Austin and I then went to hang out at his house. He wanted to put away his new guitar. "There it looks great right next my old one." he says.
"Yeah. I'm happy you like it so much." I say.
"So, I wanted to talk to you about some thing." he says.
"Oh right," I say, "Si what did you want to talk about?"
"Uh, it's about. My dad, both of them." he says. "I talked, and it turns out that I will be going with Daneil. I need to get to know him. He may be my biological father, but my that stuck up guy with a bad hair cut will always be my father." he laughs.
I laugh too, but it soon fades, "So only two months right?" I say.
"Yeah. But he says I can come stay with him when ever I want." he says.
"Great." I sigh.
"Are you ok?" he asks.
I sit down on his bed, "I'm going to miss you. A lot." I sigh.
"No you won't, besides you got Kendal." he says.
I start laughing, "Trish didn't tell you?"
"No, why are laughing?" he asks.
"I broke up with him," I say, "You didn't know?" he shakes his head, "Oh. Well yeah I broke up with him. And I'm going to miss you like crazy." I smile to him.
He smiles then frowns, "I can't take it any more." he says on a way wanting to yell.
I'm taken back for a minute, "Can't take what?" He gets up and walks to the other side of the room, "Austin?"
"You, ok. I can't take it any more!" he starts to raise his voice.
I'm terrified by the way he yells, "What do you mean you can't take me any more?" I ask. "Austin tell me." I walk over to him, he won't say any thing at all. He can't even make eye contact with me, "Fine don't tell me. I'll just leave."
He slams the door shut, "You're the one who can't tell me," he says, "Tell me the truth. Do you love me or not?" he looks deadly into my eyes.
"N-not. I don't love, you." I stuttered, "I have to go." I say. I reach for the door nob but he gabs me by the arm.
"Then why did you say it? Why did you say you loved me?" he desperately says while holding my hand.
"I-I didn't." I say.
"Yes. Last night when I carried you to your room. Before I left, you said you loved me!" he cries, "Don't you remember. You were preety much asleep. But you still said it, why you say it if you didn't mean it!"
I don't remeber what he's talking about. I remember getting home, but it's a complete blank, "I don't rememeber that?" I answer.
"But do love me?! Just answer me truthfully, I need to know!" he yelling in my face.
I get so frightend I nearly fall, "It's won't work out," I say now crying, "Every thing will just be one big mess."
He starts to release his grip on my arm, "What do you mean?"
"It'll end just like them. Painful, and lonely. I can't go through that again! I can't deal with so many broken hearts! I can't always put it back together!" I cry. I let my years flood from my face. I sit down with my knees up to my face. I hide my face from him, I didn't want to look at him.
"What are you talking about broken hearts. And pain, what won't you tell me. What is it that you won't tell me?" he sits next me begging for me to answer him, "That's not fair. I tell you about my fathers, and my brother, Why can't you tell me. Amy its not-"
"It's not fair! I know I know." I cut him off, "It just hurts to talk about it. Especially if I talk about with you?"
"Why? I tell you every thing cause your the easiest person who I can tell every thing to." he says, he pulls my hands away from my face.
"I look up you. I look up to you more than any one else." I say, "I don't want oh to see me like this. I feel ashamed." I say, holding back the tears that are now at this point pounding against my eyes.
"Ally I want you to tell me every thing. Please, I care do much about you. Please tell me?" he says wiping away the few tears from my checks.
I open my eyes an I see his, I wrap my arms around him, "Ok, I'll tell you." I say holding tight. "Just in a minute ok. I just want to feel your hugs right now."
After a get myself together we sit back down on his bed. I cris cross my legs, and I try to starts talking, "My parents were together since high school. They were a little bit older then we are now." I say, "They were so in love. It was amazing how much they loved each other. My father told me that want brought them more together was their love for music. Every one said that they were the perfect music couple." I sigh towards the end of that part.
"That sounds familiar," Austin says, "People would call us that rememeber?"
