29 | punishments
we'll get justice for what he did
I'm shaking so hard, and holding back tears, that I don't realize Jamie has come into the apartment until he stands right in front of me. I'm on the couch, choking on my words as I tell Will what happened before Juno brought me home. She held me back when I tried to run after Axel. Unfortunately, Jamie wasn't there. He was off duty.
"Do you know anything?" I ask him without even saying hello.
He shakes his head. "We'll take you down to the station now. The other guys gave their statements. They didn't know you were his girlfriend, otherwise they probably would have kept you back too. Come here," he pulls me up into a hug. "Axel's a good guy. We're going to figure this out. But tell me what happened. I might be able to help more."
I glance at Jem, snuggled up with Luci at the fireplace, watching us instead of the movie Will put on my laptop. I look back at Jamie and shake my head. "Not here," I whisper, "I don't want to freak her out about anything."
Juno gives me a little smile before sitting down beside Jem, asking, "hey there. Whatcha watchin?"
Jem looks at Juno and murmurs, "Frozen. Where's Axe?"
"He'll be back in no time," they assure Jem, ruffling her hair. "Mind if I watch with you? The adults need to have a little conversation. Should we take over the bed? Come," Juno stands up, holding their hands out to the little girl, "lets build a fort!"
Jem smiles from ear to ear. "Okay!"
They both wander off into the bedroom, and I break down against Jamie, crying.
"I don't know if he killed him," I whimper. "His face was beaten in; I couldn't even see his features. It was just blood and bone. Please don't let them put him in jail forever. It wasn't his fault."
"Sh, sh, sh," Jamie strokes my hair. "I doubt he's dead. Axel knows his strength, and he knows about the consequences."
"No, you don't understand," I whisper, "he lost control."
"Why'd he do it, Avi?" Will asks, leaning against the counter in front of Jamie and I. "The last time Axel's beat someone like that was his step-dad, to protect his mom and sister."
I pull away from Jamie, fidgeting at the sleeves of my shirt without looking at my brother. I've run out of tears. I stare at my feet in horror, in the terror of what may be reality. All because I told Axel what happened; I should have waited until we were home, until he could calm down before confronting Gary. I shake my head. "I told him what Gary did to me and he jumped up and ran inside the gym," I sigh.
Will pushes himself from the counter, and I notice him frown and meet Jamie's gaze with equal concern. "What did that motherfucker do to you?" he asks.
I tell them. I tell them the exact story. At first I didn't remember exactly what happened — at least, I just couldn't accept it. I couldn't accept that I just stood there and took it. But I realize that it's a lot more common than I thought. I froze. Like many victims of sexual assault. Why didn't I stop it? Why didn't I fight him off? Why didn't I run? Because I couldn't. Because I panicked and thought it would be over quicker, that it would hurt less, if I didn't move.
I know now that freezing was a defensive response. Not consent.
And I have no reason to feel guilty because I'm not in the wrong. I was assaulted by someone who held power over me and my boyfriend and threatened to abuse me further if I told. I was scared. Now I'm scared about other things.
Will grabs me and pulls me into a hug, angry that he couldn't protect me. "I would have done the same thing," he says, talking to Jamie. "Except I really would have killed that son of a bitch. I missed my chance with Tanner. I couldn't make him pay for what he did to you. I'm sure that's what Axel was thinking. He got you away from Tanner, but not without nothing happening. And now this. Shit."
"I know. It's not Axel's fault. Gary was good to him. And he trusted him — looked up to him even. I don't even care what happens to me now. I just want Axel back," I lean my face against Will's chest to gaze at Jamie. "Be real with me. What if Gary is dead? What will happen?"
"It's hard to say," Jamie shakes his head. "Obviously your backstory is going to come into play — they'll be more lenient since it was a crime of passion. If he can prove that he wasn't intending on killing Gary, that would be voluntary manslaughter. Max is 10 years incarceration."
I whine against Will's chest. He rubs my back, "that's unlikely though. Tell her James! There's no way he's going to jail for 10 years."
"No, I don't think he will," Jamie says. "They'll take his statement and yours, and he'll get bail before he has a court order if he's not seen as a threat to society." Jamie sighs and scratches his head, "but I can't lie to you guys. He's likely to get some jail time, even if Gary isn't dead. Aggravated assault carries a penalty of up to 14 years, of course not in this case. But it's an indictable offence. He'll have to serve some time."
My tears come back, and I sob into Will's shoulder. I don't know what I'll do if Axel has to go to prison. Which, according to Jamie, is what's going to happen.
"Did he just use his fists?"
I nod. "And his feet."
