Chapter Eighteen
My body is not like a normal human being's.
For example, regular people need food and, most importantly, water to keep living, and their digestive track takes care of the rest, converting things into energy, which can be stored inside them for a long time through fats, things like that. An average person can go without food for up to nearly three weeks before they finally starve to death. If there's no water, that time is shortened to about a week, tops, and if there's only water, its roughly the same time span.
I, on the other hand, can only go without blood for three days before I collapse.
I'd come to the conclusion years ago that I actually had no metabolism. I never gained weight, or even lost it, which meant I was perpetually the same as I'd been back in the day. I didn't fully know what the dynamics of it were, considering that I still had a pulse, still used the bathroom, still got sick, got bruised, and bled like people are supposed to.
But food, as I've said, makes me violently ill.
Water makes me just as nauseous.
My aging process is non-existent, so my body has to digest blood in a different way. You might be wondering why I'm explaining all this, so let me get to the point.
I didn't fall asleep like I'd hoped I would.
Instead, I lay there on the mattress for hours, and hours, and hours, losing my sanity to the misery of the thirst, and by the time I finally passed out I had no doubt I would have gone into a frenzy and attacked the first person I saw if someone had opened the door to my cell.
I don't remember losing consciousness, of course, because we've already established that nobody really can. What I do remember is that one second I was lying in the darkness wanting to claw my own throat out, the next I was spiraling out of that sickening and dizzying mental state you fall into whenever you pass out and someone rouses you before your body can handle it.
My lips were dry and cracked and the agony of my own stinging flesh made me want to die.
It felt like the back of my head was being skinned, the pain there was blinding.
A similar pain was tearing the small of my back to shreds.
"I said get up."
The command was spoken lowly, gravelly, a voice I recognized but could barely hear over the ringing in my ears. Sebastian. He was in the room. I tried to respond, but my mouth wouldn't work, my tongue was glued to the roof of it and I didn't have enough energy to move my jaw.
The skinning sensation suddenly imploded and I almost blacked out.
I whimpered voicelessly, and the sensation dimmed, allowing me to breathe again.
"Listen, Vampire," he grunted, a little more gently. "At least try to open your eyes."
The air was warm and dark, misting in my face like cotton made into vapor, and when my eyes cracked open with a nearly audible creak I cringed. I couldn't see anything, at first. Breath rattled through my throat, stinging it, and I coughed, jerking as the sensation shocked me.
Stars exploded behind my eyes, brilliantly.
Then, they faded, and I was slowly able to make out two glowing yellow eyes looming right in front of my own. The color in them was entrancing, and I lost myself in the vibrancy, numbly looking into the center of the pinprick pupils that rippled and shifted in size.
I saw the rest of his face slowly loom out of the gloom not long after that, his hooked nose and curly brown hair, furrowed black brows, and that clenched jaw, grinding with irritation.
"What's wrong with you?" he hissed, irises flitting across my face. "You don't smell of sickness, or even injury, so why were you unconscious? Why can't you move?"
It took me a moment of fuzzy mental processing to digest his question. I tried to speak, to tell him that I needed blood and needed it immediately, but all that came out was a croak. His face contorted with something so dark that I felt a chill seep through me, despite how thirsty I was.
Blood, I wanted to cry. I need blood! Please!
Without warning, his face shifted into a look of disgust and he dropped me. I don't even remember hitting the mattress. I assume the fall, minuscule as it was, knocked me unconscious since I came to what felt like only seconds later with Sebastian holding my face between both of his hands and staring at me intently, brow knitted with confusion and anger.
His mouth moved, but I heard nothing, just a strange rushing roar and a thin ringing.
I blinked, and blinked again, wondering if I'd gone deaf since his face darkened again and his mouth moved a little more precisely. When it stopped moving, he paused, staring at me as if he expected a response, but when I failed to give him one he let go of me. My head rolled bonelessly to the side. I saw the floor, saw his jeans, the golden teeth of his zipper and the shiny button.
His pockets as he leaned closer.
A searing pain smashed into my throat, but I couldn't even flinch under the pressure; it was like being cut, sliced, stabbed, it dug into my jugular and I wondered absently if he was actually murdering me for being difficult, but my consciousness didn't fade despite the pain.
I heard something, then, below the cotton muffling my ears.
"You need to tell me what's happening to you!"
I struggled to work my mouth, fought against my weakness, and moaned lowly, unable to do much else. The pain on my neck lifted, and I breathed in relief, throat dry and ragged. I needed to tell him before it was too late. I wouldn't be able to deal with it. My body was slicked with sweat and every move I made was punctuated by a fevered tremble, which sent stars into my skull.
