Chapter Twenty One
Leo and Sebastian left the kitchen not long after that for reasons they did not disclose. It had been so awkward that I'd wanted to go back to the room immediately after everyone was done eating, but shortly thereafter, Tiffany had asked me to help her wash the dishes.
Since it was better than being ogled at and twiddling my thumbs, I'd accepted.
So now I was washing the dishes with Tiffany at the sink while Diane and Kyle sat at the kitchen table and Cassidy puttered around the room like a wind-up toy whose mechanisms had been stretched to the breaking point. The silence was filled with the sounds of running water and rapidly pacing feet, which made my hair stand on end for several obvious reasons.
"Do you really think it's wise for Sebastian to allow a leech right into our home?" the agitated brunette suddenly demanded. "How can he stand to let one reside among us?!"
Diane frowned; I, on the other hand, had the same question floating around in my head since leaving me alone in a room full of werewolves who obviously hated the fact that I was there didn't seem smart no matter how hard I tried to rationalize it.
I dropped the plate I was washing into the soapy water with a 'plop' of displaced suds and they splashed Tiffany a little but she only scoffed and splashed me back before wiping herself off with a dish rag.
"Bash says this one's no threat," Diane said, and Cassidy stopped in her tracks to put her hands on the table, "and after what happened last night, I'm not about to go against his wor—"
"I get the point," Cassidy interrupted, "but what if its a ruse? What if the leech is part of a coven?"
"Do you really think he'd be alive right now if he were with a coven?" Kyle quietly asked, and both women fell silent, staring at his calm, sleepy-eyed face. "Vampires kill off their weak."
"Well, maybe they've gotten smart and are using this one as a spy," Cassidy snapped, glaring at me; I hadn't noticed that I had stopped washing the dishes until then. "They could have taken their weakest leech and planted him in Bash's path, knowing he would show the fucker mercy!"
"Or," I finally drawled, returning to washing the dishes, "I could have simply been taken from my home and brought here against my will even though I'm clearly not a threat to anyone. Not like you'd believe me, though. I want to get out of here just as much as you want me gone."
Everyone looked at me; Tiffany's expression said 'Are you crazy?!'
"Don't speak to me, leech," Cassidy hissed, eyes neon yellow. "Hold your vile tongue."
I set the dish down and turned around, looking her dead in the eyes.
"What happens when you come to discover that I was innocent all along?" I plainly asked. "Because its not a matter of if, its a matter of when."
"What are you getting at?" Diane asked slowly.
"Exactly what you're thinking," I said, giving her a glance before I shook my head and turned back around. "Anyone normal would have come to hate you people bad enough to want to hurt you if they were in my shoes, even if they hadn't started out feeling that way."
"Are you threatening u--"
"I'm not that stupid," I flatly interrupted, calmly scrubbing off the next plate, "but to be fair, if I were to start saying terrible things about you despite you sitting right there, you'd be on my ass in little more than a second so I don't think its fair that you're doing exactly that to me. Can you at least wait until I'm not in the room anymore if you're going to talk shit about me? Please?"
Silence filled the air for a long time.
"You know?" Tiffany suddenly drawled, smirking at them. "He makes a good point."
Cassidy huffed but sat down beside Diane and said nothing else. I washed the dishes in silence, hands moving through the soapy water, yellow sleeves pushed up to my elbows. I sighed through my nose, staring at nothing, fingers scrubbing automatically.
I was lost in my own head with half-formed visions of what had been done to me so far flitting through it. It was unreal how much had happened in such a short amount of time. I tossed a stray strand of hair over my shoulder and kept scrubbing, trying to lose myself.
Lose myself I did not.
With a sudden bang that made the female werewolves behind me bolt upright, Sebastian stormed into the kitchen with no warning whatsoever and grabbed my splinted arm, jerking me around. I jumped when I found myself staring into a set of furious-looking yellow irises.
"Come with me," he growled, turning and pulling me away from the sink. "Now."
"W-wait, hold on! The plate!" I squeaked, trying to put the soaked porcelain dish back in the sink and failing; Tiffany darted after us and snatched it, to my relief, but whatever else I could have seen after that was obscured by the wall as I was dragged out of the kitchen.
I hobbled after Sebastian, looking at his bulging neck and the curly hair at the nape of it, and a chill swept through my belly as I looked at the hand clamped around my arm. I still couldn't get over how large he was... he was powerfully built, tall, and every limb on his body dwarfed mine.
