Find what you love
And let it
Kill you.
Min Yoongi leaned against the cold brick wall outside the café he was working at, a cigarette dangling between his lips. He inhaled strongly, the familiar burning sensation in his alveoli calming his nerves. He exhaled the smoke, making an o with his lips to blow out smoke rings. His eyes held no expression, and his composure was completely calm. Shoulders slumped, head tilted back so that his dark bangs fell into his eyes, his adam's apple prominent.
On the outside, Min Yoongi was a calm and collected guy. On the inside, he was fighting a war with himself.
He knew that his boss, Seokjin, would yell at him if he came outside and caught him smoking so close to the entrance of the café. Well, Jin would scold him for smoking at all. But, as Yoongi has argued many times before, “Rather cigarettes than heroine”. He smiled a ghost of a smile. He would most probably had been dead if it hadn't been for Jin and Jin's boyfriend, Namjoon. It had been Jin who found Yoongi on the floor, shaking and spasming uncontrollably. It had been Namjoon who helped carry Yoongi out and to a hospital.
Here he was, a few months later, clean as a whistle, but still...
The itching won't fucking stop.
Yoongi inhaled again, the noxious fumes calming the itching for a split second.
Calm down, Min Yoongi, calm down. Think about anything else. Think about puppies. Think about the lyrics you're gonna write tonight. Think about lame dinners with Jin and Namjoon. Think about cute guys.
He took a deep breath, the itching at the back of his lungs worsening for a few seconds before dying down again, causing him to be temporarily relieved. He killed the cigarette before throwing it into a rusted coffee can which served as his ashtray on some days. He empties at the end of every day, and puts new soil in every now and then so that it doesn't stink up.
So, he rubbed his face before entering the café again. He walked around back to Jin's office, entering without even knocking. “Yo, boss man, I need a few extra shifts.” He saw the back of someone's head, someone small (which doesn't say much, since Yoongi is just as small). The hair colour of the stranger was cotton-candy pink, and the kid was wearing a school uniform. Private-school, from the looks of it.
“Min Yoongi! How many times have I told you to knock! For God's sake,” Jin was scolding, but he was trying desperately to hide his smile.
“How many times do I have to tell you, I don't conform to the rules of soceity.” Yoongi said as he subtly made his way over to try and get a look at the kid. He hopped unto Jin's large desk, sitting on the corner.
“Well, I'm still your hyung and I do write your pay checks, so be careful, or else...” Jin warned, not finishing his sentence, but leaving it hanging in the air for dramatic effect. He quickly shedded his serious mannerisms and dramatically clasped his hands over his mouth. “Yoongi, you made me out to be a monster in front of your new colleague! Shame on you!”
Yoongi lifted an eyebrow and looked over at the kid, finally taking in how he looked.
Fuck, he can call me daddy anyday, Yoongi thought as he dragged his eyes over the sweet boy's body and face. Big, curious eyes and thick pink hair with an easy smile and chubby mochi cheeks. He smiled a tiny smile, the boy's mere beauty causing an unknown happiness to swell within Yoongi. “You're hiring the kid?” Yoongi questioned, his eyes locking with the mochi's for a second before looking up at Jin.
“I'm not a kid! I'm eighteen!” The boy retorted, but Yoongi merely held up a hand to silence him, not even glancing at him.
“Yes, for some afternoon shifts. His name is Jimin, and he's so adorable!” Jin smiled widely, and that caused Jimin to blush and turn away, chuckling softly to himself, feeling flustered with the attention. “He has a good CV, and well maybe...” Maybe he'll be a positive influence on you, maybe he'll bring a light into your life, maybe he'll teach you to love again, “Maybe you two will be friends!” He clasped his hands together in front of his face, and Yoongi sighed in reaction to his hyung's dramatic tendencies.
“And am I going to be the one to train him?” Yoongi asked, glancing at Jimin again before looking back at his hyung.
“Unfortunately, yes, that honour falls upon your small shoulders. You've been working here the longest, so you know your way around.” Jin nudged Yoongi a bit. “Speaking of which, shouldn't you be working at this very moment?”
