*Ella*
The only thing running through my mind was the word dad.
I made Josh and I coffee. I passed him his cup and sat beside him on the couch, crossing my legs as he rested his elbows against his knee and sat right with the cup in his hand.
He gripped the cup tightly and I watched him from the side, his perfect jaw stiff as his eyes twinkled several times.
I frowned.
"Uh" Josh licked his bottom lips, turning to face me "I think this was a mistake"
"Josh"
He looked deep into my eyes, but this time, something was off about his. A scent of fear, pain and regret.
"I was young" he swallowed. "So young"
A part of me then, wanted to stop him but a part of me wanted this, needed this.
"Hey" I placed a hand onto his shoulder "Take your time"
Josh's body was tense, the lump in throat was heard loud enough to think he was choking.
"My dad was an alcoholic, he'd drink all morning, all afternoon and all night. I mean, every second. I didn't know why he was so addicted but Mariam and I suggested he got himself checked...I mean we were trying to help..."
I sipped from my coffee, thinking maybe that sip would sink the lump in my throat.
"But he was abusing, physically, emotionally and mentally"
I took a deep breath.
"He always went out at night, played poker or the slot machines and lost so much of our savings. Mariam...Mum... she would try to talk to him but he would get physical. Many night, well, every night..." he looked away, trying to avoid my eyes "He got physical. He would beat my mum and I would hear her hold back screams in fear someone would hear and he'd hurt them too. But she always made me run, even though I was hopeless, I'd run upstairs and hide under the blanket in my room"
He took a deep breath and exhaled back tears.
"I'd hear my mum yelling. begging and crying that he would leave me alone. But he'd walk into my room, remove the blanket and beat me, even if I ran, he'd beat me wherever I went. Most times he just belted us, sometimes he'd light matches, cigarettes or just a lighter and turn them off against my skin"
"Can I see?" I whispered.
Josh looked at me and shook his head.
"Prefer you didn't, I'm just being forced to speak. I don't want to get too deep"
"It's fine" I nodded "So what happened?"
"I think that's enough for today"
"Josh"
"Ella" Josh licked his lips "That's enough, for today"
I wanted more, it wasn't enough. Though I could see how it was taking over his mind, sending me mixed signals of emotions and feelings.
"Okay" I whispered "Alright"
"I should go" Josh placed the coffee still full onto the coffee table and stood up, shirtless with a bandaged arm.
"Josh"
"What" he walked over to my room, grabbing his suit jacket and leaving his torn shirt behind.
"Stop making things awkward" I stood there blankly.
"Awkward?" Josh held his suit jacket, standing outside my room. "Awkward huh"
"Well why are you...being so weird"
"I told you how hard it is for me to talk about myself"
"I get it"
"You don't"
"I do"
"No!" Josh panted "Look" he turned around so that his backside was facing me. Sweat dripped from around his neck and down his back, his arms also covered in drops of sweat.
"You're sweating?"
"I can feel it" Josh walked towards me "I can feel it all happening all over again" he unbuckled his pants and I was thinking, now? Really?
But instead he pulled his pants down just to expose his hip line "What are you doing?"
He grabbed my hand and placed my fingers against his hip just near his erection.
"Feel it"
I pushed my fingers against it. A thick bump and somewhat a feeling of a floating bone on the inside.
"Did you have it checked?" I frowned, feeling grossed.
He turned back around and let my eyes meet his back side, he placed his hand over his shoulder and pointed "Just beneath my neck, by my shoulder, in the middle, above my backside"
I followed his directions.
Witnessing burn marks and light scars.
"And this one?" I placed my hand beneath his arm, on the side of his back.
It was a faded, long mark.
"A belt mark, that slashed through my skin. These are nothing, my body is covered. You're not alone"
I gulped, but then I gained numerous thoughts. I wanted to know more.
Josh moved away and put his suit jacket on, still shirtless.
"Talking about myself isn't easy"
I nodded, noticing sweat began to drip from his forehead.
"The only reason I didn't allow you to touch me beyond my erection is because I didn't want you asking about my scars or feeling any of them"
"I get it now"
"No" Josh shook his head "And you never will"
"So help me then" I took a step towards him.
"This was a bad idea" Josh gulped "A very bad idea"
"Josh, most people have bad childhoods and find it hard to speak-"
"No" Josh raised his hand "I don't care that I told you, but now...It all just fucking hurts"
"Hey" I walked over towards him "Block the negative thoughts out, that's causing the pain"
"You don't understand-"
"Josh" I placed my hands on either side of his face. "Hey"
Josh looked down at me, full of fear and a child's pain.
"Stop thinking"
"I can't" he began panting.
"Josh"
He's breathing became rapid and his body temperature began to rise.
I did the first thing that came to mind, I kissed him.
I let my lips meet his and kissed him.
It took him a while to kiss me back, but he eventually wrapped his hand around my neck and kissed me deeper.
I looked up at him and pulled back, leaving my hands against his face and our bodies together.
"Stay"
Josh looked down at me, his body relaxing and his breathing focused.
"Stay with me today" I whispered, "Stay"
Josh placed his nose against mine and closed his eyes.
All these thoughts in my mind, I couldn't read him.
Did he want me the way I needed?
Or did he want me as his object as always?
He leaned up and took a step back.
"I have to go"
I grabbed his hand and gripped it tight.
"But I want you" I whispered. "Let me fulfil my end of the deal, first, before you go"
Josh's hand was still in mine as he frowned.
"Come to bed" I let go of his hand and made my way towards my room.
I didn't turn around, but I began to remove my oversized shirt as I entered my room.
His footsteps close behind.
I hope he believed that I wanted to fulfil my end of the deal, but really, I wanted power. I wanted power over him, over his mind, body and soul.
I wanted to have him at my feet.
I wanted him to beg me to stop and stay when every inch of his body is done and his soul has finally given up.
I wanted it all.
Everything that happened to me, happen to him.
Regardless of his past, of his torture and nightmares.
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Independent,'strong Ella has no weakspot anymore!!!! Gulps tears and all, yes let him sense her feel bad but deep down... shes taking over his spirit for good.
quick update within 2 days YAYAY
SEX IS NEXT OKAY *SELF PREPARING*
Mia x