He led me down several halls, taking multiple twists and turns, and then up a flight of carpeted stairs before dragging me down another long hallway with multiple doors. I stumbled in an attempt to keep my balance as he pulled me through the corridor and made a final turn down another long hall with no visible exits aside from two huge doors at the very end of it.
A shiver went through me since he was heading right for them.
"Where are we going?" I asked, trying to keep up with his long-legged stride.
He stopped mid-step, grip tightening... then he let go and turned around, putting a single hand on my chest and using it to push me against the wall. My shoulders bunched to my ears on reflex when he slammed his hands down on either side of my head and leaned down.
His eyes met mine, forcing unwanted eye contact.
"I told you not to bare your throat ever again," he said in a slow, drawling rumble, "but you did.... and not only did you do it again, you did it during the night of the full moon."
"Bare my throat?" I asked, eyes widening. "I didn't bare my thr--"
His head snapped forward.
My heart skipped a beat and my entire body jerked but my mind disconnected for a moment as the heat washed across my lips. I stood there, frozen, pulse pounding in my ears, cheeks growing hot, dazed beyond comprehension as I was kissed like I'd never been kissed before.
And then I saw his eyes, showing more wild emotion than I had ever seen possess another person's face, and before I realized what was happening I kissed him back like I was a drowning person and he was air. It was by no means a chaste thing, but for some reason it did not strike me as sexual at all. It was exploratory and desperate, something borne out of a desire to understand without understanding in the slightest, a need to feel the truth for a brief instant and then force it away so I wouldn't have to look at it again.
The kiss was a defense mechanism, a means through which I could shove an ugly possibility—not a truth, but a possibility—under a rug... and shove it away I did, with more gusto than I thought possible under the circumstances. I got lost in him, ignoring the painful reality of how wrong this was in favor of analyzing the way his mouth felt on mine, the taste and scent and feel of him, unadulterated and pure, and the way his hands pressed into my back like he could force me inside his own skin, all cool heat and calm chaos and controlled madness and...
And I didn't understand.
Why?
He hated me more than anything else in the world.
He was violent, cruel... he'd literally destroyed my home and kidnapped me, brought me to another state against my will... so, why? Why this? Why now? Why do the one thing that my heart couldn't take? Why make me hope for something that would never work?
Tears filled my eyes, unbidden, and his lips froze.
Those burning irises stared at mine for what felt like an eternity before he pulled back, still pinning me against the wall, still taking my breath away. I was breathless; my lips stung, but my face burned more than any other part of me. I hadn't realized it until then, but I was also trembling, the actual knee-jerk reaction sort of trembling that made my limbs shake.
"I don't understand," I rasped. "I'm a guy... I'm a vampire, too. You hate me, you said so yourself, and I know you would rather just kill me and be done with this, so... why?"
His face was impassive.
Without a word, he slowly pressed his lips against mine a second time and the world went white. My eyes fluttered closed and my toes curled, hands coming up to ball in his shirt as the world shifted. My legs turned to jelly and I would have fallen over, but the wall held me up.
This was madness.
Madness.
I was lost in a daze when he finally pulled back and brought his lips to my ear.
"I'm at war with myself," he whispered in a slow, vicious tone. "The man in me hates you, the rational side is screaming to get away, that this is the lowest thing I've ever done, but the animal in me is singing, telling me this is what's right, this is the path I must follow... that you are mine."
His hand slid to the side of my throat, through my hair.
I stared at the wall through eyes that saw nothing.
It was like I'd disconnected, like my brain had powered off, because nothing felt real... nothing but the hurt that swept through me, that is, and boy... his words pitched me from euphoric and heavily aroused right into a feeling of bitterness and despair that made me feel sick.
"Get away from me," I said blankly, almost robotically, no emotion lacing my tone; he pulled away, staring at my face with narrowed eyes, but I was a void, a veritable star that had imploded under the gravity of its own making in a single instant and become an empty black hole. "I'm not yours... I'll never be yours, regardless of what you do to me."
His hand fisted in my hair.
"I don't want you either."
"Then stay away from me," I croaked, voice falling to a whisper. "I'd never let myself be with a man who can kiss me so passionately one moment and then say only a second later that it was the most undignified thing he's ever done. The level of insult goes off the charts."
The expression on his face shifted slightly, irises growing darker than amber for the first time.They rapidly flitted across my features, back and forth as his hand slid from my neck to my shoulder, then lower, down across my arm.
"I didn't... I... I just... you... don't understand," he muttered. "I want you... and to not fight against my advances. I want this to be... simpler."
"Your advances?" I somehow managed to force out; I shivered when he licked his lips, fingers tightening on my arms. "You mean you're going to start sexually harassing me?!"
