~~~~~
ALICE
~~~~~
"Mrs. Smith, open your eyes," I heard a man's voice in front of my face. "Mrs. Smith, look at me," he added, and I opened my eyelids slightly. I wasn't able to do something more.
"Doctor, the patient opened her eyes," I heard a second voice, this time a woman. I shook my head and sighed heavily. I opened my mouth, but after a while I closed it. I felt a dry throat and wanted to drink something.
"What ... Where ... Oh" I murmured and put my hand to my forehead. My head pulsed so much that I couldn't lift it. I covered my eyelids with my hand, because the light of the lamps on the ceiling hurt my eyes.
"Open your eyes," I heard the male voice again. I forced myself to take my hand off my face and open my eyes. I hissed when I looked centrally at the lamp.
"Where am I?" I asked and looked around the room. I had to wait for my eyes to sharpen.
"In the hospital," answered the nurse. She was young, pretty and very insecure. She probably was new at work because she didn't even know how to measure my pressure correctly.
"What happened?" I asked and I took my eyes to the doctor. He was young too.
"You fainted in your home and you were brought to the hospital," he said and put a lamp near my bed next to me. I wanted to hit this man on the head.
"Don't you understand that the light is hurting me?" I hissed and pulled back the lamp. I sat on the bed and looked furious at this doctor.
"I want to talk to Dr. Whitfield," I said. "And it would be nice to offer me a glass of water, or at least glucose," I added loudly.
"Doctor Whitefield is busy," young man said.
He looked at me and took notes and a pen from his pocket. After a moment, things were burning out of his hand and I shook my head.
"If Dr. Whitefield doesn't show up right now, I'll get you off work." I looked at the terrified nurse. The blackmail was bad and I knew it, but I knew it would work.
"I will call the doctor, maybe he is in his office" she nodded and ran quickly out of the room. I lay back on the bed again.
"I don't want to see you either," I murmured and looked at the annoyed doctor.
"I am sorry but I am a doctor and I have to be here," he answered dryly and sat down on the bed. I shrugged.
"At last, be quiet"
"Alice" Joseph entered the room and I smiled at him. "A little, uninteresting place for a meeting with an old, good friend," he added, and I laughed.
Joseph was the best doctor I ever met. Ever since I moved to Northside, he helped my family, he often checked on me and my children after working hours, and even came to my home when it was needed.
"I know, Joseph" I sighed. "I fainted at home and woke up here," I added, and he nodded.
"O'brien, get out of here" Joseph looked at the young doctor and pointed to the door.
"But, I was supposed to learn how to talk with patients"
"You can learn it in the segregation room," Joseph added, and the young boy sighed heavily. He got up from the stool and left the room.
"A new doctor who can't do anything right," Joseph sighed, and I sat on the bed and nodded.
"You can see that he needs more experience, he shouldn't dazzle people with a lamp and force them to wake up"
"He did that? I need to talk to him," he sighed. "Coming back to you, Alice ..." he looked at the pile of papers in front of him and my heart accelerated.
"Joseph, say this is food poisoning or anemia," I asked, and he nodded slightly. He gave me a piece of blood test, and I looked at it uncertainly.
"Alice, it's definitely not food poisoning and anemia," he answered, and I bit my lip. No it isn't possible.
"Can we repeat the blood test results?" I asked weakly, and my voice trembled. I found myself in a terrible position right now.
"Alice, there is no need," he said. "You have to take care of yourself, you have been neglected, your body is weakened, you need to eat well, drink plenty of water and, above all, take care of yourself," he added, and I felt tears in my eyes.
"It can't be true, Joseph" I got out of bed. I did it too sharply because I was dizzy. "I can't be pregnant now, at my age ?!" I asked loudly.
"Alice, if you want ... we can check it out. We can do an ultrasound scan and then everything will be clear," he said and looked at me. He took the test results from me. "Calm down, stress can hurt you"
"Joseph, I didn't ask for it," I said and clutched my stomach. "I don't know who is the father!" I yelled and wiped tears from the corner of my eyes.
"How is it?" he asked surprised, and I shrugged. "Alice?"
"Take me on an ultrasound machine, I'll tell you everything," I said in resigned tone and took a deep breath.
"Come on," he said and opened the door for me. I went out into the corridor where Betty ran up to me.
"Mother, what's wrong with you?" She said, and I stroked her cheek.
"I have a weakened body," I replied quietly. "I'm going for additional tests and USG, I'll be right back," I added and looked at Joseph, who looked confused. I knew he wanted to tell Betty the truth, but I also knew that if I asked him not to, he wouldn't tell her.
