Requested by Icy_Sherlock_Dragon
#149: "When have we ever been friends?"
Warnings: Cursing
———
Wade looks at the readers, he smiles and waves at them.
"So Tony has been a real Smooth ass this week and it's driving Y/N nuts!" Wade said and pointed to Tony by the counter.
He was talking to you as you cleaned the dishes.
"Come on Y/N, that was good!" Tony said impressed by his own pick up line.
"Oh recap, Tony just said "can I borrow a kiss, I promise I'll give it back," Wade said to the readers and looked back at the scene.
"Please stop." You whined and glared at him.
"Ok how about this one, You can call me Nemo, because I'm never afraid to touch the butt." He said and slapped your ass.
You narrowed your eyes at him.
"Or, do you own a farm? Because you sure know how to raise my co—,"
"LANGUAGE!" You said interrupting him. He rolled his eyes in annoyance.
When you thought the pain was over he came up with another one.
"Your lips look so lonely, would they like to meet mine?" He asked smirking. He jutted his lower lip out as you rolled your eyes.
You smirked, and decided to play this little game of his.
"Ya know Tony," You said as you finally finished cleaning the last plate.
"I may not go down in history, but I'll go down on you." You whispered near his ear. He bit his lower lip and let out a low groan.
You backed away from him and chuckled.
"Aw come on Y/N! You're so hot, even my zipper's falling for you!" He said and you laughed.
———
The next morning, the Avengers were eating breakfast in the dining room. Everyone sat in a seat as they talked or ate.
Tony plopped into the seat next to you and grinned.
"Y/N, if you were a fruit, you'd be a fineapple." Clint heard and burst out laughing.
"Use better pick up lines my man," Clint said and gave Tony pages of pick up lines from his pocket.
"CLINT WHY?!" You yelled at him a bit annoyed.
"Aw, come on Y/N! You love me! I'm your best friend!" Tony said making you roll your eyes.
"Please, when have we ever been friends?" You asked, Tony felt a bit offended by the comment but read the pick up lines.
"Oh my fucking god." He mumbled as he read some highly inappropriate ones.
"Where did you get these from?" Tony asked. Clint pointed to Wade and it all made sense.
He turned back to look at you and grinned.
"If I flip a coin, what are the chances of me getting head?" He asked grinning wickedly.
Steve and Bucky roll their eyes at you two.
After you finished breakfast you moved to the couch. Tony jumped next to you and delivered the next line.
"Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, Let's have sex inside my car." He said in a song-song voice. You tried to ignore his lines but he kept going.
"I was going to tell you a joke about my penis, but it's so long." He said, awaiting your reaction.
"Ya know, that's funny. Because I was going to tell you a joke about my Vagina, but you will never get it."
Natasha made a "ohhhh" sound as Sam broke down in laughter.
"SHE GOT YOU!" He yelled and almost fell onto the ground.
Tony crossed his arms like a child and threw Clint's pick up lines onto the table.
"Whatever." He mumbled and you grinned at him. You pecked his lips and he tried to stop the smile from rising onto his lips.
"Just never use another Pick-Up line again."
"Deal," He said and crept closer to you. Wade then ran into the living room and winked at the readers.
"Hey, readers? You know that you have about 206 bones in your body. Mind if I add one more?"
"WADE STOP!"