Sometimes memories sneak out of our eyes and roll down our cheeks.
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The previous night had been amazing to Lina, in such a way that she felt the dawn took forever before it appears. At the first call of Adhan from the mosque in their area she woke up, prayed her Nawafil and Subh prayer, took her bath and got dressed.
She didn't forget - when she was overwhelmed - to ask for permission and genuinely was granted one. She was surprised, yet she accepted it, after all that was what she was aiming for.
Finishing the last touch of her granola, she arranged it on the table, set everything out and headed back to the corridor. She was in no mood for food, her happiness has already feed up her grumpy stomach. Eating the food means wasting more time, she isn't ready to waste a single second from now.
She knocked on his door twice. After a little silence, although she could hear little shuffling of objects from the other side, his voice came out. She didn't waste a minute in responding "I'm done, I'll be going" her voice filled with excitement.
"Take your time"
That too surprised her. She hurriedly replied him with an 'okay, thank you' before she waste time whilst he changes his mind. The moment she buckled herself between the seat and the seat belt, a whoosh of an air escaped her lips, in relief and contentment. She smiled to her view in the rear view mirror. That smile really adorned her pale face.
She prayed her du'a whilst she set the car in motion, welcoming herself to the tranquil surrounding of their street - being tranquil before the lopsided Jeanne starts her job, gossiping - she turned on her now everyday company, Yusuf Islam's nasheed.
Being it a Saturday morning, the roads were peaceful and calm, everything going out gently and smooth. It took her a few minutes before she arrives at the parking space of the gigantic and erect firm building of the City Hospital.
After she was back, she visited Ms Amrah thrice but all during those visits she was still unconscious. The family were in a great melancholy and grief with her condition, adding to the fact that none of her family is still found. As usual, Labiba and Ms Rayn took turns in looking after her. Labiba being the one to stay during the day while Ms Rayn takes after her at the evening and sleeps the night at the hospital.
But what the doctor informed them about the previous night brought smile to the face of all. She was up and conscious, weary and weak. Although he said she might forget some little things, that didn't bothered to them. She was up and hoping to be healthy and back to normal. That was all they wanted.
Following the new directions Labiba sent to her to the new room of Ms Amrah - after being moved from the ICU to the sick room - she arrived at the fourteenth room by the left side on the second floor.
Locating her father and Ayoub on the reclining chair of the long hallway, she was confirmed. Ayoub's eye sparkled on seeing Lina, with a dazzling smile he runs to her, hugging her legs tightly to his chest.
"Calm down Ayoub. I'm right her, you're hurting my legs" she carried him up to her waist, moving to where her father is. She missed his chubbiness and giggles, laughs and smile. To say the least, her too were rarely seen since from the day she left her father's house because Ayoub plays the major role in liting her day with his childishness.
"Assalamu Alaikum, Abuya"
"Wa'alaikissalam Lina. Here, sit" he moves to the end, giving both Ayoub and her the space. "How are you?" He questioned after she has settled down with Ayoub on her laps.
"Alhamdulillah, I'm fine. I can see you're happy today. What's popping?" She quizzically questioned with the smile playing on his lips.
"Nothing that much, just Ayoub telling me how.."
"No grandpa. That's cheating" cried Ayoub, poking a finger at Malik accusing. He hurriedly close his mouth with his palm giving Lina a lopsided grin.
"Cheating about what?"
"He cheated. He promised he won't tell you but now he is trying to"
"Grandpa's cheating" Lina joked, poking a finger too at Malik's forearm.
"You tell her, let me get you your promised sweets" said Malik to Ayoub getting up from his seat.
"Double it" Lina said with a grin "I'm here"
"You know what Khaltu?" Ayoub asked the moment Malik rounded the corner to the elevator. "I'm starting nursery school!" He exclaimed, chirruped.
"Wow! When?"
"Uhm next..Uhm. What is it's name? I dunno" he huffed.
"Next session?" His face lit up, nodding his head concurrently.
"That's it!"
"Let's go inside. What have you gotten for now?"
"Mama bought me my school bag, launch box, pencils..." That's how they entered the hospital room of Ms Amrah with Ayoub saying out numerous items of what his mother bought for him.
Both Labiba and Ms Rayn were in, trying to cheer Ms Amrah up and keep her company. The previous night when Ms Rayn was beside her bed saying her tasbeeh, she heard some little blabbing, when she turned she found Ms Amrah trying to open her eyes. She gasped in excitement, hurried out and informed the nurse. When they came back together with the doctor, her eyes were fully open but still she wasn't fully back to consciousness.
The doctor, with the help of the nurse examined her, her heart monitor, the cannula and removed the oxygen machine. He assured Ms Rayn that she's finally awake. After he left, she moved closer to Ms Amrah and what surprised her the most was that, silently, she was calling Lina's name, seeking for her attention.
