3 years later~
DANIELLA POV
I saw Lawrence at the couch with my sister playing XBOX. Like seriously, everytime he visits me, he'll go ask ask my sister to play with him. Not that I mind of course but actually I'm irritated when they get shouting with each other.
"I WON! I WON AGAIN kuya Rence!" shouted Shiarra. Eto na naman silang dalawa.
"No you didn't, you cheated Sha, we weren't supposed to used the cheats! We had the deal, remember?" said Rence, teasingly.
"Nope" Sha emphasizes the "p" with the huge grin on her face.
When Rence saw me, he smiled in an instant and walk over then he kissed me in the forehead. I hugged him because it's almost four months since the last time that I saw him.
"I miss you so much babe, how is your work today? Did you miss me too?" His eyes were shining while asking those questions.
I smiled.
"I missed you too babe" and then I gave him a peck on his cheeks.
**
I'm currently lying on my bed habang si Rence and Sha nasa labas still playing. 3 years here in L.A and I'm still coping. 3 years and I still miss them, I miss him. Every year hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili ko, tinatawagan ko si Lance and Ace because I can't missed calling them.
Ayaw na ni kuya na bumalik pa ako sa Pilipinas because nothing is worth going back. Gusto niya dito na ako sa L.A forever.
I need to relax and forget. Ive already done it for three years, habangbuhay pa kaya? Tatlong taon akong nagtiis na wala siya sa buhay ko. Na hindi siya nakikita. May asawa na ba siya? may mga anak?
Ha.
Kinalimutan niya na ba ako? Galit na galit ba siya sa akin? Kakayanin ko to. Kakayanin kong wala wala siya.
"So that's what he thought! And I remember tito Vince asking me about his new Audi" maingay na nagkukwento si kuya Josh kay Rence.
"And then you surely had said "oh new, nice" and then he would've thought diferently" sagot naman ni Rence. Hindi ko naman maintindihan kwentuhan nilang dalawa. Magulo silang kausap.
I closed my eyes.
And when I open it again, katabi ko na si Rence sa kama.
"I knocked but you didn't answer so I came in then I saw you're sleeping and then I slept next to you" pagpapaliwanag niya. I kissed him on the cheek.
"It's okay" Alam kasi ni Rence na ayaw kong nagugulo ang aking privacy. Here in L.A I've been a very private person even Sha doesn't know how my mind works. I changed. I changed for the better tulad nga ng sabi ni kuya.
"Do you...do you want to eat dinner outside? I mean, do you want to...?" kinakabahang tanong ni Rence. Ang cute niya kasi nag ba-blush siya. He's been like that ever since I know him. Kapag inaaya niya akong lumabas lagi siyang kinakabahan. May fear of rejection kasi si Rence. And it's not just that, umuwi siya ng L.A because of me.
"Wait for me downstairs. I have to change okay?" He nods then kissed my forehead.
Ang sweet talaga ni Rence.
He's the perfect guy I've ever known. Wala na akong mahihiling pa. Hinding hindi ko aalisin sa buhay ko si Rence. He will be in my life as long as I live. I will never leave him.
Just like how I left Ice.
Ang sama ng ginawa ko, but this is for the better. I have to do this. And gahd it's been 3 years pero hindi ko pa rin mapatawad ang sarili ko. I can't.
Pagkalabas ni Rence dumiretso na kaagad ako sa comfort room. I opened the shower and sabay ng pagtulo ng tubig sa katawan ang luha na kanina ko pang pinipigilan.
Hinding hindi ko mapapatawad ang sarili ko.
**
Kotse ni Rence ang gamit namin, buti na lang at umuwi na si kuya Josh at Sha (may sarili silang tinitirhan) kasi baka sumama pa ang dalawang asungot na yon.
I keep my eyes on the right side. ayoko kasing mapansin ni Rence na umiyak ako. At tsaka ayokong isipin niya na mahal ko pa rin si Ice. Nakapagmove on na ako.
"So sa dati ba tayo, or yung bagong vintage resto? What do you want babe?" he asked.
"Anywhere is fine"
Why do I feel like this night will be the worst night of my life?
**
We went to this new vintage looking 5 star restaurant. It looks really expensive pero alam ko namang si Rence ang gagastos so yeah. Haha. Takaw mode on. but still, I have to keep my figure.
I was wearing my casual clothes so I feel like I'm underdress. Tapos nung tiningnan ko si Rence wearing his gray long sleeeves with blue tie, ang gwapo niya and almost every girls are looking at him. Sorry na lang sila because he's already taken.