"What?! No! I... I just... fuck," was his panted response. He opened his mouth to say more, but that was when company showed up.
"Bash?" said a harsh, insistent voice that cut through the stillness like a spade. My head whipped around to see Richard standing at the end of the hallway, scarred face murderous, and I felt a horrible chill creep over me when I realized that he was glaring at the two of us.
Sebastian didn't stand up, or even push away... if anything, he came closer.
"Dick," he greeted, finally looking away from me. "I'm busy. What do you need."
Richard took a step forward, fists clenched, sharp teeth instantly being bared.
"I saw what you were busy with!" the bald man spat. "Fuck, I can smell it all over you, can see it on your face... but what I want to know is why, out of all the people in this world, it had to be this... this fucking leech. This is why you brought him back, isn't it? You're--"
"We'll discuss this elsewhere," Sebastian coldly interrupted, and to my confusion, he finally pulled away from me; with a glance at me, he pointed at the door behind me. "Your new room is through there. All of the belongings you brought along with you are in there on the bed."
I blinked, watching through muggy vision as he lumbered away from me and set a hand on Richard's shoulder. He leaned close to the man's ear and whispered something I couldn't hear, but without a word, they both turned and vanished around the corner.
I was left standing there against the wall, hair hanging across my face in disheveled strands, wondering what the fuck had just happened and more importantly, why it had happened. I opened the double doors and walked into the new room, blankly looking around, and then, I collapsed, knees giving out as the shock finally caught up with me.
My shoulders sagged and my head hung low, curtains of fine blonde hair sweeping across my vision, hiding the rest of the world. I felt tired. Emotionally exhausted, tired of it all, and more than anything else in the world, I wanted to go back home. I probably would have started crying if a warm hand hadn't slid between my shoulders, firm but not unkind.
I didn't even bother looking up to see who it was, I didn't care, so I closed my eyes and turned my head away as another hand came down on top of it, thick fingers lightly dusting my hair.
"Please," I said quietly, not moving, not even having the strength to. "Please... leave me alone."
The hand on my head quivered for a second.
"I understand what you're going through," a male voice murmured. "So, I won't."
Kyle. The quiet one.
Why was he up here? Had he followed us? Had he seen what had just happened?
"How could you understand?" I bleakly asked, giving the barest shake of my head. "These last few weeks have been literal hell, you know. I was assaulted and attacked multiple times, I was blackmailed into giving up my home on a death threat, I was almost raped by another vampire, and then I was brought here against my will, and I was almost ripped to shreds because of it."
Silence filled the air for the longest time, but his hand didn't move and I could feel the warmth of it through my sweater, a blooming patch of heat that soothed the knotting back there.
"I understand because that's what happened to me," Kyle said, and I stiffened, instantly paying him more attention. "I've been living in this house for about twenty years now, but back when I was first turned I had no idea what was wrong with me because I black out whenever I shift."
The warmth on my back faded as the pressure moved, sliding around to my shoulder.
I finally raised my head and watched through my hair as he limped his way around my prone form and carefully set himself down on the floor directly in front of me. His fingers slid from my shoulder to clasp my left hand, thumb dusting the make-shift splint Sebastian had made.
His actions, however, confused me.
"Why are you here?" I asked, and his narrow amber eyes lifted, meeting mine from beneath heavy-set bushy red eyebrows. I noticed, then, that freckles covered his entire face, sprinkled across skin the color of milk. His nose was broad, his lips were thin, and his jaw, wide.
He was a handsome man.
I hadn't really noticed it since Sebastian and Leo were almost godly and tended to draw my eyes far more than any of the other werewolves that I'd seen so far, but now that I was seeing Kyle up close, I was actually amazed that I hadn't realized just how cute he was.
"I'm here because, as I said, I understand what you're going through," he said, squeezing my hand slightly; those eyes didn't blink, but I could see that he was being sincere. "It'll be hard at first since they'll be tense around you, but Tiffany isn't the only one who thinks you're all right."
The genuinity in his words almost made me break down and cry, but I held it in.
"Will I really be all right?" I asked a little thickly. "Will I even make it out of this alive?"
His hand tightened on mine and he tilted his head, flaming bangs falling across his eyes; he flipped them back so he could see me properly, but his gaze was intense.
"I don't know," he told me softly, and I lowered my head again. "I don't know. All I can tell you is that you need to avoid angering the other people in the house. Stay quiet, keep your head down, and just go with the flow and eventually they'll get used to you. It's how I made it through."
A pang went through me and I lost it.
