We sat for five minutes in silence. It was comfortable, like always but there was a cloud, a grey cloud looming above the both of us. I could see Chloe going over every detail in her brain, how she squinted her eyes and rubbed her temples with her thumb and fore finger as she went over everything in her head. It must be like a machine in the there, how couldn't she think so hard over events that had only happened today. I couldn't care if she went all around the world to tell me what happened; I just needed to know soon. I cared about Chloe more than any other girl and I have no clue why? Yes she's different and there is a common topic between the two of us but I don't quite understand myself why I cared so much. I guess I enjoyed her company, the conversations we have, the things we share and the silences like this which are never awkward or involve one of us faking a cough to fill the silence. I didn't feel like I had to say anything to her, to impress her or to make it less awkward for the both of us, it was nice.
The quiet whistling of the wind as it brushed past us and blew my hair forward and Chloe's round her face, she pushed the strands off her face and let the dying wind settle. She kept fiddling with her hands in her lap and I picked up it was a nervous habit of hers but I never thought I could make this girl nervous. The way she arrived on the first day of school and with so much confidence and attitude was the hottest thing ever! She nodded her head a couple of times to herself before she opened her eyes. She turned her body to face mine and gave me that same fake smile she plasters on every day for everybody to see. I want to see her real smile, I bet it’s beautiful and reaches her blue eyes. Fuck, Harry I need to stop thinking like this about Chloe, fuck I need to stop thinking like this in general.
I took breath to clear my mind, I have to let her talk, I can't interrupt her, she'll get pissed off with me and no one wants that. Chloe seemed to be doing the same she was taking a long breath before she finally parted her natural pink lips to talk to me.
"Harry, you’re going to hate me," she spoke quietly still looking into her lap at her fumbling hands. How could she every think that I'd ever hate her? I don't and won't hate her. "I erm, saw Liam on Sunday." She continued and moved her right hand up to itch the back of her neck to avoid my eye contact. I just wanted her to carry on, to know why she thinks I would hate her. Whatever she had to say must be better that her spending an hour of her time with Liam on Sunday the day after we made out in my mums car. "I err, this morning, he asked me to erm go out with him again." She mumbled her words as she told me. Her eyes finally met mine and she swallowed a lump that was forming in her throat.
All I could think was how much of a little fucker Liam was. He's gone and ruined everything for me. I can't believe him, but then I can't believe myself this isn't me, or isn't the me I'm used to. I don't chase after a girl, I don't plan to ask them out on dates, I don't plan to spend time with them or even give a fuck about them. But here I am, sat with Chloe in the middle of our schools courtyard while she tells me my best mate beat me to asking her out. I'm so fucked up but so is the girl in front of me, making us so right for one another it’s clear to those who can see and understand us.
"I've said yes and I think, I think he's going to ask me to be his girlfriend." She choked on her last words and I couldn't help but tap her back to make sure she was okay. All these little things just contradict my whole persona I've spent three years building. I'm always comforting her, it just seems natural.
"That's why I was crying Harry; I can't hurt Liam, but whoever I choose I'll end up hurting the other. I know you're so much stronger than Liam, but I need someone like Liam in my life Harry."
She was breathing heavier now like it hurt to get her words to form or even make them leave her mouth. Yes she was correct I am stronger that Liam but that doesn't mean she can hurt me and spare his feelings because I'm the stronger one. I've been through enough shit already in this life and the wound was just starting to heal but it felt as if Chloe was stabbing the knife even further into me this time.
"I need stability, and Liam gives me that and don't know if you could." I knew she'd do this. Leave me out to dry while she ran off with Liam, I was becoming angry, way too angry for my own liking. She was twisting the knife and making the wound bigger and bigger than before. She caused this, why did she have to cause so much trouble. You'd think people like me and Chloe would leave from our mistakes but she obviously never. She lives her perfect life as the princess in the kingdom and Liam fits into that. He's perfect and well I'm scared and bruised. But while Chloe goes on with this life she hurts people, hurts them hard, but they are left. Left behind to pick up the pieces themselves and move on without her help. She's the cause, and leaves the effect.
