"It's funny, isn't it?" Kenny suddenly asked me, staring at the ceiling, and I turned my head to the side to look at him. My little brother was in my bedroom, on the bed beside me. We were both laying on our back and having small talks.
"What's funny?" I asked him back in response.
"Well, we decided to sleep in the same bedroom so that we could fall asleep easily, but we got in bed since about two hours and we are still not sleeping," he answered me with a little laugh and I chuckled.
"Don't worry, it's still kind of early," I told him.
"Declan, it's ten."
"That's still considered early in my book."
"You didn't even switch off the lights yet."
"You were the one supposed to do it."
"No, it's your turn tonight."
"You are the one who came last in the room," I retorted.
"Well, you are the one closer to the light switch so..." he didn't finish his sentence and gave me an innocent look.
"No, I don't want to get up," I informed him and I turned around, giving my back to him. "I'm feeling cold."
"You are only in your boxers, of course you'll feel cold," he informed me and I suddenly felt the bed sheets playing place on top of me. I glanced back at Kenny. "That should make you feel warmer."
That was so sweet of him.
Our family didn't know yet that Kenny was sleeping in my bedroom. They were just too busy doing their own stuff to notice anything and since Kenny was an early bird, he was gone from my bedroom early in the morning before anyone would wake up. I was pretty sure that our family wouldn't agree for us two to be sleeping in the same bedroom so it was better for them to not know about this.
"Aren't you going to switch the lights off?" I asked Kenny.
"I don't want to move, so I guess that we'll be sleeping with the lights on tonight," he concluded.
"Okay then."
"Yeah, it's very okay."
"God, you are so stubborn," I complained, turning on my stomach and burying my face into the pillow.
"You are more stubborn than me, and stop moving around so much," he scolded me and I frowned.
"I barely even moved, dude."
"Declan, I shared a bed with you for only a few nights and I can assure you that you move around a lot," he told me, "I lost counts of how many times you already moved around for the past two hours."
"I'm pretty sure that I didn't move at all."
"You're not sleeping beside yourself so you can't know."
"Sleep on the floor then. I'm sure that it won't move."
"Okay, but I'm taking the bed sheets with me. Freeze tonight, you meanie."
"Kenny, I'm kidding. I won't make you sleep on the floor, I can't, you my little bro after all."
"I know," he informed me and we both let out a laugh.
Having Kenny in my bedroom was a freaking good change for me. I quickly got use to having him here and those little talks that we had before sleeping for the past nights were really precious to me. Well, he said that he wasn't going to sleep in my bedroom forever but really, I wasn't going to mind if he continued to sleep here. This situation was actually making us grow closer and I really liked that.
"You know, it's the first time that I'm sharing a bed, that I'm sharing a bedroom, with one of you, my siblings," I told Kenny.
"It's the first time for me too," he said and he seemed to be happy, "It's nice and fun, and that's only because it's you. With Emile, it probably wouldn't have been that great."
He was totally right about that.
"Aren't you a little bit bothered though? Being here with me?" I asked him.
"Why should I be bothered?" he seemed confused.
"I'm half-naked."
He rolled his eyes.
"Declan, you're a guy, I'm a guy, we're brothers basically. I won't be traumatized by such a simple thing."
"But I'm pretty sure that mom would be screaming incest if she was to walk in right now."
"Yeah, probably, but it's not like it matters," he laughed and he seemed to think of something, "Hans sleeps in his boxers too. Sometimes he even sleeps naked. I remember that once, when I was sleeping over at his house, he was preparing himself to get in bed, butt naked. I was supposed to sleep in the same bed as him and I was so embarrassed that I accidentally kicked him in the balls while pushing him out of bed."
"Jesus," I laughed.
"That's exactly what he screamed," Kenny laughed along and when we calmed down from our laughter, I decided to ask him about something.
"Speaking of Hans, did any of you decide to make a move yet?"
"What move?" Kenny decided to play dumb with me and I rolled my eyes.
"When are you going to get together?" I was more direct this time and he seemed surprised.
"Who talked about getting together with Hans?"
"Well, you," I reminded him, "Are you two ever going to talk about that?"
"Am I wrong or are you actually rooting for us to be together?"