I was in motion before I knew what was happening, my arms wrapping around his neck, my face burying in his soft shoulder. He jumped when I lunged at him, and jumped again when I finally started crying, but after a second, he relaxed a bit and his hands rubbed my back.
To be honest, I needed this.
More than anything else in the world, more than air, more than life, I needed a hug, comfort, reassurance, because I had never felt more trapped and alone than I did right then, even when I'd been a kid living in a closet thanks to a psychotic and highly unstable mother.
"Shhh, I've got you," Kyle murmured, patting my heaving back. "I'm on your side."
It took me a minute to stop crying, but when I did, I swallowed hard and raised my head, roughly running my hands over my face to wipe it dry.
"I'm sorry," I mumbled, shaking my head, "for jumping on you like that, I mean."
He shook his head, and for the first time, I saw him smile.
It was small, but real, and it made his dark blonde eyes twinkle a bit.
"My shoulder is here whenever you need it," he said honestly, mussing up my hair. "Also, if you ever have questions about stuff, don't hesitate to ask me."
A question did come to mind, but I was hesitant to ask, which he noticed.
I eventually managed to gather up the courage, somehow.
"Sebastian," I said, clipped, awkward. "So... uh, not to be weird, but is... is he... you know, gay?"
Kyle did a double take and stared at me with genuine shock on his face.
"Not that I'm aware of," he said slowly, then frowned and added, "but I wouldn't really know what he's interested in, so don't take me at face value. He's very, very closeted with his emotions and personal life, and he's rarely here to interact with any of us since he's always out hunting vampires in different parts of the world. Why do you ask?"
"He kissed me," I said flatly; I'll admit, I was a little amused by the way his eyes bugged out of his skull, but I hid that little fact and stoically added, "when he was turning into a werewolf, he lunged at me and kissed the living hell out of me... then, after he was a wolf, he pressed his muzzle against my lips. And not even five minutes ago, he kissed me again, twice."
"Oh," Kyle said slowly, blinking as if trying to compute that. "Oh... so that's what you meant about sexual harassment? Sebastian's been... wow. Well, that's new."
"What should I do?" I worriedly asked, and he looked at me, as if confused. "I'm not strong enough to fight him off if he tries to force me into doing something I don't want."
"He'd never go that far," Kyle instantly informed me, rapidly shaking his head. "Yes, he's violent, hot-tempered, and even a bit dangerous if you manage to piss him off somehow, but he's actually a brutally honest man beneath all that. He would never hurt anyone like that."
"It didn't stop him from kissing me," I glumly mumbled.
"Apart from when he transformed, did you actually tell him to stop?" Kyle plainly asked, raising an eyebrow; I froze, blinking, realizing with a sense of shock that I hadn't. "I don't even need an answer, your face says it all. Look, if he does it again and you're not okay with it, tell him."
"But--"
"Just do it," he interrupted, smiling a bit. "Trust me."
For whatever reason, I actually found myself listening to his advice, simple as it was.
"All right," I sighed, nodding; I felt a little bit better, so I took it upon myself to stand up, holding out my hand to help him upright as well. He took it without hesitation, his palm dwarfing mine, and allowed me to tug him to his feet. I noticed once he was upright that he kept no weight on his right leg, and that there were hefty bandages covering his bare foot.
A twinge of guilt went through me.
"So, do you want help unpacking?" he asked, dusting his jeans off; he paused when he noticed me staring at his broken leg. "Something wrong?"
"No," I muttered, grimacing. "Well, yes... I was wondering if the bald guy with the scars, Richard, is as bad as he seems. It just hit me a second ago that I wasn't the only one he hurt."
Something peculiar happened then.
Kyle's face shifted into a sleepy half-grin and his eyes glazed over.
"Richard is the most loving, loyal, and protective of all the people staying here," he murmured a little dreamily, making my brows rise. "What he did to us happened because he lost control, but the guilt he's been feeling over it is pretty intense. I mean, he loves us... we're his family."
I studied his expression.
I was old enough to recognize love when I saw it, and Kyle had it bad for the angry baldy.
"Something tells me it runs deeper than that," I said softly, and he paused, eyes widening, ears and freckled cheeks immediately reddening with an oncoming flush. "You're in love with him."
Kyle swallowed, Adam's apple bobbing, but he grinned in a sheepish way and shrugged before lifting his hand and wiggling it. I paused when I saw a wedding band and an old engagement ring on his finger.
"Caught me," he chuckled, scratching the tip of his blushing nose. "He and I aren't really public about it like Diane and Cassidy, but Richard and I are, in fact, a couple."
