Stars Dance
Chapter 52
-
Selena's Point of View
I SAT IN the sofa, doing some of my school work or at least tried to. In these few days, I have not been able to focus on anything for my own will. I looked over my textbook and wrote what I could in my notebook for notes, but it was no use. I tossed it to the side frustrated with myself and I covered my face with my hands. There was a soft knock at the door, and I looked up and grew uneasy. It wasn't Jackie, she obviously had keys to her own dorm. Zayn?
-
What if it was Zayn? My stomach turned with nervousness and my palms grew sweaty, he seemed to calm to knock, it wasn't like him. I needed to be strong and hold a strong blank face for as long as I could, before closing it on him and breaking down in tears. I took a deep breath and went to open it. To my surprise it wasn't Zayn, but his father?
-
Why would his father be here? I had remembered that Jackie and Zayn had a discussion and a fall out because of him. How close was Jackie with his father? "Hello." I smiled, not really knowing what else to say.
-
"Hello? Uhm, Jaqueline didn't mention a roommate." He chuckles. "Is she here?" He questioned.
-
"Uhm no she's....not here right now." I trailed off.
-
"Pardon my curiosity, but aren't you my sons'..." He pointed raising his brow in question.
-
Before he could finish what I knew he was going to say, I noticed Jackie making her way towards the dorm room with my stuff in her hands, as she reached for her keys her eyes grew wide surprised to see Zayn's father standing in the doorway of her dorm. "James..." She trailed off. "What are you doing here?" He questioned.
-
"Well since you haven't answered to any of my emails or calls for a few days now, we need to talk." He said, while Jackie eyed me and I lifted my shoulders and only smiled.
-
He stepped aside and let Jackie through with my things, and I smiled at her mouthing thank you, she said nothing and only nodding her head before turning her attention back to Zayn's father. "Whatever you have to say to me you can say it in front of her." She looked back at me and I kept a smile on my face. "Besides I already told you I'm not working for you." Jackie stood her ground and nodded her head side to side.
-
"I tried talking to him but he's stubborn and you know that." He said.
-
"Well you're not trying hard enough." She argued. "I'm not stepping foot in your business, if Zayn doesn't know a thing."
-
"So it's a possibility?" He said in hope.
-
Jackie sighed in frustration and pushed her jet black hair behind her ears. "Yeah I guess, but not while he doesn't know a thing." She repeated. "Or they, for that matter." Her eyes widen followed by a sigh.
-
"Very well then." He nodded his head. "I'll do whatever I can, to get this matter resolved quickly." He says.
-
"No you will resolve this quickly." Jackie pointed. "It's not if I can, it's I will." She argued.
-
He nodded his head. "Very well then." He said nothing more. "Pardon me once again, but aren't you my sons girlfriend?" He smiled direction his attention to me.
-
"Yeah..." I trailed off not really knowing how respond to such a direct question.
-
"What is your major?" He questioned.
-
"English literature." I said with a smile.
-
"Well if you're interested in getting to know and work in the business side of literature." He said reaching into his wallet and taking out his business card. "I own a small publishing company, in the same office space downtown, in which I'm hoping Jackie will accept the internship offer." He looked over at her and she crosses her hand over her chest and rolls her eyes. "Give my office there a call and we'll get you started." He smiled.
-
"Thank you Mr. Malik, it's greatly appreciated." I smiled taking his card from his grasp.
-
He smiled. "My pleasure, I will get going now."
***
For most of the week I had been hanging out with Adam. We had really grown close and develop a stable friendship over these past few days. However, all that lingered my mind was Zayn's absence since the incident with him, Lucy and I. He was a no show in literature and I barely saw him around campus.
-
I did room with Jackie but I was too embarrassed to ask, I didn't want her to think that I was becoming clingy with Zayn's whereabouts, and that I was those type of girls who would obsess over past lovers. If Jackie hasn't mentioned anything I assumed he was alright. She was his best friend after all.
-
I was afraid that my lack of concern for him would make it seem like I had moved on too quickly as well. Which wasn't the case at all, because the truth was I hadn't, I loved him with all my heart, and the more and more the days felt like they were dreading on. Loosing Zayn the way I did just made me feel like I couldn't function properly anymore, no matter how cliché it sounded.
-
Since that day, Lucy walked around with confidence and a proud smile on her face. Like she wasn't the reason for this whole disaster. I couldn't even make eye contact with her because looking at her just made my blood boil. How could she be proud of the mess the created? Was I finally seeing her truly colors for what she was? Was this what Zayn was talking about all along?
