Chapter Thirty Three
I was hiding from the world in Sebastian's room.
Leo was working on putting the television up on the wall and I didn't have the heart or the courage to go through the rest of the house since it ran the risk of me coming face to face with one of its other occupants. So, I lay curled up in his bed, head on the pillow, eyes closed.
I tried not to feel self-aware but it was hard to disconnect when Sebastian himself was sitting on a love seat positioned just opposite the bed with his legs crossed at the knee, watching me. He'd been sitting there when I'd come back in and he hadn't said anything when I'd gotten back into his bed so I didn't really know what was on his mind, but then again, I never seemed to.
Down the hall I heard the sound of power tools and an occasional bang.
"So," he suddenly grunted; my heart leapt but I didn't open my eyes. "Fifteen years."
Huh? I wondered mentally, brow knitting slightly. Fifteen years?
"What?"
"That's a long time," Sebastian said quietly. "Especially for a relationship."
My stomach sank and I shivered involuntarily, hair standing on end. Discontentment flooded through me like a tsunami and I suddenly had a very hard time lying still. I didn't want to go there with him, not when we barely knew anything about each other.
"How did you hide it from him for so long?"
A stab went through my heart and I slowly opened my eyes, staring at the wall. He was persistent and I knew from experience that doing what he wanted would be safer than ignoring him.
"By doing so in plain sight," I quietly admitted. "I was deathly allergic to sunlight even before I was turned into what I am. I spent most of my early childhood in the hospital and my adolescence was spent in the dark."
"Explain how you met him," Sebastian ordered, and out of my peripherals I saw him shift slightly, resting his chin on his knuckles. "Tell me about everything, in depth."
I felt a sudden chill since I had no idea why he wanted to know about my previous boyfriend.
Confusion replaced the irritability as I puzzled over it and I swallowed, hands growing so clammy that I balled them into fists with my pulse throbbing harshly in my neck.
Fears of possible strangulation or dismemberment aside, I truly wondered if I should tell him anything about myself.
I was worried that doing so would backfire on me but I was also sure that not doing so might piss him off, and in the end the thought of that made me give in.
"I met him when I was twenty seven," I said in a voice that sounded nothing like me. "I used to go dancing every single night since I loved the clubbing scene, loved hanging out at bars, meeting people, laughing, being social and watching people have their own fun. We met at a club... I was out on the dance floor, running on an adrenaline high since my favorite song had come on, and suddenly he was just... there, hands on my hips, dancing with me."
I closed my eyes as the memory came back to me, bittersweet. I could still remember the feeling of his hands on my body, the smell of his cologne, the way he'd laughed, his roguish smile with that carelessly trimmed goatee, and those beautiful grey eyes looking down at me.
Seeing me.
Transfixed by me in a way that had nothing to do with the supernatural.
"He thought I was a girl when he came over to dance," I chuckled weakly, shaking my head, "but I corrected him pretty quick when he started flirting. He was fine with it, though, which surprised me until he told me he was bisexual... after that, we started talking and genuinely hit it off."
"You never answered my first question. How did you hide your vampirism from him?"
"Like I said, in plain sight," I muttered. "I told him right off the bat that I was allergic to sunlight and that I had extreme health issues but it didn't faze him. For the first six and half years of our relationship we lived in different homes and both had jobs so we really only got to spend time together on the weekends. That left all week for me to find blood donors."
"And when you lived in the same home?"
"I was honest about literally everything so he trusted me," I said simply. "We lived on different schedules. I slept during the day and woke up around seven in the evening after he'd already worked and eaten dinner, and then I spent the rest of the evening with him doing things like watching movies together, playing video games together, or... well, you know..."
When I trailed off, I could have sworn I heard a soft growl come from across the room.
I swallowed again.
"And your fangs?" he demanded. "If you were intimate with him for that long, he must have noticed them since they are literally impossible to hide."