"I feel the need to go home and change, can we just go to other place?" I said while grimacing. Nahihiya ako. As a Corporate Communications Manager, nahihiya ako.
"No, you look really beautiful in any dress or shirts you wear babe" Kumindat pa ang walanghiyang si Rence.
We sat down and ordered. Almost the same with other resto pero mas expensive. Siguro mga 3 to 5 months pa lang tong place. Palibhasa paminsan minsan na lang ako nakakapag dinner sa labas kaya hindi ko napansin na may bagong resto.
"What's the name of the place again?" I asked Rence. He was busy looking at his phone. He glance up and answered.
"If I remember it right, A & I? or I & A?" he smiled.
Fishy.
**
In fairness, ang sarap ng foods dito especially the fettucini. I'm sure babalik ako dito next time. Ang ganda din ng ambiance ng place. So classy and elegant. Hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili kong humanga. It feels like the place was ceated via emotions of the person who owned it.
I love this place. Soothing.
"Is there something wrong?" sabi ni Rence habang nakangiti. I smiled back. Kakaiba talaga tong dating ni Rence. He's pulling all the negativity in my life. Kaya lagi akong naka depend sa kanya which I hate. I feel so weak. Ayoko nang nanghihina ako, na I'm so helpless but I have to admit the fact that I am.
"None, its just...I'm so helpless without you and I can't help it Rence" He chuckled. Kainis inaasar na naman ako nang isang to. Hirap nung ginawa ko ah, na umamin. It feels like a confession.
"I know babe, that's why I'm always here" pininch pa niya ang cheeks ko. Paboritong paborito talaga ni rence ang pisngi ko.
Napangiti ko.
At nawala din bigla when I saw a pregnant girl passing by wearing a red flowery dress. My heart began thumping na halos hindi ako makahinga. Nakatingin sa akin si Rence habang nakatingin ako sa babaeng yun.
Halos nangangatal akong ininom ang tubig. My heart is beating so fast. I think that I might explode. Natatakot ako. Takot na takot ako.
Nakasimangot na si Rence at sinundan niya ang tiningnan kong babae na umakyat sa second floor. the wall was glass so it was transparent at kitang kita ko ang babaeng yun. She was talking to some of the employees at parang nag uutos siya.
"Babe?"
Please. Tumakas ako for 3 years and I don't want to face it yet.
"hey babe? what's wrong?" Hinawakan na ni Rence ang kamay ko. I felt his warm that's why I came back to my senses.
"Babe? seriously, what's wrong? please..." hindi pa rin ako makatingin ay Rence. My eyes were set to the girl with the red flowery dress na nasa second floor pa rin.
Oh gahd. Now I know
She's the owner!
Tumingin ako kay Rence. At napansin kong kabang kaba na siya dahil sa nangyayari sa akin. My tears are begging to come out from my eyes.
Kulang na lang ata sumabog ang puso ko, or ang utak ko. The thoughts that I kept inside my mind, I think...I think my past is haunting me.
"Rence..I..I..I think.." hindi ko masabi!
Napatayo na lang ako, mabilis kong hinigit si rence palabas but it was too late. I knew it. I fucking knew it.
"Daniella?" Alodia said.
**
Nasa isang private room kami sa A & I resto. Kaharap ko ngayon si Alodia, luckily I'm with Rence. She didn't greet me with warm hug nor a smile. Hindi ko mabasa ang iniisp niya. Naalala ko ang ginawa niya kay Hannah noon and I don't want that to happen to me. I held Rence hand and squeezed it na halos mamula na ang mga kamay niya.
I'm so scared.
"It's been what? 2..3 years?" ate Alodia said without smiling. Parang na freeze na ang mukha niya. I deserve this naman. Para sa ginawa kong kasalanan. Para sa pag-alis ko, karapat dapat lang na maging cold saken si ate Alodia.
"I'm..I'm so--" hindi ko na natapos ang sasabihin ko dahil isang sampal ang binigay sakin ni ate Alodia. I knew that was coming.
Napahawak ako sa pisngi ko. Tatayo na sana si reence when I stopped him. Okay na sa akin na nandito siya. Na he's there for me.
"You have no fucking right to apologize" she said coldly.
Sinampal niya ako ulit.
Napansin kong pigil na pigil si Rence dahil sa ginagawa sa akin ni ate Alodia. Ngumiti lang ako kay Rence and then I nodded to show that it's okay.
