"Is it odd that I kind of miss Carol?"
Daryl's hand stroked my hair as we both laid in a cell. It was early in the morning and I'd snuck out to see him. I knew I probably shouldn't have considering I couldn't give him what he wants.
Daryl deserves someone who will give him everything he could ever hope for and more. Every moment that I spend lying to him and myself will only hurt more in the end. Yet there was something so magnetic in being in his arms.
Maybe it's because he was the only person I didn't have to lie to about who I was. He knew I had issues and he still didn't mind being in the same bed as me. That takes guts.
"She was part of our group. Missin' her is what most people consider normal." Daryl pointed out.
I propped myself up onto my elbows as I gave him a stern look. His hair was ruffled from sleep, yet he looked wide awake.
Carol helped me feel like I belonged in the group, even when scolding me for my behavior. It almost doesn't seem real that she's gone. I never thought I'd miss her as much as I did.
"We're not most people, remember?" I said.
We're the outcasts of the group, both damaged in ways they could never understand. Daryl and I know what it's like to be beaten and made to feel like shit.
Others have never experienced what we have. It's what made Daryl and I see past our hate. In the end, it's what made me like him even when I thought I hated him.
"You were friends, Josephine. That kind of shit ain't gonna pass over night." Daryl replied.
A sigh left my lips I rested my head against his bare chest. I didn't want to grieve her death, it didn't feel right. The only people I have ever shed tears for are my siblings.
To grieve Carol doesn't feel right. There's a nagging feeling in my gut, but no tears have left my eyes. It might seem heartless but I'm glad I'm not crying. I don't need any more pain.
"We should get up. We have a busy day ahead of us." I mumbled.
I lifted my head as he connected our lips. A groan escaped me as I pulled away. If he keeps kissing me like that, we'll never leave this cell. He smirked at me before getting up.
I followed his lead before sneaking back to my cell. After getting dressed, everyone slowly woke up. We were all gathered by the tables as breakfast was served.
An uncomfortable silence filled the air yet it didn't stop me from devouring the food in front of me. I nudged Ryan to eat as well and he did so with a heavy sigh leaving his lips.
"Everybody okay?" A voice inquired.
My head immediately turned to the sound of Rick's voice. He looked better than the last time I saw him.
I tensed remembering our last encounter. That wasn't him though. The leader we know would never hurt one of our own.
"Yeah, we are." Maggie confirmed.
"What about you?" Hershel asked.
Rick carefully stepped forward, as if testing how far he could go. He was still dazed but in a less murderous way. Everyone waited for a response from him, a sign that the Rick we know is there.
"Cleared out the boiling block." Rick replied.
I furrowed my eyebrows. Although that's what Glenn and I found in the prison, dead walkers, it still didn't make sense he could do it on his own. It took an entire group to reach this cell block, let alone others.
Maybe that's why he looks so tired.
"How many were there?" Daryl asked.
"I don't know. Dozen, two dozen. I have to get back. Just wanted to check on Carl." Rick explained.
He turned to leave and I noticed he was avoiding eye contact with me. So he got a little violent, who doesn't let loose every now and then? I've had my fair share of violent moments.
It doesn't mean I break down and avoid people because of it. I avoid them because they're stupid. That's a completely different story.
"Rick, we can handle taking out the bodies. Okay, you don't have to." Glenn said.
"No, I have to. I do. Everyone have a gun and a knife?" Rick asked.
He stepped into the cell and got in front of Daryl. I rolled my eyes at the whole 'chain of command' thing they got going on. It was too early for that shit.
He could've asked Glenn or me or Ryan or literally anyone else. I guess I'm no longer third in command, I'm just the person he avoids.
"Yeah, we're running a little low on ammo though." Daryl said.
"Maggie, Josephine and I were planning on making a run this afternoon. A place we could hit for bullets and formula." Glenn added.
I picked up my spoon finishing up my meal. As much fun as it is to guess what I'm eating, I'd rather have something from an actual store.
Like chocolate or candy or alcohol. I wish I could get drunk for one night and just forget about everything.
"We cleared out the janitor room. Axel's there trying to fix it. In case of emergency. We wanna sweep the lower levels as well." Daryl explained.
"Good." Rick mumbled.
Ryan frowned at our leader's words. It was as if Rick was there, but wasn't actually present.
I've tried to help him and I got assaulted for it so I'm in no mood to try again. Rick lost his wife, his kid's mother. That leaves a scar behind.
"Rick!" Hershel called.
Rick paid no attention to him as he left the cell block. This seemed to be the only way for him to handle his grief, to kill walkers, to occupy himself with tons of work so he doesn't have to acknowledge the fact that Lori is dead.
I can't blame him considering I'd do the same.
-----
"You better not go all lovey dovey on me, lovebirds. You know I ain't into that shit." I warned.
I stepped outside of the car as I caught sight of the store we were looking for. The town was deserted, rubbish piling at its streets.
In this world, that's both a good and a bad sign. Chances are that the place was cleaned out since there weren't any walkers to pose a threat.
"And here I thought you were the romantic type." Maggie mumbled.
A smirk tugged on my lips as I pulled out my knife and walked in the street with Maggie. My eyes went over it to make sure there weren't any walkers creeping around. As I turned around, I saw Maggie and Glenn kissing.
I rolled my eyes before shifting the chains on the door of the store. As I opened it, birds flew out scaring Glenn and Maggie. At least one good thing from them being stuck inside.
I turned on my flashlight and went inside. There didn't seem to be any walkers inside, only a lot of darkness. Glenn followed me inside.
"Glenn, get that duck. That one there. A kid in a prison could use some toys." Maggie pointed out.
