I'm stumbling on my feet as I crammed myself into the car, on my way to pick Aera up from work. Tonight was the night that I cook her a terrible meal and come forward about marriage. Definitely not a fitting combo.
I had consulted Jun yesterday on cooking, who to my lack of luck, was just as clueless as I. It was my only hope to resort to unhelpful guides on Google. My refrigerator at home is now full of groceries from last night's restock in preparation for today's disaster.
It was when I parked before the orphanage and called her, that I realized something was very wrong. She did not pick up, and nor did she read any of the texts I had left her throughout the day.
Suspicious and confused, I let myself out and stepped inside the building. I had no permission to enter the offices, and could only stand by the entrance, hoping to find a familiar face as everyone one else looked at me curiously. Some picked out their phones from their pockets and took photos. I didn't mind.
Fortunately for me, it did not take long to spot Axl, who was just crossing the room. I called out to him, "Hey, have you seen Aera?"
He looked confused when he heard my question, "She's not with you?"
Axl slowed down and stopped his walking, eyes now on me with his eyebrows scrunched.
"What do you mean by that?" This was starting to worry me. Did she not go to work today? Where else would she be?
"I haven't seen her all day. I just figured she was with you..seems like that's not the case."
"She hasn't answered my calls. We were supposed to meet up tonight. Do you have any idea where she might be?"
He shrugged, "She doesn't go much of anywhere else..maybe she stayed home today. It'd be most positive to assume that."
I nodded with a swallow, "I'll go check if she's there."
And that was exactly where I found her. I was walking up the metal stairs when I heard violent sounds of shattering glass. It didn't take me long to realize how ugly the situation has turned out to be. I skipped the steps up and pounded my fist against the door, ear resting on it to listen.
"Aera?" I called out. Something in me broke when I heard the sound of her crying. It wasn't like what I'd known before. I've seen her cry, with her tears and all, I've seen her hiccup and bury her hands in her face. But this was different. She was crying, shouting, like she was in pain. Every cry sounded like the life being sucked out of her.
I knew she wouldn't open the door for me, and chances are, she never heard me at all. I scrambled around for any spare keys, and found one right under the mat. My hands shook in anxiety as I unlocked the door.
There was Aera, on the floor with her hands to her chest. She was crying so hard, it scared me to see her like that. I couldn't do anything. I was frozen at my feet, and remained unnoticed as she sobbed with her hands pressed to the floor. I really feel like a part of me died when I saw her.
Finally getting myself together, I quickly closed the door and made my way to sit down next to her.
"Aera." I spoke quietly this time, hands on her shoulders. She was shaking, badly. She turned to look at me. And that was when I saw her face. She was an absolute mess. I cannot imagine what on earth could make someone look so broken.
"I.." Aera tried to speak with her eyes leaking with overflowing tears. I held her face in my palms, thumbs wiping them away before they could drop from her cheeks. I swallowed the lump in my throat. Seeing her like this made me want to cry.
"I...woke up..a-and..l-looking in..closet...f-found-" Aera was all over the place, with her sobs and her words mixing in together.
"Aera, I can't understand you," I pulled Aera into my arms with her hands pressed on my chest, arms crammed between the both of us.
"I'm gonna move us to the bed, so you don't sit on the ground, okay?" I got no verbal reply, as she was busy trying to breathe, but I felt her nod, so I knew it was okay.
After she was seated on the mattress, I looked to the remains of the broken plate on the floor, and I'm assuming that's what I'd heard walking up here.
"Do you have a broom?" I asked her. She nodded. I then asked her where it was and eventually got to sweeping up the broken pieces.
By the time I dumped everything in the trash can, her breathing was beginning steady and I saw that she was already calmed down with only dried tears in sight.
"What happened?" I finally asked again, sitting down next to her.
"I was..looking in the closet for something to wear this morning, and I ended up looking too deep," She sniffs, so I reached behind and got her a tissue. She took it and blew out her nose.
"I found the documents that were used when Lana and I first went to the orphanage..it got me thinking about everything before it. I just..." Her face grimaced, and for a second I feared that she would cry again. But she held it in with a hard swallow.