"Kenny, I'm rooting for anyone who will make you happy," I informed him. "And from what I've seen, Hans seemed to be interested, don't you think?"
"Is he really?" he bit his bottom lip, "Hans has been giving me some mix signals to be honest, and I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. Like, should I just tell him about what I want or maybe I should wait for him to make the first move?"
"Do you really think that he's going to?"
"I honestly don't know," he groaned and he suddenly sat up, "The thing is, I'm scared of what's going to happen when all the feelings will be out in the open. Are we even ready for this type of thing? Hans dated before, I dated someone for the first time too, but still, I don't feel like I discovered myself enough to actually give my whole to one being. Do you understand what I mean?"
"Are you hiding some part of yourself or what?" I joked but my smile quickly disappeared when I noticed the serious expression on his face.
"Maybe," he replied then and his voice seemed to lower, "Maybe everyone has a wrong idea about me."
I sat up beside him at his words and placed a reassuring hand on his back.
"Kenny, you are just trying to search for your identity, it's pretty much normal," I reassured him, "Look, if you don't want to have anything serious with someone for the time being, then don't. I was just asking about Hans because I thought that maybe you wanted something more, but if not, no worries. You still have time to discover yourself, little brother."
I messed with his hair, making them even messier than they were before and he groaned, pushing my hand away but there was a smile on his face. He really didn't need to worry. He was still young and he was right about the fact that he needed to discover himself first before engaging himself with someone. That was the most wise choice possible.
Though, I would have never thought that he had such struggles with himself.
Suddenly, my phone started to vibrate, signaling that I just received a text message. I didn't mind it at first but then the phone vibrated again and again, and I finally glanced at it, frowning. Who could it be? Joshua told me that he was going to sleep about one hour ago and there was no one else who would actually text me. I grabbed my phone and unlocked it. My eyes widened when I saw who it was.
PIERRE: Declan, are you awake?
PIERRE: I know that it's late but it's me, Pierre.
PIERRE: God, I'm scared that my parents are going to appear suddenly and find out that I'm texting you illegally.
PIERRE: But wow, it has been so long since I last texted you. I'm feeling weird.
PIERRE: I must admit that this is also exciting though haha
PIERRE: Is this working? Are you getting my texts?...I'm kind of nervous, which is really stupid when you think about it.
Part of the reason why I wasn't sleeping yet was because I had been waiting for Pierre to text me. For the past hours, I had been looking at my phone every few minute to see if he sent me a text or something, and now that I finally succeeded to put my phone away and chatted a little bit with Kenny, he finally decided to text.
I immediately typed a reply.
DECLAN: Pierre! Love!!!! I'm here!
Somehow, I found myself being consumed with the very same feeling that I got when I texted him for the first time; happiness, nervousness and embarrassment for saying something so dumb and not great at all.
PIERRE: Oh, you're not sleeping!
PIERRE: And I just stated the obvious...great.
PIERRE: Is it feeling awkward for you too? or is it only for me?
I let out a laugh and quickly typed a reply.
DECLAN: Awkward for me too...I can't explain this.
DECLAN: I miss you though, a heck lot.
PIERRE: I miss you too <3 <3
PIERRE: I wanted to text you since earlier but I preferred to wait until I was sure that everyone else was sleeping before doing so, just in case.
DECLAN: Are you really okay with this?
PIERRE: Yeah, of course! My mom doesn't really check through my stuff anymore, I mean, she doesn't do it as often as before, and I'm pretty sure that I found a good hiding place for the phone.
PIERRE: So I should be alright.
PIERRE: I'm going to use it only when I'm home though. I feel like it will be too risky if I carry the phone around...is that okay with you?
DECLAN: Of course, love. Whatever is good for you is good for me too.
PIERRE: I'm glad to hear that.
PIERRE: I mean, read that.
My smile widened and I was about to type a new reply when Kenny suddenly reminded me of his presence.
"Pierre finally texted you," he commented, capturing my attention. He had an amused smile on his face.
"Oh, I'm sorry," I immediately apologized, "We were talking and I just ignored you without any care."
"No, it's fine," he reassured me with a laugh and he let his body fall back on the bed, "I think that I'm going to sleep now. I'm starting to feel tired. Tell Pierre goodnight for me..switch off the lights too if you ever feel like it."