"Just enough?" Betty asked.
"After additional research, I'll find out everything," I smiled slightly at her. "Let's go, Joseph," I said quietly, and he nodded.
~~~~~
FP
~~~~~
When Betty called me and said that Alice had fainted and went to the hospital, my heart started to beat faster. I knew that there was something wrong in the morning when Alice vomited. I had a bad feeling, so I went out of my trailer and got into the car. I went straight to the hospital, hoping that I would finally find out the truth about Alice's health.
I parked in the parking lot and ran out of the car. I quickly ran into the building and went down the long corridor straight to the segregation room.
"Where is Alice?" I asked when I found Betty, Hermione and Veronica.
"There are additional tests to be done," Betty replied and sighed quietly. "She told me she has a weakened body," she added, and I frowned. I looked at Hermione who rolled her eyes.
"We will really believe that Alice is vomiting, fainted and nauseated because of the weakened body?" Hermione said irritated.
"What are you suggesting?" Betty looked at her and I sighed heavily. It couldn't be true.
"That your mother is pregnant," Veronica sighed. "Really Betty, I knew it when I entered your home today"
"Why didn't you tell me ?!" Betty waved, and I went to her and put her hands on her shoulders.
"This isn't the right time to argue," I said and sighed. It's not like I didn't want a child. I just wasn't ready for it and I knew that Alice wasn't ready for the baby either. Shit, everything got complicated. We've always secured ourselves, so how is it possible that she ... Oh, fuck. Alice also slept with Edgar. Did that mean that the child was Edgar?
The blood boiled in me and I moved away from Betty. I went to the window and clenched my hands into fists. How Alice could have been so fucking understated.
"FP?" I heard Hermione's voice. "What's happening?"
"It's not my child," I replied. "Hermione, it can't be my child, it's not my child!" I added louder, and Betty jumped in fear.
"How is it?" Veronica asked, and Betty wiped her tears from her eyes.
"This is Edgar's child," I said loudly. I didn't even notice when Alice joined us. "I don't want this child," I added and turned away.
Now I realized that I shouldn't speak my thoughts out loud. Alice stood in front of me with the results of research and looked wounded.
"What?" she asked quietly, and I swallowed. I didn't want it to sound like that. Shit!
"I was angry," I replied and went over to her, but Betty replaced my path.
"No," she said and took Alice's hand. "You said that you didn't want this child, how cruel a man must be to say something like that ?!" she growled loudly. She didn't allow me Alice.
"Veronica" Hermione looked at her daughter. "It's a matter between them, we'll go to the buffet," she added, and along with her daughter went down the corridor.
I heard Alice crying softly and my heart ached with pain.
"Alice, is it true, Alice, are you pregnant?" I asked. "Answer me" I added.
"Betty, get away," Alice whispered quietly to her daughter. After a moment, Betty moved away from Alice, but she was still watching me closely.
"Yes, FP. I am pregnant," she replied, and my body was under stress. "It's not any food poisoning, no anemia, I'm just pregnant and in a few months I will give birth," she added and wiped her tears from her eyes.
"Which week is that?" I asked and went to her. She looked at me with disappointment.
"Seventh or eighth, so it's very likely that Edgar can be a father," she replied, and I swore under my breath. I grabbed her hand.
"I didn't want to say it"
"But you said!" Betty shouted. She was furious and had the right to do it.
"I'm not too happy about having a baby," Alice murmured and put her research results in her purse. "But I can't understand how vile man you must be to shout in a public place that you don't want to take responsibility for this child," she shook her head.
"I'm damned sorry, okay, I won't take time back Alice!" I gasped, irritated, and she laughed loudly.
"You're nervous, you don't control what you're saying, the actions you're doing, FP. You're scaring me," she came closer to me.
"Do you love me, FP?" I heard Alice's broken voice. "You don't act like you love me," she added, and a tear slid down her cheek.
"Of course that I love you!" I said loudly and grabbed her hands.
"This child didn't fault anything," she whispered and looked at her stomach. "And you already blamed him!" she added and moved away from me.
"Alice, I want this child, I want him as much as I want you"
"Get a grip on yourself, FP! Sign up to a psychologist for therapy because you are a walking volcano of bad energy, I'm tired of your moods and I'm tired of always forgiving you, I won't forgive you this time!" Alice got mad.
I knew she was right and that I should sign up for a psychologist. Because of the problems with Gladys and the goddamn cult, I've changed a lot.
I wanted to talk to her, but Betty didn't want to leave us. She didn't want to leave Alice alone.
