"Dad?
Namjoon groaned, blinking as he opened his eyes. With his sleeping schedule still out of whack, he'd been falling asleep after work most days, waking up for dinner, and trying to get to sleep once more, but he rarely found success. He was honestly getting more sleep during his work shifts and naps than he was during the time he was supposed to be sleeping. "Jin, can this wait a little bit?" Namjoon asked, already shutting his eyes again and establishing a vague reminder to talk to Jin after dinner, but his plans were thwarted by a hand on his shoulder.
"Dad, can we talk?" Jin asked, and Namjoon grunted before opening his eyes once more and slowly bringing himself to an upright position.
"Sure, Jin," Namjoon mumbled, blinking and opening his eyes widely, trying to straighten his thoughts out. He'd been having some weird sort of dream, but it was already half out of his brain. "What do you want to talk about?"
"Well, you know the football scholarship?" Jin asked, sitting down on the couch and playing with his hands.
"Um, not really," Namjoon said, not sure if it was just his mind being foggy or if Jin had really neglected to mention it to him. "Have you brought this up before?"
"I don't remember," Jin said, already moving on in his mind, too troubled to stay stuck for long in any one area of mental space. "But there was this football scholarship I was planning to get, only now someone else might get it, and they're using the next game to pick the winner, and it's sort of been driving me crazy for the past week or two and I skipped practice to go see Hobi at the hospital that one day and I feel like Coach still holds that against me and I feel like I'm going to lose the scholarship and then I can't go to college and I don't know what I'm going to do with my life or where I'm supposed to go or how everything is supposed to work out if this doesn't happen and I just-"
"Relax for a second," Namjoon interrupted, awake enough by this point to realize that Jin was on the verge of a panic attack, his anxiety clear through his shaking hands and his wide eyes and his barely-coherent rambling. "So there's a scholarship, and you might not get it?"
"Right."
"And if you don't get this scholarship, the rest of your life is ruined?"
"Pretty much." Jin swallowed.
"First off, that's not true," Namjoon said, frowning at Jin, who looked like he'd been playing Atlas for the past five years. Or maybe the past seventeen. "So, let's say you don't get this big scholarship." Jin's face instantly reflected his internal panic just at the thought, and Namjoon held his hands up defensively. "Just hypothetically speaking. Let's say you don't get it. Is that the end of the world?"
Jin nodded gravely, and Namjoon just shook his head, a sad smile on his lips.
"No it's not, Jin. There's never going to be one event in your life that will make your life not worth living or the world not a place worth living in. If you don't get this scholarship? That'll be hard, sure, but that's not the end for you. You don't have to go to a university. Most kids do, but not everyone. There are other options. But if going to a university means that much to you - if that's what you think you really need to do - then we'll figure it out somehow, okay? We'll look into money and make a plan to set some aside. Maybe you end up waiting a year or two while you find a job to help save up. Maybe you end up finding a job you really love instead and decide that you don't need a university to lead you to the next step in life. Whatever you decide - I'll be here for you, okay? Okay?"
Namjoon waited until Jin nodded before he continued. "And just know that any time you get a no in life - whether it's a no for the scholarship or a no for university or a no for a job - it's not a no for everything, okay? There's a quote, although I'm not sure where exactly it comes from, but it goes like this: 'When God closes a door, he opens a window.' Do you know what that means?"
Jin shook his head, although Namjoon didn't know if that was more out of a lack of understanding or rather out of a refusal to answer any question.
"It means that while something may seem bad to you, while it may seem like it's the end of the road, it's maybe just a misdirection. Maybe there's somewhere else you were meant to be all along, and you needed a nudge to get you there. There's always hope, Jin. And besides, you don't even know that you've lost the scholarship for sure anyway. You might end up being chosen, and all your anxiety and worry would have been for nothing. But don't worry if you don't get it. Like I said, we'll save up money and-"
"We don't have the money," Jin finally spoke, his eyes teary.
Namjoon couldn't remember the last time Jin had cried.
He couldn't remember the last time Jin had had a serious talk with him.
"You were thinking of selling the house, Dad. You don't have the money to send me to a university," Jin accused, not wanting to hear sweet lies and placades. He felt the weighty reality of his situation, and he wanted to deal with the reality, not a sweet illusion that everything would just be okay.
Namjoon inhaled deeply before exhaling, letting his breath out slowly and evenly before scratching the back of his head. "About that. We can keep the house, for now at least, because I asked Lisa to move in with us, and she offered to put in the rent she usually saved for her apartment to cover the extra expenses." He took Jin's silence as pained betrayal, and he looked down, sighing. "I'm sorry that I didn't ask all of you if Lisa could move in, but it just seemed like the right thing to do, for Lisa, for me, for our family. Are you upset with me, Jin?"
