~*~ 16 ~*~
I stared at him as his last words sank into my mind. "You're kidding!" Shaking my head in utter disbelief, anger rising "you're joking right?"
He shook his head looking sorrowful.
"You mean you went to all this trouble to tell me, and knew I won't remember? You took me here knowing that? You knew I wouldn't remember!" Clenching my hands I felt the hearts bite into my palm. "That's so unfair of you and so very wrong!"
"I took you here because it was the safest place to tell you of things that I cannot have overheard. It was the only place I could think of that you would be safe and we could freely talk."
"You took me here, told me and now I won't remember?" I was incredulous and getting angrier. "This is so messed up!" I burst out.
"You may recall a lot through what is called dream-slips. In your dreams, but" he shrugged helplessly "we have now. This moment. I'm so sorry Rowan. It was the best I could do." He looked so sad. "You may be able to remember, it's not certain. It is all I can do right now. I wanted to answer your questions" he looked at me with soul wrenching pain in his eyes. "But I didn't want the price for it to be your life!"
"Why did you even tell me that I wouldn't remember, why not just take me home and then you could have just left." I was grasping after hearing everything he had said how dangerous this was, but I was still having a hard time getting a hold of my temper.
He flinched at my words. "Because I think at some point, if not now, then surely later, you are going to remember. I want, no I need to be honest with you, in every way that I can without causing more harm. This is very serious Rowan and I do not want to lose you again. Honesty and trust are going to be paramount, your life could depend on it. And that burning need to know the answers will be gone at least. There will be a haziness, a feeling of knowing but not knowing."
"Oh and that makes it all better doesn't it?" I sighed. His words carried a warning that told me I would have to accept this, not like it, but accept it. I looked up again, at the incredible sky.
Standing up, he held out his hand to me.
One hand clutching the gift he'd made me, with the other I let him pull me up.
"This isn't fair!" I tried protesting once more.
"Perhaps that is so." he concurred "But remember what Tina said, there is a price to pay."
"I didn't know it would be my mind being erased!"
He rubbed my hand tenderly in his speaking softly. "Rowan, your mind isn't going to be erased. It will still be there. I've given you the key to remembering. You have to trust me now." he touched the pair of hearts in my hand. "You'll figure it out."
I didn't want to trust a possibility. "How do you know I'll figure it out?"
"Because my heart, my love, my soul," he touched my heart and then his own, "I know you."
I wished I had that much confidence.
"Trust me." his voice was husky. He was looking down at me as if he wanted to say something else.
Looking up at him standing before me, he seemed taller than I remembered, maybe in his angel form he was taller? After what he had just told me I couldn't think straight.
He leaned in closer to me his eyes piercing into mine so earnest and intent, I felt myself falter, as if I was no longer standing on solid ground, perhaps I wasn't.
His lips grazed my forehead softly.
I was disappointed. I yearned for more. What was wrong with me? It felt like I was on an emotional roller coaster rising up steeply and then plunging breathtakingly down.
He chuckled somehow understanding what I was feeling. "No Rowan, Not now, not this time. I want to kiss you, but I want it to be when I know you will remember it. Forever." He looked out over the horizon again. "You ready to go now? I've something else I want to show you."
"No."
He laughed again. "This is a beautiful place Rowan, but this is a nowhere place. You have a somewhere to go, and a something to do." his voice was like silk. "I am not sure what it is, but I know it's true. We have to go back."
"Just a little longer please?"
Pulling me close in a sweet embrace we stayed that way for a short time. Closing my eyes I tried to make this memory burn into my mind. I heard his heart beating its familiar rhythm.
And then we were flying. Not the same way that he had brought me here, more like floating effortlessly. Cradled in his arms against his chest we sailed over a dark turquoise colored sea dappled in diamond shards of Earth-star light and the two moons. On we flew over primordial forests and lush green oceans of vegetation. It was so pretty and so different from Earth. I really did want to stay here flying against this fairy-tale sky.
And then we were on an island in the middle of a pristine blue lake. A glistening white gazebo nearly obscured by dense, heavenly scented, lavender and white flowers that clung to it. Setting me down and taking my hand he led me inside.
"Look." he pointed toward a stunning view of the sky, the air smelled unlike anything I'd ever smelled before.
Running his hand over my hair smoothing it, he then pulled me close to his chest. His thumb running back and forth along my jaw line. "I love you Rowan Laurel Crofter" he murmured bending over me holding me close.
My heart lurched and then ached for who I used to be. I wanted to go back to who I was in my past life, or stay here never returning.
He whispered "Close your eyes now."
I didn't want to. I looked once more at the sky and then shut them. Again that pressure and sense of moving very fast and then his breath was warm in my ear. "You can open them now my love" his words soft like the brush of a feather.
When I opened my eyes I was standing in Bryce's living room. He stepped away from me, looking at me curiously, hopefully, and with an intensity I didn't understand.
