"Hello?"
Finn answered the phone call cautiously, an unsaved number displayed across his screen. Millie sat on an armchair in the small living room watching his expressions.
She had been anxious ever since she had come home, not knowing when the call would arrive and if she should worry about the decision Finn would make.
His face lit up when the caller identified themselves, and he carried out the conference in a different room.
When he walked away, Millie exhaled deeply and closed her eyes.
"He will say yes, he will be excited, he can go to his classes, everything will be fine, " she assured herself. Millie nibbled on her bottom lip and picked at her fingernails nervously. For a reason she could not identify, she had a feeling that Finn might do the opposite of what she hoped. He couldn't do that to himself, She encouraged, opening her book again. If he does it would be foolish.
***
An hour later, Finn waltzed into the room Millie was in again. She knew what the call was about, as she had organized it, but listened intently to what he explained nonetheless.
"What did you say?" she asked when he was finished telling the story. Finn shrugged, pacing across the floor. "I told him I would think about it and tell him my answer tomorrow."
"I really hope you don't mean that you're going to sleep on a big fat yes." Millie sighed, placing her reading glasses on top of her head. Finn shrugged again, sitting down in the other chair only to stand up soon after.
"I don't want to leave you here alone, " he explained. "You don't need me, obviously, but it would suck if I was in a class all day and couldn't spend time with you."
It was Millie's turn to shrug. "It's not like you're leaving California, you could sleep here and I'd make you a little lunch and send you off like they do in those cute movies based on the 1960's."
Finn smiled at the girl, brushing his fingers through his hair. "As absolutely delightful as that sounds, I'd have to stay on campus." his grin faded and he stared at the carpet. Millie sat up in the leather armchair, hiking a quilted blanket further up and over her legs.
"So we'd barely see each other, " Millie confirmed, staring at the tall figure. Finn didn't waver when she said the words, so she made a decision for the better of both of them.
"I'll get my dad to buy me a ticket home, " she decided, picking up the book again.
"Peach-"
Millie put a hand up, silencing him. "Nonsense, I already told him that there was a possibility that I would be coming home early, I'll pack up and be out of here by tomorrow afternoon,"
Finn was skeptical, but he knew there was no changing Millie's mind once it was made up.
He walked closer to her, sitting on the armrest of the chair. "I'll miss you bunches and bunches, "
Millie chuckled, flipping the page. "Just don't forget about me, Wolfhard, "
Finn put a finger under her chin, lifting her eyes to meet with his. He had raised an eyebrow, not comprehending why Millie was so insecure. He knew she was being sarcastic, but there was a chipped corner with the joke and her paint job was sloppy.
"Why do you think I'm going to leave you so badly?"
Millie bit her lip, fighting to not look into his deep eyes. She couldn't stand avoiding them, felt his other hand cover hers. Her heart shook and she sniffled softly, giving in and peering up at his face. His eyes, oh, his eyes... Their darkness swallowed her hole and refused to let her go.
Here they were, in sunny California, where they were supposed to be enjoying themselves, talking about the worries Millie had buried inside of her.
"D-do you not trust me, peach?" Finn's voice quivered as he spoke.
"No, Finnie... I trust you completely. I've never trusted anyone more than you. I... I just don't trust myself, i don't trust that I'm enough for all of your...your perfection."
Finn was confused. He stared at Millie, eyes squinted, questioning. "I don't understand. Why would you ever think that?"
"Because, Finn. Because I'm still a child. Because I know half as much as you do. Because I'm clingy and I'm stupid and I'm boring! I'm nothing like them!" Millie spat.
"Who is "them?"'
"The girls here, with their tan skin and blonde hair and college girl attitudes. They're artistic and beautiful and everything that you could possibly want in a girl. I am not them. I'm bland." Millie threw her arms around as she spoke, looking into different corners of the room, avoiding Finn's face. She wasn't used to showing him her weakness. She didn't know how to do this while holding everything together.
Finn reached for her wrists, holding them steady. Millie didn't resist.
"Millie, I love you. I don't know what I have to do to make you understand that. I love you and I love you and I love you. Over and over. Always."
Finn kept a steady grip around her body, strong arms keeping her grounded.
Millie wanted to hold him back, to tell him how much he meant to her, to show him that it was only her anxiety, that she knew she meant something to him.
But she couldn't bring herself to do it. She couldn't form the sentences, so she just sat in his arms, shaking.
"I-i'm sorry." she choked out, the words catching in her throat before reaching the air. Finn nodded against her hair, his chin rested on top of her head.
"It's fine, peaches, " he kissed her forehead. "Everything is fine."
***
The sun shone brightly across the floorboards as Millie frantically shoved clothing items into her suitcase again. Her flight was in two hours and she had to be at the airport as soon as possible to go through security. Finn stood patiently against the doorframe, arms crossed loosely.
He and Millie had discussed what they would do while they were away from each other, how often they should Skype, and if Finn could send her love letters every once in a while.
Now, as they prepared to part ways for several months, Finn's worries both disappeared and became even more present in his mind. "Are you absolutely positive you don't want me to just not go to the program?" he vocalized, clearing his throat.
Millie glanced up at him and grinned. "I know you can't stand to be away from me for more than a day, but I regret to inform you that you told Hilary you would accept the request and I have a flight to catch,"
She zipped the final pocket of her suitcase, slung a bag over her shoulder, and began to exit the small house.
Finn followed her to the door like a puppy whose owner was going on vacation. "I will call you when I get home, " she kissed him softly, twisting the doorknob open. "I love you so much, Finnie, "
"Me you more, Peaches, "
He watched as she strolled down the block, hopping into a cab parked at an intersection. As they drove past, she rolled open the window and yelled out to him.
"Lesson number eleven: trust the process!"
And with those words left behind, Millie was gone.
***
author's note:
oh my gosh! hi! how's it going?! is Jennifer in 7th period still being a douche bag?!! how's your love life??!!? talk to me, girl (or boy!!!! we don't discriminate here :)) )!!!!!
i'm so sorry that i promised to have a part out every week and completely failed that with only one part in the past like three weeks. i've missed you all so much (so much!!!)
this chapter hit pretty hard for me because i have the anxiety that Millie suffers from in this story, and it really affects how i'm able to make relationships. it was both easier and harder to write this chapter for that reason :)
thank you so incredibly much for nearly 9.000 views, that is insanity!!
also, sorry if this is all over the place and has a ton of mistakes, i didn't feel like proofreading the second half
i love you all so much and i can't promise that i'll get better at posting but we don't have too many chapters left before this book comes to a close :(((
there will be a super long sappy note on the last chapter so i won't jump into that right now!!
don't forget to VOTE and COMMENT FEEDBACK so i can improve my writing!
love you with all of my person,
paige
{EDIT 5/25/2018: YOU CAN ALREADY GUESS WHAT I'M ABOUT TO SAY HA BUT THEY AREN'T DATING YET WHOOPS}