An early update because it's my birthday and coincidentally, it's the 27th chapter! Haha, how cute!? :)
Please listen to the song up there while reading this. Thanks :)
I gasp. It's almost as loud as the honk of a passing car near the ice cream shop. I am feeling incredibly awful. Yet at the same time, I'm also utterly upset.
There's just one thing that I still don't and can't comprehend: the reason why Julian never told me any of this before.
I don't know whether I should feel empathy or anger. Perhaps I should embrace both.
Julian's grandmother had kidney cancer and died of it. Then came Julian's sister, who also died of cancer. And now Julian's mother might have cancer and...
No. She won't. I know she won't. Julian can't lose her too.
How can this be possible? These...these damn genes.
My thoughts begin to have a fiasco with one another and soon my head starts pounding harshly from so much pondering.
I look up at Julian's teary eyes and feel my heart ache like never before. It hurts when you see your loved ones suffer silently. It hurts watching their eyes transmit nothing but sadness and fury simultaneously.
"Why?" I manage to ask, my voice barely audible. My throat hurts from holding so many words hidden for long seconds. "Why didn't you tell me this before?"
His eyes slowly travel up to meet mine, a huff lightly escaping his mouth. "Do you think it's easy, Kylie?! For me to just spill to your face 'my sister fucking died of cancer. Want to date me?'"
I feel a soft punch on my heart at his tone but decide to let it pass.
"I know it's not easy, Julian, but this isn't something you can just hide from your girlfriend."
He rubs his temples, taking a deep breath to control himself. How could he withhold something like that from me?
I let out a heavy sigh as I lean my back on the chair, bringing my sunglasses down to my eyes. I am simply speechless.
This whole situation is more than daunting. I don't know how to react to it. I don't know how to talk to him. I don't even know how I should console him; give him hope. I can't imagine how wild his heart is racing and how much pain he is engulfing right this moment.
"When did-" I softly clear my throat, trying my best to avoid looking into his sorrowed eyes through the black lens. "When did it happen?"
"Six years ago. She was nine," he murmurs with unwillingness, his voice slightly cracking.
The pain I'm feeling intensifies more than I was expecting it to. It's as if my heart is being squeezed and stabbed and broken and poked and...
She was so young.
I wipe down tears that have fallen down my cheeks and then I reach Julian's hand to caress it tenderly. "I'm so sorry," I hold back more tears, trying my hardest to remain strong for him.
But how can I? How can someone stay strong in a situation like this?
"It's genetic," he squeaks, ignoring my last statement. He turns his hands into frenzied fists and accidentally crushes his ice cream cone due to so much vehemence and agony. "This fucking disease is genetic."
I quickly grab some napkins to wipe the mess that he has constructed, a quiet gasp dodging from my mouth.
He doesn't seem to give a shit about it either way.
"My grandma died of it... I never even got a chance to meet her," he continues, his voice soft and painted in sorrow. "My sister died of it and she had so much to live for...and now...and now my mom will fucking die of it too!"
He expels all of his anger and sadness by yelling at the last word and brusquely getting up from our table.
I let out another quiet, frightened gasp and raise my arms to gesture for him to try to calm down. "Julian..."
How could he say that?
He crushes the ice cream cone even more with rage pulsing through his veins and then he savagely tosses it onto the table before walking away with one hand turned into a fist as the other one hangs loosely, ice cream dripping from it just like the tears dripping from my eyes.
"Julian!" I call desperately, urgently standing up from the chair and leaving my ice cream, phone, and his jacket behind.
He ignores me, taking big steps forward, not really seeming to know where he wants to head to.
"Julian, where are you going?" I call, trying to chase after him.
But he's too damn fast.
"Julian!" I practically yell, causing people's attention to crawl over to me.
He begins running and soon my squinted eyes lose his silhouette due to the jammed sidewalk.
"Great," I grunt through clenched teeth. I place my fingers on my forehead and begin to rub it as if that will ameliorate something.
Just simply great!
I turn around and head back to the table where we were seated on, only to find that everyone at the ice cream shop is carefully analyzing me with confusion and curiosity consuming them.
Mind your own damn business, people.
***
"I've called him a million times!" I frantically yell, pacing on a sidewalk like a desperate person. "I've left hundreds of text messages but he's not replying."
"Okay, calm down, sweetie," mom says smoothly over the phone. "He probably just needs to cool off. This is too much for him. You have to understand, Kylie-"
"I do understand, mom!" I say, feeling the anger inside me multiply. "I'm just worried about him. I've called his father and he said that Julian's not home. Nobody knows where he is."
"Sweetie, you need to calm down a little or you'll lose your mind-"
"How would I not lose my fucking mind, Mom?" I snap, instantly regretting it. I shut my eyes and let out a heavy, regretful sigh. "I'm sorry."
"You're overreacting, Kylie," she continues and I swear that it only provokes my anger to build up. "He probably decided to go to a quiet place to have some alone time. Let him be."