"Cosmetic surgical implants," I said promptly. "Whenever someone notices my fangs, I tell them I had cosmetic work done to make me look like a vampire. He honestly thought it was hot. Never realized my fangs were the real deal until... the end."
"So, you lied."
"Only about that one thing, and my age. Those two issues aside, I never needed to hide my vampirism," I continued. "He knew I loved going on long walks and looking up at the stars because we did stuff like that together all the time in the beginning. Even in our later years we still did it when there was time so he never really questioned what I was doing when I decided to go out for my nighttime strolls. I was faithful, and devoted, and I truly loved him with a one-track mind, and he knew all of that, too, which is why he trusted me."
"So," Sebastian said in a guttural tone, "how did he find out? Did he catch you taking blood?"
"No, it was the passage of time that did it," I muttered, sagging into his mattress; I turned my head, strands of blonde hair falling across my nose. "He found out the same way my sister did. Every day he grew a little older, looked a little grayer, until he'd left his youth behind. Me? I don't age. I was turned into a vampire when I was a teen and my body can't move forward."
A heavy silence filled the air so I let out a sigh through my nose.
I didn't want to talk about this. It brought back too many feelings that had no outlet.
"Is he the one who gave you the scars on your hands and back?"
I instinctively clenched my palms even though he couldn't see them under the blanket. The memory of him coming at me with the knife, trying to protect my face, the acidic sting of the gashes across my palms, and then being stabbed not once but twice when I'd tried to run...
I shuddered and curled up a little more.
"Yes," I rasped. "He attacked me with a knife. I didn't get away in time."
Again, silence.
Why is he asking me all this? I wondered again. Is he trying to get to know me better?
"Why do you feel safe with me, then?" he growled, and I glanced at him to see his eyes were narrowed, but not in a threatening way; it was as if he were puzzling something through. "I've attacked you, hurt you, beat you, and even threatened your life on multiple occasions."
"What?" I asked, genuinely confused. "What do you mean, feel safe?"
"Last night, just before you fell asleep," Sebastian said, fiery eyes fixed on mine, "you said that you feel safe with me. Even drunkards aren't that stupid so there has to be a reason and I want to know what it is. Tell me, what is it about me that makes you feel safe?"
I blinked, wondering if he was serious, but his face clearly said that he was. I sat up and ran a hand through my hair, thinking about it honestly. Sure, I was still deathly afraid of him and also mad at him for dragging me into this freakish situation, but truth be told I did feel safe now.
He barked and growled and constantly prodded my psyche but he didn't want me dead, and he hadn't even hit me or gotten violent since the night I'd rejected Richard's blood.
Why did I feel safe with him?
Maybe it was his strength... the power he wielded, or maybe it was that he was always in control. Maybe it was the way he'd held me after he'd performed CPR on me, as if he would never let go, or the fact that I knew he didn't want me getting hurt even though he hated my guts.
Or maybe, just maybe, it was because I'd begun to see beneath the surface of his behavior.
I looked at the bedspread, squeezing the fabric of it in my fists, and sighed softly.
"I don't know," I said after a time. "I can't place why I feel that way. I know you're dangerous, I know you hate me, and your temper still really scares me, but you as a whole... don't."
His eyes flashed and he rose like a panther, looking down at me.
In little more than a snapped second he flew across the room and smashed into my chest, hands coming down on my shoulders so forcefully that I was slammed into his mattress. I bounced but couldn't move, it happened so fast that I had no time to process it.
His face was suddenly right there, razor-sharp teeth bared, eyes neon yellow, jaw cracking and popping, extending into something that didn't remotely look human. After a few moments of breathless shock and horror on my part, he narrowed those piercing eyes.
"Well?" he demanded in a gravelly tone. "Still feel safe, Vampire?"
My heart skipped a beat when his head snapped forward, extended jaw clamping around my throat completely. Teeth pricked my skin but it felt different from the previous times, far more threatening, more dangerous, as if he were truly about to bite down and kill me.