When she heard it almost four times, making sure that she was right, she dialed Labiba's number and informed her and that was how Labiba too called Lina and informed her about the current condition.
She sat on the bed, her pillow supporting her back, with a tray containing an oat bowl, a cuppa and a plate of sandwiches while she holds a bowl of vegetable soup with her left hand, eating from it with her right.
The moment her eyes landed on the figure standing by the door frame with utter surprise, she placed the bowl back on the tray, passed it to Labiba and opened her right hand, welcoming Lina into a hug, making sure that her broken arm was out of the way. Her neck has healed but still she feels pain whenever she turns her head but to her left arm, it hasn't.
For a moment she didn't hesitate, she accepted it. She hugged her with all the emotions she could. She missed her so much.
"You're finally awake Ms Amrah" she said between hugs, a joyful tear slipping from her eye.
"I am!"
"I just can't believe it. You've been here for weeks, unconscious for that matter. Ya Allah! How are you feeling?" She sat back beside her on the bed.
"Alhamdulillah Lina. Just feeling a little dizzy up here" she motioned towards her head, which is securely wrapped.
"In Shaa Allah it'll heal, with time" she assured her. Turning to Ms Rayn and Labiba, she both hugged them. It was the first time she saw Labiba after she came back. All the time she visited Ms Amrah, she wasn't around. Only for Ms Rayn.
☆☆☆
At Zuhr, after Labiba, Ayoub had left and Ms Rayn too has gone home with Malik to prepare their launch, Lina was left alone with Ms Amrah.
She looked up at her, with so much adoration. She just don't know why but the woman besides her here do inspires her alot. From her modesty, calmness, intelligence and her interaction with people, she just admires her. And above all, her ability to hold her Imaan in place.
From a single glimpse at her eyes, one can easily sight that she's in pain. Any moment she shifts her head from side to side, she winces. She'll keep quiet for some seconds, her eyes closed and her fingers digging into her mattress as if she'll explode in pain but the moment it subsides, she'll look up at them and smile.
Yes. Smiling is Sunnah (voluntary) but to Ms Amrah she made it Fardh (obligatory) to her face. She always smile whether sick or healthy, whether happy or in anguish, she smiles.
"How are you feeling now?" Lina asked her almost for the tenth time after her arrival.
"Don't worry yourself Lina, I'm okay. Alhamdulillah. Just need some water, my throat is dry"
She opened the fridge, took out a bottled water and served it into a glass. She passes it to her and then sat back on her chair, beside her bed.
"You look so worn-out. Need some rest?"
"Rest? C'mon Lina. After being in bed for weeks, you still ask me whether I need some rest. What kind of rest have I not seen? I'm tired of staying in here. I feel suffocated. It's been weeks since I breathe in fresh air" she laughed, placing the glass down beside her.
"You have a point. Let me ask the doctor whether I can take you out to the veranda"
"Oh. That's so nice of you My dear. Thank you"
"Not yet. Thank me when you finally breathe in the fresh air" Ms Amrah laughed, holding her head firmly in place.
She hates it when they see her in pain. She hates it when they sympathise with her. She didn't have to be a burden on them. She was supposed to take care of the late Ms Maria now, they are the ones taking care of her. She didn't deserve any of this. They should be the one gaining from her not the other way round.
Lina, she's too precious to Ms Amrah. As precious as a solid gold that glitters in array of metals. She has never given birth before, but the presence of Lina in her life made her desired for children. She embraces Lina more or less like her child, a child gotten from another womb.
She was snapped out of her trance the moment Lina opened the door with a nurse and a wheeling chair. "We're back" she chirped, wheeling the chair closer to her bed.
The nurse did the work with a little help of Lina while putting her down on the chair. She adjusted everything that supposed to be in place before smiling down at Ms Amrah.
"You can now enjoy the day" she said and exited the room to her station.
"Shall we?"
"Yes my dear"
She was blessed in life with love and affection. They love and cared for her like family. They stayed late at night, beside her, just for her well being. How could she ever repay them? With what would she ever pay them close to what they did to her. Nothing can ever except for her love, prayers, kindness and sympathy.
That did sound weird but of course everyone in life needs to be sympathise in one way or the other. You can be strong, rich, healthy and wealthy in life but definitely there most be a flaw in you that will be stabbed against you, the society will say it against you. Sympathy from loved ones will help. Much more than expected.
Again, she was snapped out of her thoughts by Lina's soft voice "Ms Amrah?" She aksed, taking an empty seat in the varenda under the awning.
"Yes, my dear"
"Why are you smiling?" She aksed regarding her once more.
She gave her a toothy grin, placing her hand on top of Lina's "I'm blessed Lina. Alhamdulillah" In seconds, her view became blurry, tears well up in her eyes and her voice hooked up in her throat. She blinked a few times but the tears seemed adamant, they refused to go.
