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Tilly
"You need to be quiet and gentle, okay?"
Dylan's voice has me opening my eyes and sitting up in bed. I'm staying at his mothers house so they can keep an eye on me. No room in the tiny house Dylan is renting until they move to Australia.
Not that I mind.
They're kind enough to let me into their home. I'm not going to take it for granted.
"Daddy, I can climb by my own," the tiny voice of my daughter says and I feel like I may pass out.
Dylan shows his face, smiling at me. "Sorry, Belle. Daddy is silly. He forgets you're a big girl now you're almost five."
"Yes," she says dragging out the S.
"Hey guys," I say, trying to appear kind for Annabelle's sake.
Annabelle stops near Dylan until he pushes her with a gentle shove. "Why are you still in bed?" she says, cheeks flushing pink.
I smile and pat the bed as an invitation for her to join me. "I'm not feeling very well."
Annabelle starts to climb up the bed and Dylan helps her by lifting her up. "My mommy always makes me biscuits and gravy when I'm sick. It's my favourite foods."
God, she's adorable.
I can't stop staring at her, taking in the details, knowing I'll start freaking her out if I don't stop. "Sounds yummy. I like tomato soup when I'm sick."
"Eeerrr," she says, pulling a face of disgust. "I hate tomato!"
"You do? But, they're so tasty."
Annabelle gets comfortable on the bed, laying on her front. She reaches out to me. "You have orange hair like me."
I giggle. "I do. Just like Ariel."
Annabelle nods her head.
Dylan gets down to sit on the bed too, glancing at me with unsure eyes. "Tell Tilly Who you saw when we went to Disney World?"
I keep my expression light, understanding that I'll be known as Tilly to her and not mummy. I'm lucky for them to be here with me. I'm not going to make demands.
Annabelle falls back into Dylan's arms. "I saw a real-life Merida. She's pretty."
I cover my mouth, trying and failing to remember the character. "Did you get a picture?"
"At home," she says, now stretched out on the mattress with her head pressing into Dylan's stomach.
Dylan pulls out his phone from his pocket and studies it for a moment before handing it over to me. "Here it is. I saved a load of copies."
There in her princess dress, Annabelle stands next to a woman with tumbling, fire red curls and beams at the camera so hard her mouth was bound to hurt.
"Lovely picture," I say, handing the phone back to Dylan.
Annabelle tips her head back to glance up at Dylan. "Daddy, can I have a doughnut?"
Dylan wipes the hair away from her face. "Go ask grandma nicely and she might let you."
"Okay," she slides away from him and dashed out of the room almost unsteadily causing Dylan to shout for her to be careful.
We wait to hear her voice downstairs before Dylan turns his attention back on me. "How you feeling?"
"Good," I nod.
Even with years apart, I still remember the faces he pulls when he doesn't believe you.
"The truth."
I can't help but smile, "I'm feeling ashamed more than anything. I swore to myself that I'd never be that reckless again and I proved myself right."
"Here's the thing. You need help. Professional help and you need it now. This should be a turning point for you. It should make you realise that it's not possible to get better without support from someone who's experienced addiction with a lot of people."
I lower my gaze on to the stripped bedsheets. "You're right. I won't argue with you."
He clears his throat and I snap my eyes up. "I have an opportunity for you."
"For me?" I whisper.
"I want to be there for you. I want to see you get better and be able to be in Belle's life. I realise now that I was wrong to take her away but I was so scared of what you were capable of doing. I didn't want disappointment in our daughters life and it destroyed me to see you spiralling. I loved you with every inch of my soul. I honestly did.
"But, then Mel came into my life and everything seemed to get better. She's a good woman. The best I know, and she loves our girl with her entire being. We're incredibly lucky to have her in our lives. And, over these past few weeks she's pushed me to involve you more. You are special to me too. You gave me my daughter and for that I'm going to do everything in my power to make things better for you.
"I have an extra ticket to Australia. I want you to come with us. Our home is on the golden coast. It's phenomenal. Melissa has a friend over there that specialises in mental health. He has a rehab centre. It's voted one of the best in the world with almost a hundred percent success rate. It's a house you live in with five other people. They teach you how to cope with your addictions, stress levels and cravings. They'll be group and one-on-one therapy sessions. You're allowed visitors, so I'll come and visit you a few times a week. I might even bring Annabelle.
"You don't have to pay a penny towards it. Melissa's friend is kind enough to let you in for free as a favour to my wife. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity and I think you'd be stupid to say no."
I'm at a loss for words.
I do need help.
It's not normal for me to keep spiralling like I do.
"Australia is a long way away," I breathe.
Dylan smiles and it's filled with kindness and support. "It's not forever. It's a chance for you to finally get the help you need."
"And, you'll be there?"