Oh... they're married. Explains why he came to the guy's defense, I thought, walking over to where my suitcases had been draped on the king-sized bed.
"I'm not sure what to say," I said softly. "Marriage is something I wanted once, but I sadly never got the chance to take that step myself."
I heard it when Kyle's breathing stopped for a second, then started up again. "Why? It wasn't because of Bash, right? Wait, do you have someone special back home?"
"No. It was a long time ago," I admitted, unzipping the bag with my electronics.
"Then... what's stopping you from finding new love?"
"Reality," I deadpanned, making a sour face at him. "Investing a bunch of time and effort into a new relationship seems pointless to me since I don't age like other people do, and I'm scared to let myself get attached to other people because it always turns out the same in the end."
"How do you mean?" Kyle asked; he waited a moment, and when I didn't answer, he continued with, "do you want to tell me about it? I'm a good listener, and plus, knowing a little bit more about you might help ease the tension the others have."
I paused for a moment, thinking about it, but I didn't really see the harm.
"I've always had abandonment issues," I told him, shrugging without turning around. "My dad left when I was about five, so I never really knew him, and my mother was abusive. She kicked me out for being gay when I was sixteen. My younger sister went with me."
"That's horrible," Kyle said softly. "What happened after that?"
"I struggled to survive," I said, setting my game consoles on the bed. "I was deathly allergic to sunlight even before I became a vampire, so it was hard those first three months since we were basically living on the street, but thanks to one of my mother's ex husbands, I was given an opportunity to get back on my feet. He allowed me to crash at one of his empty apartments and gave me two months' time to earn enough cash to start paying actual rent."
"You were allergic to sunlight before you were turned?" Kyle asked, limping over and sitting down on the bed. "How?"
"A genetic condition called Porphyria," I sighed, shaking my head. "I was born with an underdeveloped lung, heart problems, and my allergy. Not much about my lifestyle changed after I was turned so it wasn't like I had any major adjusting to do, but I did what I could. I sold music and artwork to people online in the beginning, and kinda went from there."
"Sounds like it was hard."
"It was," I admitted, but smiled a little proudly, "but I toughed my way through it. I became a vampire when I was around nineteen years old, and my life changed. My little sister got older, and when we were about thirty, she realized that I wasn't aging at all and eventually broke off contact with me. The same happened with my fiance. Met him when I was twenty-seven, instant connection... but he never found out what I really was until I was forty two."
Kyle frowned sadly, staring at me. "I'm sorry, Aerin."
"Everyone leaves," I said with an airy shrug. "Sooner or later."
"We won't," he pointed out. "Diane, Cassidy, they're here. And Bash, he isn't going anywhere."
I snorted.
"I'll be the one forced to leave, not any of you," I said very quietly, but very confidently, "because as you already know, they hate vampires. Sebastian will force me to leave, or he'll kill me, and I won't stop him because who am I do that? To them, I'm nothing but a--"
Kyle suddenly rose and pulled me forward into a crushing embrace. I stiffened, startled, before slowly relaxing, and then I was leaning into him, wrapping my arms around him and hugging him back. He combed his fingers through my hair and pressed his cheek to the top of my head.
"I can't help but want to hug you," he reluctantly muttered. "I get it, trusting people is hard, but sometimes you have to have try... you have to step out of your bubble and into the danger zone, and sure, you may get hurt, or you may find something you've been looking for your entire life."
"And what's that?" I asked, voice muffled.
"A family."
I twitched, stunned, confused, and overall baffled.
"A family?" I asked blankly, mind on mute.
"We're all alike in the way that we don't age like regular humans do," Kyle said, finally pulling away and holding me at arm's length. A friendly grin lit up his face. "Grit your teeth, keep your head down, and stay as quiet as possible for a while. Once the pack starts to warm up to you, and believe me they will, I know that they will, you might find that you won't want to leave."
I stared at him, a little overwhelmed by the absurdity of that claim, but eventually nodded.
"Fine," I said, patting his wrist. "I'll do as you suggested. I'll keep my head down and stay quiet, and maybe you're right, maybe they will warm up eventually."
His smile was broad and a little goofy-looking, but still rather pleasant to the eye.
"Good," he chuckled, then waved at my belongings. "Now, let me help you get unpacked."
I nodded and with his help we both got my stuff, but inside I couldn't help but think he was wrong. The kind of hate these creatures had for vampires couldn't be erased just by them warming up to me, so no matter what I did, or how hard I tried, I would never, ever be family to anyone.
That part of my life was over.