-
I didn't know what to believe, what I did know is that Zayn had lied to me for a long time, while the one who always consumed him wholeheartedly was Lucy and to top it all off they were suppose to be parents to a baby she had lost. For whatever reason they broke up, they had been in each other's lives for so long that they were fairly serious of taking their relationship to the next level, but something fell though with them.
-
Zayn's Point of View
It had been a few days now, I haven't seen the broad of daylight. All I have been doing is lounging around in the flat complex, in the mess that I had created and had yet to clean up. I was a mess and I didn't know how to cope, I never did. Healthy at least.
-
My mum had called and every time she did I would sent it straight to voicemail, I didn't want to talk to anyone, I didn't even want to see anyone that wasn't her. I had lost the one good thing in my life all because I didn't know how to lead with my tormenting thoughts of the toxicity that was Lucy.
-
I couldn't believe I had let it go this far? I should've just told Selena everything, luckily then she was understanding, I doubt that for a second now. I thought to myself as brought a lighter and lit the cigarette on, waiting for the hot bulb to show up. I had the ash tray piled up with smashed cigarettes and moved on to weed at least so it could cloud my thoughts in the first few days.
-
There was a knock at my door and I sighed and rolled my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose. I knew exactly who it was, it was only a matter of time until he came looking for me. I got up and opened the door, and it was the man himself. My father. "It took too long enough?" I sigh in frustration as I pull the door open and he invites himself in.
-
His eyes widen and looks around at how trashed the flat is. "This again?" He said glancing around and directs his attention towards me. "You were doing great Zayn."
-
"If you're here to nag me and tell me everything that's fucking wrong with me, I know, so you can go now." I point towards the door.
-
"Zayn your mother called me worried because you I haven't been answering her calls and you send her straight to voicemail, she's worried." He says. "You're not only drinking but your smoking too?" He questions as his face is unpleasant at the smell.
-
I lift my shoulders carelessly. "I wonder where I get it from?" I roll my eyes.
-
"It's either this or military school, you decide." He threatens. "If you keep running your life the way you do it's going to leave you nowhere." He explained.
-
The more he talked the more I grew angry at his words, he was in no position to judge my binging habits. "I'm already fucked up!" I exclaimed in anger. "Don't you see? I'm already a mess, this who I am!" I said getting teary eyed. "I have nothing else to live for because I already lost it all! I lost her." I cover my face with my hands just breaking down in a emotional mess. I hear small footsteps make their way towards me, and I quickly wipe my tears and take a step back. "Don't come near me." I warn him.
-
"Zayn I just want to help you." He says. "I'm worried for you, genuinely concerned." He pleas.
-
"This is your doing." I say raising my arms in defeat at the person I've become. "If you just knew how to be a dad...maybe I'd be a different person." I lift my shoulders carelessly.
-
He sighs at my same old allegations about him. "You were doing so good Zayn what happened?" He questioned.
-
"I lost her, I lost her, I lost her." I really repeated to myself over and over as I took a seat on the sofa sitting at the edge and covering my face with my hands.
-
"Who?" He sits beside me but enough to give me my space.
-
"Selena, I lost Selena" I cried. "and I don't know what to do...I love her and I lost her." I just cried. "I fucking lost her."
-
Maybe crying in front of my father wasn't the best of my ideas, but I didn't know what else to do. I didn't want my mum to see me like this, because it would break her heart in disappointment that her only son was back on his bullshit again. While Jackie would always pull that tough love shit on me and while it did work once, loosing Selena was different. It didn't work on me this time. Levi would just try to cheer me up, it was what he did best.
-
I felt lost, I truly felt lost. Here I sat next to a man who I haven't shared an emotional connection to in the last ten years, crying and venting to him about my love life. I should've probably remained cold and intact the way I always did when he came around, but since Selena ended things with me, I just didn't have anyone to go to to confide with shit like this. My life was fucked up.
-
"Let me help you." He said.
-
I sniffed and wiped my tears. "In what way would you be able to help me?" I said carelessly, rolling my eyes in the processes. "You've done enough as it is." I say. "I already let you see too much of me especially, like this." I point at myself in the broken mess that I'm in right now.
-
He takes a deep breath. "I don't want you to take this the wrong way." He begins as I glance over at him. "I didn't do what I did to try to weasel my way into your life again," My eyes widen at how ironic that statement is because that's exactly what he's been doing. "I don't want you think of it as if I'm trying to buy your affection back-...." He rambles on.
-
"To the point James." I rush him on, trying to get him to his conclusion.
