AN: If you were wondering about the text message Jaycee received from the unknown number... it was just a figment of his imagination :) that's why it was never brought up again.... because he doesn't remember it :)
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It's been two days since I last heard his voice.
Two days since I felt the warmth of his embrace.
Two God forsaken days since I last spoke to him.
And it is killing me.
It's tearing me apart.
I can't stand the pain that my heart radiates.
It's unbearable.
But it's for the best, I know.
It has to be.
Yeah maybe if you say that enough times, you could actually start to believe it.
Conscious. Darling. Shut it.
I never thought, in my entire life, that I would ever love someone this much.
That leaving them would affect me this much.
Hurt me this much.
Ruin me this much.
This sensation that I am currently feeling is that of suffocation. The longing hurt me so much that it feels like I'm drowning on air. I can't breathe, because every time I do; it hurts.
My lungs burn.
My throat constricts.
What's even worse is that I don't think he'll understand. He wouldn't understand that I needed to see my parents. He won't ever understand that I need to keep them safe; all of them.
He won't understand.
But that's fine.
Even if that means he'll never talk to me again; I'm okay with that.
If he doesn't want to ever look at me again; I could live with that.
If he never wants to hold me again and whisper how much he loves me in my ear; I'm okay with that.
I could live without him.
I could.
Right?
Right?
Dear God please tell me that I could. That I don't need him with me to be able to live.
Please.
Because if it was up to me, I know that I would die without him.
I'm nothing without him.
I've always needed him one way or another.
Just his presence gives me a sense of safety.
God why does love have to be so complicated?
Why can't it be like Romeo and Juliet?
Wait, never mind.
They ended up dying.
Jaycee and I could last this.
I really hope we do, because with him gone, I'll just spend the rest of my life locked up in a five by seven bathroom smelling flat with about forty cats.
Or fifty.
I hate cats...
My brain told me that I needed to move on because in order for me to keep him safe, I needed to keep my distance. That I needed to fight the urge to see him just so I could keep him safe.
My heart, on the other hand, told me to screw this whole operation and go for my true love.
He has waited for me since freshman year and I don't believe that he'll wait any longer.
Not anymore, and as much as that breaks my soul and shatters my heart, it's nothing I can't handle.
I can handle the pain.
I can handle the misery.
I can handle the heartbreak.
I can.
Right?
I'm strong...?
No.
Who am I kidding?
I can't lie to myself.
This is going to be the hardest thing I would ever have to deal with.
I ran my hand through my hair in frustration. Multiple times.-
"I'm sorry." I whisper as a tear slid down my face.
"I'm so frickin sorry."
Why do I keep hurting those I love?
I put my friends in danger. I put their families in probable danger. I might've even ruined their lives because unless the feds can get my uncles in custody, they'll always be in constant danger.
More importantly, why do I keep hurting myself?
I fell for someone who doesn't necessarily have a great reputation with hearts. I fell for him in the midst of am ongoing crisis, not even knowing if I'll make it out of this whole thing alive or not. Even if I did make it alive, it isn't really looking well. Who's to say that he'll wait for me? He's got the entire female species population at school lined up at his feet. He could have his pick of beautiful, smart, funny and outgoing girls. Once he does, he'll be wondering what the hell he was doing loving someone like me.
Someone so...broken.
So naïve.
So weak.
So unworthy.
I want him to find someone better for him. Someone who deserves his pure heart. Someone who would stick by his side when he needs her the most. Just someone who isn't me. He deserves nothing less than the absolute best, and I know for a fact that that person isn't me. It never will be.
I stepped away from the hospital room window and went towards the beeping symphony next to my mom's bed. I sat on the chair I've been sitting on for the past two days and took her cold hand in mine.
"Mommy, what am I supposed to do?" Was all I whispered. I didn't know why I was expecting an answer because all I got in return was dead silence.
My dad had to be sedated because of the emotional breakdown he had when my mom was put in a coma. He couldn't handle seeing the love of his life so helpless and injured like that. He just couldn't take it.
I was told that he would be okay as soon as it wears off, which should be either tonight or tomorrow.
There was a knock on the door and Annabelle came inside.
"How's she doing?" She asked, putting a hand on my shoulder.
"As well as can be expected." I reply.
"How are you holding up?" She asks, looking a little worried.
"I don't know Annie. I really don't know the answer to that." I sighed, bring my knees to my chest and resting my head on top of them.
"I know how much that Royce kid means to you; despite not liking him myself..." she started, and I looked at her, waiting for her to continue.
"So here you go." She says, handing me a phone that looks like it was manufactured as a prototype back in the 1920s.
"Yes I know that it's ugly as a chihuahua but it is untraceable and the number never shows and since you agreed to come here and leave your friends behind, I decided why not let you speak with them. But no matter what, you can't compromise your location. Understood?" She asked.
I jumped on her and hugged her so tight.
"Yes! Thank you so much Annie!!" I say screaming like a little kid.
"Woah there tiger. I'm not as young as I used to be! You can't jump on me out of nowhere." She laughed, ruffling my hair.
"Yeah. Yeah. So are there any leads on CJ?"
"We are piecing together some phone records and street footage. They're either getting a little sloppy or they're setting us up. Either way we're almost there. They seem to be alternating between Cali and Arizona so hopefully we could get to them before they hurt him."
She noticed that my face dropped so she hugged me.
"Don't worry little girl, I have the best team on the planet. We'll get them."
"The same team that were fooled by a bunch of high schoolers?" I chuckled, remembering our grand escapade.
"Yeah, well that wasn't exactly one of their finest moments." She said, laughing to herself.
