Luke:
It was like a hurricane, how it all happened so fast, how it damaged everything. I wasn't prepared for this, no I was lost and disordered, I still fucking am honestly. There's nothing, absolutely nothing I can do to fix this, to even make it have some sort of sense. It feels like I have a trigger to my head and I'm tied down to a chair, I can't escape this disaster. I want to cry, oh fuck does the taste of drowning myself in alcohol instead of watching Blaze crumble sound so pleasing but I can't. I have to be there for her, I can't leave her again, I just can't.
From the moment I sat on Blaze's kitchen floor choking on my sobs as my eyes studied her lifelessly lay on a gurney, I knew I loved her. I fought everyday with the fact that my heart skipped a beat when her name was said, but now there's no denying it. The idea of damaging my reputation crushed to pieces as the hours in the waiting room dragged. I had to get over myself, I had to deal with the problems I made, and I did within 24 hours. And I guess this is some sort of karma, how within seconds someone, who I didn't even know meant the whole world to me, decided to attempt taking away her value life as I watched. Almost losing her, and demolishing friendships I had for years built up to who I became now, a sleepless, anxious teenager. Hell I deserve this.
As the dreadful morning skies piled over my house, I elevated myself up from my bed. My head felt heavy as the low temperatures crashed against my bare torso, having goosebumps rise to my skin. I shook it off, my hair covering my dull eyes as I strode out of my room. The fragrant smell of coffee and the ticking of the oven sent no rush of happiness as I entered the kitchen. I slowly leaned against the counter, my mother grinned at me, trying to look okay as she watched me weaken by the days.
"Good morning Luke." My mom welcomed me, her voice gentle and caring, handing me a cup of newly brewed coffee. "No sleep again?"
"Not even a wink." I plumped my body into the nearest chair as I witnessed my father walking towards me.
"Lucas." He said, positioning himself in front of me. His eyes were unsympathetic and no smile dared to surface his face. "Why are you not sleeping?"
"How could I explain that Dad. Nothing I'm about to say would satisfy you." I told him, crossing my arms over my exposed chest.
"For this girl?' He muttered disgustingly.
"She's not just some girl." I barked, rolling my eyes.
"Dear lord." He turned his head to my mother who tried to distract herself from stirring her drink continually. "He's doing this for a girl whose head is screwed off! He's destructing his body for a girl who won't matter in ten years tops! Liz don't you despise this!"
"Don't talk about her like that! And don't get Mom involved!"I howled, watching my mother wince. "What did she ever do to you? Make your son happy?" I quizzically asked him, resentment sweltering inside of me.
"Luke please don't be rude to your Father. You're just tired honey." My mother begged, her eyes watery.
I pushed my chair backwards, not even bothering to take my steaming cup. "This guy?" I huffed pointing to him. "Please I'm just a fucking money maker to him."
My eyes didn't meet his as I raged over to the closet. I rummaged through it, attempting to find anything to cover my skin from the severe temperatures and mountains of snow. A navy sport sweatshirt brushed against my shaking hand and I grabbed it like it was my life saver. Throwing it over my head, my free hand snatched my keys and wallet on the small table next to it. Walking away my father halted my actions to kiss my mother goodbye.
"How are you even going to see her Lucas? You don't think! This isn't going to work out! Lucas you obliviously don't know anything about relationships if you cheated on a beautiful girl like Tiffany! Do something you're good at! Like going on the field! God Lucas I've never been so disappointed in you! And dammit you don't even have shoes on!" My father shouted from his seat, my mother was quick to shush him.
I think the worst feeling in the world is when your parents or parent don't stand up with you for something you believe in. His words hit hard, but my mind was focus on seeing Blaze. Using my head, I made my way back to the closet with my head up high and stuffed my feet into my scruffy black vans. Before my hand reached the surface of the glass knob to the front door I looked back at him. I thought I had my anger under control, till I opened up my mouth.
"You know Dad, maybe I'm young. Fuck I am! But for these past five days I haven't slept, I've gotten ready at six, I've taken a bus to the hospital and I sweet talk her parents every fucking morning before I can see her. And you know why? It's because I love her! And when you love someone you do anything, fucking anything for them!" My voice sounded like venom and my fist tightly formed into a ball.
I shook my head, swinging the door open to the rush of awakening air. I wanted the temperatures to numb my skin, to feel nothing. Because with all these emotions, suffocating me and confusing the hell out of me, it would be nice to feel nothing. And that's what happened when my cheeks turned into a crimson color and my ears burned while the wind growled into them as I wandered over to the lonely bus stop.
