I was asked to write from Axel's POV and I thought that would actually be a pretty good idea for this chapter.
19 | never giving up
we're going to work through this, okay?
I think I've changed within the last two years. But changing yourself doesn't change what you've already done. I can't forget about it. I don't think I understand it enough to decide whether or not I need to forgive myself for it. I know I had to leave Cali. That was obvious to me. But leaving Aviana there, without contact, just became the plan the closer I got to moving. I don't know if it was the right choice. It hurt like hell, and I know I hurt Aviana. She's still hurt by it.
But I have to ask myself: would she be here now if I hadn't ended it two years ago?
And honestly, I don't think she would be. Neither of us could have dealt with the distance if we tried to stick it out. We probably would have decided that she'd move here with me after a couple months of us being apart. I've been living in residence until this year, where I shared an apartment with the guys until I got mine just before Christmas break. We wouldn't have been living together, which would have been frustrating all in itself, but even then, she would have to have dealt with me while I was looking for my father.
That would have torn her apart. She's strong; she's one of the strongest people I know, but it would have broken her. I would have broken her, because I was broken, and lonely, and I think I would have only infected her with that too.
All I can hope now is that I can figure out a way to fix it. Maybe not even fix it, per say, but you know, start painting on another canvas and hope the picture turns out less depressing than the old one.
Aviana's still sleeping by the time I get up to work on a paper, but she wanders out of our room by the time I'm halfway through my coffee. She smiles softly when I stand up, and rubs her eyes before stretching.
"Morning," I murmur, watching her carefully.
She sighs, dropping her eyes to the floor. "I'm sorry about last night."
I shake my head. "You have nothing to apologize for," I tell her, stepping a little closer. "I'm the one who's sorry." I reach out for her hand and pull her into me, gently enveloping her in my arms to kiss the top of her head. She presses her face against my chest and breathes me in, letting her arms fall to the side, and just lets me hold her. I feel awful, but I haven't figured out what to do yet, other than just hold her close like I'll never let go, which seems to comfort her.
She cried herself to sleep last night, with my arms around her. She doesn't know that I cried too, after she fell asleep.
"It's not your fault," she whispers, looking up at me. "Yesterday was crazy. I was high on adrenaline and super sleep deprived and I just kind of freaked out. I feel really bad about it, babe," she says, and my heart lights up at the sound of her calling me 'babe'. "And it was your birthday too. I totally ruined it."
I laugh and kiss her nose. "Geez. You didn't ruin my birthday. You have every right to feel the way you did. Sleep deprived or not. I fucked us up and now we're caught in this really weird stage of our relationship." She sighs like she knows what I mean, so I draw her closer and whisper into her frizzy, blond hair, "we're going to work through this, okay? I'm never going to give up on us."
She hugs me back this time, squeezing her frail arms around me waist, but not long enough. She pushes herself off me and mumbles, "I gotta shower."
I grin. "You up for another adventure today?"
"I was going to look for a job," she mumbles, scratching the back of her neck.
I smile. "I know. I think I know somewhere you'd like to work."
She nods. "Sounds good."
She starts to walk away but I link my fingers with hers and draw her back, and plead, "morning kiss?"
She chuckles, her cheeks blushing. "No. I haven't brushed my teeth."
"So?"
She sighs and comes closer, but just as she's about to kiss me, she wafts into my face and lightly kicks my shin, and scampers into the bathroom, giggling as I suffer.
・・・
Aviana doesn't know where I'm taking her, and her hate for surprises just makes it that much more hilarious. We ate breakfast at home because being a university student comes with crippling debt, which is also the reason she's set on finding a part time job. "I don't want to have to go far from the apartment though," she tells me as we're driving, and continues with things like "I don't want a job related to my program either, I have enough experience" and "I want to do something fun. Something I'm good at and that I enjoy."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," I brush off her commentary and pull into a parking spot on the street.
She gazes around at the stores, wondering which one I'm trying to get her to apply to, and when we get out, her eyes immediately land on the bookstore. She gasp and clutches my arm, "wait! Actually?"
I shrug, smiling with amusement. "I don't know if they're hiring," I tell her, taking her hand in mine as we walk to the store, "but I thought you could check it out first, maybe buy some books, talk to the manager. You could always send in your resume and they'll call you if they're looking for employees, you know?"
She nods, but then shakes her head, "I can't believe you didn't tell me there was a bookstore so close to us!" She scoffs sarcastically and whispers, "asshole."
I gasp and taser her side with my fingers, and she yelps through her teeth as we wander inside. "Oh," I add, "and guess who works just across the street?"
She looks up at me, confused. "Wait, you do?" she asks. "Actually?"
I nod. "You're coming with me tonight."
"Why?" she questions, gazing around at the books, grazing her fingers over the covers.
"I'm teaching a self defence class," I tell her, "I want you to learn some moves."
She smiles. "I already know some moves," she states as a matter of fact, "my uncle taught me."
"Then I guess we'll just have to put them to the test," I cross my arms, towering over her.
She chuckles and wraps her arms around my waist. "Sure, that's really why you want me to come," she teases, and when I give her a bewildered look, she explains, "you just want me to come so you can prove how awesome you are and stuff."
I snort. "I am awesome. Nothing to prove," I state, but before she can challenge me again, I turn her in the direction of a short, stocky man with round glasses, "I think that's the manager. Go talk to him."
I give her a light shove but she glances back to me, "you're not coming?"
"You got this, sweetheart," I tell her, and she smiles nervously, and excitedly all at once, and crosses her fingers as she wanders over to the manager. I pretend to be looking at books as she approaches him and introduces herself like he doesn't already know who she is. Okay, yes, I set it up. The manager's wife comes to me for classes and brings him along sometime, so I asked about a position at his store, and he said they were hiring.
Technically I didn't get her the job. She'd get it even if I didn't have a hand in it, but I don't want her to stress out trying to find a job when I know she'd be perfect for this one. That, and it's about time I do something right.
・・・
Hiiii
I finished my midterm early so I decided to write a chapter for today. I was asked to write from Axel's POV so here it is! Hope you enjoyed the chapter; it's about to get a lot more thrilling soon!
Be sure to VOTE, COMMENT, and SHARE if you like this book!
- ADI