Rachael
"This camp is okay, isn't it?" I ask Olivia doubtfully. "It seems like it will be alright."
"I dunno. It always starts out okay, but it goes wrong, doesn't it?"
"Don't be like that. Don't be negative. It might be fine. And hey, at least we get to share a room here. It's just me and you. We could be stuck with loads of other people. Danny and Oliver did well to get us in."
I list the possible positives, ticking them off on my hand as I go. I need these plus points as much as Olivia. If not more. The more time that passes, the lower I sink.
She blows out a giant breath of air and flops onto her mattress. "I suppose."
I don't like seeing Olivia like this, it frightens me. Especially at a time like this when we should be happy. We're not on the road, we have safety, we have walls around us and other people, food and drink too, this is ideal.
For this life anyway.
"What's going on with you?"
"I dunno. My head is all over the place at the moment. I miss before. I know we keep talking about it, but I really miss it. School, homework, parties, the lot. Even the parts I shouldn't miss, I do. I want to go back there. It's annoying that isn't possible."
I slide down into a sitting position and nod agreeably. I can battle the sadness as much as I can but with my friend in this pensive mood I only have so much strength.
"I know what you mean. I keep thinking about it as well. This isn't a life, is it? It's just us existing, trying to get by. Surviving. Enduring each day."
"Exactly. And if it isn't going to get better, then what is the point? We aren't happy, no one is happy in this life. I honestly don't know if I can do this for the rest of my life. Don't you agree? What's the point of living?"
I pause for a beat too long. "I don't know. I really don't."
Olivia's head falls into her hands and I do the same. Actually, it's a bit of a relief to slide my eyes closed, to press my palms into them, and to block out the world. She's too right about too many things. This isn't really the sort of future any of us envisioned having.
"I suppose the only thing we can do is keep going," I murmur into my hands. "Isn't it? It might not be what we wanted, but surely, we can find some way to make it worthwhile."
"It won't be easy," Olivia warns. "What can we have to live for here?"
"I don't know, but we'll find something, won't we? Me and you. We're kick ass independent women." I force a weak smile on my face. "If anyone can do it, we can?"
Olivia sighs and smiles back. "You know what, it's that or give up, isn't it?"
"So, we're gunna do it? We'll find something to live for?"
I hold out my pinky finger and she curls hers around mine to shake it. "That's right. We will."