My fists began to clench, my knuckles becoming white and I knew I needed to remove the space between us before I hurt Chloe. I wouldn't punch the girl but my tongue can become viscous when I'm angry. I whipped my hand from around my shoulder and brought it to her side. I stood up from the cold bench and brushed my hands down my pants to release my clenching fists and to calm myself down before I decided what to say to her. I ran my hands through my hair as I always did, I pulled on the ends to try and rid some of the anger but there was no luck.
"Harry" Chloe stood from her seat and was now standing behind me. I couldn't bear to turn around and face her. It wasn't until she grabbed a hold of my hand, but I quickly reacted and flung them away from her small hands and up into the air. I turned towards her and I wish me never as I was met with her pleading blue eyes. "Harry I still want you in my life." She reached out for my hand again but I took a step back, she had to be fucking kidding me. She chose my best mate over me for stability when I'm the one always comforting her, I'm the one that understands, and I’m the one here now.
"No Chloe, I can't do this," I kept my gaze on her I couldn’t stand what I was doing but I was either more than just her friend or nothing to her at all. I would be too tempted when we spent time together to sling my arm around her shoulders, to hug her, grab hold of her hand and even kiss her. That was Liam's job now not mine and I couldn't bear to upset Liam or betray him. "I can't be in your life Chloe, I can't do this."
"Can't do what Harry?" Her arm grabbed hold of the lower part to mine and she moved our hands slowly towards each other. I didn't even realise that she had moved closer to me. Even her touching me like this, this was so wrong, we couldn't stay away from each other but one of us needed to be sensible and in the right frame of mine. I pulled my hands from her touch and turned to finally look at her.
"You chose Liam not me; you can't have both of us." I was regaining control of my anger but I was still furious. I know how Liam will treat her, he's the perfect boyfriend for her and if she wants stability and trust then she chose the right lad.
"I know, what was I supposed to do!?" She was shouting now. She was looking up at me trying to get my attention but I was avoiding her stare now looking off towards the main doors of the school. Chloe balled her fists and I swear this girl is bipolar.
"You were supposed to let me talk to you this morning, and let me ask you out! God damn it Chloe!" Shit. I shouted the words at her, out of angry, frustration and annoyance. Her mouth was as wide as I've ever seen it open. I turned around I started to walk away through the large double doors to the main building of the school. I was walking away from the truth which I'd just stupidly split out, the truth that I want Chloe. I'm usually one to put up a fight but she's chosen Liam and I've probably already hurt him enough than I intended. This is so fucked up.
I stormed through the main corridor in the school and reaching my locker I hit my hand hard against my locker and rested my head against the cool metal; this day couldn't get any worse. I needed to get out of here before I hurt someone. Thinking over everything in my headed wasn't helping me and I was clouding my own judgement. I couldn't be around this many people while I was in this state.
Quickly grabbing my bag from my locker I slammed it closed and made my way to the schools entrance. If I'm really needed the lads will come and find me as for now I needed to be alone. Or maybe not. I skipped down the front steps and past all the cars in the lot and down towards the schools gates.
Reaching the school gates I open my phone and search for her number. After scrolling for a few minutes I click her name and the phone begins to ring. After three rings she picks up and it’s so nice to hear a familiar voice.
"Hey Curly, didn't know I'd be hearing from you again." I laughed at her childish nickname for me.
“You’re in town right?” She giggled and spoke to someone in the background, before she answered me.
“Yeah I’m in my dad’s house, you know where that is right?” I knew far too well were that house was. I spent all summer in it for crying out loud.
“Of course how could I forget,” she laughed at my charm, she always found it funny because she knew I was only saying those things which I never meant until Chloe of course.
“See you in 10 Curly.” With that we hung up and I made my way to the girls house I had some of the best experiences in my life in and that girl who I’d been closet too in a long while, that girl was the beautiful Lilly Carter.
A/N: I have two exams tomorrow and I'm updating! Hahaha shows how much I love all of you and the 510 reads I've received that's amazing for me! Don't know when the next update will be but hopefully soon!
One exam left after tomorrow and only 11 days till I see One Direction!!! I'm too excited! ILYA xxx