July 17th 2017
Karlie's POV
"Can you bring me the bag?" Taylor shouts to me as I stand in the closet. "Which one?" There are at least three in here, "the black leather one." She calls back and I grab it along with what I came in here for originally. "Here." I smile as I sit it beside her on the bed. Andrea and Scott offered to take the kids to the zoo today so Taylor and I decided to take the opportunity to pack the hospital bags since she could go into labour anytime between next week and her due date.
"Thank you babe." She smiles as she continues folding a pair of shorts. "Are you really going to wear that?" I laugh as she pulls out a black sweatshirt with the words 'I love cats' printed over the front, but she just raises her eyebrows at me. "Stupid question, of course you are." I shake my head, she's so unbelievably herself and I love her for that. "What're you going to wear home?" I look at her and she holds up black leggings, a green sweater and nursing bra. "Is that all you have left to pack?" Everything else around her is either in her bag or being folded. "Yep, then we have to do the twins' bag." I nod and go into the bathroom to grab the toiletries bag I usually keep in my carry on when I'm working, I add a couple of the things Taylor has in hers, just in case she under packs or runs out. I'm basically taking what I'd usually carry in my carry on but in smaller scale, because with that thing I'm prepared for anything.
"Karlie," Taylor sings my name from the main room and I walk back in to see her zipping up her bag. I put my toiletries in my bag and then kiss her cheek as I grab both bags and move them to the top of the stairs to take them to the car later, it's better to be safe than sorry in my opinion.
"Do you need a hand getting up?" I laugh as I walk back into the room to find Taylor struggling to climb off the bed. "Less of the sarcasm, more helping." She holds her hands out and I pull her up onto her feet. "Thank you." She rolls her eyes but keeps ahold of my hand as we walk along the hall and into baby girl's room. We haven't had a chance to divide out their clothes yet, so everything was washed and now lies in washing piles all over the room to be moved to their designated place.
"Baby boy's things are over there, baby girl's are here and there are some neutral things on the dresser." Taylor has been putting her all into getting ready for these babies, and organising their clothes is just another thing she has yet to tick off of her list. "We need two outfits and three sleepers each and then extra onesies, just in case." I nod and then set about looking through baby boy's clothes- picking out a neutral white and grey outfit with clouds on it, a green and blue dinosaur outfit and then three little sleepers- a plain one in two shades of grey, a black and white one with a little monkey on it and the dinosaur print one that I bought all those months ago. I smile as I remember that day, we were so scared about the fact that we could've lost them but I had hope, I've always had hope.
I turn back to Taylor who seemingly had the same idea. She has a simple plain white outfit with stars on the onesie, a pink and blue dinosaur themed outfit, a plain sleeper in two shades of pink and another covered with little sausage dogs as well as the pink dinosaur one we got to match baby boy. "This is why I love you." I joke and she rolls her eyes, I've got a thing about dinosaurs right now and I think Taylor's starting to take it on too. "Can you get the little matching outfits your mom bought to bring them home in?" She sits in the rocker as she starts folding clothes and I nod, taking the bag out of the closet.
"I'm still so in love with these." She notes as she takes the two little outfits out of the bag. They simply consist of a pair of grey and white striped pants, a white onesie and one has a hat to match the pants and the other has a bow. "They're adorable." I smile as I fold a onesie and place it in the bag. We move on from outfits to onesies then socks, and then mittens and eventually we're completely done with clothes. I grab receiving blankets and swaddling blankets from baby boy's room, mainly since his are all grey and neutral whereas baby girl has a lot of muted pinks and purples. They have matching blankets that's we're bringing, both white with little grey stars covering them. Taylor keeps folding things as I collect everything we need- pacifiers, wipes, diapers, burp cloths, etc. And whilst we're at it we end up packing their diaper bag too.
"Is there anything else we need?" I ask before zipping up the bag as Taylor shakes her head. "I'll take these out to the car." I smile as I kiss her cheek, "I'm going to pee. Again." She rolls her eyes as she gets up and I laugh softly as we both leave the room. I take the two baby bags, the nursing pillow and both of our bags downstairs, grabbing the car keys before quickly exiting the house before the cats manage to escape.