I somehow unglued my tongue.
Lips parted.
I wheezed out, fighting to enunciate my need, fighting to communicate.
Silence filled my ringing ears, until I heard a low, "what did you just say?"
I mentally screamed in frustration, took another deep breath, and wheezed, "blood..."
I heard a snarl of anger, but it disappeared as quickly as it came. I drifted into a strange haze, then, and fell into what I assume was the beginnings of either sleep or unconsciousness, but before I could completely fade out a searing agony tore beneath my shoulders.
I let out a wail that came out like a whisper of air as I was pulled upright, head lolling limply until it was swung forward. My lips suddenly burned as if they were being held against a cherry red stove top, and I would have burst into tears had I the energy to do so.
Heck, even without the energy I started to until I heard, "bite me."
Confusion filled me, barely felt beneath the intensity of what was happening with my body - AKA, Armageddon - and I didn't move until an intense pressure crushed my head from behind and forced my lips to burn even harder.
What's happening? I hazily wondered, trying to see through the fog. What is this?
"I said," Sebastian growled, directly into my left ear, "bite me. Now."
I felt a shock run through me, and a part of me freaked out, but the part that was dying of thirst lashed out and overwrote all common sense. I didn't try to see what I was doing. I didn't even look were I was biting. I simply opened my mouth despite the searing agony, extended my fangs, and weakly pressed them against the object that had been burning my lips.
I felt an elastic-like resistance beneath the points of my long, thin teeth, felt the substance bend beneath the pressure until, with a strangely satisfying sensation, I punctured through it and it slid back up, all the way to my gums. I heard a muddled grunt from beside me, and a moment of delirious confusion swept through me, but it was erased when delicious ice slid into my mouth.
I tensed, almost choking, then leaned forward and drew more of it into my mouth, eyes instantly snapping shut as it rushed across my burning tongue and down my throat, wetting everything in its path and bringing me back to life. I swallowed it down, shuddering as cool waves of peace and relief slid down to my stomach and started spreading outwards.
The ice rushed through my limbs, cooling me off, and I almost burst into tears.
I sucked, pulling more and more of it into my mouth, swallowing it, drinking it down.
The pain on the back of my head shifted into a feeling of normal pressure, and I realized with a sense of dazed euphoria that it was only Sebastian's hand. Confusion filled me and I stopped pulling the ice into my body, blinking blearily as my brain started to turn itself back on.
Even as it did, the ice somehow went from feeling electrically cool to extremely hot, and while I was busy trying to figure out why, a familiar flavor filled my mouth and I froze, blinking as my vision returned to normal. I saw smooth caramel-colored flesh only an inch from my eyes.
Blood was still filling my mouth, sliding into it from a pressure that gripped my fangs like a vice.
The moment I fully realized what I was doing, it felt like getting hit with a brick.
What? I shakily wondered, breath coming quicker through my nose. What is this?
I heard hard, angry breathing right next to my ear and a thick arm had been wrapped around my back, keeping me upright, and my head was forcibly being held against Sebastian's shoulder. My hands had gone around him at some point and balled in the fabric of his shirt. They immediately unraveled and my vision turned grey, entire body going numb, as the reality of what I was doing roared through me.
I was biting someone.
For the first time since I'd become a vampire, I was directly biting another person, and worse, it wasn't just anyone, it was Sebastian of all people, the same man who could crush my skull into splinters within a split second if he really wanted to. Tears erupted from my eyes, tears of revulsion, shock, horror, disgust... and everything became a blur.
I immediately tried to pull my teeth out, but his flesh tensed beneath my mouth and I froze, panicking, not wanting to hurt him any further.
I need to be careful, I told myself, trying not to freak. I can't move too quickly.
Taking a deep breath to steady myself, I slowly raised my head and drew my dagger-like teeth out of his skin, eyes squeezed shut so tight that I saw flashing prickles behind my eyelids. Once my fangs were finally out, I quickly crushed my palm against the punctures.
Sebastian tensed and his fingers twitched on the back of my head but I ignored his reaction and kept an even amount of pressure.
Blood trickled out from under my hand even though I was struggling to bar it from gushing.
"Had enough, have you?" he growled, vibrating my whole body. "About damn time."
I swallowed, realizing with a sense of dread that I'd been biting him between the juncture of his neck and shoulder bone, an area that even thinking about being bitten in could make my insides cringe. I let out a heavy breath of air, wondering why he'd let me bite him.
"I'm so sorry," I breathed, feeling cold to the bone. "For... for biting you, I mean."