"I'm really sorry" I blurted out. She asked me to stay with Ice, to tae care of him pero hindi ko ginawa. Umalis ako. Iniwan ko yung mga taong mahal ko because I'm too weak to stay. Kasi sobrang daming sakit na ang naranasan ko.
I have to move on.
I had to.
"Why... for fuck sake Daniella, why?" tanong ni ate Alodia. Nakasimangot siya at alam kong ang dami dami niyang gustong itanong. To know the reason behind.
Hindi ako makasagot. Kahit anong gawin ko, ang hirap takasan ang nakaraan. I knew this was coming but I never knew it will be this hard.
"When Lance told me that he loves me, I was shocked to the point na hindi ko matanggap because I don't deserve that kind of love, because I can't ... I can't.. no, I don't want to hurt him.." I stared at her eyes with full intensity. She knew it all along. Gusto lang talaga niyang sabihin ko.
Matagal ko na tong tinago.
Rence squeezed my hand. I don't want him to let go. Please after this. I don't want him to leave tulad ng ginawa ko noon.
"because of Ice, nasaktan ako and I know that I hurt him. Na sa sobrang sakit ng ginawa ko, umiyak siya. Umiiyak si Ice that night. He want me back. You know ate Alodia one of the reasons I left?" I clenched my other fist na hindi hawak ni Rence.
Nakatingin pa rin sa akin si ate Alodia.
"I left because he never asked me to stay"
Umiling ako. Tapos tulo na ng tulo ang luha ko. Pupunasan na sana ni Rence ang mga luha ko when I pushed his hand away.
I deserve this.
"Lance is my strength, he was the only peson na nagtyaga sa akin" I'm already getting to the point.
Tahimik pa ring nakiinig si ate Alodia at Rence.
"We...we...Lance and I..." bakit hindi ko masabi?
"One of the reason I left because I was afraid, I was weak, na hindi ko kinaya ang ginawa ni Ice for me, he used Hannah, for freaking fucking sake he used Hannah para mawalay ako kay Ace" using my thumb I wipe my tears away.
"And then... Lance...Lance and I did it. We.. we had..s--" hindi ko natapos ang sasabihin ko kasi bigla akong niyakap ni ate Alodia.
Hindi naman ako umalis dahil sa ginawa ni Ice.
I left because of what I did.
Hindi ako makatingin kay Rence kahit kay ate Alodia. Ang dumi ko. Yung tibok ng puso ko ay doble pa kesa kanina nung nakita ko si ate Alodia.
At ang mga luha ko?
Ngayon pa lang ako umiyak na wala nang tumutulong luha dahil ubos na. Dahil bawat gabi na nandito ako sa L.A, habang tinatakasan ko ang ginawa ko, hindi ko mapigilang maiyak.
"You hate me ate, I know, I deserve it" sabi ko while clenching my fists. Bumitiw na sakin kanina si Rence. Nakatingin na lang siya sa magkayap na ako at si ate Alodia.
"I don't hate you, you know that, sa lahat ng tao, you should know that I won't hate you, not right now, not ever" dun ko na napansin ang mga luhang tumutulo sa mata niya.
ganito pala ang feeling. Sobrang sakit. Gusto kong magwala. Gusto kong ibuhos ang galit ko sa sarili ko.
"Ate... I miss you" bulong ko.
This is my most vulnerable side. Oo, iyak ako ng iyak noon pero naiiyak lang ako noon kasi alam ko naman na at the end of the day may taong magpapasiya sakin. May mga taong nagmamahal sakin. Na I'm not alone. Na there are people who would be with me if I'm crying.
Pero this time,
this is my miserable state because for the first time, I feel so helpless. I know not even Rence and ate Alodia could be on my side this time.
I'm now alone.
"I missed you too, I miss you and B7, they misses you too." Ngumiti siya sakin at siya ang nagpunas ng mga luha ko. Lumabas muna sandali si rence to give us some space.
Naging kaclose na din pala niya ang B7 at ang mga friends ko. Kinuwento na niya sakin ang lahat. Tuwang tuwa akong malaman na may baby na si Lance and Hannah. And they were about to get married next year. Si Janine and Keith naman steady pa rin. They've been through so much, especially Janine. Wala pa rin silang anak but I know that they are happy especially sa mga kwento ni ate Alodia. Si Raj naman may business na pinapamahalaan niya and he's fine by now. May girlfirend na daw si Raj pero wala pang nakakaalam except Lance kung sino yung babae.