I sigh as I walk out to the street where Taylor's car is parked, and I almost drop everything as I try and unlock the car. "Do you need some help?" I look up to see a teenage girl approaching me, "that would be great, thanks." I laugh as she takes two of the bags from me and I unlock the car before opening the trunk. "Going on a trip?" She laughs and I shake my head, "no, my partner's pregnant and due in a few weeks so we're making sure we're prepared." I raise my eyebrows as I let out a breathy laugh. "Oh yea, you're Taylor Swift's girlfriend." I laugh as she makes the connection, apparently it was big news when we moved into the neighbourhood, but everyone has been open and welcoming so far. "I am." I smile and she suddenly becomes very shy. "You're Jenna's niece right, you live across the street?" I vaguely remember seeing the girl the day we moved in. "Yep, I'm Skye." She smiles warmly as she holds her hand out to shake mine and I laugh as we share a handshake.
"Karlie? Are you still out here?" I hear Taylor coming down the driveway. "Who's this?" She smiles as she wraps her arm around my waist. "This is Skye, she lives across the road and she saved me from dropping all of your stuff since you're such an over packer." I raise my eyebrows at the woman who rolls her eyes. "Well, thank you for stopping my overdramatic girlfriend from dropping everything all over the ground." Taylor playfully scowls at me before smiling and focusing on the girl in front of us. "It's no problem, I was on my way out anyway." She smiles kindly and Taylor immediately jumps into conversation with her, asking about her life and just genuinely interested in her.
"Oh! You would love our daughter, she's only 8 months but she's the cutest little baby." I almost completely zoned out so I have no idea what that comment was in reference to. "I'm sorry, I was daydreaming and missed all of that. What are you talking about?" I look between Taylor and Skye and the teenager explains, "I'm on my way to babysit a little girl who's two." I nod as I connect the dots in my head. "Anyway, I should go before I'm late. It was great meeting you." We say goodbye and I thank her for helping me again before she plugs in her earphones and walks off along the street.
"Did you drop anything?" Taylor looks at me and I laugh as I roll my eyes. "No, I didn't." She almost lets out a breath of relief as I lock the car door and we walk back up the driveway together. "What do we do now?" She asks, we never get a day to ourselves anymore so not having Maisie around has left us at a loss, and Mia's energy missing from the house feels strange.
"You know, since there isn't a six year old running around the house, we could have that fun you promised me the other day." I smirk as I wrap my arms around her waist, my hands sliding into the pockets of her jeans as as she stares up into my eyes. "I like the sound of that." Her voice is a low seductive hum at this point, and I just grab her hand and lead her upstairs as she giggles at my sudden forwardness.
•••
Taylor's POV
"Karlie, that's not fair!" I pout as she takes a thirteen point word. "All is fair in love and war, my sweet." She smirks and I roll my eyes as I stare down at the scrabble board, who even knew Nyx was allowed in a game of scrabble because I surely didn't but alas a quick Google search proved me wrong.
"Auntie Karlie, Auntie Tay?!" We suddenly hear the sounds of small feet running through the house towards us and Mia runs in as she notices us on the living-room floor. "Hey honey, how was the zoo?" She plops down on Karlie's lap as she opens her arms to the little girl. "It was amazing! We saw giraffes and it reminded me of you." She grins ever so cheekily as she looks up at Karlie. "You're such a cheeky monkey." Karlie laughs as she tickles the girl who inevitably starts laughing and knocks the scrabble board all over the place.
"Taylor?" My mom calls my name as they make it into the house, "we're in here." I reply as I pick up the pieces of the game and put them back in the box. "Hi baby." I coo at Maisie as my dad hands her over to me and she babbles happily as I sit her in my lap. "Did you guys have a good day?" I smile as Karlie grabs my empty hand to help me off of the ground and we sit on the couch opposite my parents. "It was so fun! We saw so many animals, I don't know why we don't go more often." My dad shakes his head as he genuinely thinks about it. "I don't know who enjoyed it more, the kids or your father." My dad always loved it when we took day trips when Austin and I were kids, I think that's going to be his favourite part of being a grandparents if I'm perfectly honest.
"Did you two have a productive day?" My mom questions me as she eyes me funny and I look over to Karlie who's trying not to laugh. She leans in and whispers in my ear, "your shirt is on inside out." I look down and realise immediately that she's right as I blush furiously. I don't know how to play this off in front of my parents so I just scowl at Karlie, "why didn't you tell me that earlier?" She shrugs as she laughs at my embarrassment. "Taylor, you don't have to be embarrassed, we're all adults and sex is a normal part of life." My eyes widen in surprise as the words leave my moms mouth. "Okay, I am not talking about this." I know my face has turned a deep shade of red as I stand up, "come on Mia, let's go and get some ice cream." I hold my hand out to the little girl, not wanting to subject her to this either and take both kids to the kitchen as I hear my mom and Karlie laughing behind me.