Glenn and I chuckled as he picked it up. Most of the shelves were empty which was to be expected. The stationery wasn't cleared out though so I picked up a few leather notebooks and some pencils for Abby.
Perhaps that'll keep her busy and away from wanting to run into danger. I found a lonesome chocolate bar and didn't waste time to open it. As soon as I stuffed it into my mouth, I realized that was a bad decision.
I spit it out wiping at my mouth. Glenn noticed and shook his head in amusement. A girl has cravings, okay? Sometimes they make me do stupid things like eating an expired chocolate.
"You have a sweet tooth, good to know." Glenn commented.
He passed by me and I punched him in the shoulder. The impact didn't stop him from cackling to himself. I scoffed as I picked up some formula that I saw on the shelves.
There wasn't a lot of it, but enough to keep one baby going for a while. I put all of the things into the cart that Glenn was carrying.
"We just hit the powder formula jackpot." Glenn informed Maggie.
I went out to see he had found more. Well I probably would've found more if I had bothered to even look for it. I was more concerned with going for basic supplies.
Babies aren't my strong suit. Even when my mother had Abby, it was Dakota who nurtured her into becoming a proper kid. I was the cool sister.
"Thank God." Maggie mumbled.
She helped Glenn load the supplies into the car as I bent down to tie my shoelaces. It's about time I get some new shoes. Yet all this group thinks about is babies.
Our lives would be so much more easier if Lori never got pregnant and then died leaving her daughter without food. How inconsiderate.
"We also got beans, batteries, mustards, but yeah also formula. Plus some very expired chocolate which I had to spit out. All we have to do now is get back to the prison in time for dinner." I said.
"I like the quiet here. Back there you can always hear them outside of the fence." Maggie replied.
She didn't have to explain any more. I knew she was referring to the walkers groaning outside of the prison. It was annoying but it reminded us to stay on our toes, to never be fooled into thinking it was safe again.
"Where is it y'all good people calling home?" A voice asked.
We grabbed our guns and immediately pointed them at the intruder. My eyes widened at the sight of a man that I thought I'd never see again.
Merle Dixon stood in front of us pointing a gun at us with his good hand. The other one seemed to have a knife or something attached to it. A reminder of his cut off hand.
"Merle?" Glenn asked.
Merle, upon realizing who he was looking at, started laughing. My eyes immediately narrowed as I tensed. If he's here, then Dakota could be too.
She searched for him since day one, if she's anywhere then it must be with him. Merle lowered his gun raising his hands in the air and approaching us.
"Hey, back the hell up!" Maggie threatened.
She stepped to the side so Merle was surrounded by us. I tightened the grip around my gun feeling wary of him.
Last time we heard from him, he stole our van and disappeared. He was the reason that Dakota wasn't with me and my siblings.
"Okay, okay, honey. Jesus." Merle said.
"You made it." Glenn said.
Dakota was right after all. He was alive and apparently quite well. I need to know if she found him. If she has, then I can drag her back to the prison and give her a long ass lecture.
All this time I've tried to suppress my anger at her leaving and my fear of not seeing her again. Right now, I didn't know how to feel.
"Can you tell me, is my brother alive? Huh?" Merle asked.
"Depends. Is my sister alive and with you?" I questioned.
My eyes narrowed as he looked down before looking up. He knew something about her that I didn't. So she's definitely with him and he just doesn't want me to know where or how.
It's been a little under a year since I've seen her last so I'm not letting him go until I know exactly where she is.
"Yeah." Glenn replied.
"Hey, you, uh, take me to him and I'll call it even on everything that happened back in Atlanta. No hard feelings, huh?" Merle asked.
It was obvious that he was avoiding my question. Glenn glanced at Merle's former hand as I still waited for an answer. He's not going anywhere without telling me where my older sister is.
There is no way I'm letting this chance pass me by. I am going to find her and then smack her senseless for leaving us for an asshole like Merle.
"Oh, you like that? Yeah, well, I found myself a medical supply warehouse. Fixed it up myself, pretty cool, huh?"
"We'll tell Daryl you're here and you tell Dakota to be here too, then we'll all have a reunion. I know she's with you, Merle, and if I don't see her in the next 24 hours things are going to get ugly for you." I snapped.
He was the reason that I've been separated from my sister for so long. If she hadn't fallen in love with him, she'd still be by our family's side.
I wouldn't have had to listen to Abby's hushed cries at night or Ryan's desperation to keep himself busy.
"Hold up, hold up. The fact that we found each other is a miracle, even bigger one than your sister finding me. You can trust me." Merle reassured us.
"You trust us. You bring Josephine's sister and come back here to wait." Glenn argued.
Merle smiled bitterly before pulling out another gun. I ducked firing at him as his bullet hit the car window.
Glenn and I ran to the other side only to see that Merle was able to grab Maggie and point a gun to her head. I swore under my breath at his actions. Once an asshole, always an asshole.
"Hold up, buddy, hold up." Merle warned.
"Let go of her. Let go of her now!" Glenn shouted.
My breathing quickened as I wanted nothing more than to pull the trigger. Yet if I do that, I'll never know where Dakota ended up and Maggie could get hurt in the process.
I wouldn't have cared much if she died but losing my sister again is not a risk I want to take.
"Put your guns in the car, pals. Then we're gonna go for a little drive." Merle said.
"We're not going back to our camp." Glenn protested.
There is no way we'd lead this lunatic back to the prison. Ryan and Abby are safe there and I'm not going to put their lives at stake. Not even for Dakota. Two against one and all that.
"No, we're going somewhere else."