Chapter Thirty Eight
(Thursday) Robin was not in the Halloween spirit. Surely, everyone else was dressed up in their costumes, some extravagant, some simple, and others too vulgar to be at school in (no one minded much). The only real kick Robin got out of today was seeing some white guy parading around dressed as Michael Jackson and playing Thriller on a boombox while skateboarding down the hallway with a band of people in Jackson Five costumes following him, only for him to crash into the janitor, Mr. Filch. Now that was funny- even Feldman couldn't top that. But other than that, she had been tossing and turning the whole night before thinking about River and what her coworkers had said and his question- that dreaded question she never even thought he was going to ask.
She knew what she had to do, and she knew it was going to be a punch in the face to her pride, and to her damaged ego. Her mind wanted to be logical, less feeling-based and tell her no, while her heart was beating the opposite rhythm. But just thinking about the technicalities and when and where and how it would go down stressed her out, draining her emotionally and physically- she could barely focus during math class where Mr. Pointer was dragging on and on about some shit he probably didn't even understand. He never did know what he was talking about.
Robin hadn't yet seen River today, but the knowledge that she would soon be seeing him kept reappearing in her brain cloud, and giving her heart a great pang in addition. Her heart was thumping with uneasiness and it was pounding so fast and hard that it felt like it was going to propel out of her chest, but she was determined to do this. She had to, to put an end to everything that had been troubling her, to-
"Robin," Stacey had snapped from in front of her.
Robin looked up, intercepted from her thoughts, a pensive palm had been resting on her chin,
"Yes?"
Stacey raised her brows judgmentally,
"Class is over. The bell rang."
"What?" Robin asked, genuinely surprised.
She must not have heard the bell ring while she was off daydreaming- more like nightmaring. She had been so into her thoughts that she wasn't even able to hear the brash bell ring, the way it did everyday, able to wake her up from even the deepest of sleep.
"Yeah. Don't just sit there like an idiot," Stacey huffed with raised brows.
Robin rolled her eyes hard, and the words seemed to slip off of her tongue as smooth as butter on a hot biscuit,
"Shut up, Stacey. Stop being such a bitch. You won homecoming, the only thing I assume you find important being the pretty, good hair princess you are, who really doesn't even have that great of a personality to match your oh-so-gorgeous generic white girl looks. Oh, but even the prettiest of girls have their ugly moments- need I remind you of the time you had your hair jammed in the door while you were pissed drunk? Now hop off my ass, I have shit to do... other than try to sabotage other peoples' personal lives for a fucking plastic crown."
Stacey scoffed indignantly as if Robin had just hit her with a petty jab- which she did, and muttered under her breath as she stomped away,
"Freak."
Even Robin was taken aback by herself, and it took her a while for her heart to stop racing with anticipation (because really, she had been holding back her tongue even during her rant, and her fists). Maybe just knowing that she was about to do and say something way bigger than what she just had reassured her that she'd recover quickly from that outburst. She swung her backpack on, one shoulder after the other, and waved goodbye to Mr. Pointer as she started to walk up the rows of student desks.
"See you Robin- happy Halloween!" he said with a smile that Robin couldn't help but perceive as creepy, perhaps only because Feldman had done his best to warn her at the very beginning of the year about Mr. Pointer's allegedly pervy ways.
Robin was just about to exit the door and make her way to her next class where she would again space out and fill herself with worry even more, but she bumped into someone who was also entering the classroom. She looked up from the baby blue shirt to apologize briefly to the poor guy she'd bumped into, when she saw his face. Fair skin, baby face, gelled blond hair down to his shoulders, and round gray glasses. River. She had her mouth open to apologize but stopped abruptly, the both of them locking eyes with each other.
River looked down to the blue and green tiled floor (it matched his eyes.) He opened his mouth to say excuse me and get past her like nothing had happened the day prior. But she opened her mouth before he could.
"You're my boyfriend," she blurted.
His neck jutted out and he gawked at her, looking up at her promptly,
"What?"
"You're... my boyfriend," Robin repeated slowly, not just for him but also for herself, in partial disbelief of what she'd just done, but not fully, because she had seen it coming.
Her heartbeat had slowed its pace and stopped pounding so fast and hard. It was like a relief, like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders - a weight almost as dwelling as the sky on Atlas' back. River's heart, on the other hand, was beating fairly temperamentally, as if they had swapped hearts. He almost broke out into a sweat, gulping fiercely, his eyes wide and unexpecting,
"Rea-really?"
"Mhm," she hummed, looking up into his eyes and smiling into them.
"But what about-" River started, about to bring up the day before, but Robin shook her head with a gentle smile, interrupting him,
"Doesn't matter."
