Nine weeks and four days later...
Tilly
I missed a period and now it looks like I'm missing another one. I'm trying not to panic, but I can't help it as for the past two weeks I've been throwing up. I have a permanent headache. My boobs kill and I'm a cranky bitch. Poor Kaitlyn for having to live through it with me. The girl is usually in the firing ring when I'm feeling testy.
And Dylan.
I've been mean to him too.
"Tilly," Dylan says, looking more than concerned. "You need to take a test. You're acting the way you did when you were pregnant with Belle."
I blow out a long breath. "I'm pregnant, Dylan. There's no need for a test. I can just feel that I am."
And, Levi and I didn't use protection at the cabin because I thought I was up to date on my shot. But, reading in my diary, I learnt that I'm way overdue.
Like, by four months.
I don't know why I forgot to check. I can only put it down to the stress. My mind was definitely elsewhere.
Dylan rushes forward and wraps me in his arms. "It's okay. You're going to be okay. It's okay. You're okay."
I smile. "How many times can you say okay in a sentence?"
Dylan chuckles in my ear and holds on tighter. "I'm worried you're not okay with it."
Here's the thing.
I'm not upset with the news.
A baby.
My second chance.
It's what Levi will say that has me worrying.
"There should be a pregnancy test around here somewhere," Kaitlyn says, climbing off her bed. "I'll go find you one."
"Thanks, Kait," I say, watching her leave, thinking how lucky I am to have her as a friend.
I class both her and Jackson as my good friends and I know that when we leave, we'll remain in each other's lives.
"You're making such good progress. I don't want a baby to knock you back," Dylan says, leading me to my bed.
I sit down and cross my legs. "It won't. I have a good feeling about it this time. Like God is giving me a second chance to make everything right."
"Oh, sweetheart," he sits down next to me. "I just worry."
Our relationship is better than ever. We're solid and he's allowing Annabelle to visit at least twice a week. Even us two are gaining a bond. My little girl is everything I dreamt she was and more.
I stayed over at their house on Christmas Eve, enjoying Christmas morning with them and eating a delicious cooked dinner at the table too. We stayed inside this year, but I'm sure they'll venture to the beach like a lot of their neighbours did next year.
They went out of their way to make sure I had fun too, and I did. For the most part, I enjoyed the day and my face ached from the constant laughter. But, there was a big hole in my heart. And, I couldn't forget about the pain of missing him.
Levi.
I asked for him to let me be alone and he's granted my wishes. For the most part, I knew us taking a break was a good idea. I need to focus on me and nothing else, because it was only bringing him down too. How can I be there for him when I can barely look after myself? I can't. And, I think Levi knew that too.
We've texted a few times and I called him on his birthday. It was sad and we both ended up crying down the phone. Levi begged me to let him visit, but I refused. I want to be healed before I let him in, petrified of letting him down.
Kaitlyn comes back into the room with a Clearblue box. I catch it when she throws it my way. "Get your butt in that bathroom and start peeing on the stick."
I get up and do as she says, knowing that there's no way of avoiding the inevitable. "Promise me that you'll both stay here. I don't want to do this alone."
Dylan sits up taller. "I ain't going anywhere."
I take a long breath and start to head for the ensuite bathroom, feeling like my body is going to give in. The door closes behind me but I don't lock it. The others are chatting in the next room and it soothes me.
Come on, Tilly. Put on your big girl pants and face your future.
It's no use - I need him here with me.
I open the bathroom door and stare at Dylan. "Please, can I borrow your phone for a minute?"
No questions asked, he pulls it out of his pocket and hands it my way. Once I have hold of the phone, I close the door again and dial Levi's number, choosing the option to FaceTime.
I see myself on the screen until the face of the man I love appears, a bunch of pillows in the background as it looks like he's laying on his bed. It takes him a moment to realise it's me before his eyes widen and his lips shape into a heartbreaking smile.
"Oh, my god. Tilly," he starts to laugh, sitting up in bed. "It's you. Oh, my beauty. It's so good to see your face."
I try to blink away the tears. "Levi, I have something to tell you." Please don't hate me.
"Oh, yeah?" he holds the phone closer to his face, a clean-shaven face that shocks me for a moment.
Not able to use words. I lift up the box and hold it near the camera, putting it back down again when I hear his gasp. Levi's eyes are going ten to the dozen. Back and forth. Back and forth. I hold back, giving him a moment to collect himself.
"Wait....wait a second," he gazes at me, eyebrows furrowed. "Have you already taken the test?"
"No," I whisper, not able to read his expression as he keeps going out of focus. "I was waiting for you. I wanted to take it together."
Levi is still blinking when I start to undo the packaging. He speaks up when I lower the phone to go over to the toilet. "Wait!" he raises his voice.
"What?" I rush, almost dropping the test on the floor.
Levi smiles sheepishly. "I want to see everything."
I frown. "I'll be peeing on a stick over a toilet."
He shrugs. "So," he starts to laugh. "I can't believe you might be pregnant. Wow, baby."
I smile propping him up against the soap dispenser on the sink. "Give me a moment. It's gross because there's no way of not getting wee on my hand."
"Sexy," he snickers and I giggle along with him, feeling so much joy.
It's good to be in his company.
I do my business and rush over to the sink, placing the test on the side cupboard, double washing my hands afterwards. Levi is watching me through the screen when I take hold of the phone and sit on the closed toilet lid.
I speak up. "It says that we have to wait three minutes."
"That's gonna feel like forever."
No kidding.
We're both ready to bite our nails off when the stopwatch on the phone reaches 2:59. I get on to my feet and rush over to the test, taking Levi with me. I can see the result right away. Oh, my goodness.
Pregnant.
"Lee," I whisper.
"Yeah?"
He waits.
And so do I.
Levi suddenly shouts, "Tilly, tell me!"
Showing the pregnant sign to the phone, I tell him. "I'm pregnant. You're going to be a Dad."
"Oh my fucking god," he laughs, starting to cry. "Oh my god, Tilly."
My shaking hand covers my mouth. "You're happy right? Those aren't angry tears?"
"Happy? I'm on another planet. I can't believe it. One minute I'm mopping around in my bedroom and the next you're on the phone to me. Telling me you're pregnant."
"I can't believe it too," I respond.
"I'm gonna be a Dad?"
"Yes."
"I'm going to cry again," his voice goes all weird.
"I wish I could hold you," I sniffle, kissing the screen.
Levi moves the phone towards his face so all
I see is his red eyes and puckered lips. He kisses the screen too. When he pulls back he says, "I'm booking my flight now."
Levi
I get off the phone with Tilly and go over to my desk, loading up my laptop, feeling on cloud-fucking-nine. It's amazing. You can go from feeling like your insides are rotting with pain, to absolute elation in the space of half-an-hour. In minutes my flight is booked and I'm up, shoving any clothes I can find in a bag.
When I open my bedroom door, I hear the murmurs of my family downstairs. It's Sunday and they're all feasting on the food. I didn't fancy any food and I certainly don't now. I'm too het up.
They stop eating when I enter the room. Cutlery clashes on plates in a sign of them understanding that what I have to say is important. Or maybe, it's the fact that I haven't left my room in days.
I stand tall and take a lungful of air. "Family. I have an announcement."
Silence.
My cheeks crease into a grin, similar to the one I pulled earlier with Tilly. "Guess who's gonna be a daddy!"
...
Eeeeeeek!
How beautiful is this baby going to be?!
Thank you for reading! 😘