"Everything fell on me suddenly, like I was back to being that sixteen year old. Like it was all yesterday. I couldn't get it out of my head, the sight of my parents dying on me. And..what it was like at the car crash.." She buried her head in her hands with a heavy breath.
"It was horrifying, to be in the backseat..and being so close to death, like you're on the edge of the cliff. But I survived and my parents just..left me here. I'm thinking, maybe I've just been pushing everything to the back of my mind for all these years. I never really..got over anything."
Maybe it's selfish, maybe it's inevitable, I couldn't help but think about my father, who'd left me three years ago. Of course, I had months to prepare for his death, whereas Aera had her life fall down on her so suddenly. But I'd be lying if that had made it any less painful. Losing someone is scary. It's not something you can really ever get used to.
"I get it." I told her, because I really do.
"People abandoned us too..I'd understand if it were just me, but I had Lana with me, she was so young." Aera turned to me, her eyes shined with tears that threatened to drop.
"I looked back and realized how alone I was growing up. I felt so angry thinking about it, and so cold..like I'd been emptied out." Her eyebrows furrowed, as she was struggling to describe how she felt. I couldn't find any words on Earth that could make her feel better, so I just hugged her. I took her in my arms and kissed her crown.
"I'm so tired, Jungkook, of..everything. I don't understand why I had to grow up like that. I'm only twenty two, but I already feel so old..like the passion and life is already draining out of me. If God truly exists, I know for sure that I'm not his favourite."
I felt her fingers cling onto my white button-up, "You're my favourite."
Aera broke into a soft chuckle at my words. Despite feeling offended, I'm glad it was enough to make her laugh.
"I'm serious, what are you laughing at?" I jabbed at her side jokingly. Her gaze draws to the floor, then at me. We're both silent until she flashes me a bitter smile, and holds my cheek in her palm.
"Thank you for being by my side. And even for the three years that we were apart, I know you never really left me." I smiled into her hand, with mine caressing the back of her head.
"When you were cleaning up the glass, do you know what calmed me down?"
I shook my head.
"I saw you with that broom, with your sleeves all rolled up, and that look on your face..it made me realize how I've really been loved all this time. I felt less alone then."
A smile takes over my face as I leaned in to kiss her temple, "You've had a rough day. You should go to sleep."
"Oh, are you going home now?"
I shake my head, "I'll spend the night here with you, if you don't mind."
I don't want her to be alone tonight. I know that at least I wouldn't like to be alone on a night like this. When my father just passed, the loneliness really hurt me, almost just as much as his death did. My mother took the route of alcohol and staying out until midnight. I can't blame her. To stay in a place that fills with memories of your dead husband would be suffocating. And maybe it wouldn't have been the best to be with my mentally unstable mother at such fragile times. But the me then might've been desperate enough to yearn for any kind of company.
"Of course it's okay. I'd kidnap you if it was legal."
She joked. And honestly, I wouldn't mind if she did.
I didn't try to talk to rid the silence, as we laid in bed. She rested on my bare chest, as I held her in my arms. Our legs intertwined with each other's, with my fingers stuck in her hair. I didn't mind the peaceful silence, but she seemed to have something in mind when she sat up from my chest with a gasp, "Oh my god, I'm so sorry!"
Confusion took over my face as I looked up at her, "What is it?"
"I completely forgot about our dinner together! You had something you wanted to tell me, what was it?"
Ah, shit. My ears went red as I frantically shook my head, "It wasn't anything important, let's just go back to sleep.
I set a hand on her back and tried to push her down to me, but she stayed in the cradled position, eyes still wide with curiosity.
"You were going to cook dinner..I wanted to try your food. I'm really sorry..." She really shouldn't be as guilty as she is.
I shook my head, because goodness no, "Nah, it would've tasted trash anyway."
I gave a stronger push and finally got her to come back down to me. I wrap my arms around Aera's waist as she hooked hers around my neck.
"I'm sure it would've been splendid," She mumbled on my neck with a pout, "We should have a do-over tomorrow."
I hummed nonchalantly, dismissing the topic, "You're tired, just go to sleep."