"I forced you to," he grumpily countered, but then his hand roughly fisted in my hair. "Don't get used to it, vampire. This was a one time thing since we need you alive for the time being."
I don't know what came over me, then.
As much as I still disliked him, and as much as he disliked me, this was the second time he'd saved my life... even if it was for some ulterior motive that I didn't want to understand. I quietly relaxed and set my forehead against his shoulder, ignoring the way he tensed.
"Thank you," I mumbled. "I'd still be in agony if you hadn't done that."
He said nothing, breathing hard, and remained completely still. The blood beneath my hand had stopped flowing, so I tentatively pulled my palm away only to see, with a sense of startled shock, that the holes had already scabbed over and even shrunk to half their original size.
I pulled back completely, but his eyes met mine before I could turn away, catching me.
They seemed to burn in the strange half-light of the room, yellow and brilliant, locked on my face. Sweat coated his cheeks and exposed skin, trickling down the side of his thick neck. Veins were sticking out of his forehead, and I could see his jugular pulsing beneath his clenched jaw.
His chest heaved, rapid breaths in and out, and his muscles seemed to bulge in exertion.
His hand lowered from my hair.
I noticed after a time that he had yet to blink and the realization made me frown.
"Are you all right?" I asked; the hair around his ears jumped and he tilted his head, staring at me in a blank manner. He didn't respond, just stared at me, panting raggedly. I felt a wave of dread flood through me and I wondered, in a fit of sheer fright, if I'd done something to him when I'd bit him. A variety of insane thoughts rushed through me.
Is it possible to turn a werewolf into a vampire? I silently panicked. Sure, he has bite marks everywhere from previous encounters, but he said it himself that I'm a fluke and that I'm not like other vampires somehow!
"S-Sebastian?" I whimpered, waving my hands in front of his face. "Why are you just--"
Before I could finish the sentence, I heard a deafening, screeching howl from somewhere outside the room and nearly jumped right out of my own skin. I whipped around to look at the closed door, wondering what the fuck I'd just heard, until another one filled the air.
It was deeper, less shrill, more wild than the first howl.
What the fuck? I wondered, quickly pushing myself against the wall as more howls slid into the room, a chorus of haunting beast-like wails. Wait a second, how long was I out of it?! I couldn't have been unconscious for the whole night and all of Saturday, right?!
I didn't know, but I had lost track of time, so it could have been possible.
I got my answer when I heard a low growl come from directly in front of me, followed by a sickening crunch. Dread unlike anything I'd ever felt filled my whole body as I slowly turned my head and saw, through tangled strands of hair, Sebastian's shoulders jerking and widening.
Fur was sprouting across his chest before my eyes, right out of his flesh, and as it grew it extended; he twitched as the bones in his rib cage cracked and expanded, breathing hard and raggedly, but his eyes never moved from my face even though every part of him was changing.
"Get... out..." he hissed through his sharpening teeth. "Run."
Yup. This was bad.
I needed no further prompting.
Flailing around, I quickly untangled myself from the blankets and flew to my feet just as his spine snapped and sent him flying forward, clawing at the floor with hisses, snarls, and venomous sounds of rage that I didn't even want to acknowledge. I tore over to the door and grabbed the knob, but to my mortification, it was locked.
"The door is still locked!" I cried, looking over my shoulder. "The key! I need the key!"
I received no response aside from a sound that wasn't even remotely human; my hair stood on end when his tank top suddenly ripped right down the middle of his back and slipped off of his widening body. He clawed at his jeans with jerky hands, ripping at the front of them with pained grunts until he managed to drag them off his body.
His spine was extending itself from the flesh on his chiseled backside.
"Oh, my god," I whispered. "FUCK!"
I whipped around and futilely jerked on the door handle, and I even banged on the wood with a few shouts to get the attention of whoever might have been listening, but when a deep snarl met my ears, I stopped and slowly faced him again, pressing myself against the wall.
I saw his jeans lying on the ground behind him and stiffened, wondering if the key to the door was in one of the pockets. I swallowed and carefully shuffled forward, planning on snatching his pants, but his head swiveled towards me before I made it even halfway there, face already elongated into an animal's muzzle, one yellow eye honed in on my face.
To be honest, I was pretty damn sure I was fucked by that point.
I wasn't strong enough to open the door by force, which meant that I was trapped in this extremely small room with a werewolf on the night of the full moon.
One second he was across the room, the next he'd turned into a blur and I jumped with a terrified jolt as he quite literally flew towards me. I had no more time to think.
No time to react.