-
"I didn't know you and your girlfriend-....well ex-girlfriend weren't together anymore, and I offered her one of my business cards." He says and my eyes widen followed by a frown.
-
I chuckle. "Not trying to weasel into my life huh."
-
"She told me she was an English major and I told her if she was interested in the business side of literature and publishing to give the office there a call for a possible internship." He exclaimed.
-
"You did what?" I question. "In what fucking situation would you have to be in to cross her?"
-
"I was visiting Jacqueline." He admits.
-
"Of course, of fucking course." I sigh in frustration. "What is your point with all of this?" I try to speed up this dreading conversation.
-
"If it helps and if she takes up that internship offer, you're welcome to come by the office any time." He says. "I'll be out of your way of course, you wouldn't even have to see me." He admits. "Just knowing your there is enough for me." He admits.
-
"Yeah but I don't think it's right interfering with her work." I nod my head side to side. "I don't want to push her away any more than she already is from me."
-
"But it's a start to initiate a civilized conversation." He sets example. "It's alright if you give her time, there is no harm in that, but if you love her like you say you do and don't want to loose her, then this is your opportunity." He advices. "Respectfully of course." He adds.
-
Not knowing how to answer him, I don't really want to thank him either, because the communication today between the two of us has been awkward. "Why are you doing this? For me?" I question his true intentions.
-
"I just want to help you." He admits. "I know this doesn't justify or mend any open wounds between you and I, if it means you can stand being in the same room as me and hate me a bit less, then so be it." He admits. "I don't expect you to like me over night."
-
I nod my head and hum not really knowing what to say. "Thanks but don't expect me to suddenly have this dad and son relationship you so desperately wish to have." I set a barrier between him and I. "Shit like that takes time and the way things with you and I are, I doubt it will be soon."
-
He small smile appears on his fave. "I don't except it to." He admits. "But I will take what I can get."
***
After my father left, I sat around for a few minutes rethinking what had happened in the last few days. I had shown no signs of life to the outside world, and that didn't seem to worry Selena. I feared that she no longer loved me, and the more and more I thought of it, the angrier I got because she had probably moved on to Adam, fucking Prince Charming, he was everything I wasn't.
-
I would be lying if I said I didn't envy that about him, how he could have this perfect little circle and his perfect little life. He's everything I wish I could be for Selena, and now he's probably got her. He probably couldn't wait to show it off in my face, that he was right about me all along to Selena.
-
My phone vibrated on the coffee table and noticed that the caller ID was my mum's, my father had probably already gotten the message along to my mum that I was alright. I reached for it and answered it. "Hello." I said, not really wanting very much of a conversation.
-
"Baby, where have you been? Why haven't you been answering my calls! Are you alright?" She exclaimed through the line concerned.
-
"I'm fine mum." I said.
-
"You don't sound fine." She said. "Is everything alright?" She questioned.
-
"No mum not everything is alright" I admitted to her annoyingly. "Did you really have to send my piece of shit father looking for me?" I questioned her.
-
"Watch your mouth." She says, and I instantly regret. "I am your mother." She stood her ground. "You left me no other choice, it's you who's fallen off the face of the earth, what is going on?" She questioned.
-
"I'm fine don't worry." I just repeated.
-
"Zayn if I gotten your father involved is because you left me no other choice." She reminds me. "I love you and I want the best for you, sending you to uni, was suppose to better you." She says.
-
"Mum I'm trying but it just seems like nothing ever goes right me." I finally decided to tell her. "I'm a mess...my life is a mess."
-
"What's wrong? You know you can always talk to me, you know that." She comforts.
-
"I lost her mum." I chime for what seems like the hundredth time today.
-
"Who darling?" She questions. "Don't tell me you and Lucy-...Zayn you know how much that girl has hurt you, why would you even consider getting back with her-..." she rambles on.
-
"No mum no, it's a long story." I sigh. "I'll tell you one of these days, but I've lost her mum I've lost her." My throat grows tight and I want to cry all over again.
-
"Zayn I know you and I know how passionate you can be." She explained. "Whatever it is you've done, you need to find away to fix all amends possible." She suggested. "Even if she's right and you're wrong, or your right and she's wrong, it doesn't matter." She suggested. "What matters is that you both trust each other wholeheartedly."
-
I sniffle. "Yeah I don't think that's gonna be the case this time mum." I nod my head side to side. "I messed up bad." I admitted. "I don't think she'll ever forgive me."
-
"If she loves you and is an understanding person, she will." My mom advised, I could almost see her small smile through the phone.
***