A week ago I had met my mate. A week ago all my siblings were home. A week ago I was going to the local high school I had been going to since I started high school. But not anymore. Now all my siblings were back in school or with their wife. Now I was was going to start a new school, a new pack, and a new life with my mate. And now I was laying in my bed, staring up at my ceiling trying to not cry.
I thought I was okay with leaving. I thought I had come to terms with it. All last week I had started repairing for today, packing up all my things or giving them away, saying goodbye to my friends and family, withdrawing from school. But nothing could have been prepared me for this moment. I felt so un ready. All I wanted to do was to crawl back under my covers and forget the outside world. But instead I take a deep breath and rise out my bed.
Getting dressed in sweats I drag the suitcases in the middle of my room downstairs by the couch, then head into he kitchen for breakfast. The last breakfast I will have with my parents and David. I wrap my arms around my mother who was stilled dressed in her pajamas, hugging her tightly.
"Hey, you ok?" She ask me with concern. I nods my head not wanting to speak. She continues to look at me.
"You sure? You can tell me if something's wrong." I shake my head and grab a plate from our cabinets piling it high with grits, bacon, sausage and chocolate chip pancakes.
"Just sad to be leaving mom. But I'm ok." I try to give her an encouraging smile but I don't think she bought it. Just as she was about speak the door bell rang. I knew it was Jared at the door but I allowed my mother to get it, while staying seated in the kitchen. When he came into the kitchen after my mom and pulled me into a hug I almost lost it.
I was so happy to see him but at the same time seeing him meant this was all really happening. And I wasn't ready for all that. I was only 15, I wasn't suppose to leave my parents yet!
I pull away from him and run into bathroom needing some space to breathe. Breathe Erica breathe. You can do this. You will do this. You are doing this.
"Erica? What's wrong are you ok?" Jared's worried voice ask.
"Yeah... I'm fine." There was a pause.
"Can I come in?" I shake my head.
"No I just....I just need a moment to myself." I whisper sliding down the wall until I was on the floor with my head in my hands.
"Erica-"
"I got this." Allianna, who had slept over the night before, says interrupting him. I heard Jared sigh I defeat before walking away.
"Hey, he's gone you can let me now."
I get up and hesitantly open the door, before pulling best friend into a hug.
Barely speaking above a whisper I tell what I was feeling, "I'm scared Allie."
"Hey Erica, it's ok. There's nothing to be scared of." She hushes me hugging me right back.
"I don't know how to be a mate, I don't even know how to be a girlfriend! I never had a boyfriend before,and I have never kissed anyone. And I'm socially awkward in new places. I'm going to a new school and a new state where I won't know anybody! And what if his pack doesn't like me?! And oh my gosh! I'll be meeting his parents. What of they hate me!"
"Woah woah Erica calm down!" I take in deep breathes trying to calm my rapidly beating heart.
"Better?" She ask. I nod my head and sit back on the toilet. I groan and run my hands over my face. How on earth am I going to do this.
Tears were falling down my face despite my best effort to keep them back. I kept sweeping them off my face, but fresh tears kept replacing them. Allianna hands me some tissue to wipe my nose.
Squatting down in front of me she takes my hands. "Look at me Erica." I slowly roll my gaze to her face.
"Everything is going to be fine." I look away but she pulls my face back. "I'm serious. Everything will be fine. Don't worry about never having been in a relationship before because well now you are and everyone has to go through there first one sometime. Don't worry about never having kissed anyone. I'm sure Jared will be ecstatic about it, and all it means is that you get to practice a lot with your mate."
I choke out a laugh wiping my nose.
"His pack will love you because your the betas mate. You are now the beta female for crying out loud!" I was just about to start freaking out again when she cut off my thoughts. "And no freaking out about it," she scolds.
"You were born to be in a position of leadership. And while you can be a little socially awkward when your nervous, you'll get over it and your new friends will just have to accept you the way you are. And you forget you won't be alone. You have Jared. Right now it seems scary because being here is all you have known, but Jared won't just throw you to the wolves, (no pun intended). He will be with you every step of the way.
"And you are going to have to let him in. Now that you have found your mate things are going to be a little different. You are Jared's heart now. Without you he is just an empty shell that cannot go on. It will be the same way for you too when you shift. In fact right now Jared is probably hurt right now."
"What? Why?" I didn't like the sound of Jared being hurt.
"Because you locked yourself up in your bathroom and refused to see him."
"Oh," I look down feeling guilty. I guess I did shut him out.
"You know the way in which you call me up and tell me everything? That's his place now . He's- he's like your new best friends." She starts choking up. I pull her into a tight hug.
"You will always be my best friend Allianna." She gives me a teary smile, and starts to wipe her face.
We both took a minuet to compose ourselves. Taking a dee breath I tell her, "I'm ready now."
I step out the bathroom and walk down the stairs. I don't get far before I am pulled into Jared tight embrace. He doesn't say anything, just holds me slowly rubbing comforting circles on my back.
"I'm sorry," I say my voice cracking. "Just had a-a little anxiety attack. But I'm better now." He stares intently into my eyes, with his hands on either side of my face. In the moment I felt as though he was staring deep into my soul.
He pulls me back into his arms pressing a lingering kiss to my forehead. Taking a deep breath he leans his head and against mine. "I never meant for you to feel this way. I didn't want you to be afraid, I just can't-couldn't be away from you."
I wrap my arms around his middle. "I'm not. I'm not afraid. I was just," I sigh,"nervous."
He looks at me puzzled. "What do you have to be nervous about?" I look at him like he was crazy.
"I'm moving to a different state, a different pack. I don't know how to be in a relationship because I have never been in one before. I have never even kissed a guy before." I peek up at him to see how he received this. He was grinning from ear to ear.
I frown at him. "Why are you smiling." His smile widens.
"Because I will be the first and only person to kiss you," he says running his thumb over my lips. His eyes darken slightly before he he shakes his head. "My pack will love you, I'm there beta they have no choice."
"What if your alpha doesn't like me?"
"Impossible," he denies. "I know my alpha, he's one of my closet friend, and I'm positive he will like you. If he doesn't, well that's just too dang bad. You opinion is the only one that truly matters to me. Okay?"
I couldn't believe how lucky I was to have a mate like Jared. And he's mine. All mine. Thank you lord. "Ok," I nod.
*******
After loading up Jared rental car, and very many tearful hugs and kisses from my mom, my dad, David , and Allianna, and her mate, Marcus, who had come to pick her up (though Jared didn't like the fact he was touching me) we were off to the airport. The flight wasn't too long but I was beyond tired by the time we landed.
It took forever to our bags and I was irritable. All I wanted to do was curl up into a ball and sleep. As soon as we got into his SUV, that is exactly what I did.
Now that I think about it, I feel a little bad. Jared must have been tired to and maybe I should have stayed up to help keep him away buuuuttt I wasn't really feeling it. I was just so tired! In fact I didn't even wake up until Jared was carrying me up the stairs to a room. I had my arms and legs wrapped around his body. Even half asleep I marveled at the strength he possessed. He carried me with such ease!
He gently placed me down on the queen sized bed. My eyes were barely open and I remember thinking that it was a dream. But when he looked at me, and kissed my cheeks goodnight while pulling the comforter over me, I knew it was no dream. A big part of me wanted him to climb into the bed and stay with me ,at least until I fell back asleep, but I didn't seeing as how I was already drifting off. His voice was the last thing I heard before I was completely lost to the world.
"Welcome to your new home Erica. Sweet dreams....dream of me."