"Oh-okay," he stuttered. "So... so like... what do we do?"
Robin shrugged. "I dunno."
River began to get giddy, accepting that this was real life and it was actually happening. He beamed, and did a little elvish jump in the air. His face was flushed with happiness, and he was suddenly glowing.
"Me either."
"Well, what do we tell our friends?" Robin asked a follow up question to the one that hadn't been answered.
"I dunno!" River exclaimed, grinning intensely.
"Should we just start making out aggressively in front of them and then stop and continue eating like nothing happened at lunch?" Robin asked as a joke, but River didn't pick up on that.
His eyes bulged,
"What?"
She chuckled. "Riv, I was joking."
"Riv... now I gotta make up a nickname for you."
"What?" now Robin was taken aback. "No you don't."
"Yeah I do! You're my girl."
Robin nearly blushed, but she looked down to hide her face,
"Okay, what are you thinking?"
"Hm, I dunno. What's a good nickname for a girl named Robin?" River asked. He then started talking to himself, contemplating aloud. "Rob... Bin... Robi... oh, I got one!"
"What?" she smirked, folding her arms.
She was genuinely amused to see what he would come up with, as her name was practically impossible to create a nickname for.
"Birdy," he smiled gently.
Robin took a step back, her smile disappearing, but not because she was upset. She was just a bit disturbed was all. No one ever called her Birdy except her mom and father, and Ariella and only a few other people. And River had never heard anyone call her that, nor had she told him that.
"How'd you know that?" Robin asked, her eyebrows furrowed.
"Know what?" asked River.
"That my nickname was Birdy," she explained.
"Oh, I didn't. I kinda just thought it up."
She made a face- since when did people randomly "think up" that sort of nickname? It took a creative genius to think that up, at least in this case,
"Only my closest friends and family call me that," she said slowly, shaking her head.
River only smiled wider,
"Well, we're close now, aren't we? You are my girlfriend- right?"
River's face dropped abruptly, remembering that Robin was known to backtrack on decisions even almost as soon as she had made them. He wasn't the only spontaneous one in the relationship, but it would be a while until he really realized that.
Robin couldn't help but crack a smile at that,
"Yeah, I am."
He laughed and they stood there enveloped in silence for a bit, just looking at each other. But Robin was the first to break that silence, still gazing up at him. She patted him on the shoulder raising a brow, and jokingly drawled,
"You should get to class boyfriend, and don't make me late."
He burned up, his cheeks reddening,
"Right."
She got up slightly on her tippy toes to kiss his cheek and pranced away. Now he was the color of a tomato.
Robin walked away feeling like the breeze was on her back, lifting her up and casting her away into a magical fairy land where no one hurt each other for fun. But as always there was that dredge at the bottom of her heart, as per at the bottom of a tea cup, that was holding her back. But not enough to make her backtrack. Because, now, she couldn't. Because now, things were official. And for the first time, it didn't feel like it was because she was trapped.
As for Jesus- well, he'd survive without her. She didn't suspect she'd be seeing him anytime soon, since, in all honesty, she wasn't planning on visiting Georgia anytime soon either. She hadn't talked to him since late summer, and it was now October. He hadn't called her either. If anything, they had forgotten each other. Or more like, she had forgotten him. Either way, he was no longer a factor in what was holding her back, and that made her melancholy and anticipatory all at once.
"Hi, boyfriend," Robin smirked playfully at River, sitting down in the seat next to him in the cafeteria and plopping her tray down in front of her.
"Hi, girlfriend," River said with a tiny grin as he looked down at his vegan... whatever (as according to Feldman.)
As promised, the both of them leaned into each other and shared a kiss, brief, and not as vulgar as Robin was joking around saying it should be. Robin cupped his chin and pulled away with a longing smile that looked like it belonged on a movie screen.
Everyone sitting at the table glanced around at each other, each of them hesitantly and each of them wide eyed, all of them thinking the same thing. Feldman was the first to break the awkward silence and eye contact they were all sharing with each other (sans Robin and River, who were looking down at their plates, quite pleased with themselves), lunging across the table and grabbing River by the collar. He knocked over multiple plates, trays and cups in the process, making everyone around him complain loudly.
"So you've done it, mate!" he exclaimed in a terrible Australian accent.
River was looking at him incredulously,
"Feldman, get the hell off me."
He chuckled slyly as he sat back down, merely dusting off his hands whereas others were cleaning food he'd spilled off of them. Heather spoke up this time, much calmer,
"So you're dating?"
"Mhm," Robin hummed absentmindedly in response, toying with her peas that she didn't want.