To say I didn't fear him would have been a lie because I did, but I think it was because I knew I was still afraid of him and fully accepted it that I figured out why he made me feel safe at the same time. It was strange, this realization, and it was very contradictory in nature.
"Yes," I said in a somewhat shaken tone. "I do. I'm scared of you but at the same time I feel safe, too... and I think I finally know why. I think by doing this you helped me figure it out."
"Oh?" he hissed, pulling back and glaring me down. "Do tell."
I took a deep breath and let it out, relaxing.
"There are a lot of reasons," I said with a small, sad smile, "all of them are jumbled up, too, but the biggest reason is that I've never been needed by anyone for any reason pretty much my whole life. Even with my first boyfriend... he didn't need me, either. Nobody did until you came along. As vicious, and frightening, and scary as you are, you need me."
"No, I don't," he spat. "I don't need a v---"
"Don't try to deny it," I flatly interrupted and to my muted surprise he fell silent. "I may look like a kid who has no idea what the hell is happening but I can assure you that I've been paying very close attention to everything you've done and said. You need me alive because you have a lot questions related to my vampirism and I also have this deep, profound suspicion that you want me alive and unharmed because you're looking for the same vampire who turned me."
"You make no sense. If anything, that's a reason to fear me further."
"Not really," I deadpanned, shaking my head yet again. "You're far older than me so I'm betting you understand what it's like to watch the world around you age and die. Based on what I've seen, to some degree... you and I are the same, Sebastian."
I heard a snarl and a heavy hand came down on my hair.
"I'm nothing like you," he seethed. "Don't ever compare me to the likes of you or--"
"Or what?" I asked softly. "You can bark, and growl, and get violent all you want to but I've already figured out a lot. If there's one thing I am, it's perceptive... you say you like being alone yet you run multi million dollar corporations and restaurants, which would involve a great amount of focus and social interaction, more than most people could handle."
"That's not--"
"Anything more than a distraction," I said a little more harshly. "You say you like being alone but you have a pack that relies on you, that openly loves and respects you, and I've seen with my own eyes that you love and care about them, too. You and I, we're almost exactly the same."
"In what way?!" he hissed dangerously. "I dare you to tell me what you think I'm like."
I finally met his eyes head-on, looking at the burning yellow behind those dark lashes.
"Deep down you hate what you are... and you're afraid of being alone," I said firmly, and then, with a strange amount of conviction, I added, "you bury yourself beneath distractions that never end because facing reality is beyond your comprehension, and because the younger werewolves look up to you for answers and support you can't even talk to them about your insecurities since you're the one who gives them stability. You're the pillar. So, you tell yourself you need to be strong and act like a hardass when all you really want is for someone to see your weaknesses and share them. You hate being alone, just like I do. You and I are the same, Sebastian."
His face reverted to normal with a crunch that made my stomach churn, eyes shooting open wide for a few seconds; those irises of his flared brightly, but then, shock was replaced with anger and he opened his mouth as if he were going to snarl something.
Only, he froze at the last second and stared blankly at my face, whatever he'd been about to utter dying in his throat.
He said nothing for the longest time, gaze flitting back and forth.
"You may hate me because of what I am," I continued when he said nothing, "but you're slowly starting to see me for who I am like I was hoping you would. You save my life when I really need it and when you go too far you try to fix what you did without doing so directly. These changes taking place in you here and there, from keeping me locked in a cell to giving me an actual room with things like clothes, a television, a new phone, all of that... they're proof of it."
He studied me carefully, caramel brow knitting itself into a serious frown.
"You," he said slowly, "are not in your right mind."
I snorted and raised an eyebrow as I uttered, "says the werewolf who uprooted my simple life, beat me for weeks, and decided to take me out of my home state after wreaking a lot of intense psychological havoc on me. No offense but I think that's one hell of a wild card, don't you?"
His eye twitched, hands tightening on my shoulders.
The sounds coming from down the hall were loud enough to cover his ragged breathing, enough to drown my thundering heart, but I hardly noticed since his right hand loosened and slid to my neck before cupping the side of it. His flesh warmed mine immensely and I basked in the feeling.