I let out a scream as he smashed into my stomach and tackled me to the floor, where I landed hard on my back. Two heavy hands came down my shoulders, pinning me against the ground.
I struggled, trying get him off me, but before I could he leaned down and crushed his mouth against my own. I froze, shocked, eyes bugging out of my skull as his tongue brushed against my lips in what I realized was a french kiss, and for a second I was blinded by a 'WTF' moment.
I tried to turn my head, but his mouth followed mine with a low growl, and my brain blew up.
Oh, my god! I mentally screeched, kicking my legs and frantically beating at his arms. WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING?! GET OFF ME!
When his tongue forced its way into my mouth, I bit down, hard, and he jerked back.
His expression didn't change.
Eyes wide and blank, he looked at me without blinking once. A violent shiver wracked my whole body when he merely licked the blood that trickled from his lip off his mouth, much like a mountain lion licking its chops, body jerking and cracking, and elongating face still writhing with the changes taking place. He leaned close without warning, making my shoulders bunch.
"Obey," he whispered.
Pounding, screaming, agonizing adrenaline made me shake, shiver, twist.
His curly hair straightened itself out even as I watched, shifting into strands of coarse chocolate brown fur while two sharp, tapered ears extended from the top of his skull. I wheezed when his hands pressed down hard, practically crushing me, only they weren't hands for very long.
They grew larger and heavier even as they held me flat, turning into what felt like huge claw-tipped paws, and I could only watch as Sebastian's face morphed into what looked like an actual wolf's. His teeth gnashed, mouth opening and closing, but far different than before.
I stared at him, eyes bugging, trying to figure it out why he looked so different than the last time I'd seem him fully change shape. Unlike when Leo had attacked me, the form he was taking wasn't the bipedal beast-like monster that had completely chilled my blood.
No... I was looking at a man who had transformed into an animal.
He was all beast.
All wolf.
It wasn't the changes in his body that sent chills through me, though, it was the expression of raw, carnal desire darkening the glowing yellow eyes that looked into my own. He was hungry, I could tell by the way he was looking at me.
I braced myself internally for the absolute worst when his massive head finally lowered again, closing my eyes, since I knew those teeth would be painful, that they would tear into me and rip my throat right out, that I would feel it up until the last moment. All I could do was prepare for it, even though I wasn't ready, but then again who ever really is ready to die? I sure as hell wasn't.
Only, instead of teeth, what I got instead was tongue.
I flinched, which turned into a violent shiver since the wetness slowly slid from the base of my collarbone all the way up to my jugular. I heard a sort of chuffing noise, and a cold, wet something poked the tip of my nose. There was a moment of stillness, punctuated only by the sound of moving cartilage and tendons and rearranging body parts that made me queasy, but after nothing else happened I gathered up enough courage to squeak my eyes open a smidgen.
His head was massive, twice the size of my own, and his body was the size of a horse. The tip of his wet nose was pressed against my own, but despite my misgivings and fear and inability to figure out what the fuck was happening, I remained completely still.
I heard a few final pops as his bones settled into place, but then it was over and he was standing over me on four fur-covered legs, two of which were planted against the floor on either side of my legs, the other two resting on my shoulders.
Anxiety was flipping through my stomach so bad that I wanted to puke, but I didn't look away from him. Those wild eyes belonged to a predatory animal and I felt like if I so much as glanced away, it could lead to me being dead. Still, there was no malice in the stare Sebastian was giving me, which was confusing since he normally looked at me as if I was the embodiment of nastiness.
This stare of his was much different.
How it was different, I didn't know, but it was.
I heard another chuffing noise and felt a puff of air rush across my face. I trembled, wondering what was going to happen, fearfully trying to figure out how to get out of this situation. His head swiveled and slid down to my throat again, and I held my breath as he went in, figuring this was the real moment, that I'd be slaughtered for sure this time, but instead of teeth I felt his nose.
It pushed against my rapidly undulating pulse and a deep inhalation followed.
I stared at the ceiling as another distant howl came into the room from outside, followed by a chorus that made Sebastian's ears perk up. Instead of joining in, or howling like I half-suspected he might, however, I felt another slow lick that went from my collar all the way up to my jugular.
A nip followed. Not a painful one, a gentle one.
Just like that, he pulled back and flopped down on top of me. I let out a squawk of pain and wheezed since his heavy weight practically crushed my ribs, and I spent the next few seconds fighting to get air in my lungs, but even as I did I saw his massive body shifting.
The pressure vanished when he rolled off my chest and lay directly beside me, the fur on his neck bunching up on his left side and forcing the eye on that side almost completely closed. He seemed relaxed all of a sudden, languid, looking at me with a mellowness that confused me.