As I stood there, an overwhelming feeling of disappointment enclosed around me and yet, I felt like I had been satisfied, my questions all answered. It was like the feeling of waking and not remembering a really awesome dream, but still able to recall the feeling of it having been incredibly awesome.
Bettina was there too, and Archer as if they'd been waiting for our return expectantly. Both were sitting on the couch and in tandem stood up. All were looking at me as if holding their breath. Waiting. For what? I looked down at the object in my hand, a pair of interconnected hearts made from wood and smiled.
"It's very pretty, thank you. Did you make this?" I looked around the room expectantly and saw disappointment etched in their three faces. Bryce looked more than disappointed, he looked lost and hurt. I couldn't understand his expression. What had I done wrong? "What's the matter?" Bryce's face tugged on my heart, an incredible well of heartache and loss.
Bettina came up and put her hand on her brothers arm "Bryce, let it go." she said softly "Give her time. You knew this could happen, would most probably happen."
She was speaking so quietly I almost couldn't hear her.
"Time?" I was confused. I had wanted answers and I felt as if I had gotten them, but I couldn't remember the answers. I was definitely missing something. I looked down at the tiny hearts and felt a warm rush of understanding and love.
Archer went back to the couch picking up something then turned back to me, holding out a coat. "It's Bryce's, like the last one," he smiled "but one you can keep, it will fit you better."
"Coat?" I looked at blankly.
Bettina looked at the coat "I am telling you, she would rather have one of mine!"
Archer shook his head.
"Whatever!" Bettina looked miffed but in a playful way. "Anyway, despite what my ape and oafish brothers' say, your dad is on his way up here. I've already talked to Sarah. I managed to catch her before she'd been able to reach your dad. She's in the know now, sort of." she smiled saucily. "She'll back your story. I just told her to stick with what you said."
"What did I say?" I looked helplessly at her.
Archer smiled and put his arm around my shoulders. "Just that you ran into me which is not a complete lie." Archer grinned and Bettina took over talking
"You chose to stay for a little bit and Sarah had to get home to return her mom's minivan. Which also isn't a lie." she looked proudly at Archer.
"Dad wasn't mad that I was here?"
"Nope. He wasn't too happy about driving up here in the snow but I offered to drive you back myself and he was not up for that at all. Said he wanted to be the one to take his daughter down off the mountain. He was so sweet, said he didn't want two ladies up on the mountains in the snow this time of night. I'm pretty certain he's still a bit shook up by your auto mishaps, wanted to be sure you got home safely himself."
"I can understand that completely!" Bryce murmured.
I felt like I was missing something, a huge chunk of something.
Archer pressed my Christmas card from Bryce in my hand. "You'll want this I am sure." he smiled. There was a look in his eyes. In that moment I felt that I knew him too. I don't know how and it wasn't the same way I knew Bryce, but —-somehow. I began feeling frustrated again. Why couldn't I figure this out?
The wooden hearts felt warm in my hand.
"I'll see you in school Rowan." Bryce's voice was husky and filled with emotion I couldn't grasp.
A horn honked outside.
"Your dad's here" Bettina was looking out the window. She came and gave me a hug. "It's going to be okay, you'll see. We will be here for you, me an Archer, and of course Bryce."
Bryce looked unhappy. Bettina came to stand beside him. "It will be okay, just you wait and see."
Archer playfully ruffled my hair. "I won't see you in school Monday though. I don't have to suffer that eternal hell like they do, going to school!" He grinned in obvious glee.
Bryce reached out and took the jacket from my hands helping me put it on. "You can keep this one." he smiled a bitter sweet smile. "I'll see you on Monday?"
I nodded and before I knew it he, his brother and sister were all escorting me out the door. Bryce helped me into dad's truck watching me buckle my seat belt.
"Drive safe Mr. Crofter," he closed the door and then placed his hands on the window frame bending over to look at me. He seemed to be caressing my face with his eyes. In a husky voice he murmured "see you soon Rowan." Bryce stepped away from dad's little pickup and was looking worried. Bettina came to stand beside him offering comfort.
Dad backed out of the driveway waving and cheerily calling out Merry Christmas, then rolled up his window the same time as I did. Clutching the pair of hearts in my hand as their house slipped away behind us, I tried to clear the fog from my mind.
"You have a good time tonight baby girl?" he asked me as we drove up the street.
Bettina was right, he wasn't mad at me.
"Yeah." I think I did anyway, what I could remember of it. It was like there was a block of some sort, something was missing from my memory. I wanted to be alone and try to work it out, remember— remember what?
"I didn't know you knew Bettina." he said conversationally breaking into my thoughts.
"You know her?"
"Sure, she works as a part time secretary for the plant. She comes in after school a few times a week to help Marlys."
"She does?"
"She didn't tell you?"