He was watching my reaction closely, though, so I refused to lean into his palm like I wanted to.
"I suppose it is," he muttered, finally pulling back and lunging off the bed like an animal; he dusted himself off and was just about to say something else when there was a knock on his door, which made both of us turn. "You may enter."
I watched as it slid open and Diana stepped inside.
"Food's ready," she said, glancing at me, but to my dismay her whole face stiffened up when she saw me lying in Sebastian's bed. "Feel free to come down and eat when you're ready."
"Thank you, Diana," Sebastian said curtly. "We'll be down shortly."
She nodded, casting one harsh glance back at me before she slid through the door, intentionally leaving it open. Without a word, Sebastian turned around and stalked over, gripping my wrist and forcibly pulling me out of bed. My limb looked lost, covered as it was by his palm, but I hardly noticed since he was looking at me with a stony expression.
"You're coming with me," he growled, eye twitching once or twice. "Let's go."
I mentally shrugged and didn't protest when he pulled me out of the room and down the hall, since I'd grown used to this type of behavior. I no longer had a say in anything that went on, so I didn't see a point in speaking out anymore. I stumbled when I was pulled down the stairs though since trying to keep up with Sebastian's long legs was harder on uneven flooring.
The kitchen was lively when we walked in.
Tiffany, Kyle, Jun, Richard, and Cassidy all turned to look at us when we entered, but returned to what they were doing almost immediately afterwards. I sighed when Sebastian finally let go of my wrist and robotically moved towards one of the empty chairs at the table.
I didn't know what time it was, but that didn't really matter to me anymore.
"I still say chocolate is better," Tiffany drawled, waving her spoon at someone. "The aftertaste is just as good as the initial flavor, and the sweetness levels are totally unmatched."
"Vanilla is just as sweet, but in a softer, creamier way," Cassidy, to my surprise, argued. "Not only that, but when actual chocolate pieces are added to it, it accents the flavor much, much better than having chocolate chunks on chocolate ice cream."
"But I like chocolate better!"
"And you can!" Cassidy agreed. "I just think you're crazy for it."
"Ugh, you would," Tiffany grumped, shoveling a large spoonful of vanilla ice cream into her mouth. "Next time, we're getting chocolate!"
"Keep dreaming," Cassidy said flatly, but she looked at the blonde with affection regardless.
I watched the exchange over my arms, which I'd buried most of my face in. Jun, Richard, and Kyle were eating their food in silence, basically tuning everyone else out, and Sebastian was inhaling a plate heaped with a huge pile of chicken stir-fry. I heard the door open and saw Diana come in out of my peripherals, but instead of sitting down she moved over to the kitchen sink.
She hovered there, washing some dishes as she hummed a tune I didn't recognize, but the music caught my ear immediately since it was a very pretty song written in minor key, but with parts that bled into the hopeful major scale. My damp spirits felt a little brighter listening to it.
"Something on your mind, Aerin?"
I jumped, startled, and turned to see Kyle smiling at me faintly, but rather than admit my real thoughts I gestured at the tall woman and asked, "do you know what she's singing?"
Kyle cocked his head to the side, red hair falling over his face as he did, and listened. "Oh, I know that one, its a little retro ditty called 'Falling Rain.'"
"Are there lyrics?" I asked, mildly interested.
"Of course there are lyrics," he said, blinking. "I don't know the song word for word, but it's about wanting rain to wash all the bad away, let plants grow, end wars, that sort of thing."
"It's pretty," I said, listening again. "I'll have to ask her to teach it to me sometime"
Diana instantly paused and looked at me over her shoulder with narrowed eyes.
"Teach you?" she demanded. "What sort of vampire would want to learn a song from a werewolf?"
Everyone in the room paused; nobody looked up, but hands did stop mid-way to mouths, and Jun even set his fork down and waited, staring at his plate. I looked at her, at the poorly hidden animosity in her stare, and decided to answer her as honestly as possible.
