November 12th 2017
Karlie's POV
We finished dinner and it was awkward. I tried to avoid Toni's gaze, knowing the second I made eye contact that she would try to talk to me. I occupied myself with talking to Joan and Gigi, but I could feel her eyes burning into the side of my head as I clearly tried to ignore her.
"Who wants a drink?" Gigi gets up and looks around the table and basically everyone agrees, apart from me. "Kar, come on. You're the reason we're all here, forget about everything else and have some fun!" I sigh as I glare at Gigi and agree and she walks off triumphantly. "So, Karlie. Are you seeing anyone?" I look over to Toni who's wearing a smug smile and sipping on her drink. "Yes, actually I am." I glare at her and cross my arms and Joan intervenes, "how are Taylor and the kids, Karlie?" I sigh and get up, "I'm going to the bathroom." I leave the other women confused and walk away, trying to put as much space between Toni and I in this moment as I can.
I lean against a sink, closing my eyes and sighing heavily as I try to calm myself. This wasn't a good idea. "What do you want, Toni?" I hear the door open and close behind me as the sharp clicking of heels against the floor comes to a stop meters away from me. "Trouble in paradise?" She smirks, raising an eyebrow at me as I cross my arms and turn to her. "Is that any of your business?" I scowl and she smiles, "so you're a mom now, huh?" She changes the subject and I sigh, simply nodding in response. "And Taylor? As in Swift?" I roll my eyes, "yep. That would be the one."
She raises her eyebrow again. "So, what're you doing here instead of being at home with your family?" I look away from her knowing gaze, she always had this hold over me that I could never quite shake. "If you must know, Taylor and I aren't talking right now. We haven't spoken in a week." I turn away again and wash my hands in the sink, trying to do anything to distract myself from her presence. "What happened?" She hands me a paper towel and I dry my hands, "our son, he died about a month ago. He was only five weeks old. Things have been rough since and we argued and she kicked me out." I sigh, throwing the paper towel in the bin as I open my clutch. I rummage around for my lipstick, looking to reapply it before leaving.
I feel a hand on my arm and look up, meeting the soft blue eyes that I used to adore so much, comparing them to a clear blue sky on more than one occasion. Taylor's are more harsh and capturing; like the waves of a stormy sea mixed with a icy winter sky. "I'm sorry that happened to you, Karlie." She gives me a soft smile and I get lost in the familiar warmth of her voice and gaze of her eyes.
I blink and look away, internally yelling at myself; you love Taylor, that's in the past, you're in love with Taylor. I don't know why I find the need to remind myself, Toni and I love Taylor. Although, I can't stop my mind from going to that place of does Taylor still love me?
"I gotta go." I mumble a response as I grab my clutch and leave her standing there. Tonight was a very bad idea.
•••
Taylor's POV
"Is this really a good idea?" I mumble to Cara as she lies sprawled out on the couch with a sleeping Maisie on top of her. "Do you love her?" Cara looks over and I nod, "more than anything." She doesn't say anything after that and I realise that I just answered my own question. This has to be a good idea.
Tilly's asleep in my arms as I sit with my back to the window. My driver and my pilot were shocked about my decision, especially with how late it was when I called. We took off about half an hour ago and in about seven and a half hours we're going to arrive in New York, hopefully undetected. It's late, already around eleven in London which means we're going to get to New York at around 2am their time. Hopefully that means that there won't be any people around and we can get to my apartment without any hassle.
I didn't wanna bring the girls, I didn't wanna subject them to the photographers and the chaos of New York, but I couldn't leave them behind; hence Cara joining me.
"What if she hates me, Car? She wouldn't even answer my phone call." I sigh, running my hand up and down Tilly back, more to calm myself than anything else. "Karlie doesn't hate you, she never could. Karlie loves you and sure, she might be a little hurt and angry, but she won't hate you." Again, I know she's right, but I'm still terrified of the possibility.
"You can lie her down on the bed in the back if you want." I signal to Maisie who could stay asleep like that for the next few hours at least. "No, I'm good. I've missed the cuddles I used to get when you guys lived in London. So, I'll take what I can get." She laughs as she looks down at Maisie. Bad things always happen when we leave London, maybe it's time to make a permanent change and hope we're doing what's best for our family.
Tilly lets out a few shrill cries and I'm startled as the sound pierces the silence of the plane. "Hey, it's okay." I coo at her as I move the tiny baby to lie against my shoulder, she's the fussy one when it comes to flying, Maisie just sleeps which I'm ever so grateful for. I start humming the tune to treacherous since it's the first song that came to mind, and I pat the crying baby's back, hoping she'll calm down before she wakes her sister.
Tilly has been different since we lost Theo, she wasn't aware her brother was even there most of the time but they had a connection that twins just always seem to have. She's been even more difficult since Karlie left too, she's such a momma's girl and I just haven't been able to settle her the way Karlie can and she's been so clingy, I've barely had a second to myself in a week.
I move her back and lift my shirt, not sure if she's hungry or just wants to nurse for comfort, but if it stops her crying then I don't care. I help her latch on and lift my feet up to sit them on the empty seat opposite me. I yawn as I lean my head against the wall, staring out the window as I watch everything passing by underneath us.
Lately it's like my world has frozen in time and to realise that everything is still going on and the rest of the world is still moving, nobody else is living in this bubble of sadness and anger, it's intimidating.
"It's going to be okay, Taylor." Cara gives me a sad smile and I nod, I really hope she's right.
•••
Karlie's POV
After a few drinks, I've pretty much forgotten about everything else and if I haven't then I've simply lost the ability to care. We're dancing on the dance floor and I've lost track of everyone other than Gigi who's dancing around in front of me. "You're glad you came now, aren't you?" She laughs as she shouts over the music and I giggle, my inhibitions majorly affected as I agree.
