Mary sat alone outside the school on the steps. She was still, practically motionless asides from her shoulders that moved with each breath and her eyes that blinked away dry tears and mascara smudges.
She was freezing to the touch, although she had no idea, she just felt numb. It took her time to process what Eleven had said but she truly knew what it meant. She hasn't said that Charlie was cold, she said his body was. And that meant he was gone.
Mary regretted her actions almost immediately, she regretted yelling at a little girl, threatening a little boy and storming out the way she had. At the end of the day, Nancy was sure Barbara was dead and Jonathan had a brother and Joyce a son that they were worrying over — and Mary didn't know if they found out if Will was alive. But she hoped he was, she hoped there was one good outcome.
Mary still didn't move when she heard footsteps, she didn't even flinch when a jacket was placed over her shoulders. Jonathan sat down beside her, pulling his knees to his chest, "She found Will." He spoke up, finally earning a reaction from Mary.
The teenager tipped her head back, breathing out air of relief, "Thank god." She whispered, closing her eyes for a brief moment and Jonathan watched her carefully.
Silence washed over them before he spoke again, "How you holding up?" He asked her and she sighed deeply, staring straight ahead, her eyes focused on a lamppost that was flickering a little ahead of her — it had been that way since she had sat outside.
She shrugged her shoulders limply, "I don't know," She admitted, "I feel numb, Jonathan. I just feel so cold. I just can't believe it, I mean, I'm not in denial, I understand what this means... But, I just wish it wasn't true." She explained, her voice tiny and Jonathan inched closer to her, placing his hand on her knee gently just as Nancy stopped at the doors; she was previously looking for him but after seeing the two she suddenly stopped and watched from afar.
"Your dad and my mom are going to find Will. Maybe Eleven was wrong, maybe Charlie —"
"Jonathan, don't," Mary breathed out, looking up at the boy with her mascara smudged eyes, though still looking beautifully broken, "I've accepted it. I can't feed myself with delusions. Thank you, but Eleven must be right..." She trailed off, looking back to the blinking light. Her knee was warming up from Jonathan's hand.
The silence grew again and Nancy almost walked out, but then Mary began to speak again, "Charlie was better than all of us you know — Steve, Carol, Tommy and I," She said, a ghost of a smile on her lips, "He was pure and warm and kind... Qualities we all fail to possess." She chuckled a little, hanging her head as she felt her eyes burn again and she began to think she had cried more that week than in her entire lifetime.
"If the monster should have taken anyone then maybe it should have been one of us. Maybe it should of been —"
"No, Mary, no," Jonathan spoke over her, moving closer to clutch onto each of her arms and turn her to face him, "Don't you do that to yourself, don't you dare." He demanded, his eyes connecting with hers, desperately begging her not to play that game or go down that road.
"But why, Jonathan?" She cried, inching closer to him, "Why did it take them? Charlie, Will and Barbara? Why did it take good people instead the likes of us — we're assholes, completely and utter dickheads. They didn't deserve it but us —"
"Mary, listen to me," Jonathan demanded, his eyes focused on hers and she looked back timidly, their faces inches apart as Nancy tilted her head, watching the scene unfold, "I know you think you may deserve it and in the past, I probably would have too. But I know you now, I know who you are, Mary. And you don't deserve to die." He assured her and she tilted her head, pursuing her lips together, looking like a broken bird.
"Why?" She croaked desperately, not understanding why someone like her should live whilst others shouldn't. She was selfish and truly awful, her coping mechanisms were lashing out and treating others like shit. She didn't deserve to live whilst good people died.
Jonathan's hands worked their way up to clutch her face and from the widow, Nancy frowned, "Because you're human," He whispered, smiling a little and she scoffed, "You've messed up a few times but that doesn't change the fact that you're a good person." He told her but she shook her head, looking downwards.
"Do you even remember half of the terrible things I've done? Only two years ago I threw Isla Thomson into Steve's pool at one of his parties — she couldn't swim, I didn't know, but once I realised it was too late! But still, I got praised for it, praised! I practically peer pressured Barbara that night into drinking when she didn't want to! And Danny Boyd, you remember when I helped make him and Shirley break up just because Tommy didn't like him?"
Mary was sobbing, remembering almost every terrible thing she had ever done in that one moment and Jonathan watched her silently, knowing that she had done those awful things and more. But still, he could remember the things she had done to fix them.