"My phone number is there." She continued. "If anything happens just call me, I'll be there right away. Or you could tell the agents outside and they'll tell me."
"Okay. Thank you Annie." I said, smiling for the first time two days.
"Always." She said as she left the room.
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PLAY MEDIA ABOVE FOR WATERWORKS AND FOR DRAMATIC EFFECT!! _______________________________
I sat back next to the window and held the phone in my hand.
Is talking to him something I really want to do right now?
I didn't want to admit it, but I needed to do this.
Ok. He is going to be hurt and he'll say stuff he may or may not mean. I can handle whatever comes my way. After all, I've prepared myself for the worst.
Dialling: 102-123-1234
It kept ringing three times before he picked up.
Jaycee: Hello?
I froze. I couldn't move. I couldn't speak and my heart suddenly felt like it was pumping ten gallons of adrenaline. He spoke.
Yeah sure ok. All he said was Hi. But still!
Jaycee: Hello? Anyone there?
Alexis: Hi.
Jaycee: Uh Hi. I'm sorry but who is this?
Alexis: it's me. Lexi. - I whispered out.
There was a very long and very uncomfortable silence for what seemed like ages.
I heard him sigh before he answered.
Jaycee:
What do you want? - he said so coldly I felt my own heart freeze.
Alexis: I-I-I want to talk. We-we need to talk.
Jaycee:
What's there to talk about! You left me! You abandoned me! What else do you want from me?
He said all that without his voice ever faltering. Not even once. Like he didn't care anymore.
Alexis: I'm...I'm so sorry - I breathed out finding harder and harder to maintain my poker face.
He sighed, and probably ran his hand through his hair.
Jaycee:
I'm sorry but apologizing isn't going to fix this. I don't think anything will. Not anymore.
Alexis: ....
Jaycee: Hello? Are you there?
Alexis: Barely - I whisper.
Jaycee: What?
Alexis: You don't even know the reason for doing what I did. Didn't we have a problem with something familiar in the past?
He sighed again, probably realizing that I was right.
Jaycee:
Ok. I'll give you a chance to explain only. I've already made up my mind about anything else.
My entire being shook at the thought, but this was for the best.
It better be anyways.
It sure as hell better be.
Alexis: Ok. Good. Listening is good. J-just h-hold on a second please - I said a little louder than a whisper.
I held the phone against my heart, my lips quivering and a few tears decided to race down my face. I dried them with the back of my hand and exhaled for a few seconds, steadying my voice before I continued.
Alexis: Well no thanks to you, I found out that my parents have been admitted to a hospital. I grilled Annabelle until she told me what actually happened because...
Jaycee: Because what?
Alexis: Because the person I trusted lied straight to my face. I asked because I knew something was going on when you and Brenda wouldn't tell me what was happening. And to think I trusted you.
He was quiet for a little while before proceeding.
Jaycee: I did it to protect you...
Alexis: From what!?
Jaycee:
You had just left the hospital, you were weak and vulnerable and I didn't want to add to that. I was doing it just to protect you love.
Holy Hannah that word sent jolts of electricity down my spine.
No!!
This needs to stop.
Alexis: I'm a big girl now Royce, I can take care of myself. I don't need any protection and I believe that I've proved myself.
Jaycee:
That's what you do to your other half. You protect them. You do anything in your power to keep them safe because you'd rather die than see them in harms way.
Alexis: Well then you should understand why I did what I did. I needed to stay away from you so that I don't put you in danger! You've already seen what they're capable of! I wasn't going to let them target you anymore! Not anymore. Not when I have a say in it.
Jaycee:
That doesn't mean that I should let you fight this on your own!
Alexis: That's EXACTLY what it means! I am so in love with you that I would rather risk breaking my heart being away from you than to put you in danger!
Jaycee: WELL I LOVE YOU TOO!
Alexis: GOOD!
Jaycee: GOOD!
We were both silent for a little while before he started talking again.
Jaycee:
I don't want to let you go, but I can't keep hanging on to dying ropes where all that happens is that you're slipping away. I won't deny that you are probably the best thing that ever happened to me. You changed my life without even trying. I can never tell you how much you mean to me and I don't even know how my life would've been if I hadn't met you...
Alexis: Why do I sense a 'but'?
Jaycee:
But staying in a place or with someone where you aren't appreciated isn't called being loyal, it's called breaking your own heart, and I don't think I have enough pieces to last me through that anymore. I just can't.
There was the sound of silence, and the sound of a couple of broken hearts.
Jaycee:
What we have... what we had, it's beyond repair at this point. It's going to take a hell lot more strength and patience to fix it. But now is not the time for that.
Alexis: You deserve someone who won't break your pure heart and I know that you'll find her someday.
Please fight for me. Tell me that I'm what you need. Please.
Jaycee: I'm sorry.
Alexis: I'm sorry.
Jaycee: Goodbye Alexis Pierce.
Alexis: Goodbye Jaycee Royce.
Two pairs of eyes, one pair of tears, two severely broken hearts.
External Narrator POV:
The hardest thing to ever experience, is walking away from someone knowing fully well that you still love them, knowing fully well that they're still on your mind. Although you say this is for the best, your heart doesn't seem to agree because all it feels is a garden of thorns collapsing on it. And nothing in the world feels worse.
💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖
AN: please don't kill me I love you guys.
Don't forget to comment and vote AND ALSO LEAVE YOUR THOUGHTS ON THE WHOLE SITUATION...
I'll do a final Jaycee POV next :)
SEE YOU ALL SOON!!