I remember cautiously walking into camp, expecting a possible beating from my 'mother' for having left, or maybe a confrontation with my father, but neither jumped right out at me. I was surprised when my father came to meet me with a look of sheer relief in his eyes, no hint of anger even as he eyed my bag full of new supplies. "Sang thank goodness you're alright." I remember the shake in his voice that had set me on high alert, asking him what was wrong as fear gripped hold of me.
Had someone gotten hurt in my absence, injured while I was not here to help? Before my father could even answer a loud piercing wail froze me where I stood. The sound itself was a familiar enough one, a haunting sound of pain and anguish. I had come to learn the hateful sound when I had first started hunting and was not yet good enough to kill my prey swiftly. Another screaming wail had me wincing, the sound so bitter and awful to hear, the sound of life leaving a living thing, the sound of death and dying.
"Your mother is dying Sang, she's too weak to fight anymore." I remember the bitter thoughts at my fathers words, knowing her weakness had never stopped her before. I also had been expecting this in my own way since after that first winter, the way her body seemed to shrink in on itself over the years that followed. She had wild bursts of violence which was when I got most of the brunt of her attacks, however in the last few months those wild bursts had dimmed and then seemed to quit all together, she hardly ever left her tent unless absolutely necessary which in winter was not often.
A part of me knew that I should feel bad at the prospect of losing my 'mother' but somehow I couldn't find it in me to care about the woman that had hurt me so many times before. I remember being ashamed of myself at the thoughts that I wouldn't miss her when she died, and yet I had a sorrow in me over the three strangers I had watched killed in front of me just a day before. I only nodded to my father as I took out the items I had collected for Marie and my 'mother', leaving them by the fire before repacking my things and walking away from camp in silence.
I went to one of my favorite spots, settling down on a rocky overhang that looked out over a large meadow. The grass and wildflowers were starting to grow in quickly with how fast the snow had melted and the temperature rose, I knew it would soon be filled with newborn fawns and all the other young animals around us. I didn't return to camp that night instead I chose to stay in a sturdy tree, wrapped up in my brand new sleeping bag as I drifted off to a fitful sleep.
For the next few days I only returned to the camp to bring them fresh meat before leaving again, spending more and more time away. I eventually just started to make up my own camp wherever I went, my own fire and all, I seemed more efficient on my own. It was the fourth day on my morning trip to bring fresh meat to their camp that I noticed the heavy silence on my arrival, one look at my fathers face and I knew.
We buried her that afternoon, I dug the grave with my father while Marie went off by herself as she often did. I did not cry the day she died or any day after, not a single tear was shed for the woman I had known as my 'mother'. I remember trying to convince myself that the reason I wasn't upset was I had become numb to it all after seeing a small child killed, but in my heart I knew. I knew that I was lying to myself, knew that I had wanted the horrid woman to die for longer than I was willing to admit.
I remember the moment I finally accepted that I was glad she was dead, thinking of all the times I had thought of ending her just like the prey I hunted to feed us all, but was unwilling to act on such thoughts. I remember accepting the fact that my own humanity might be slipping but then realizing had it been anyone else I would have felt the loss to a certain degree at least, from then on I went on with life as normal.
I did however keep to my new routine of staying away from camp, making up little sheltered campsites wherever I went, sometimes staying away from my families camp for days at a time as I explored the park more and more. I was happy to enjoy the new spring weather over the next few months as I set to learning everything in the two language books I now carried and also learning the land more than I already had in previous years. I think it was three months after my 'mother' died, well into spring when it happened.
I was patrolling the area around dad and Marie's camp something I occasionally did as an added safety measure since scavengers were not unknown to take an easy meal. When I heard the fast crashing sound of something big approaching from the right I pulled my bow taught and took aim in the direction of the unknown threat, only to quickly relax my hold at the sight of Marie stumbling into view. I had a quick thought as to why she was running through the bushes and then I saw the blood, and the bloodied knife in her hands.
I remember as she limped towards me spouting off something about a coyote or something attacking her, how she had killed it with her knife to get away. I saw the limp she didn't even try to hide as my eyes were drawn to the bloody gash on her leg. Even from this distance I could see the puncture wounds where no doubt the animals teeth had entered her flesh, drawing blood. I felt dread sink in at all the possible reasons that a lone coyote would attack a perfectly healthy human when there were so many easier options at this time of year, the deer had an abundance of fawns right now.
I didn't want to frighten Marie more than she had been but if she spoke truth I knew something was very wrong here, I would need to find the coyotes body to be sure of my suspicion however. I helped Marie back to the camp, taking great care about how I cleaned and bandaged the bite. I gave her a quick shot of antibiotics we had stashed away before telling her to go get some rest in the tent. I made sure she was settled as I thoroughly washed everything with the soap I had collected in town, making sure no blood or anything had gotten on me and burning the gloves I had used while doctoring her wounds.