Maybe I was crazy, maybe my father was right, but in this moment I was whipped. And fucking shit, I wouldn't want to be anything else.
--
The route to her personal hospital room was etched into my mind. Even her schedule and visiting times were set into my phone. The sounds of the infuriating monitors and optimistic colors bursting off of notice papers became something my eyes and ears were habituated to. Something I was never prepared for, was the wretchedness and crooked smile that washed over Blaze's beautiful face every day.
Her door was already opened as I walked in, her sea blue eyes memorized by a television show.
"Good morning bubs." I greeted her, slouching into an uncomfortable chair next to her bed.
She peeled her eyes away from her show, looking directly at me. Her wide eyes scanned my face, a negative shake of her head making my stomach churn. "Luke you promised me you were going to sleep! "She groaned, her lips dropping into a pout.
I flicked her bottom lip with my finger, laughing at her startled expression. "I did sleep." I lied.
"Fucking shit! Don't lie to me, that's all I ever hear anymore!"
"I'm sorry Blaze, I just hate seeing a beautiful person so sad." I told her.
"Oh shut up!" She hissed, her cheeks rosy as she nudged my shoulders. "I have no makeup on, my hair is messily tied up, I'm wearing an old, yucky looking sweatshirt and I have boxers on!" She protested.
"Blaze, if you were rolling around in garbage, with mud in your hair and no teeth to be found in your mouth, I'd still think you'd be the most beaut-"
"Okay Luke, you're getting a little too corny" She giggled, sliding over her bed, patting my usual side.
I compiled, kicking off my shoes as I lifted myself next to her. The warmth that swarm along the diverse blankets felt amazing against my frigid skin. She laid back, pushing down my chest so her head could rest there. My hand immediately crawled to her forehead, where strands of hair draped over it. I wrapped them around my finger, gently twisting them as her breaths became lighter.
No words could express her beauty as she leisurely positioned herself onto my chest. Everything about her was gorgeous. From the tip or her pointy nose, down to her flushed cheeks and chin, everything was angel like. Her light snores and the faint sound of two women arguing on her television was the sound I fell asleep too. And it felt great, to have the girl I was falling for on top of me and finally being able to close my eyes and drift away from my emotions.
--
"Hey Luke." Blaze's tired tone woke me up.
"Yes Blaze?" I asked groggily. My back ached from the space I had on her hospital bed but I kept quiet, knowing I would do anything to be near her.
"I don't feel quite right." She admitted, I automatically sat up, my elbows sinking into her pillow.
"Should I get a nurse?" I asked slight nervous.
"No I just- I want to cut." She breathily admitted, her eyes casted towards her pale wrist.
"Blaze," I hesitated to pick the right words, my hands fumbling with her small one. "Fucking shit Blaze. Don't baby- fuck I mean Blaze. Don't hurt yourself. Tomorrow, it's Christmas Eve and I'm going to stay with you all night just to be the first one to scream in your ears saying Merry Christmas." I poked her pointy nose, watching her frown blossom into a beautiful smile.
"Thank you." She yawned. "Thank you for- saving me."
"I didn't save you." I said, sliding back into my old position.
"Luke my parents would of thought I was having an attack if it wasn't for you coming in." Her words sent chills down my spine.
"Let's not talk about that day." I swallowed. "Let's just go back to sleep, I have to leave soon."
"Okay." She smiled.
"Okay." I nodded my head, dropping my arm around her waist.
While she closed her eyes from the darkness of her world, I admiringly watched her. Because no amount of sleep could compare to the relaxation I receive when I'm near her.
---
Alright so Luke's back, we finally know what's going through the fucker's mind.
Bluke is great tbh.
Oh and thank you for all the reading, voting, and commenting you guys do for my book. I've had some people say my book is their favorite and that honestly makes me really happy! So yeah love you all lots!!
Question of the day:
Michael eyebrow piercing? yes or no?
YES YES YES IT'S BEAUTIFUL
GUYS I JUST GOT THE TWEET FOR THE AMNESIA MUSIC VIDEO AND IT LOOKS LIKE LUKE IS THE LOVE INTEREST WITH HER! MIND YOU I WRITE MY AUTHOR'S NOTE HOURS BEFORE I PUBLISH
let's see if we can get 50+ votes 15+ comments and 240+ reads
Stay fabulous and listen to lots of music :)