"What kind do you want Mia?" I ask as I sit Maisie in her highchair and Mia climbs onto one of the stools and sits at the island. "Chocolate!" She grins and I shake my head, that was a stupid question. Karlie and my parents come into the kitchen a couple of minutes later and Karlie raises her eyebrows at me as she grins and I roll my eyes. She wraps her arms around my waist and leans in to whisper in my ear, "your shirt is still on inside out." I groan as I roll my eyes and she just laughs as she picks up the bowl of ice cream and carries it over to Mia. She covers the little girls ears as she says, "Taylor- you have a baby, that kinda gives away the fact that you're not a virgin." I blush as I groan, throwing my hands up in defeat. "I'm going to change my shirt." I shake my head as I walk out of the room, soft laughter audible behind me again.
I walk upstairs and into our room, pulling my shirt off as I walk into the closet. I grab a sweater to pull over my leggings, but stop as I pass the mirror. I run my hand over my bump, I can't believe I'm already 29 weeks pregnant. My twins could come anytime after the end of next week and that terrifies me. I don't know if I'm ready to have three little human beings relying on me for everything. Being Maisie's mom has been the most amazing experience of my life, but everything I've managed to get right has been a pure fluke. What if I get it wrong with the twins? What if something happens and Karlie changes her mind? What if I screw it all up? I can't do this alone.
I don't know how everything managed to get to the point it's at now. If only I had been stronger, left him sooner. But then I wouldn't have Maisie and Karlie and I might never have fallen for each other the way we did. Would I be happier? Would I be on tour right now? If I had stuck to my usual cycle then I probably would be.
I sigh as I trace the scar on my shoulder. I got it on a particularly bad night with Adam. He was so drunk and so angry, I can't even remember what he was shouting at me about anymore, but he threw his bottle and it shattered and when he inevitably started hitting me I was on the ground and got cut by a piece of broken glass. It was so bad that I needed stitches, but that day seems so far in the past now yet so present in my memory. I have a few scars from different incidences, the extent of the injuries he inflicted on me over the year and a bit we were together is immense and most people honestly wouldn't believe it. I fought the pain so hard and so often to hide it from my fans and the people around me.
I glance down as I run my hands over my bump again, its the biggest reminder of the pain he caused me. It scares me to admit that my babies are the result of the most traumatic and painful thing I've ever experienced. I'm terrified that they're going to be born and I won't love them, I'm scared of hating my own kids.
•••
Karlie's POV
"Taylor? Are you still up here?" I walk upstairs, calling out as I look around for her. We started worrying about the woman after she disappeared up here around 30 minutes ago. "Taylor?" I walk into the bedroom and I can hear muffled noises which tell me she's in here, and as I walk around the bed, I spot her curled up on the floor, sobbing into her hands. "Baby, what happened?" I crouch down beside her, immediately scanning her body for any hint of an injury or anything to explain this reaction.
She looks up with pain filled eyes as tears continue rolling down her cheeks. "Can you take deep breaths for me?" I smile reassuringly as I reach out to touch her arm gently, but she immediately flinches away from me. I pull my hand back, feeling ultimately defeated. She has never been scared of my touch, I'm the only one she trusted like that after everything. "Okay, I won't touch you, okay? But I need you to keep breathing for me, you need to try and calm down before you raise your blood pressure too high." I talk firmly, trying my best to convey the point to her but Taylor doesn't even move, she simply stares at me as she continues to cry.
This is more than I know how to handle, I've never seen her like this, she's never been scared of me before. "Stay right here, you're going to be okay." I smile again as I fight tears that threaten to spill down my cheeks. Sometimes I need to admit defeat, Taylor doesn't need me right now, there is nothing I can do to help her calm down. "Andrea- urm, she's upstairs sobbing and she won't let me near her, can you?" I try and string a sentence together but I can feel the increasing panic taking over my body. "I'll go, it's okay." She smiles softly as she rubs my arm as a form of reassurance and I nod as the tears start falling from my eyes.