Si Sae and Dars, nakakausap ko paminsan minsan pero hindi pa rin maayos ang kalagayan ni Sae. Ayon sa kwento ni ate ALodia, hirap na hirap na daw si Sae. Pareho kaming napaiyak. Sae...my bestfriend, my sister in another mother. Alam kong kahit si Dars hirap na hirap na din but he would stay forever with her. At least their love will be forever. Dun ko napatunayan na forever do exist.
I told ate Alodia everything. My life here, the worst thing that ever happened to me here in L.A and when I met Rence. Madami akong kinuwento tungkol kay Rence. Here in L.A si Rence ang buhay ko. I can't live without him.
Biglang nagbukas ang pinto,akala ko si Rence na pero nagulat ako. Sa sobrang saya ko tumakbo ako at yumakap sa kanya. First time ko tong ginawa pero sobra ko din siyang namiss.
Wait....bakit siya nandito?
Napatigil ako. I looked at him then kay ate, then sa kanya then kay ate. OMG.
"Uhm.. madami namang may alam except sayo, because of course you're not there but we've been married mag tu-two years na. Uhm, hahahaha wait natatawa ako sa reaction mo Daniella" pang aasar ni ate.
"You...and...KYO?!" napalakas ang boses ko. I mean I'm not expecting this! And then napatingin ako sa tiyan niya. Buntis nga pala siya! OMG.
"Hey boss maka react ka naman diyan, parang di ka makapaniwalang magpapatali din ako ah" pang aasar ni Kyo.
Hay nako. Bagay talaga sila.
"I mean..wow...WOW talaga, I'm not expecting this, akala ko foreigner napangasawa mo ate eh, I'm...I guess I'm still shock" sabi ko na halos nakanganga pa rin. Natatawa lang sila sa reaction ko.
"Well, eto eh, pinikot ako" he put his arms to ate Alodia's shoulder. Siniko tuloy siya ni ate. He looks so happy. They look so happy together. Na parang pieces of puzzle na hindi mabubuo pag wala ang isa.
"I miss you boss" tumingin sakin si Kyo and smiled. I missed him too.
Yumakap ako sa kanilang dalawa.
I've never been so happy my whole life.
**
Hinatid ako ni Rence sa bahay nina ate Alodia dito sa L.A, for sleepover!! I miss this. Hindi pa rin niya ako iniimikan. I kissed him on the cheeks nung pababa na ako ng kotse. Pero pinigilan niya muna ako and he looked at me straight in the eyes.
"I...I..I'm always here, remember that" tumango ako and then I smiled.
Halos tatakbo akong pumasok sa bahay nila. Para akong bata na bibigyan ng madaming chocloates at candy na sobrang excited. Ininvite kasi nila ako for the night and I gladly accepted it.
I knocked at mabilis binusan ni Kyo ang pinto.
"Woah, excited much boss?" I hugged him so hard that I can't even breathe.
Umiling iling na lang siya. We went to the living room kung nasan si ate Alodia. Nakapagpalit na din siya like me. Umuwi din kasi ako para magpalit ng damit at dire diretso dito.
Umupo ako sa tabi ni ate Alodia. Natatawa siya sa akin.
Ang dami naming pinagkwentuhan. Hindi ata kami mauubusan ng topic. Tapos kinuwento din niya saken ang love story nila ni Kyo. Bago pa daw niya napatino si Kyo dahil sa dami niyang babae. Bago pa daw siya nainlove kay Kyo, si Kyo ang laging nariyan para sa kanya. Nung oras na nahihirapan siya for Ace.
No story about Ice.
Inamin ko na din sa kanila ang kwento namin ni Lance. Lance and I promised not to tell anyone about it. Itago na lang namin. It was a sin. A SIN I COMMITED.
Naluluha akong kinuwento ang lahat. Kahit si Kyo tahimik na nakikinig.
Nagtanong na din ako tungkol sa kalagayan ni Ace. They said that he wasn't okay.
It's my fault.
And then.. out of nowhere..
"Nabisita mo ba si Ice?" biglang nasabi ni Kyo. Napatingin naman ako kaagad sa kanya tapos si ate Alodia ay parang nainis dahil nadulas si Kyo.
Si Kyo naman ay napatigil.
"What did you mean... nabisita?"it's back. the loud beating of my heart.
Tumingin ako kay ate Alodia. She sigh.