He grabbed part of the bed sheets and covered his whole body from top to bottom.
"Goodnight, Kenny," I told him with a smile.
"Night, big brother," he breathed out and I returned my attention to my phone.
DECLAN: Kenny tells you goodnight.
PIERRE: He's with you right now?
DECLAN: Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you about this, but Kenny has been sleeping in my bedroom since a few days now. We're sharing the bed and I was talking to him before you texted.
PIERRE: Oh my god! That's so cute! You sleeping with your little bro!! :D
DECLAN: It would be even cuter if we were sleeping together.
PIERRE: Sure, Declan.
I raised my eyebrows.
DECLAN: Is that all you have to say?
PIERRE: Was I supposed to say something else?
DECLAN: Yeah, like calling me a pervert for example.
PIERRE: Why should I? We would really be cute if we were sleeping together right now.
I smirked and I was suddenly curious about something.
DECLAN: Tell me, did I finally awaken your sexual desire?
PIERRE: My WHAT?
DECLAN: Don't play dumb with me. I noticed how sexually frustrated you are when we are together.
PIERRE: Excuse me but it's you who can't keep your hands off me.
DECLAN: Well it's not like you have actually done something useful to stop me. I swear I would have probably taken you on the table today if Mr. Harold didn't interrupt us.
PIERRE: Declan, the day that you are actually going to 'take' me on a table is not going to happen so soon.
DECLAN: Right, I should take you in a bed first.
DECLAN: Should I start making a list of all the places where we should have sex?
PIERRE: I'm pretty sure that you already have one.
DECLAN: Wow, how did you guess?😱
PIERRE: Well, I happen to know the man that I'm dating.
DECLAN: Damn, love! I literally heard your voice in my head saying that and you sounded just too sexy.
PIERRE: God! you are making me laugh when I should be staying quiet right now!
I laughed reading that last text and let my body fall backwards onto the bed. It bounced slightly under me and it was at that moment that I remembered that Kenny was beside me. I should probably avoid making any unnecessary movement or noises so as to not wake him up. I didn't want him to scold me.
PIERRE: I miss chatting with you so much, Declan.
PIERRE: So, so much.
I smiled.
DECLAN: Then I guess that we'll need to chat every night from now on.
PIERRE: To catch up for lost time?
DECLAN: Yeah, we have a lot of catching up to do.
PIERRE: I agree.
PIERRE: I want to do new things too though.
He got me curious.
DECLAN: Like what?
PIERRE: Well I don't know...stuff.
DECLAN: Stuff?
DECLAN: Like sex chat?
PIERRE: Eventually.
I nearly choke at that.
DECLAN: Love, did you understand what I just said?
PIERRE: Yeah.
DECLAN: And you are seriously ready to have a SEX chat with me?
PIERRE: Well, apparently I have awakened some kind of sexual desire so why not.
I blinked my eyes.
DECLAN: Okay.
PIERRE: Okay?
DECLAN: Yeah, okay.
DECLAN: But you will have to call me when we'll actually do it. Simple texting won't do. I'll have to hear your voice when you will moan my name while ejaculating.
PIERRE: I can't wait.
I removed my pillow from under my head and crushed it onto my face.
DECLAN: For real, are you serious?
PIERRE: Yeah, of course. I'm aware that we are going to have sex soon.
Oh god...
PIERRE: I mean not soon like soon soon! Just soon.
DECLAN: I fucking can't wait.
I closed my eyes briefly, thinking about it, before typing a new message.
DECLAN: Other than sex, what do you want us to do?
PIERRE: Wow, you willingly changed the topic. I thought that we were going to talk about sex all night.
DECLAN: Let's just continue to be more fluffy for now.
DECLAN: The smut will come soon after all.
I chuckled at my own text.
PIERRE: I feel like you are laughing at me right now.
DECLAN: No, I'm actually happy that we are talking about this so freely.
PIERRE: I'm happy that I'm being able to do it too.
PIERRE: I need to build myself more on those kind of stuff.
DECLAN: Are you gonna start making some research on sex now?
PIERRE: So about the new stuff that we need to do. I had a few ideas in mind.
DECLAN: Are you changing the subject now?