"I'll be- I'll be back in a minute." I mumble towards Scott as I leave him alone with the two children. I grab my keys, open the front door and exit the house, simply needing a moment to gather myself. I get into my car as I pull the door closed behind me, but I don't start the engine, I simply lean my elbows on the steering wheel and let myself cry as I hold my head in my hands.
My heart is breaking for Taylor. Lately she's been so on edge and scared and I know it's because of the twins and Adam, but I can't be by her side 24/7 to watch her. And today, well she's never ever been scared to let me touch her before. She's never flinched away from me and that hurt more than I'd like to admit.
I pull the mirror down and wipe my eyes. Ever since Taylor was pregnant with Maisie, I was the strong one, I kept them both safe and I was strong for Taylor when she couldn't be and it's always been like that, but this hurts me too, I just can't show her that.
I wait a couple of minutes before getting out of the car again, plastering a fake smile onto my face as I walk back towards the house. I set my keys on the sideboard and go to the kitchen. Maisie holds her arms out for me to pick her up so I lift her onto my hip, holding her close to me as I inhale her sweet scent and press a kiss to her forehead. "Karlie, can I have a word?" Scott smiles kindly at me as he approaches us after sending Mia off to play in the playroom. "Sure." I smile as I sit down at the island, holding Maisie in my lap.
"How long has it been like this?" He looks at me with worry in his eyes and I sigh as I look down at Maisie, "since that day with Adam, so about 7 months now." I feel tears welling in my eyes and wipe them quickly with the side of my hand. "In the beginning she wasn't eating or sleeping, she wouldn't talk to anyone, she had awful nightmares and she was so on edge all the time." I hate thinking about it, I hate seeing her in so much pain. "And now?" He asks and I look up as I shake my head, "she started eating and sleeping properly after the scare with the twins but nothing else has changed." The older man looks at me with such sympathy, "you should've told someone sooner, you don't have to deal with this alone, Taylor needs real medical help." I nod, "I've been trying to get her to go to counselling but she keeps putting it off and I don't know how else to convince her."
I'm so defeated at this point, I don't know how to help her. "You don't give her a choice. I know my daughter and how stubborn she can be, and she won't give in to this so you need to make her go." I nod as I sigh, that's the last thing I ever wanted to do. "I'm gonna go and check on her," he takes Maisie from me as I get up and leave the room.
I take each step at a time, cautiously approaching the bedroom door and pausing in the doorway. "Can I come in?" Taylor looks significantly calmer now as she hugs her mom and she gives me a small smile as she nods. I sit on the bed, leaving space between us just in case she still doesn't want me to touch her. "I'm so sorry for scaring you like that." She sits up and instantly moves closer to me before wrapping me in her arms. I encase her in a tight hug the best I can and sigh a breath of relief, I can't imagine not being able to get close to her. "I don't want you to ever think that I believe you'd hurt me, I know you won't Kar, you're so far from what he was like." I let a few tears fall from my eyes as we stay wrapped in each other's arms and Andrea slips out of the room to give us a little privacy.
"I will never hurt you, Taylor. I love you so much more than that. I promised I'd protect you and sometimes that means giving you your space and I understand that, okay? So don't ever apologise for that." I pull away and take both of her hands in mine. "But right now, the best way to protect you is to get you the help you need. I hate seeing you like this and it's not healthy, especially not for as long as it's been going on." I shake my head as a sad smile stays on my face, she knows I don't want to do this to her. "Maisie needs a mommy who can function properly and you deserve to not have to live with this." She nods, "I know, I'm just so scared of admitting it really happened." The tears starts trailing down her cheeks and I use my thumb to wipe them away. "I'll be by your side the whole way, nothing bad can happen to you anymore, I promise." She nods as she holds my hand to her cheek. She knows I'm just doing what's in her best interest.
"Do you wanna tell me what happened?" I ask and she stares into my eyes for a long time before nodding. She doesn't want to but she knows she needs to.
"What if I don't love them, kar? What if they get here and they just remind me of him and what he did? What if I hate my own children?" I wrap her in my arms as soft cries escape her lips. "These babies are going to get here and the second you see their little faces you're going to fall in love with them. I know that because they aren't all him, they have parts of you too. You're going to love them the same way you love Maisie, because I know that you could never hate someone so innocent. You may be questioning it right now, but the second they lie those babies in your arms, you're going to love them and fight for them with every fibre of your being because that's who you are as a person, because they're a part of you." She nods into my shoulder and I press a kiss to her forehead. "It's going to be okay, I promise."