"So, River. First base, second base, tell me, how far-"
"Shut up, Feldman, you absolute asshole," Heather scoffed, whacking him in the stomach with her arm.
He pursed his lips and receded.
"What he means is... congrats!" Heather exclaimed, beaming joyously. She leaned across the table and enveloped the three of them in an awkward group hug that made Robin and River sulk at each other. "We've been waiting weeks!"
"Months," Corey corrected. He too was smiling widely. "This is great!"
Heather nodded.
"Right. You two," she smiled deviously, shaking her head.
"Great hug, Heather, but I gotta motor if I wanna throw this away - and discretely," Robin said, gesturing down to her lunch.
The walk home was a lot giddier for the two of them. There was something in the air that made the scent of the fall leaves enchanting, made the cool fall breeze around them turn to silky caresses. They were enamoured. Like bunnies twitterpated.
"So what made you change your mind?" River asked while looking down at the ground, his hands in his back pockets.
Robin shrugged. "You know, I never really did outright say no. So I guess I never really changed my mind... I don't even know what I was thinking at that time, in terms of answer-wise. I was sort of just dwelling. I guess I kinda freaked out. I finally heard myself talking though- through other people."
"What were they saying?" River asked, glancing over at her.
She simpered,
"Nothing I didn't know already. I guess I just... didn't wanna acknowledge it."
They stopped in front of her house like always. The leaves were floating in the air around them, as per a breeze lifting by, and Robin pushed her hair behind her ear.
"Hey. It's Halloween," River mentioned with a sly smile.
Robin squinted her eyes. "Yeah."
"I think we had... matching costumes. Am I wrong?"
"You are not, Scarecrow," she chuckled.
"So I'll see you then," he nodded slowly.
"You will."
"Pick you up around 8?"
There was a plan to go trick or treating and then go to a party afterwards, with River, Heather, Feldman, Elizabeth, and Corey. Robin made a note to self not to get drunk, except at least now she knew that she wasn't going to do anything she'd be dwelling over the next morning, because now she didn't have anything to hide from River- except she did. That (not so) tiny little detail about their love being forbidden because her parents didn't want her to date boys his race. But she could keep it under wraps, couldn't she?
Oh no, what if she couldn't keep it under wraps? Now that she and River were boyfriend and girlfriend, they'd be around each other a lot more, and she would have to hide him even more than she used to. That would be the only hard part. Of course, she could just keep up the lie that River was gay and only a friend, but she hated lying to her parents, and soon enough they would figure out that wasn't true if they were around each other the way they were. She hadn't thought of that.
But now that she was, she was lost in thought, conspiracies running through her head, trying to find loopholes, trying to find out how to divert her family's attention away from Robin for as long as she and River dated. But still, there was just no way they wouldn't find out. Parents, mothers especially, find out everything. She didn't even have the slightest clue of what they'd do if they found out. She figured that, at the worst, they'd forbid her from seeing him, but still, she didn't want to have to face their wrath if she could help it.
"Robin?" River asked, waving a hand in front of her suddenly void face.
She blinked in surprise, like when Stacey had brought her out of her thoughts. "Hmm?"
"You okay?" he asked.
She blinked again. "Oh yeah."
He rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet,
"You're not having second thoughts, are you?"
Robin looked at him like he'd sprouted three heads and laughed a bit exaggeratedly. "What? Of course not!"
I so am.
"Okay, good," he sighed. "I was saying- pick you up at eight?"
"Yes you will."
River smiled once more,
"See you, girlfriend."
He turned on his heel and began to walk away.
"See you boyfriend," Robin called out, weaker than usual, and gave him a limp wave. When he was out of eyesight, she sighed and put her hand down, her face becoming stoic. "Great," she muttered angrily to herself, beginning to tread towards the front door. "Just great, Robin, nice going."
This whole relationship thing wasn't as much of a relief as she originally thought it was.
LOTS OF FORESHADOWING GOING ON HERE! ;-)
hope y'all caught that lil heathers reference i made 2!!!
some wild stuff is about to go down in the next chapter! and soooo much craziness is about to go down in the chapters to come >:-]
anyway something that rlly bewilders me is that this book is like... 468(???) pages long in google docs??? that's LONG. i would neva publish this book irl adkskmas like imagine reading an 800 page (cuz when i finish i wouldn't be surprised if it were 800 pages) romance novel that was originally a river phoenix fanfic written by a 13(was 13 when i started, now i'm 15) year old girl HAHAHAHA BYEEEE that's like twilight smmsmslas i can't. anyway love u guys byeeee mwah mwah xxxxxxx