"Let him be?" I reprise, scoffing. "Mom, you should've seen the way he stormed off. I've never seen this side of him before. He's left me scared."
She remains silent so I continue, running my fingers through my hair. "This is all my fault. I lead him to this."
"No, Kylie, don't blame it on-"
"Oh!" I exclaim after realizing there's still one person I haven't called. "Thanks, Mom, for everything. I gotta go."
"Wait, what—"
I end the call and then proceed to phone Scarlett. She is certainly going to help me. Or at least calm me down before I explode.
"Hey, I was just about to-"
"Julian is missing," I rapidly cut her off.
"What?" I can sense confusion in her voice.
"Julian is missing," I repeat. "Ten minutes ago he confessed something utterly unexpected to me and I got mad and sad and I asked him why he was only telling me then, and then he got all upset at the world and crushed his ice cream cone and then stormed off to God knows where and-"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Breathe."
I take a deep breath. "Sorry."
"What do you mean 'he's missing'?" She continues. "What happened?"
I begin to explain everything to her, detail by detail, and after mourning Kate's death, Scarlett advises me to calm down and be patient.
"He just needs some time alone, okay? I'm pretty sure he'll call you after crying everything out," she proceeds. "You need to understand that it's a very hard situation to be in, Ky. Put yourself in his shoes."
"I have, Scar, and trust me, I understand everything he's going through. He's not the only one suffering. I suffer too because I love his family just as much as I love mine. But he has to understand something too. He has to understand that I am by his side and I always will be. I'll help him out with everything, he just has to grant me permission to do that. That's all I want."
I want him to let me in his thoughts. To let me feel what he feels. Not to forget about my existence.
"But he's not allowing me to do that, Scarlett," I let out the quietest sob, feeling a mixture of agony and anger embrace my heart. "It's so hard for him to share his pain with me that..."
"It's okay, Kylie. Don't cry, okay?" She tries to calm me down, her voice soft and sweet.
I wipe the tears that have leaked from my eyes and sniffle. "I think I know where I should go look for him."
"Oh yeah?"
I nod, realizing afterward that she can't see me. "The Love Lake. It's a place that helps us with everything. I think he's gone there."
"Oh!"
"Yeah, it's not too far from here. I gotta go, Scar, thanks for everything."
"Anytime. Text me when you find him?"
"Yeah, of course."
"Bye, love you."
As soon as I shove my phone into the pocket of my denim jacket, I set my path to the Love Lake.
All I can think of is how much pain Julian is feeling right now...but without me. I want to hold him close to my petite body and comfort his lost soul. I don't want him to be alone in a moment like this. I don't want him to suffer alone. I want him to share his pain with me. To let me in. That's one of the few things I most demand from him.
Suddenly, my phone buzzes continuously, pulling me away from my thoughts. I slide my phone out of my pocket and read the caller ID.
Mario
What does he want?
"What's up?" I grumble, starting to slow down on my fast walking.
"You home?"
"No. Why?"
"Are you far from Mia's house?"
"A little, yes. Why?" I begin feeling a little annoyed because he won't get to the point.
"I need your help with something. Can you come over?"
"Why me? You have other siblings if I well remember, and they have a better friendship with you. So I don't get why you'd call me." My voice is filled with annoyance.
How can he be so selfish? He's mean to me one day and then the next day he asks me for help as if nothing ever happened?
"Look, this is serious, okay? It has to do with Mia too," he deciphers. I can sense the ounce of despair in his voice and it actually kind of bothers my heart a little. "Can we just forget about everything for at least a day, please? I really need your help."
I take a few moments to ponder and then finally, I let out a heavy sigh, rubbing my forehead. "Okay, fine. What happened?"
"It's a long story. Just come over to her place in five."
"But I have to be somewhere now."
"Is it really more important then reconciling with your brother?"
I roll my eyes. "Yes. I'll be there in an hour or so, okay?"
"No, Kylie! This is really important. Please!"
Did Mario Johnson just use the word please? Oh boy. This must be really super important.
"I have something to do first, Mario."
"What is it?" He almost yells, his voice filled with anger. Oh, I hate it when he loses his temper.
I hesitate to answer his question. I can't tell him about Julian. I don't know what to respond.
"Kylie?" He calls after absorbing my silence.
"Ugh, okay, fine. I'll be there soon," I say as I mentally groan.
"Okay," he responds groggily before ending the call. I guess I'll meet Julian after helping Mario and Mia out. I just have to be fast.
Like, super fast.
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So, I'm sorry this is really short. The only reason I updated today is because it's my birthday.
The new incredible cover was made by honeysinha. I LOVE IT SO MUCH!! You should go check out her books and covers guys, seriously.
I can't believe I'm only 16. Sometimes I feel like I'm 61. Hehehe.
Anyways, thanks for reading guys. I love you all so much.
Spoiler: Julian does something completely, utterly, extremely unexpected. Kylie gets really mad. :(
Code: Happy Birthday :)