"What can I do to make you believe that I don't blame this child for what happened ?!" I finally shouted. I was angry about the fact that I couldn't deal with the feeling of anger and uncertainty inside.
"How noble, you don't blame the child for that" Alice laughed ironically. "Betty, leave us alone. Go to Veronica and Hermione, I will join you soon" she added. I was grateful for that.
"Mom, I won't leave you alone" Betty was very upset.
"It won't take long, darling," Alice replied, and Betty nodded and even ran down the corridor without looking at me. I felt bad about it.
~~~~~
ALICE
~~~~~
I was shaken and broken at the same time. FP didn't want this child. How could he say that? My heart filled with sadness, and tears ran down my cheeks. I was sad because I thought I would finally find peace with FP, I would rebuild my self-confidence and arrange my life. In meantime, it turned out that my life became even bigger mess.
I took a deep breath, realizing that it was ridiculous that we argued with FP on average two or three times a week. On day there is a good relationship between us and the other day we fight. I didn't know completely how I could fix this.
Sometimes it is better to let go than to hang on to the person you love. Leaving the person who is important to us is damn difficult and painful, but if our life is better without it, maybe it is worth doing? Maybe it's worth to handle things my own way.
"I need a break," I said after a moment and crossed my arms over my chest. "You also need a break, we both need breaks," I cleared my throat and looked into his eyes. He looked nervous and sad at the same time.
"Maybe you're right," he said quietly and lowered his head down.
"Words spoken in anger hurt the most," I whispered and pulled a packet of tissues from my bag. "Maybe you didn't mean to hurt me, but you hurt me," I added and took one handkerchief to wipe my tears.
"It's all because of this fucking cult, Alice and by Edgar." he came to me and grabbed me by the shoulders. "Why the hell did you go there ?!" he looked at me. "Ah, yeah, because you wanted to make me angry and you were stupidly in love with him." he slammed his hand against the wall with all his strength and looked at me. I looked at him and dropped my purse onto the floor. He really was able to say something like that?
"Wow, that was really ... strong," I said and lowered my head down. My hands began to shake with stress. There was a moment of silence between us. We didn't know who should speak first.
"I shouldn't ..." FP started, but then he fell silent. "I don't know why ... oh, whore, I'm sorry Alice," he approached me and took me firmly in his arms. I cried because of his words. I loved him so much, we were able to hurt each other so much. I hoped that after all these years our relationship wouldn't be toxic again. "Alice, talk to me." FP grabbed my hand and pulled me up. I looked at him.
"I don't want to," I whispered, and my voice broke. "I don't want to see you anymore, not in this state," I size him up with my eyes. "Maybe I was stupidly in love with Edgar, but I don't regret any good moment I spent him," what I said was true. If it weren't for the fact that Edgar later turned out to be a female boxer and cult leader, maybe I would be in a relationship with him.
I had no luck with men and it was sad for me. Maybe life told me that it was time to start a new chapter in my life titled "Men admitted forbidden"? I loved FP with all my heart, but it was the love that I got used to. It was hard for me to leave him, but I had to do it.
"I'm sorry" FP took my waist tight and pulled me to him. "I will go to the psychologist, I promise," he kissed my forehead, and I sighed heavily. "We rise this child together, no matter who the father is, I will love it as my own"
I felt that he wasn't lying. I felt he was telling the truth, but the part of me was badly hurt after what he said earlier.
"I can't allow another mad attack to hurt my child" I stepped away from him and looked into his eyes. "I'm stressed with you every time we talk, I'm afraid you'll be aggressive again," I whispered and shook my head. "I decided to leave"
"Where?"
"To Greendale, to my parents," I replied, and he looked at me shocked.
"Are you breaking up with me?" he asked, and I shook my head.
"I make a break from you" I picked up my purse from the floor and put it on my shoulder. "You can call me, write text messages, I feel that a longer break will do us well, I will put my life together, find out the precise date of conceiving a child and start planning everything related to him" I touched my stomach.
"I don't want you to leave me, Alice, I can't do it without you"
"You've been doing twenty-five years, FP," I said. "You have to go to a psychologist," I added, and he sighed quietly.
"I will go, but promise me that you won't break up with me"
"FP, I couldn't do it, I love you."
"Love you too" he hugged my tightly. "I'll change, I promise" I only nodded and closed my eyes.
It will be better for us.
I was hoping so.
A/N: It's sad that the first episode of the third season of Riverdale will appear in my country on Thursday. That's why I will probably have to log out of social media and avoid spoilers.