glances down at my hand, a small smirk playing on his lips, before he shakes it, and I realize my hand is literally trembling. I curse myself in my head, and pull it away, tucking my hands away again. "Yeah," he nods as the barista gets him his coffee. "Jamie."
"Right. Jamie..." I murmur as if I didn't remember his name. "Coffee huh? Do you have a long night shift?"
Jamie chuckles, leaning against the wall as he continues to talk to me as I wait. "No, actually. I'm off duty. Just got off, actually."
"Hm," I murmur, chuckling, trying so hard to stop noticing him. I've had gay guys hit on me before, and I'm always flattered, but I've never felt any sort of attraction to any of them. Not saying that's what's happening right now, but I can't help to admit to myself that Jamie can really pull of that uniform. I clear my throat. "Coffee at 9 pm though? What're you up to tonight?" I joke.
"Well it doesn't affect me actually," he claims, and nods at me, "what about you? You alone?"
I nod. "Yeah, I'm doing some stuff tonight."
Jamie's brows climb his forehead. "Oh, okay... I may be off duty but —"
"—Nothing like that," I interrupt, laughing, and get my latte. I lean a little closer to tell him, "I'm looking for a place to start an auto repair shop. I'm thinking about moving here, but don't tell Axel or Avi. It's a surprise...plus, it's not definite. I'd have to find a babysitter and everything."
We walk out of the shop. "A babysitter?" Jamie asks.
I nod. "Yeah. I have two daughters. Twins actually."
"Really?" Jamie asks, surprised, and, trying his best not to pry, questions, "do you have a wife?"
I shake my head hesitantly. "My girlfriend and I recently split up."
"Oh, that's—I'm sorry," Jamie says. He doesn't sound sorry, but he looks at me like he wants to make it all better.
"It was for the best," I say, and sigh. "Well, I should get going."
"Do you have a car?" Jamie asks. "Because I'm not doing anything. I could drive you to look at places."
A smile spreads across my face. "Are you sure?"
"Of course," Jamie smiles back, and gently places his hand against my back to lead me over to his car, saying, "this is my car." We get in and he asks me, "do you have addresses?" I give him a few, but every time I do, he gives me a reason as to why I wouldn't want to have a shop there.
"Seriously?" I ask him after he tells me he busted a drug den in that same building only weeks ago. "Does Seattle just suck in general?"
"Haha. Almost," he says, "do you got any other addresses?
I give him the last one I thought might be worth looking at.
"Ah, yes," he says, and pulls off onto the street without punching it into his GPS. "We can take a look at that one." He glances over at me and gives me a wink, "that's near my apartment."
I nod awkwardly. "Cool." I'm not sure why he had to add a wink to that. Maybe he was suggesting something; maybe he was suggesting I come back to his apartment later and...do things with him? I've had girls invite me back to their apartments before, and I've never been interested, but for some reason, I play along with this, because I am curious as to what's happening.
Well, I'm not curious. I'm not into guys. Sure, I've experimented. It was sophomore year, I think. Mikey Hedlund, the captain of the school's football team, of which I had just joined that year, asked me if he could kiss me in the locker room after one practice. Obviously I denied him, because I wasn't gay, but he approached me again at his party when I was taking a piss in the bathroom, and being drunk, I agreed.
We made out in his bathroom and he touched my butt. It wasn't terrible or anything, at least, I couldn't remember it being terrible — a kiss is just a kiss — and I agreed to it, but I was terrified the next morning, thinking I was the victim of some horrible prank.
Luckily, Mikey Hedlund was actually a pretty nice guy. It wasn't a prank or anything; I apparently just helped him realize he was gay. After telling him that we did would never happen again, I guess I just proclaimed that I wasn't gay.
Glancing over at Jamie now, his shiny black hair falling down over his sculpted face, maybe I'm not 100% sure I know who I am.
We pull over finally to investigate a lot. It looks really barren and empty, because it's not in use, but it looks perfect otherwise. I'd have to contact the realtor about renting the space to be able to look inside, but the outside is appealing, with two large, white garage doors, and lots of parking space around it.
"Hm," I murmur.
"Do you like it?" Jamie asks.
I swallow some latte. "Yeah. I'm interested. I'll contact the realtor tonight, maybe take a look tomorrow."
Jamie smiles at me, a devious glint in his eyes.
"What?"
"Well, I didn't actually know whether or not most of the other places were unsuitable," he says, "I just thought this place was nice, and I drive by it every day."
I laugh. "What if the other places are better?"
"We can check them out tomorrow," he says. We.
I look at him and shrug. "Okay."
We stand there looking at the place, drinking our beverages for at least a couple of minutes. "Coffee's good and everything," Jamie says finally, and bites his lip, "but I could use a real drink. Want to join me?"
"Do you want to go out to a bar or? Because I've never been to a g—"
"—to a gay bar?" he asks, laughing. "Me neither. No. That's a lie. But I have a lot of alcohol back at my place."
We tread back to his car. "Why do I have a feeling you're trying to get me back to your apartment?"
Jamie chuckles, starting the car again, making sure my seat's heat is up when he notices I'm shivering. "That's not...do you think that's what I'm trying to do?"