“Taking a break for prayer,” he said, closing his eyes, before Jin promptly pushed him off. Yoongi grinned and landed on his feet like an agile cat.
“You already used that excuse. I believe it was when I caught you napping on the bags of flour?” Jin crossed his arms over his chest, and Yoongi only smirked before shrugging his shoulders.
“My religion requires lots of rest, “ He looked over at Jimin. “When do you start?”
“Jin-hyung said tomorrow after school I start with training.” Jimin's eyes shone hopefully, as if the venture excited him. Which it probably did, judging from how serious he looked about the whole ordeal. “I work every week day except Wednesdays, because then I have dance class.”
“Dance, huh. You should teach Jin and Namjoon. They're both lost causes.” Yoongi ducked to avoid the playful punch Jin threw his way, and Jin couldn't help but chuckle.
“He's a jerk, but you get used to it. Go on, kid. See you tomorrow. And congrats on the job.” Jin and Jimin both stood up, and Jimin shook Jin's hand profoundly, smiling widely.
“Thank you so so SO much hyung! I won't let you down! I appreciate the opportunity so much!” Jimin then turned to Yoongi and did a small bow. “And thank you for being willing to teach me, hyung.” Yoongi lifted his hand and waved it, turning his face away, appearing nonchalant about the whole ordeal.
“Whatever, I just hope that a certain someone gives me a bonus for doing this, cuz it ain't on our contract,” Yoongi turned to Jimin and his gaze softened. The kid was seriously cute.
Jimin smiled widely and grabbed his backpack. “See you two tomorrow!” He said before heading out, immediately taking his phone out, no doubt to call his friends to tell them the news. Yoongi and Jin watched as Jimin exited the café with a huge smile plastered on his face.
“You hired him on purpose didn't you?” Yoongi questioned, not breaking his gaze from the outside world. “Because he's so cute and painfully positive.”
“Maybe,” Jin admitted with a shrug of his shoulders. Yoongi looked at Jin and he could basically see the wheels turn in his hyung's head. “He's really got a good résumé, though. And my options were extremely limited, okay?” Jin tried to defend himself, but Yoongi could see past his hyung's excuses.
This isn't the first time Jin tried to set Yoongi up with someone. Time and time again, Jin would introduce him to new people, to his friends, but it seemed like Yoongi was trying extra hard to put the people off. No one stuck around, but Yoongi thought it to be for the best. He would be extra sassy, extra salty, extra mean, just to scare them off, because Min Yoongi only loves two people in this world: Kim Namjoon and Kim Seokjin, his two best friends, his brothers. Other them then, Yoongi was not only scared to love anyone else but he's scared to hurt someone else. He knows himself, and he knows the battle he's fighting and no matter what, he will inevitably hurt whoever (somehow) learns to love him. He was actually protecting the people he was pushing away.
“So I'm allowed to fuck him in your office?” Yoongi grinned and he could practically hear the voice in Jin's voice as Jin counted down from ten in his head to calm himself.
“No one fucks in this restaurant!”
“Except you and Namjoon, right?”
“THAT WAS ONCE! And it was to christen the restaurant!”
“What you two were doing was anything but holy,” Yoongi snorted, retying the strings of his apron. “So, I guess no extra shifts available for me?”
Jin snapped his fingers and looked at his work calender. “Shit, no sorry, but I think Namjoon said that you could help in his book store when you have off? Ask him tonight.”
Yoongi nodded and exited, going to greet customers at the door.
As he went about work that day, staying on his feet and staying busy, he started to realize something.
The itching. It was slowly coming back. In his finger tips. The burning in his nose was also coming back. Well, it's the feelings he faces on a daily base, so it's nothing new to him. It's gotten better over the past months, which is good and all, but as he was busy making coffee for a customer, he couldn't help but wonder,
“Wait, when did the feeling disappear in the first place?”
A/n
I just started a new book that'll include all the poetry that is based on this story! Written mostly from Yoongi's pov! Check it out please!