Jin's reply surprised him. "No, why would I be?" Jin asked, confused. "Lisa's been your girlfriend for years. She practically lives here anyway. We're all on board with it, we just don't get why you haven't proposed already."
Namjoon blinked, his mouth hanging open for a second. "Because...because it didn't seem fair to you boys and-"
"How is that unfair? Or who is it really unfair to? Because if you're thinking about her, then she left us ten years ago. You re-marrying shouldn't affect her at all."
Namjoon sighed. "It's not her, it's just...When she left, I sort of resolved to raise you all by myself, to fulfill the role of both parents for all of you, and...it's hard to let someone else step in after all this time. I've gotten so used to doing it all alone. It's not that I don't trust Lisa with all of you, I do, but...I feel like I'm your parent and nobody else can be."
"You have raised all of us," Jin said. "I'm almost an adult. You've raised me all this time. You proved that you could do it without someone else. But I'll be 18 soon, and what else do you have to prove by not letting the triplets and Hobi and Yoongi have a mom they can trust and count on?"
They were both quiet for a long moment as they considered each other's words.
Finally, Namjoon sighed, resolving to think about it later. "Is there anything else you want to talk about, Jin? Anything you need to get off your chest?"
Jin looked down and remained silent in thought for a long minute. "I don't know. I'm stressed but that's supposed to be natural. I just- it's hard, being the oldest...there's no one ahead of me to show me where to go or what I'm supposed to do or any of that, and I feel like whatever choices I make for myself are always wrong. I just...I can't seem to get it right, and I have no one to look up to or ask advice or follow their path."
"You can ask me anything," Namjoon offered, but Jin shrugged haplessly.
"But you're my dad," he said. "You grew up in a different time. You don't understand exactly what I'm going through or what kids are like these days."
"You're right," Namjoon finally admitted. "But I'm always here to listen. And there are some things that transcend time and society."
"Like what?" Jin asked with a slight frown.
"Like your values. Right and wrong. Standing up for what you believe in. And your family. They've got your back no matter what you're facing."
Jin rubbed the back of his neck guiltily. He hadn't seen much of his family lately.
He thought back to Kookie asking him to do something, anything, with him, and how he'd said no.
When was the last time he'd said yes to anything they'd asked of him?
But the scholarship...
But was that the only reason why Jin was only the team?
Or did he not enjoy the feeling of being liked, accepted, appreciated?
Why did it give him a different feeling than being liked, accepted, and appreciated by his family? Was it because he hadn't had to work for it from them? Was it because they'd always liked, accepted, and appreciated him?
Jin groaned. "When did everything become so complicated?"
Namjoon was quiet. Finally, he answered in a thoughtful voice, "Everything was always complicated. You all just used to be too young to understand."
"Well, I miss being a kid," Jin mumbled. "Everything was a lot easier back then."
"You're still a kid, and you'll always be a kid," Namjoon said, rubbing Jin's back. "To me, at least. Even when you're a big successful adult, you'll always be the little boy with the flower and a pink backpack."
A slight frown appeared on Jin's face as he thought of his old backpack, sitting underneath his bed, unloved, unaccepted, underappreciated. "Dad?"
"Yes, Jin?"
"Would you ever stop loving me? Like if I-"
"No," Namjoon interrupted. "Sorry for interrupting, but no matter how you finish the sentence, my answer isn't going to change."
Jin was quiet. "What if I changed? What if I wasn't the Jin you thought I was?"
"Then I would learn how to love the new Jin," Namjoon answered easily. "Although it'll always be you inside, no matter how you change. I wasn't always who I am now. It's like what I told you about a door closing and a window opening. When your mom left us, that was a door slamming in my face, and through the pain, it took me a little while to notice the window that was waiting for me."
"What does the window represent?" Jin asked.
"The opportunity to raise you kids," Namjoon said. "To call you mine, all mine. To make every day our day. To show you all that while the world can be a scary place, there's still beauty in it, if you know where to look. And I'm not saying that I couldn't have taught you guys that if she had stayed, but...with her absence, I felt that much more responsible for raising you all and protecting you all."
Jin nodded, but he wasn't finished thinking. "Maybe the door opened two windows, Dad. Maybe one of them was about us. But maybe one of them was about someone else, a special person who came into your life after she left us, a person who cares about all of us and could never walk away from our family, a person that never would have entered our lives if our mom was still here."