"What's wrong Ms Amrah?" Lina asked with concerning lining her voice. She was surprised with the sudden change of atmosphere and shocked to see tears in Ms Amrah's eye. From a glittery face it was turning gloom.
"Did I say anything that offended you?" She asked again when she remained silent. Her silence was killing her. Awful scenarios were playing in her mind but she suddenly discard them the moment they pop up.
"You didn't say anything Lina. I'm just crying out of joy"
That brought a little relief to her "Joy? What's joyous?"
"Your love. Your love and support Lina. You and the whole family. You're too generous for words. Meeting you in life was a great blessing. I'm blessed with you guys Lina. I'm blessed with a family from nowhere. A family that knows the value of human, that knows when person is in grief and when he needs a stand. A family that wish to support another stands. Wallahi, your presence in my life is a blessing. You guys brought me out from the delimma that stuck me years ago. You showed me the real kind of people in this world, not like those I left behind. I can never repay you Lina. Only Allah can and I pray may he reward you with the greatest of rewards"
Her voice was combined with melancholy, anguish, panic, nervousness, hatred and regret. Behind each word she said, there was a certain wit contained in it that Lina couldn't fathom. Behind every tear that dropped from her eyes, there was a certain melancholy that Lina's eyes just couldn't see. Like wise behind all her smiles, there was a certain happiness.
"Now you're getting me hooked up into confusion. What's wrong?"
"Lina you brought me out from gloom. My life was just a mess before you came, but when I heard of you story, you made me hate myself. You made me realised that no one can ever be shattered for life. You made me realised that there's always a happiness awaiting us ahead. I was indeed a coward. I never thought of all that. I never. I use to see my life as a cycle between regrets and sadness. But now, I know that it isn't like this. I know now that everyone has to look for his own happiness, not fold his hands to his arms and awaits it to come. Thank you Lina for showing me the right way."
"Ms Amrah the more you talk, the more you get me confused. Talking about your past, you promised me, months ago, that you'll tell me about you past. When will the time come?"
"It has. I want to. Now! My life is as complicated as you'll ever thought of it to be or more, beyond your imaginations" she gave a dried laugh, squeezing Lina's hand "my parents. If only I had listened to their advice!" She huffed, another tear escaping her now puffed eye.
"I'll tell you everything about my past Lina because I do trust you with my words, never mention this to anyone and also don't interrupt me. Questions are asked after I'm done" she laughed again between sobs and Lina smiled.
"In Shaa Allah. I'm ready to explore your past, now" she straightened her posture, moving closer to Ms Amrah's chair.
"My life, I messed it up myself. Let's start with this, I'm a Palestinian. My family and all live there. I had two elder brothers and a junior brother, that's to say I'm the only female my parents had. Our family, we lived a pious life. I ain't allowed to go out except if my brothers will escort me. My parents, they gave me all that they could concerning both Islamic and Western education. I was eighteen when I finished my high-school, by that time I was already done with my Islamic education. So, my parents started asking me whether I have a suitor, at that time I had none so, I went further with my education. I started to pursue my dream which was nursing.
At my first year in school of nursing, I met one man. He introduced himself to me and told me about his feelings towards me. At that time I was not ready but when I saw that the guy wasn't ready to back off, as in he keeps following me everywhere I go, I informed my parents so as to make everything halal. My father accepted it and in no time, his family came with a proposal and we were engaged.
He was so cheerful, carefree and a jovial person. We got along quite easily. Precisely, we became attached to each other. He would come to our house almost everyday. When I was in my second year, our wedding date was fixed. We were all overjoyed since that was what we've been longing for.
Two months to the wedding, my father discovered he was a dropout after he had presented faked and false degree certificates under the department of engineering from Western University of Palestine to my father. My father was outraged and disappointed but I refused to accept the fact. I trusted him to the core. My father tried to separate us and brake the engagement but I was against it. I was so blindfolded in his love to see his mistake.
Not only going against my father but I also reported him to his only uncle who was breathing on earth. I filled him with my wailing and sobs and he sympathised with me after promising that he'll meet my father. Days later, Baba came back home and summoned me in his room, told me what his uncle told him - that he want the marriage to take place - but he is against it. The marriage will take place but he is out of the scene and I shall face the consequences when anything bad happens.
I was told that whenever your parents are against a decision you're making in life, you should let it go. But with the presence of Isma'il by my side, he kept assuring me that nothing will happen but good. The two months we've been longing for passed in a blur and it was a day to the wedding. My father called me again, repeated all that he had said before and ask me again whether I'm into it or not. I didn't change my mind. I told him the exact words I told him months ago. I knew he was disappointed in me but my mind was far from seeing that. That day, my father shed tears - not out of happiness but out of anguish - and I was the cause of all."