I look at him and answer bluntly, "yes."
He laughs. "Why would I be doing that? Do you think I'm hitting on you?"
I shrug. "Well, yeah."
"I am," he admits. "So do you want to come back?"
"Sure," I agree. I should say no. Straight Will would say no. But maybe he doesn't exist.
We get there in a couple minutes. I guess he wasn't kidding when he said it was close. He parks the car and I follow him in his building, and my heart races with excitement when we step into the elevator. I don't know what's going to happen, or, if something does happen, I'm going to like it. We could just be having drinks; two guys having drinks. That's all.
"I'm floor 6," Jamie states as we take the elevator up.
I nod my head, refusing to look at Jamie before he gets any sort of impression by reading my gaze. When we get to his door though, and he turns towards me, I can't stop my eyes from wandering over his face, down the slope of his nose to his pink lips and just tremble all over.
"Are you okay?" he asks me.
I think I nod. I'm not sure. I'm not sure I even know what I'm doing next, like my head doesn't control my body because the two don't seem to be on the same page about who I find attractive, but nevertheless I lean forward and bring my mouth down against Jamie's. He stands still and doesn't kiss me back. I don't kiss him either, not really. My lips just brush his, and they sit there, feeling the warmth of Jamie's.
I pull back in shock, and stare down at Jamie. He looks back at me in boredom, and his eyebrows climb his forehead. I don't break eye contact, but I also can't scramble any words together to excuse my actions. I just look down at him, realizing every little thing about him: that he's in his uniform, and it looks so good on him, and that he's shorter than I am, but probably older, even though his face is so smooth and his lips are so soft and that I wouldn't be thinking any of these things, like I thought for 20 years of my life, if I was completely straight.
"Well?" Jamie mumbles. "That was pathetic. Is that all you got?"
I'm taken aback, but being challenged, I grab his face and smash my mouth down against his roughly this time, and spread his lips with my tongue. I feel a small smile form on his mouth when he kisses me back and gently places his hands on my hips inside of my coat, his touch hot, even through the fabric of my shirt.
I kiss him like I would have kissed a girl, but I'm very aware he is not a girl, and that makes me want to kiss him even more. He pulls away slightly, trying to tease me, but I won't have any of that, so I press him against the wall beside his apartment door and slam my body against his, kissing him harder, my tongue swirling in his mouth, my lips sucking on his, trying to pick up the taste of him — even as my thoughts scream at me.
Why am I doing this? This isn't what I want. I had kids with a woman! I've always only wanted to be with women.
I push all of my thoughts down and give into my body's desires until the dinging of an elevator breaks Jamie and I apart. Jamie goes still in front of me when he glances behind me, and his face becomes red. I spin around, and when my eyes meet Axel's, I stop breathing, like I've been caught doing something I shouldn't be doing.
"Uh," he murmurs, looking away in shock. He saw what was happening. His two best friends, making out, one of them supposedly straight, at least to his knowledge. I can't look at him, and he doesn't look at me either, just tells Jamie, "uh, I came to pick up the book I let you borrow."
"Right," Jamie murmurs, and brushes past me to go into his apartment.
Axel stares at his feet. I know he doesn't judge me. That's not Axel. Axel is so accepting of everyone, and no matter who I am or who I like, he'll always treat me with respect and love and be there for me. But I'm embarrassed as hell because he's going to have to deal with the image he just stumbled upon for a long time. Now's not the time try to explain anything.
Jamie brings Axel the book and he grabs it, muttering a "thanks" before shrugging and saying, "uh, goodnight. See you later," and going back into the elevator and leaving.
Jamie and I look at each other and frown. And then we start laughing like "what the hell just happened?" and he invites me inside for a beer. We stay up until two playing Grand Theft Auto (which I find hilarious because he's a cop) and I tell him all about myself and my girls and Sam. And then he lets me stay the night on the couch to avoid waking Jem up.
I go back to Axel's and Avi's apartment early the next morning, and surprisingly, it's Axel that's up first, and Jem and Avi must have taken over the bedroom.
"Hey," I say quietly, startling him as he's making a coffee.
"Hey," he says.
I take off my boots and my coat and think of how awkward it's going to be, or whether or not Axel is actually mad at me, because he's not saying anything.
Until, "Will?"
I glance at him. "Yeah?"
"I love you no matter what, man," he tells me sincerely. "If you ever want to talk, I'm here."
I nod thankfully, but don't talk yet. I don't know what to say. I'm still trying to process.
"Want a coffee?"
"Yeah. Thanks."
・・・
Hey guys!
I'm going to start updating Mondays or Tuesdays now because of school, but yeah, here's another chapter from Will's point of view! This is before Axel is arrested: it's actually the night he, Jem and Avi went to the movies. Do you remember that they stopped at Jamie's afterwards and Axel came down looking like a ghost? Yup...this is why
Thanks so much for reading! I've noticed that the reads recently have been decreasing and I understand that...this book is getting really long lol but for those of you who are still here, thank you so much! It's almost finished <3
(I started writing on an app called Dreame too so you can find me there as writingtaurus or Adi Rae Ess)
- Adi