Whoops! Getting tricky here. I answered carefully. "Guess it just never came up." Thankfully dad didn't ask further. How would I explain being friends with her if I didn't even know she worked at the same place as my dad?
"She's a really good girl, Bettina is."
"Yeah, I am just getting to know her. She's nice."
"She's a real angel. Whole family is really good people I've heard."
Something he had just said brought something to mind. I just couldn't remember.
"Sarah get to hang out long?"
I reminded myself to call her when I got back. "Yeah, but she had to get home."
"Yeah, that's what Bettina said. She said you and Bryce had run to the store to get something and that she had offered to call for you since you left your phone in Sarah's van. You like that boy? He's Bettina's older brother or younger?"
I struggled to remember. Archer was the oldest, I remembered that but as for who was older Bryce or Bettina I couldn't remember so I winged it. "Bryce and Bettina are in the same grade as me." I remembered suddenly that Bryce was the youngest. "He skipped a grade." I answered firmly.
"Do I know him?"
"He's was the one that drove me home when my car slid off the road. And Archer, their older brother is the one who gave you my keys and backpack that same day"
"Ah! I've got it now." And then he had to pay closer attention to the road because we were going into some curves that led down into the Gully from the East side. The road was nowhere as bad as it was from the other direction. Nowhere. Why did that word catch in my mind like some kind of distant echo?
It was getting late when he turned pulled into our driveway. Closing his pickup's door I went up to the door ahead of dad who was fixing something in the bed of his truck. I went to unlock the house with the extra key we kept under the green painted cement frog who stood guardian over our front step.
"Guardian" I whispered the word I'd just thought. "Guardian?" Turning I looked around me still holding the hearts. What was it about that word?
Dad walked up just then having locked up his truck for the night.
"What's the matter?"
"Nothing, it's just a pretty night." I looked up at the stars. It reminded me of something else, something that was just out of reach.
"Yeah, pretty moon out tonight. Romantic." he said with a smile. "So, do you like him? I mean—"
"Dad! He's just a friend!"
He took the key from me because I was standing there looking up at the sky. Smiling still he unlocked it, holding it open for me. "A dad can care you know." He replaced the key under the frog.
"Hey, look!" hanging on the railing was my coat. "How did this get here?"
"I forgot it in Sarah's van, she must have dropped it off on her way home."
He handed it to me.
Only then did he notice the coat I was wearing and smiled. "Bryce's I take it?" he touched the black leather sleeve.
I nodded.
"When I was a kid we did that too. Only it was our letterman jacket that our girlfriends usually got from us." He smiled at a memory.
Standing on tip toe I kissed his cheek. "Thanks for coming up to get me dad."
"Of course baby, anytime."
"I'm going to bed now. It's been a long day." Grabbing my phone out of my coat pocket, I went upstairs, speed dialing Sarah who answered on the second ring, just as I was closing the door to my bedroom.
"Hi!"
"Oh my goddess! Rowan! I was so worried about you! Where did you go?"
I had to talk quietly, I didn't want dad to hear. "Hang on a sec, going to put some music on so dad doesn't hear."
"Okay, did you get your coat?"
"Yeah, hang on."
I put on something moody and edgy, making it loud enough where he wouldn't come in asking me to turn it down, but loud enough that he couldn't hear what I was saying.
"Okay, I'm back now."
"Good! Spill! Where were you tonight?"
"I ran into the boy who gave me my keys and brought my car with Bryce the day I slid on the hills coming home from school."
"You're kidding! Where was he?"
I giggled remembering "Walking down the middle of the street singing Christmas Carols! Loudly!"
"Get out! By himself?"
"Yup!" I laughed.
"Weird" she laughed.
"But seriously, he walked me to his house, you'll never guess whose house it was, and who is his brother and sister!"
"No, I won't so tell me!"
"Bryce and Bettina!"
"Oh no way! That explains why Bettina called me telling me that you would fill me in!"
"I know!" I exhaled loudly flopping back onto my bed clutching his jacket. "You're not going to believe what else!"
"Then tell me!"
"Bettina isn't his girlfriend— I am!"
Sarah squealed happily on the phone "Girlfriend you bagged yourself only the most drop dead handsome boy in the whole school! The bunnies are going to be drooling in rabid rage!" She hooted in laughter.
After a moment she demanded "Tell me how it happened! I want to know!"
I was quiet. How could I tell her when I couldn't remember myself?
"Come on! You simply must tell me all the juicy details! Did he kiss you?"
"Sarah!"
"Well, I am your best friend, you have to tell me!"
"Where does it say that?" I teased her.
"Well, it's in the friendship rule book!"
Rule. Rules. Guardian, Rules. What was it? I wanted to chase down the fleeting words. "Sarah? I've got another call coming in, can I call you back?" I lied needing some alone time.
"Sure! But you better tell me everything when you do!"