A heavy lump formed in her throat. She could feel her heart in her throat. Tears were coming down from her eyes but she couldn't say whether the tears are for anguish or regret. Everything was just gloomy to her. She couldn't fathom a single out of a whole.
Lina, she sat beside her with thousands of question running through her mind. She wanted to ask as many as she could but then how? She isn't yet given the permission to intervene. Her's is to just listen and sympathise after.
She too wanted to cry but how could she when she's the one supposed to console her. She did cry but internally. "Ms Amrah.."
"I'm not yet done Lina. Let me shed some more tears, they'll ease my tension"
That, did struck Lina in the heart. What have happened in her life that will take her to this extent, the extent where her tears are what softens her heart. Ya Allah! How cruel can life be?
"The nikah took place the following day. There wasn't any wedding party or Walima, my father only demanded for the Nikah and everything was concluded peacefully. Later in the evening when the conveyance was supposed, actually it's the culture of our family that the father takes his daughter to her marital house where he'll give her the nuptial bliss and stuff but I, it was my uncle that conveyed me. That alone was another proof to me that my father isn't happy with the marriage.
Two weeks after the marriage, we relocated to our home, here in Toronto. Adapting to a new environment wasn't a much task to me but moving away from family was. I suck at that. But with the presence of Isma'il everything went on smoothly. I got used to the environment and everything changed to normal. He got my transfer later and in no time I was back to school, almost done with my second year.
The battle started five months after our marriage when I discovered I was pregnant. I told him and he went muted for days. He refused to talk to me, eat my food and even sleep in our room. The living room became his night companion. I was disturbed with the loneliness.
At last when all took me to the core, I confronted him. I couldn't control my anger and emotions, I yelled at him. What frustrated me more was that he wasn't even looking at him, he was engrossed in his newspaper. When I was done ranting, he looked up at me with a stern look and do you know what he told me? He said that if I want peace I should abort the baby, he isn't yet ready to be a father.
That, stabbed me right at the heart. He knows it and I too knows it that it is Haram to abort a child but he was trying all his power over me to make me do that. At that time life challenged me. I so badly wanted to be with my mother but I couldn't.
Let me cut everything Lina and get to the point. At last I agreed and the baby was aborted. He made me started taking pills for family planning. All that, I did it sincerely for peace to reign in my home. After three years, he made me stop, saying that he was now ready to raise children. After a year there was no sign of pregnancy. From a year it turned to two and still everything was like before, negative.
We went to three different consultants and they all confirmed to us that I wouldn't be able to conceive again for I had a complication during the abortion and to add to that I went on a family planning. I was devastated with the news. It sounded like a fairytale.
But what surprised me the most was that Isma'il became much more distant. He'll travel oversea for almost a month, without phone call or message and to add to that I had no family over at Toronto, only for my Uncle who after my marriage relocated to Ontario.
From a month it turned to months, he'll travel and stay over there for six months. It became part of me physically but not emotionally. I much more enjoys it when he's away because any day he sets his foot into the house, after the usual 'Salam' what follows back are yellings, shouting and quarrels until he leaves after a week.
Nine years after our marriage - still I couldn't give him an heir - I found the strangest of things. The papers that shocked me to the core. I saw a marriage certificate between Isma'il and one English girl with their signatures all on it. After about three months he came back and I asked him about it and he told me that he had every right to take a second wife since I'm a barren, I couldn't give him children.
Barren. That word got away with my trust and hopes around Isma'il. Not only that but my Imaan. I became distant from my Lord. Only if I had known that, that would take away my trust on any man, not only Isma'il. Eight months after he divorced me, after making sure I was shattered to the core and will no longer trust any man. That was how my life was at the past"
By now, Lina was soaked up in tears. She didn't only sympathise for Ms Amrah but also for the innocent baby, who knew nothing about this world but have to be judged by its selfish parents.
Ms Amrah, she was shaking terribly. The pain in her head adding much vibration to her. She couldn't hold the tears back any more. Now, she felt relieved for she had poured everything out.
"Why didn't you get back to your parents?"
"I told you I'm a coward. I can't face the humiliation and stigma I'll receive from everyone. I can't. Not after this. I told everything to my Uncle who lives at Ontario and by that time, I was already working. He understood everything and informed it to my father. Until now, I don't know what my father told him but I do have a slight feeling that he has disowned me. I can't get back to them with this shame"
"Why didn't you get married after then?"
"It has been thirteen years after my divorce and also twenty-two years after my first marriage. Who do you think will marry me? Who do you think will get himself hooked up with an infertile woman?"
"I will" a sharp voice filled with anguish caught their attention and both of them turned to find the owner beside them, by the sliding door.
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Mind me, I do love night updates.
Now, who saw that coming? I didn't. Anyone who can guess the owner of that gruffy voice?
Till we meet next time.
For now, Ma'assalam.