I feel hands on my hips and a body moving with mine, and immediately I assume it's one of the other girls and keep moving my hips in time with the music. "Miss me, Kar?" The voice is close to my ear, a low seductive hum that would be inaudible to anyone else.
I turn myself around and when I'm met with sky blue eyes, I feel a knot in my stomach. "Toni, we can't do this." I shake my head as she basically starts grinding on me, wrapping an arm around my neck and tangling her hand in my hair as she presses her body against mine, neither of us stopping our movements even despite my attempt at a protest.
She moves away and grabs my hand, leading me away in a clouded haze as I try and figure out what's going on. She pulls me into the empty bathroom and as the door closes behind us she slams me back against it as she connects our lips. It's almost as if it's my natural instinct when I kiss her back, our lips moving furiously together as she pulls my body as close to hers as she can.
Her hand is on my thigh as she holds me in place and I feel her fingers inch dangerously close to the hem of my dress. Her lips break away from mine and immediately start attacking my neck and before I know what's happening her hand is dancing under my dress. I let a soft moan pass my lips as her fingers connect with my core, but that's all it takes for me to snap back into reality. I push the woman off of me, "stop, I can't do this. I'm in love with Taylor, I can't."
Tears fill my eyes and I don't even give her a second to say anything else as I fix my dress and rush out of there. I basically run back to the table and grab my stuff, stealing my phone back from Gigi's purse and then getting out of that loud, dimly lit club.
I lean back against the wall outside and a sob escapes before I manage to clamp my hand over my mouth, letting tears silently fall down my cheeks. How could I do that to Taylor? How could I be so stupid? I knew this was a bad idea, I just knew it.
I pull on my coat as I stand in the freezing winter temperatures. I have no idea what time it is, I know it's late, probably close to midnight. I stand by the side of the road and hail a cab as it passes, asking him to take me to my apartment. I can't believe I let this happen.
•••
Taylor's POV
"I've got her." Cara picks Maisie up, the baby still sleeping as she balances her on her hip, Maisie's head resting on her shoulder as Cara keeps her hood up so that her face is covered. I do the same, pulling the hood of my hoodie up to keep my face hidden and hopefully remain unnoticed by paparazzi or fans.
Tilly is asleep in her car seat so I hook it over my arm as we make our way off of the plane. I use the car seat adapter to attach Tilly's car seat to Maisie's stroller. I cover the car seat and pull the strollers hood over just for extra protection and Cara holds Maisie close as we're escorted through the airport to the car waiting out the front.
We stayed as low-key as possible to try and avoid detection and thankfully it works as we get through the airport without even a second glance in our direction. Ian opens the door for me as I lift Tilly's car seat out and into the car, quickly following Cara as she clips a sleeping Maisie into her seat.
I sink back in my seat as I watch the city whizzing by. New York has always been the city that never sleeps; that was one of the reasons I fell so in love with it before moving here. There's always someone on the sidewalk and there's always something to do.
It's unusual to see the entrance to my apartment cleared of photographers. I can never get in or out without someone spotting me but tonight seems to be another story. Ian pulls up outside and the guys bring our stuff upstairs as we carry the sleeping kids. Lets just hope this trip is worth the jet-lag that I'm going I suffer through with them for the next few days.
"Just put her in my bed. I'll move her when I've set up the pack 'n play." Cara carries Maisie up to my room and I sigh as I take Tilly out of her car seat, quickly following in her footsteps. I lie the infant in the middle of the bed and grab the pack 'n play from the other room, grabbing the newborn napper extension that we haven't needed since Maisie was tiny. I pop it open and lift Maisie, carefully so that she doesn't wake up, and I lie her down. Cara appears out of the bathroom in her pyjamas a couple of seconds later and I grab change Tilly's diaper before lying her down in the newborn napper above Maisie.
I tell Cara I'll be back in a minute and I go back downstairs, putting some bags of breastmilk in the freezer for Tilly and grabbing whatever I might need for the night. Then I make sure all of the lights are off and make my way back upstairs to bed.
Cara's lying on one side of the bed and it looks like she's already asleep when I walk in so I carefully get into the other side and reach for the light to turn it off.
•••
Two hours. Two hours I've been tossing and turning and trying to fall asleep but without Karlie by my side I'm never going to be able to sleep. I sigh and roll over; 3:54am.
Tilly cries and I push myself up, scooping the baby up from the pack 'n play and carrying her out of the room with me. "What's wrong, baby girl?" I coo as I cradle her in my arms, walking up to my music room with her. There's a view of the whole city up here, I would write up here all the time and it always helped to clear my head. "Are you hungry? Or do you just want momma?" I sit down in a chair and cross my legs, sitting in front of the big window.
I came here for one reason and I know that. Karlie could either welcome me in with open arms and I'll tell her I'm sorry and apologise until I can't apologise anymore, or she could slam the door in my face and tell me that she's had enough and doesn't wanna do it anymore. The latter would be heartbreaking.
"Mommy just needs to suck it up and apologise, doesn't she honey." I sigh as Tilly kicks her legs in my lap. "Come on." I make an irrational choice and decide to go with it. "Here we go, princess." I zip the baby into her snowsuit since it's November in New York and nearly four o'clock in the morning, not to mention it's raining. I send a text to security and let them know I need them to pull the car around. I pull on a hoodie over some sweats and pick up the car seat, grabbing my phone and the diaper bag and leaving the apartment.
Ian is waiting outside and opens the door for me, so I do my best to shield the baby from the pelting rain and make my way as quickly as possible to the waiting car. "Where do you wanna go so early, Taylor?" Ian turns to me and I give him a sad smile as I secure Tilly, "Karlie's apartment."