Ashton came back late that night, not quite drunk but also not as sober as he should be after what happened at the bar. Lights off, he suspected that no one was here and Luke had left, as he had anticipated for hours. A small part of him was disappointed however, that bit wished he had stayed so they could maybe talk things through. Maybe. Or they'd argue again, it's all they've been doing recently. Or maybe, even after all that's happened and was said, he could hold him again until they both fell asleep, or not. He didn't really want to be held right now.
He flipped a light on for his living room and then stopped as he saw a body laying there, eyes closed and a leather jacket thrown over him. Ashton couldn't help the smile on his lips, and in his head he imagined Luke staying awake to see him come back so they can work things through and come to an understanding or mutual agreement.
He tilted his head as he thought about it. Maybe that's what happened.
He walked towards the couch and then hesitantly put a hand on his shoulder, shaking him gently so he didn't completely startle him. "Hey, Luke?" He asked and he shifted awkwardly since the couch wasn't long enough to accommodate his mile long limbs. "Go upstairs."
"Ash?" He mumbled and Ashton blinked a few times as the younger blond laid on his back. "Is that you?"
"Who else would it be?" He asked and Luke shrugged as he turned to him.
"Mm... Michael came by." He said and Ashton furrowed his eyebrows. "Af-After you left... said um... said that you need me."
Ashton let out a small, "humph" out of amusement as Luke used a fist to rub his right eye. "Did he?"
"Mhm." He hummed and then opened an eye to look at him. "He told me you-you need somebody. I was gonna-gonna leave but...-"
"- But you stayed?" Ashton finished and he nodded sleepily.
"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. I'm sorry." He apologized as he blinked. "I guess I was pushy."
"Kind of." He agreed and Ashton felt Luke's leg push against his.
He looked down and saw him shifting to lay on his side, back against the cushions of the couch and an arm sprawled in front of him. Ashton chuckled and took his coat off, shaking his head a bit to decline the offer of a cuddle. He tossed the black fabric on to another couch and then awkwardly looked around and Luke furrowed his eyebrows.
"Where are you?" He practically whined since his eyes were closed. "Ash, I wanna cuddle."
Ashton internally coo'ed at how cute he was, but physically sighed and shook his head again. He rubbed his forehead before running his fingers through his hair. "Not tonight... sorry."
"Are you alright?" He questioned carefully and Ashton took a deep breath. "Are you still mad at me?"
"No, no not at you." He answered honestly as he crossed his arms.
"Did something happen?"
Ashton debated telling him. Surely, Luke would understand, but should he have to worry about it was the question. It wasn't his fault, so why should he have to worry about it? If anything, it was Ashton's fault. Maybe he shouldn't have drank so much, or left too many buttons undone, or got too friendly, right?
Luke sat up, his eyes open and looking at him despite his heavy eyelids. "Ashton?" He asked and the older man flinched at his gentle touch. "What's the matter?"
"Nothing." He answered, holding his boyfriend's hand and rubbing his thumb along his knuckles.
"Alright." He nodded, but Ashton could sense that Luke knew he was definitely lying. "Can we head to bed now?"
The drummer hesitated. "I uh..."
"You know what? Never mind. I'll-I'll just go -"
"- no!" Ashton rushed as he grabbed his arm. "Stay, please."
"Do you want me to sleep on the couch?" He asked and Ashton shook his head. "Is there a reason you're acting so strange every time I mention us being together? Do you not want me next to you?"
Ashton could cry at the look of offense that spread over Luke's features.
He shoved his hands in the pockets of his trousers and then looked down at his boots as he fiddled with the wrapper of his gum. Luke was waiting for an answer, but he didn't have one, not even a lie he could tell. His mind was blank.
"Look, I can brush off a lot, but not this." Luke told him as he sat up. "What's the matter? Talk to me."
"Listen... it's not you, it's me." He started and Luke sat up straighter. "I just feel -"
"- Are you breaking up with me?" He asked and Ashton's eyes widened. "Is that what's going on here? Are you seriously -"
"- Listen, -"
"- No, you want to waste a good few months over a couple of stupid arguments -"
"- Hear me o-" Ashton tried but was cut off once again by the blond, who had a look of disbelief on his face.
"- After all that we did together, -"
"- Luke, please, -"
"- I really fucking tried for you, Ashton, -"
"- I was raped!"
Ashton was panicking. He couldn't correct the way his boyfriend was thinking, and Luke just wouldn't shut up. What was he supposed to do? Let him believe he was trying to break up with him? Their conversation was headed towards the confession anyways, but was he too blunt? Should he have just shut him up with a kiss instead of a load this heavy? Would he even care considering he has some fucked up kink where 'no' means 'yes please'?
God his heart was about to fall out of his chest as he awaited his response.
Would he think that he was pathetic? Gross, even? Maybe he'll blame him too. A drunk, underaged kid who danced with someone willingly seems like it was all his fault. But how was he supposed to know the man was going to follow him into a nasty, club bathroom and trap him in a stall? How was he supposed to know that he was married, had three kids, and worked an office job, everything that would have otherwise qualified him as a 'trustworthy' or 'good' man?
Most importantly, how was he supposed to take Luke walking away from him like he was nothing but a piece of trash on the side of the road?