"Well it's looking up for him then," Jamie says. "No deadly weapon involved, the victim was a scumbag. He didn't mean to kill him, and if he's not dead, that helps too. He could serve a couple months, pay a fine, and get probation. We're going to do the best we can, okay? Let's go down to the station. I texted my Grandma. She's going to come take Jem and Luci back to her place."
・・・
The worrying made me so tired that I ended up falling asleep against my brother's shoulder as we waited on the couch for Axel's bail to be posted. I tried to stay up and wait hopefully, texting my mom and dad to let them know what was going on. They weren't mad at Axel; Dad even seemed to condone what he did.
Will shakes my shoulder just as I'm about to dose off again after waking up several times to see if Jamie texted. He stayed at the station after I told the cops what happened, and after I was told that Gary was unconscious in the ER, but still very much alive. Jamie, however, made Will take me back home to get some sleep; bail would only be posted in about 6-8 hours, so it would be in the middle of the night.
I groan, but my eyes flutter open to hear the news. "Is he out?"
"Jamie's bringing him back now," Will tells me.
My head falls into my hands. "Oh, thank God. I'll text mom."
I send her a message and get up to make myself a coffee, and end up brewing a whole pot, for Will and Axel and Jamie too. I doubt any of us will be trying to sleep after this.
Will is concerned as I pace around the apartment, but he doesn't stop me until I start whacking the cupboard with my foot.
"This is all my fault!" I yell.
"What the fuck?" He yells, pulling me away from the counter. "It's Gary's fault. That fucker is going to get locked up and Axel'l be fine. Alright?"
"I should have told him right away," I whisper. "At home. Where he'd be able to calm down first."
"Hush, princess. I don't think it would have made a difference," Will murmurs, taking my face into his hands. He stares down at me with brotherly love and nods his head. "Say it: it's not my fault."
I swallow hard. "It's not my fault."
Will ruffles my hair and helps me take mugs out of the cupboard as I grab some cream and sugar. The moment I hear a key slide into the lock I rush to the door, jumping straight into Axel's arm, and he catches me quickly, like he was expecting it. I squeeze him so tightly I might be cutting off his air, but he doesn't stop me, and holds me in his arms, walking us away from the door as Jamie follows him inside and closes it.
"I'm so sorry, sweetheart," he manages to whisper, swaying us back and forth. "I'm so sorry."
"No, I am," I tell him.
He runs his hand up my back and into my hair, and strokes it gently, knowing it calms me down. He doesn't break the hug when he sets me back onto the ground, but frees one arm to pull my brother in too, mumbling, "hey man. Thanks for being here."
"I'm glad you're out. This is fucked," Will whispers back, and asks, "what's going on now? Do you know anything else?"
I glance up at Axel, blurry eyed, and he shakes his head. "My court date is in about 30 days. We'll see then — Jamie thinks I'm looking at some time."
Will scowls at Jamie. "Can't you do anything?"
He frowns. "I'm afraid I can't."
I squeeze Axel again and kiss his jaw, and he leans down to kiss my lips like he hasn't kissed me in years: which, if he gets sentence to jail, might be a reality. I start to cry again and he draws me closer, kissing the top of my head. "Babe," he murmurs. "Don't cry. It'll work out for us. Gary, on the other hand — we'll get justice for what he did."
I nod against his chest. "I made coffee," I smile a little. "I thought you could use some."
Axel chuckles. "That's just what I need," he whispers in my ear, "thank you."
He lets me go to take off his jacket and boots, and Jamie grabs a mug too, letting Will fill for him. He even adds the sugar and cream for Jamie, and pours Axel and I coffee too, and himself.
"Who paid my bail?" Axel asks as we take a seat on the armchair and set our coffees on the table, throwing a blanket over our legs as we snuggle against each other.
"My grandma," Jamie says, plopping down onto the sofa, with Will beside him. "Jasmine and Luci are with her now. I though it'd be best if they weren't here."
Axel nods. "Good idea."
"So," I murmur, holding Axel's hand in mine. "What are we going to do now?"
"We wait," Axel shrugs. "I guess."
I glance up at him. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you right away."
He shakes his head, kissing my cheekbone. "You have nothing to apologize for."
"You don't either," Will grunts. "I would have done the same thing."
Axel sighs. "I shouldn't have reacted that way. I'm just overwhelmed. I trusted him; invited him into my home. And with everything else going on — I'm exhausted from school, and still thinking about my dad, and my best friends fucking, I just —"
"—Wait, what?" I gasp, glancing back at him.
He tenses beneath me, meeting Will's embarrassed gaze.
I stare at Will, frowning, trying to figure it out, but when Jamie goes still beside him, embarrassed too, I know exactly what's going on.
・・・
I bet y'all didn't see that coming!
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- Adi