PIERRE: I was thinking about having a new visit at the zoo. I know that we already went there together but I want to live through that experience again with you, as boyfriends.
Yeah, he was definitely changing the subject but I was going to play along for now.
DECLAN: A new visit at the zoo? Sounds like fun. I'll add that to our list of future dates.
PIERRE: No need to. I already did.
DECLAN: You made a list of future dates?
PIERRE: Of course. Did you really think that I'll let you do all the sweet and romantic stuff?
DECLAN: Maybe.
PIERRE: Well, you were wrong mister.
DECLAN: I'm realizing it now.
PIERRE: Never do that again.
DECLAN: Do what?
PIERRE: Think that I'm going to let you dominate me around.
PIERRE: Oh love, the only place that I'm going to dominate you around is in bed.
I stopped typing when I realized what he just sent. I erased my message and retyped something else.
DECLAN: What's up with this last text?
PIERRE: I bet that you were typing something similar so I did it for you.
DECLAN: Not at all.
PIERRE: Yeah, right, I believe you.
He sent me a winked emoji right after and I sent him a group of laughing emojis, while also laughing in real life.
And Pierre and I continued to have small talks.
He told me about his dates' ideas, about the places that he wanted to go with me and about how sometimes he would just like to lay down in bed with me and talk all day, while being in each other's arms. All of that was making me completely dreamy and also very impatient.
DECLAN: Love, it's getting late.
DECLAN: You should probably go to sleep now.
PIERRE: But we just started talking.
DECLAN: Yeah, we just started talking about three hours ago. It's one in the morning. You will be really tired tomorrow if you don't sleep now.
PIERRE: I don't want to sleep. I want to talk to you more.
DECLAN: We can do that tomorrow. Just sleep now, love.
PIERRE: Ah, okay, you win.
PIERRE: But you know.
DECLAN: Love, it's time to sleep.
PIERRE: Just wait, I have something to mention.
DECLAN: Go on then.
PIERRE: Well, I started reading one of your journals. I'm nearly done with it actually.
DECLAN: Are you serious?
PIERRE: Yeah, I'll probably be over with them all by the end of the week...if my mom didn't fill up my entire schedule that is.
DECLAN: Wow, I wasn't expecting you to be over with them so fast.
Why was I nervous about this whole thing suddenly?
PIERRE: Why? Those are parts of you and I can't wait to uncover more of your past secrets.
DECLAN: Don't have too high expectations. Some entries are pretty dumb.
PIERRE: I don't agree on that and I don't think that you should say that too.
PIERRE: But anyway, what I wanted to tell you is that I have a few things to talk to you about concerning what I read so far. Though, since you are ordering me to go to sleep, we'll talk about it another time I guess.
DECLAN: I didn't give my journals to you so that we could talk about them.
PIERRE: You seriously thought that I was going to read everything and not make a single comment on what I read?
DECLAN: I was kinda hoping for this.
PIERRE: Sorry, but you'll need to hear me out.
DECLAN: Okay, as you wish.
DECLAN: Now go to sleep for real.
PIERRE: Okay, okay. Night, Declan.
DECLAN: Night, love.
A satisfying and loving smile came on my face and I let out a sigh of pure joy. I placed my phone back on the nightstand and got out of bed to finally switch off the lights. Kenny was already far in dreamy land. The room now plunged in the dark, I slowly made my way back to the bed and just when I was laid down, my phone vibrated again. I immediately grabbed it to find out that I just received a new text from Pierre.
PIERRE: I forgot to say something!
Oh my god, this boy!
DECLAN: Do you want me to come to your place to make you sleep?
PIERRE: That's a pretty appealing idea.
DECLAN: Love, come on, sleep. You'll be tired tomorrow.
DECLAN: Can't you see that I'm trying to take care of your health right now? I won't let you develop a bad sleeping habit because of me.
PIERRE: Oh, that's so sweet, Declan. I want to squeeze, squeeze you right now.
What the hell did that even mean?
PIERRE: Promise, I'll go to sleep in the next few seconds. We just forgot to tell each other the most important thing in the whole universe.
DECLAN: What is it?
PIERRE: I love you.
My heart immediately skipped a beat and my face heated up. Damn it..
DECLAN: I love you too.