Hell, everything about this situation confused me.
I swallowed hard and looked away, slowly trying to force myself into sitting up, but a deep growl made me freeze. I shivered, trying to figure out what to do, but the threatening sound didn't stop until I lay back down. I cast a glance at Sebastian to see him watching me lazily, paws lying lax. Silence filled the air, broken only by the distant howling and some faint crashing noises.
"Can you understand me?" I eventually asked, speaking slowly and softly; his ears swiveled my way and I heard a strangely muffled noise come from his throat, followed by a swish of his tail thumping once against the floor. "Uh... sorry, I don't speak werewolf. A nod would work better."
He finally blinked, but it was slow and methodical, and aside from that I received no visual response.
This is going nowhere, I mentally complained. Let's try something else.
"Can I move over to the mattress?" I tentatively asked. "It's uncomfortable on the floor."
His ears swiveled again and I received another lazy blink, but again, no real response. I sighed through my nose and decided that I didn't care anymore. Whatever happened would happen, but I wasn't going to lie on the floor all night so I sat up, ignoring the low growl that filled the air.
My hair stood on end, but I pushed myself up to my feet as the growling grew louder, and louder.
The moment I was upright, I heard a snarl and turned to see that Sebastian had risen.
His eyes were blazing, practically on fire, and his teeth were bared; the fur on the nape of his neck was standing on end, bristling in agitation. I tried to take a step forward, but he tensed and leaned, as if he were about to spring at me, so I stopped.
He slowly relaxed, but didn't stop growling.
What the fuck am I supposed to do to get him to back off? I helplessly wondered. There has to be a way around this hostility... oh!
I stiffened as a flash of when Louise had come to visit seared behind my eyes.
Back then, Sebastian had been about to get physical with her, but she'd managed to stop him by pressing a kiss against the bottom left corner of his jaw. I didn't know why, of course, but at the very least it had worked to her advantage. She'd even gotten away with being rude after that.
"Worth a shot," I muttered, turning to face the wolf. "Here we go."
Those yellow eyes remained locked on my face when I slowly sank down, but the growling dimmed once I was on my knees. I rocked back on my heels and hunkered down, patting the floor in a way that I hoped would draw him over. It failed. Of course it failed.
He wasn't a dog, or even a wolf, he was a man who'd turned into a wolf.
Maybe I was a dumbass.
Letting out yet another sigh for what felt like the umpteenth time, I leaned forward and started crawling towards him. His eyes followed me as I came closer, turning my head so it was at an angle that could reach his jaw, but the growling coming from his throat didn't stop.
A chill ran down my spine.
If this didn't work, I had no doubt I'd be dead meat.
Keep it together, I told myself, bringing my head up towards his, just stay calm.
The growling died in his throat when I pressed my lips against the left corner of his jaw and he took a single step forward, raising his head higher. One bright eye regarded me in a way that made me shiver before that muzzle opened wide and snapped at me.
I lowered my head with a cry, and I felt teeth digging into the back of my neck, but I paused when I realized that it didn't hurt. They remained still, much like the previous times, for a good long while before eventually sliding off my skin.
Not before a slow lick caressed my cheek, however.
My pulse thundered in my ears, but I still raised my head to see Sebastian padding over to the corner of the room beside the door; he flopped down there and put his head on his paws, watching me intently, but when I tried to rise to my feet, he made no threatening sounds.
Relief flooded through me.
It worked, I mentally groaned, muscles turning watery. Thank God.
Turning around, I stumbled over to the mattress and sank down onto it, letting myself flop back.
Now that I knew I was safe, at least for the time being, my thoughts went back to what he'd done right before the change... the way he'd crushed his mouth against mine, the rough feeling of his hands on me, the look that had been on his face just before he'd lost himself to the animal.
I touched my mouth, cheeks flaming, and felt my pulse speed up.
Sebastian hated me with every fiber of his being.
That was the impression I had been getting from the very first moment we'd met.
So, why, then?
Why, in the moments right before he'd fully lost himself, had he kissed me like that? It had been vicious, needy, and violent... but it hadn't just been a kiss, I mean, his mouth had been crushed on mine, and there had even been tongue--
"Nope," I deadpanned, instantly rolling over on my side. "Not going there right now."
That was the last thing I needed. Sebastian was a violent, hardened man. A man who wasn't really a man, but a werewolf. A werewolf with heightened senses that could probably deduce rather easily the effect that merely thinking about that kiss was having on me.
It was going to be a long night.