Dylan squeezes my hand. "Every step of the way. The three of us are here for you."
Annabelle.
I need to do this for her.
I want to make her proud.
And, Levi.
He deserves this.
My chest is suddenly heavy with a mixture of emotions. Light poking through the darkness. "I'll do it."
Dylan lets out a surprised laugh. "You will?"
"Yes," I nod, feeling sick. "Will you take me to Levi?"
I need to say goodbye.
Levi
I'm hovering around the house like a spare part, wondering if I should wait for Tilly to get in touch or just turn up at Dylan's mother's house and demand to be let inside. Dylan told me that he was taking Tilly to stay at his mum's while she tried to heal.
I hate it.
She needs me.
Dexter is sitting on the armchair across from me, eyes watching my every move. We're in the games room, but I don't feel like playing pool. It's nice that he's here with me, though. Sensing that I need him.
"Did I tell you about my charity date with Sabrina?"
I shake my head, not in the least bit interested. "Nope."
"The girl is actually really cool," he says, lifting his feet to rest across the sofa. "We laughed through it all and she got on well with the other guys. She's too innocent for me, but I reckon Andreas is in there. Apparently they speak most days and they've organised her traveling down to Cardiff to see him in a couple of weeks."
Andreas is our cousin on my dad's side of the family. We've always been close. Often speaking on the phone and visiting when we can. It surprises me that he hasn't mentioned Sabrina in our chats.
I raise my eyebrow. "Andre is cracking on to Delilah's sister? Oh, boy."
He snorts. "It's more than that, I think. The girl didn't stop talking about him all day. It was pretty fun telling her all the stories about us as kids. It makes me miss that side of the family."
It's no secret that Sabrina had a thing for my little brother not that long ago.
"You couldn't ever see anything happen between you and Sabrina?"
Dexter crosses his arms over his chest. "Nah, nothing romantic anyway."
"I wouldn't say that out loud. You might break her heart. She was hot on you for a while," I reply.
"Tell me about it. I tried to play dumb so I didn't embarrass her, but the way she used to sneakily take pictures of me was ridiculous," he starts to laugh. "Like I wouldn't tell if she had her phone pointed in my direction."
I shake my head, remembering it well. "It's sweet. A harmless crush."
"Oh, I know. I was never mad about it."
We both quieten down when one of the housekeepers knock on the door to tell me that Tilly is downstairs. I nearly break my neck when I leap to my feet and barrel out of the room. I find her in the sitting room, sipping on a glass of water.
"You came back," I say, smiling when I reach her. "Hello, beautiful."
Tilly smiles through her wobbling bottom lip. "Hey, my handsome giant."
I crouch down so we're eye to eye and hold myself back from kissing her on the lips. "You feeling better? Gave me quite a fright."
The light in her eyes seems to have dimmed down and it's unnerving. Nothing good comes from that expression. She reaches out to touch my cheek. "I know I did. Thank you for being there for me when I needed you."
"Always," I smile.
There's something odd about her.
I can't work it out.
"I have news," she says.
I nod, encouraging her. "Do tell. Anything good?"
I know it's bad when she takes two long, deep breath's and loses the small amount of colour she already had in her cheeks. "I'm moving to Australia."
Oh shit.
My mind struggles to process her words until she calls me name. "Australia? Why? When?"
Tilly blinks back the tears surfacing at the bottom of her eyes. "I'm going to a rehab house. It's one of the best in the world and they've offered me a place. I need to take it, Lee."
A sob catches in my throat. "You can't leave me."
Tilly looks even more pained. "I'm doing this for you. I'm no good for you. I want to be able to deal with my problems. Please understand that."
I'm trying really fucking hard to but it's impossible. I'm panicking and shit scared of her walking away from me. I love her. I'm caught up in her life.
"Can't you find a facility over here? I'll pay. I'll do it all," I pull out my phone and click onto the internet. "I'll search now."
"Lee," she sighs. "It's already organised. I leave tomorrow."
I've never known pain until this very moment.
I screw my hands into a fist in an attempt to stop them from shaking. "How can you just get up and leave? After everything we've been through together?"
"I'm facing my past. It'll help us both in the long-run."
"Is this the end of us? Are you leaving me?" I whisper, feeling my heart smash up in my chest.
Tilly reaches out and places her fingers around my jawline, stroking back and forth. "I don't know how long I'll be away for and I can't promise that I'll be back. You have to live your life. And, don't you dare miss out on any opportunities because of me. You deserve all the love in the world. I hope you know that."
Fuck, even the thought of another woman makes me sick.
"I'll wait forever for you. I'm not going anywhere, you hear me?"
"I love you, Lee," she whispers, closing her eyes and tilting her head forward so our foreheads touch.
"I love you more than you'll ever know," I respond.
And then she gets up and walks to the front door.
I let her.
...
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