"Yeah, I do. And I hated it?" I say.
"You did? Why?" he asks. "What do your parents have to do with all this?"
" Just listen ok... So they were crazy about each other. And they inspired each other to write music, they felt that music and them made the perfect match. Then they fainally got married, and years later, I was born." I say, "It's was so perfect. My mom, dad, and I. We were the music family. All the day and night we were living together in a small home filled with love, and music. My mother was the one who actually showed me to love music."
He laughs a little, "Your mom? She didnt seem to enjoy it much."
"Cause she changed!" I burst out, "Every thing changed. My mother started to care more about money, and luxury. She couldn't stand living in a small home, she was so annoyed with our talentless tunes. She didn't want to play an instrument, or want to sing me to sleep. It was like living with a stranger." I say. I let out a few more tears.
I then start again, "Then one day, she decideds none of this means to her any more. She told me to get over my silly dreams, to just wake up. She left my father, she decided she didn't love him any more. I was so lost after that. I couldn't find my insperation, cause she had left. She was the one to teach me so much, about music, she inspired me. And it all just crashes down, every thing goes crazy!"
"It's ok, calm down," Austin quickly wraps his arms around me, "It's ok, just relax." he calms be back down.p
"When my mother left, I found it so hard to play music. I could not find the courage to play in front of people. I knew, that if my mother saw me, she would just look down upon me. Look at me as a disappointment. I failed to her, as a daughter. And it's scares me so much to fail, to her."
"That's why you have stage fright." he says. I shake my head , "Nonyoure not a dissapointment. But what does this have to do with us. This love thing?" he asks.
"That's the other half of my pain." I say. "My parents were so in love. It was crazy, and before my mother was so in love with my father. She said it nearly thousands of times a day. I found old videos of them, talking, laughing, playing music. They were crazy for each other. I saw how much she cared, and then she throes it away. She forgets about us, about my dad! About how hard he had tryed to keep a roof over our head. About how much he loved her. And that didn't mean any thing to her." I cry to Austin. "For years I had to watch my father fall apart beacause how much my mom hurt him. Hears of just painful times. I couldn't get him to smile for a year! I fel lonely, I felt abandoned. I felt, hatread! I couldn't stand my mother. She had distroyed my fathers heart! And I can not go through that again."
Austin grabs my hand kisses it softly, "How could that happen again?" he asks.
"I'm my father, and you my mother." I answer.
"What?"
"It's going to turn out like them." I say.
He shakes his head, "Wait a minute. You think I'm going to leave you?"
"You were amazed at my mothers home. You were trappedion that life of luxury, you are like my mom. The one that wants, and diserves better."I finally let myers say this, "Austin. I love you." his eye go wide.
"What?"
"I love you. I've been in love with you for a while. I just could never say it."
"This is great, this is awsome" he says, "We can be together-"
"No. We can't it won't work out" I say cutting him off.
"But I love, you love." he says.
"Austin. You say that now, what about in five years? My parents are just like us, they were so in love. I found pictures and love letters. My dad just poured out his heart to my mother, and she threw that away. After so many yeas." I cried.
He takes my hands in his, holding them tight, "Ally, I will never leave you."
"My mother left because she felt she disereved better than my dad. You disereve to be wih some one better." I say.
"Why do people keep saying that!" he says.
"Cause it's true," I answer, "You may not see how specail you are, but I do. I could see it from the moment I met you. You're so kind hearted, and talented. I don't want you to settle down." I say.
"Please stop saying that. I see you as the amazing one." he looks at me smiling.
I try to smile, but I can't, "I'm too scared to get hurt again. My mom was my inspiration for music. And then I lost it, then I found you. Every thing started to feel good again. But if I lose you, every thing will go back to a shadow. It's scary, I feel abandoned, broken hearted. I can't play music in front of people, I don't want to lose music all together." I explain to him why this can't work out.
"I wish you could see that I won't leave you." he hugs me tightly, "Please let me love you." he begs.