"I would," I said a little uncertainly. "Music is one of my biggest passions."
"It is?" Kyle asked; he sat facing me, elbows leaning on knees, head and shoulders stooped so that his eyes were only slightly below mine. The stance made me very aware of his height: sitting straight, he far overreached me. "Do you know any retro songs like Diana?"
"Hundreds, by heart," I said without a second thought. "If you want, I'll sing a few of them for you tomorrow."
His face lit up like a Christmas tree.
"I'd like that!" he exclaimed, grinning broadly. I smiled myself but was kept from further comment since Leo chose that moment to come into the kitchen. I turned, planning on asking how the set-up was going when I caught sight of Richard and held myself back. He seemed extremely tense with his clenched jaw, narrowed eyes, and line-thin mouth.
He really hates me, I thought to myself, shaking my head; Kyle, too, seemed to notice and sighed, stretching his hand across the table in an effort to take his. Without warning, the man slapped his fingers away and bared his sharp teeth.
"Don't touch me," he hissed, getting up from the table and backing off a step, almost seeming to be writhing beneath his skin. "Not now."
Kyle looked hurt, eyes wide, brows furrowed as he said, "but, Dicky---"
"Enough!" the scarred man snarled, clenching his fists. "I've had it."
Sebastian narrowed his eyes and set down his fork, looking as if he were going to say something, but to my surprise, someone else beat him to it.
"You've had it?" Cassidy hissed, instantly standing up; she towered over him so much that she had to bend down just to get up in his face. "Here's a newsflash, Dick, we've all had it! We're all pissed about this, but you don't see me taking my anger out on Diana, do you?"
"You also don't have to see her being friendly with it," he snapped; Cassidy instantly advanced on him with murder in her eyes.
"You apologize to Kyle right now or so help me, Dick, I'll—"
"You'll what? Attack me?" he sneered, spreading his arms. "Go ahead, Dyke."
"Oi, watch your mouth when you're talking to my wife," Diana growled from across the room, eyes flaring neon yellow instantly, "otherwise it'll be you and me who end up going at it."
"Okay, you all need to chill!" Tiffany shrilled, staring at them with a tight face. "Aren't we, like, supposed to be family?! Can't we work through this like normal people?!"
"Shut up, you artificial sow," Richard spat; she gaped at him with a look of wounded shock on her face, and Kyle's eyes went very, very wide. He started to say something, probably to try and diffuse the situation, but Richard glared at him and he fell silent.
"That was crossing a line," Leo said lowly, drawing everyone's attention. "Richard, you need to control your temper. Whether you like it or not, Aerin is here to stay."
"Then you know what?" Richard said, and all of a sudden his face became calm. "I'm gonna take Kyle and the two of us will leave. I'm not going to stay here and watch it happen again."
Everyone save for Sebastian gaped at him, thunderstruck by the open display of rebellion, but before anyone could say another word he turned on his heel and left the room, paying Kyle's protests no heed. With a cry of his name, the redhead bolted to his feet and chased after him. Cassidy looked down at her hands, Leo leaned against the wall with his eyes shut tight, and when Diana cursed and left, too, Tiffany suddenly looked as if she were about to cry.
The tension in the room lingered long after Richard left.
I did my best not to look at anyone.
"I'll go talk to him," Sebastian said at last, and he stood up to stretch. He gazed down at me for a second, eyes unreadable. "I'll see what I can do to calm him so he doesn't act rashly."
"I don't know, Bash," Jun said lowly, speaking for the first time in a while. "He seemed serious."
"Then I'll remind him of why he put his faith in me to begin with," Sebastian countered. "We'll probably fight a bit since going at it tends to zap the tension out of him, and he needs that."
Cassidy's lips quirked. "Try not to wreck the yard."
"It's my house," he said flatly, setting a hand on my shoulder before leaving me alone with the other werewolves. I felt the warmth of his hand against my skin long after he left.