Once everything was clean to my satisfaction I picked up my things, notched an arrow and rushed off in the direction that Marie had charged in from. I only had a number of hours until nightfall to find the body and I had no real clue where the attack had happened, I did know that I needed to find its body before any scavengers did though. It didn't take long for me to find the pile of dead fur, with the buzzards circling above I knew I would need to be quick before anything else showed up looking for a free meal.
I approached the body cautiously, holding my bow tight as I circled around to the coyotes front, wincing when I saw what I had been dreading. The eyes, they were staring open it death but I could see just like the dog in town I had encountered, this coyote was sick. It's eyes were red and the bloody foam around it's mouth was already starting to dry. I didn't hesitate as I slipped a lighter from my bag, having grabbed it from my fathers things in case my fears proved true.
I found a nearby stick and had it blazing quickly before I threw it onto the sick body, I couldn't risk something eating from it and getting sick as well. I stayed to make sure the fire didn't get out of hand and was surprised how long it took for flesh to turn to ash, once it was just ash and bones I threw dirt on the fire to put it out. When I finished I was off in a hurry once more to find my father, I needed to tell him what had happened and figure out what we were going to do.
I found my father sitting on a large boulder by the small creek near camp, he was studying a bunch of papers until he noticed me and quickly shoved them into his bag. I remember watching his face fall as I told him Marie had been attack by a coyote, then came the hard part of explaining my discovery. I told him of the dog that had come after me in town, how it had shown signs of the virus that had killed so many people. "It's infecting the animals now too." I watched my father start muttering as he put his face in his hands, knowing the worse part was yet to come.
I told him of how I had taken great care in tending Marie's injuries and then how I went to find the body of the coyote, what I had found when I did. "Sang are you absolutely certain about this?" he asked, I remember the heavy weight in his voice as I nodded. I told him about how I had burned its body to prevent anymore scavengers getting infected and he gave a small sad smile at that, nodding approval to my actions.
"What are we going to do if Marie gets sick?" I remember the heavy weight as I asked the question, watching my fathers face grow pained. "There's nothing we can do, if she does." he muttered bitterly in response as I shifted warily at the change of mood, he seemed angry somehow. "Well I can keep the wound clean and maybe we'll get lucky, maybe she won't get sick." I can still feel the false hope I tried to force that day, knowing very well my words would prove a lie.
"No Sang, you are not to go anywhere near her now. I will take care of her, but if she does get sick it's too dangerous for you to be near her." my fathers tone was stern and left little room for argument, so I stayed silent as I watched him start to pace angrily, muttering softly to himself. I didn't stick around long, deciding it was best if I went to collect some fresh blackberries instead of continuing my worry. I collected a good amount from some of the bushes I knew were ripe, eating some as I went along. I dropped off the food for my father and Marie then went on my way to the overhang, I spent my night in a nearby tree as I watched the animals living their lives below.
I didn't sleep much that night, my mind was too alive as I thought of all the possible outcomes with Marie, most if not all ended terribly. I stayed away the next day as well, looking over my books and memorizing everything that I could to keep my thoughts from other horrible things. By the third day I figured I would need to bring them some fresh meat and ended up shooting a few squirrels with my arrows, quickly cleaning them as I headed back to camp. I approached slowly, unsure of what I might find, only to see that my father was nowhere in sight.
I started to cook the squirrel meat over the fire when Marie stumbled out of her tent, I eyed her cautiously from across the fire. I could see how pale she was and I knew that all my suspicions proved true in that moment, knew that soon I would be losing my sister to something I could not fight. "Sang, I'm going to die aren't I?" she murmured out, each step she took closer I took one further away. I tried to deny her question only for her to chuckle darkly back at me.
"You know for being so f***ing smart you suck at lying. Tell me what you really think, what you really believe." her words were a demand, and looking at her seemingly helpless I knew I couldn't lie again. "I think that you'll be joining mother again soon." I answered softly, unable to meet her eyes, she nodded curtly in agreement to my words. "Don't call her that anymore." she hissed over to me, I frowned back at her voicing my confusion.
"You were never her daughter Sang, she was never your mother, she gave birth to me, not you. Sang you're nothing but a product from the affair our b***tard of a father had, I really don't see how you can love him so f***ing much." I was confused even more now, I cared for my father yes but not as much as I could have, we were never close. Then her words started to register more and even as I denied them, my mind started whirling at the thought that monster of a woman was not my true mother.
"If you don't believe me, why don't you ask daddy dearest sometime, I mean he is the reason we're in all this mess." Marie spat out, I had no clue what to say to her so I stood to leave, at the time not even thinking of what she could have truly meant. I was grabbing my things when she spoke again causing me to pause and turn to her for just a moment. "You know Sang you should really start working on your poker face, in this new world you better know how to lie or you're going to die." her dark chuckle rang through me and I couldn't help the shiver that ran up my spine, I was quick to leave without looking back.