Lisa flashed into Namjoon's mind, and he got lost in thought for a few moments before he sighed and looked at Jin. "If you're such a smart kid, how are you almost failing three subjects, Jin?"
***
wonpillow🧣
has the enemy surrendered yet?
hobi🦄
alas, the enemy remains strong
and fails to accept defeat
damn than kitten!
why can't she just love us??
wonpillow🧣
she prob lost her family hobi
go easy on her lol
she'll give in one day
but did you guys pick out a name yet?
hobi🦄
about that...
jimin wanted to name her "calico"
idk why
but that's stupid because she's not even a calico cat
i said we should name her "serendipity"
and jimin said he didn't want to name her anything
that he wouldn't be able to pronounce
(altho i told him he could call her seri for short,
but he said he didn't want his phone to respond every time he called the cat)
yoongi insisted on naming her "gerald"
something about a tribute to a dead spider
idek
but i tend to ignore his stupid suggestions
so we're back to square one
square zero really
absolutely no progress has been made
like my math homework hahaha yikesss
ineedtostartthatcauseit'sduetmrw
wonpillow🧣
ohmygoshineedtostarttoo
hobi🦄
somebodysaveus
wonpillow🧣
textingwithoutspacesmakesmenauseous
hobi🦄
okayokayillstop
so what's your school like?
boring w/o me right? :D
FYI - your possible answer options:
a) yes of course!
b) soooooo boring
c) mycreativityranouthere
d) sorryformakingyounauseous
wonpillow🧣
yes yes yes
the world is grey without you
life has lost all of its splendor
etc etc etc
(tell me when i can stop w the BS)
hobi🦄
fine fine you can stop now haha
you're still friends with all of those guys from our old school right?
wonpillow🧣
sort of
i know you don't like them
but we get along well enough
and they usually aren't that mean
it's just sometimes they're assholes
normally they're just...normal
i think they have gotten better
hobi🦄
maybe they have but i still don't want to see them again
they sort of lowkey made my life miserable
for a while there
but i don't blame you for being friends with them
take friends where you can get them you know
but if they're ever being mean to you,
let me know and i'll tell yoongi
who will respectfully notify our dad
who will kindly fill out a complaint form
which the principal will thoughtfully read
before forming an objective, unbiased opinion
and resolving the matter through a friendly talk
lol
i'd say i'd break some noses for you
but i'm afraid to hurt my knuckles ;-;
wonpillow🧣
lol save your punches
you never know when you'll need them
anyway
i heard you guys have a school dance coming up!
hobi🦄
oh yeah that's right
i totally wasn't thinking about that
what do you know
we have a dance coming up
wonpillow🧣
lol get w the times!
your school is cool too since it allows outside guests
i wish i could crash your dance but i'll be gone
on a school field trip
danggg
we need to catch up soon
i haven't seen you in foreverrrrrrrr
i bet you're super tall now
you probably have antenna sprouting from your head
hey that's right
have your superpowers kicked in yet??
hobi🦄
lol no
i think i'm destined to be quirkless ;-;
rip my hopes and dreams
wonpillow🧣
if you could have a superpower tho
what would it be?
it's still not too late maybe XD
hobi🦄
this may be a tad specific
but i want the superpower of being able to tell if someone if human or a robot
long story short
jungkook might be a robot
i didn't believe tae at first
but now i'm not so sure...
it all sort of started making sense at some point
or at least it started to sound that way
the only support i have for him being human
is that weird emo phase he went through in jr high
because i don't think robots need to use heavy eyeliner
but you never know, robots can have feelings too (maybe?)
wonpillow🧣
i need pictures
now
hobi🦄
coming right up boss
wonpillow🧣
holy
hobi🦄
satanic*
but wait!
there's more!
i have a whole picture folder devoted to this
wonpillow🧣
i wish i could have been there in person
every single day
just to watch that unfold
and observe your dad's ensuing mid-life crisis
hobi🦄
same i wish i could have seen dad's reaction to that lol
just to remind you
that kid in the pictures is the same as this kid
wonpillow🧣
okay that's honestly terrifying
hobi🦄
what's even more terrifying is that there's a 50% chance he's a robot
wonpillow🧣
yikes man
hobi🦄
i know.
it's a wonder i get any sleep at night
staying up late
terrified of the possibilities
but also
as a robot, jungkook is pretty cool still
like he's my favorite robot of all the robots i know so
wonpillow🧣
👌🏻
wonpil is a scarf because he gives hobi the warmth of friendship
🌸🐢🦄🐨👽🍪🌱🧣