"I don't...he asked me not to tell you, nangako ako. I promised I won't tell you. But I guess this is for the better"
Kabang kaba ako. I don't know what's going to happen. It was like an avalanche or a sandstom swallowed me up. I'm back with the darkness that I wanted to escape. To run away from. How did life get this hard? I imagined myself living as a normal teenager. Paano kaya kung hindi ako nakipag away nun kay Jake. Makikilala ko ba siya?
I guess. Pero maiiba sana ang mga pangyayari.
Pero pano kung iniwasan ko si Ike non. Pano kung hindi ko siya naging crush non? Pano kung di ko siya minahal?
Ibang Ice ang makikilala ko.
Hindi yung Ice na minahal ko.
"He's in the mental for he past 3 years"
The darkness swallowed me up. I collapsed.
**
♪ ♫ ♬ Merrily we fall
Out of line, out of line
I’d fall anywhere with you
I’m by your side ♪ ♫ ♬
When I opened my eyes si Rence ang nakita ko. His mint green eyes. That eyes that keeps me calm. And then napaupo ako. Nakita ko si ate ALodia, Kyo isn't around.
"I called him using your phone, you fainted and... Daniella... I'm sorry for not telling you" umiiyak na din si ate Alodia.
I was about to say something pero napatigil ako.
"Babe? Babe, what do you want? juice? water? anything?" nag-aalalang tanong ni Rence.
"How? I...I mean...why?" tanong ko kay ate Alodia.
Nung una hindi siya makapagsalita. Inisip niya siguro kung sasabihin sa akin o hindi. But she picked the former.
"When...when you left, he's too broken, no, he was shattered. Unti unti nagbago siya. It was because, sobra siyang naapektuhan nung iniwan mo siya, you are his light in the wold of darkness, Ganun ka kamahal ng kapatid ko. You're his guide but you left him. You left him and his negative thought swallowed him up...
you.. you don't even know, hindi mo nakita ang paghihirap niya. Daniella, it was the worst thing that I saw my whole life, it was heartbreaking.
I'm not angry at you Daniella, I don't blame you.
But please... please... please.. leave Ice alone and don't go back in his life anymore"
♪ ♫ ♬ I’m not afraid, anymore
I’m not afraid ♪ ♫ ♬
Hindi ako umiyak. Pagod na pagod na ako. Kung iiyak at iiyak lang din ako, walang mangyayari.
Inalalayan ako ni Rence na tumayo. Kinuha ko ang bag ko. Tumigil ako sa harap ni ate Alodia. I saw his features at her. His lips and eyes, magkapatid talaga sila ni ate Alodia.
I'm falling apart.
"Thank you, thank you for telling me... ate, I'm not going to ruin Ice life anymore" pumikit ako.
♪ ♫ ♬ Swinging in the rain
Humming melodies
We're not going anywhere until we freeze ♪ ♫ ♬
Mas humigpit ang pagkakahawak ko sa tahimik na si Rence.
Ayoko nang magulo pa. I'm happy here with Rence. He makes me happy. he's been with me for the past 3 years. Kahit umaalis siya minsan for out of country meetings, kahit kelan hindi niya ako iniwan, I always feel like he's always there for me. Whatever happens.
Bakit ko babalikan kung nandito na ang aking present and future sa L.A?
Of course I won't let it destroy my life now. I'm already destroyed.
I smiled. A smile with no happiness in it.
"I'm going to heal him"
♪ ♫ ♬ Forever is a long time
But I wouldn't mind spending it by your side ♪ ♫ ♬
But I won't let Ice destroy his life.
I thought I'm not going back, but I already made up my mind. Because I can sacrifice myself, my own life for him, I can give him my everything, my life, my happiness, para sa kanya lahat lahat. I love him. I love him so much.
My love for him is so powerful that I can't even love somebody else.
I'm falling apart and now I'm going to drown myself.. for you Ice.
♪ ♫ ♬ I wouldn't mind it at all
I wouldn't mind it at all ♪ ♫ ♬
AN: MAHAL NA MAHAL KO KAYO! HAHAHAHHA THANK YOU FOR WAITING!! ALAM KO INIS NA INIS KAYO SAKEN AT GUSTO NIYO NA AKONG SABUNUTAN HAHAAH PERO SALAMAT TALAGA FOR READING THIS. ONE LAST CHAPTER. I LABYOW GUYS! FEEL FREE TO ASK QUESTIONS OR PM ME WHATSOEVER. HAHAHA SORRY TALAGA DAHIL SUPER LATE KO NA NAKAPAG UPDATE. SIRA ANG LAPTOP KO AND THEN MY STUDIES HEHE. SORRY! (^.^)V