I've never been so lonely.
Over this past month, I've learned that lonely and alone are two different things.
Alone is having no one present.
Lonely is sad because you have no companions and you've been abandoned.
On the brighter side, I'm living and working with Medda. When Jack explained what happened and showed her a dress I made, she said I could live and work here. I design and make all of her dresses. The boys come to see me every night too. Sometimes, I clean or cook with Maria.
Maria's about the most boring person on this Earth. She's really the only person that doesn't know about me and Spot.
Spot never came here to look for me, but two weeks ago, he came every night to get drunk. Medda wouldn't even let me go into the theater. I had to either be in her dressing room or my room.
I still have feelings for him and no matter how many times I tell myself I'm better off without him, a part of me doesn't want to let go. I miss how he would hold me when I'm crying. Now I just cry looking at the ceiling from my bed. I miss how he would take care of me. Now, I have to take care of my self. I miss how he says he loves me and I would say it back. The only thing leaving my lips now are sobs. I miss his smirk and cockiness. I miss how he'd only kiss me with a French kiss. I miss him and I just staying up to talk to each until I fell asleep. I miss him holding me while I sleep. I wake up to an empty bed now. But most of all, I miss how happy I was with him.
Now, I'm at the brink of killing myself everyday.
Spot was the one who kept me alive. Now, I'm just living in a body that's trying to stay alive, and with a mind that wants to die.
Spot was my happiness, and now he's gone because I didn't help him. He helped me all those times and I left him when he needed help.
"Al? Is that really you?" A voice asks.
I'm helping the bartender, Mr. Sinclair deliver his drinks, so I'm in the house tonight.
"How'd you know and what do you want?" I snap.
"Al, there's only one gypsy with red hair and blue eyes. It's me, it's Ace!"
I frantically scan the room. There he is," Ace, nice talking to you but I have to go."