dayoung stood in front of the bathroom mirror, looking at her reflection while her heart raced a million miles per second. her hands that gripped the edge of the marbled counter were getting sweatier with every thought that came through her mind.
should i just not tell them? she thought to herself. i've kept it to myself for years; i think i can last until i die. no one needs to know! they won't think i'm weird and i won't get hurt - problem solved, right?
"'if you trust them, it'll be even easier' my ass," dayoung sighed.
knock! knock! knock!
"how are you feeling?" kun's voice echoed through the locked door.
"b-better! i think i was just lightheaded."
"okay, well, sicheng, lucas, and renjun came back with the snacks and stuff," he said. "they bought you chocolate milk too."
dayoung's mood lightened as she heard that and a small smile formed on her face, "i'll be out soon."
then she turned back to the mirror and exhaled.
i'll tell them when the time is right..
"fighting, yingyue," she said half-heartedly before leaving the bathroom.
no time felt like the right time, dayoung groaned, falling back on to her bed.
it was now nine in the evening and everyone, excluding the girl, was passed out. she had to tell them somehow; there was an itch that wouldn't ever be scratched until she did. if she couldn't say it to them face to face, there was surely another way.
and as quickly as her eyes closed, they opened just as fast. while she rummaged through her desk drawers, she had a plan to do what she usually did - write.
she wrote a letter to nct because knowing her, even if she did manage to start the conversation of her sexuality, she'd choke up and say nevermind.
┎┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┒
taeyong, johnny, taeil, jungwoo, doyoung, renjun, jisung, mark, lucas, jaemin, ten, kun, sicheng, jeno, chenle, haechan, jaehyun, yuta —
there's something about me that i've tried so hard to tell all of you for such a long time now. i originally wanted to tell you in person rather than within a letter but if i said it face to face, we'd all be standing there for hours while i tried to find the right words. even now when i write this, i can't seem to string together the perfect sentences.
i don't want to make this longer than it has to be so - i'm pansexual. it's like bisexual but more.. open, i guess? this doesn't change anything and please don't let it change anything. i'm still the same yingyue i was yesterday; i'm still the same person i was when we first met. please don't see me any different or treat me any differently than you did the day before.
i don't know what else to say or how to end this.. um, i love you all so much and thank you for everything. that's all i can really say at this point.
with love,
me
┖┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┚
"ah, shoot," dayoung mumbled, noticing both the fairly large black ink dot where she let the pen rest while putting words together in her head and her fallen tears.
when she capped her pen and folded the note, she set an alarm for early in the morning. her plan was to leave for the company before anyone woke up and put the note where they would see it instantly. that is if she could forget the anxiousness and fall asleep.
stepping over a few sleeping figures, dayoung quietly made her way over to the coffee table in the middle. she put the paper under a half-empty juice can and then headed back upstairs to the front door where her backpack lay, resting against the wall. it took her a few minutes to actually leave. she hesitated for a bit before forcing herself out of the dorm, locking the door behind her.
now, if she wanted to go back inside and rip the letter to shreds and continue to act as if she was absolutely straight, she'd have to fish her keys out of her backpack which was way too much work for her at the moment. it was now or never.
dayoung put her earphones in and started her trip to the company.
by the time the boys woke up, she had been hanging out in the practice room for an hour or two. jungwoo was the first to open his eyes. sitting up on the sofa, taeyong's head rested on his thigh while he sat crisscrossed on the ground. jungwoo carefully and gently moved taeyong off and onto the cushion before standing up and stretching his arms and back.
on his way out of the living room, he noticed the piece of paper lying on the table. he stepped over jaehyun and mark to get closer and after seeing some writing on top, he picked it up. he read who it was dedicated to and after, he instantly woke taeyong up (since he was the leader, of course) first.
once everyone was awake and almost-fully functioning, they gathered around taeil as he held the note.
"i think i left it in sehun oppa's room last time," dayoung shrugged to chanyeol as they both stood in the hallway.
"i'll drop it off tonight or tomorrow if he lets me," her senior said, patting her head. "practice is starting soon, so i have to go. i'll see you later, kid."
"bye-bye~" the girl waved, and the two of them went to their separate practice rooms.
but when dayoung opened the door to nct's, her heart dropped. the remaining eighteen members of the group were scattered around, holding the letter she wrote to them.
"h-hi.." her voice trailed off.
in the boys' eyes, dayoung looked even smaller than usual and after a couple of seconds of awkward silence, jaemin went up to her. he tightly wrapped his arms around her and left a small kiss on her temple.
"we still love you, flower."
before she knew it, all of the boys were hugging the young girl and showering her with reassurances in which made her worries wash away.
"now we have to worry about everyone hitting on you," kidded kun, making everyone laugh.
➥ 終。
➥ i had no idea how to end this and i wanted to post something before it became a weEK later until i actually did
anyways - how's your week so far?