"If I remember properly when I spoke to Isla in French, she told me that you were paying for swimming lessons for her with your allowance after the incident," Mary scoffed, looking away from the boy, "You did a horrible thing to her, but you regretted it and you helped her out! Now she's on the schools swim team and she would never have done that if you hadn't payed for those lessons."
"And Danny? Danny was an asshole, Mary. He had been cheating on Shirley with Caitlin Blanchard —"
"Caitlin Blanchard? Seriously?!"
Jonathan nodded, laughing a little, "Yeah. If anything, you freed Shirley from that dick," He insisted but still, she wasn't convinced. She hadn't known Danny was cheating at the time, so it didn't matter, "And Barbara? I saw you with her, hell, I think you liked her — or at least drunk you did." He said and she found herself laughing a little, reaching up to wipe at her tears with her index finger.
"You let your walls down with her, I saw it. And you've helped search for her... Mary look, you're a complicated person, I get that — but I also get that you hang out with total dickheads that make you feel as though if you don't do what keeps you as the Queen of Hawkins to them then there's no point in being friends with them, or even relevant." He said, as though he knew everything about her.
Mary found herself chuckling, wiping at her tears, "How do you know so much about... everything? Are you secretly psychic or something?" She tied joking, making Jonathan laugh a little.
"I'm a photographer, I notice things. Even things people think aren't there," He told her and she nodded slowly in understanding, "Like the fact you're a good person and would just rather cover it up with this Queen of Hawkins alter ego." He said and she pursed her lips, looking down to her hands she fiddled with.
Jonathan urged her face back to his, "Mary," He whispered softly and the girl looked up at him through her eyelashes. Jonathan nodded his head, "You uh, you are — you are pure." He was beginning to stutter a little, his cheeks turning hot as Mary's gaze softened a little and she breathed out cold air onto his face.
If you had asked Jonathan a week before if he would be holding Mary Hopper's face in his hands absentmindedly stroking her skin with his thumbs and assuring her she wasn't a terrible person a week ago he would have laughed in your face. But there he was, a week later and in fact doing those things.
And if you had to have asked Nancy Wheeler if she would feel any sort of jealously in a situation such as the one she was witnessing, she would have denied it fiercely — especially if it were the likes of Jonathan Byers and the Queen of Hawkins. But there she was, feeling a deep pit of jealousy in her stomach.
And Mary, she hadn't expected to ever feel such an urge to enclosed the gap between herself and Jonathan Byers — especially not after what she had just been told, that Charlie was dead. But he had been the only person whom had truly comforted her.
"Do you really believe that?" She whispered, her breath cold on his slightly warmer face as she scooted a little closer and Jonathan gulped as he nodded his head, his cheeks slightly flustered.
"I do, yeah." He told her and Mary's gaze slowly flickered down to his lips, overcome with many different emotions. But she was only going to act on one.
She found herself hesitantly closing the gap, her lips slowly brushing against Jonathan's as she closed her eyes. However the boys reminded open in shock, not returning the pressure of her kiss whilst Nancy's face dropped, a look of horror crossing her features and maybe betrayal before she turned her back and walked away.
Jonathan's hand trailed to her cheek, his skin grazing over hers and she exhaled against his lips. But just before their lips could properly connect, just as Jonathan was about to return the pressure, the doors burst open and Jim and Joyce rushed out, too busy in their own conversation to notice the teenagers whom quickly pulled away from each other with guilty looks on their faces.
Mary looked down, tucking her hair behind her ear as Jonathan looked anywhere but her, "We're going to the Lab, we're going to find Will — Charlie too Mary." Jim assured his daughter as Joyce stopped to talk to Jonathan that got to his feet.
Mary offered her father a small smile and nodded, in which Jim took off his hat and dropped it onto her head before walking to the truck, "Joyce! Joyce, come one!" He called over to the woman whom quickly hugged her son and Mary watched them for a moment.
"Dad, wait!" She called out as she rushed towards her dad whom had to yet get into the car before she wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her face in his chest, the hat slipping at an awkward angle on her hat.
"Be careful in there. I can't lose you too." She whispered in to the comfort of his jacket and the man sighed whilst hugging her back.
"I'll see you later, Mare." He said with a smile before pulling back and getting in the truck with Joyce and reversing out of the car park.
Mary watched them go, a small smile on her lips, "See you later, dad."
———
Wow a double update.
Also, Mary is my problematic fave and I love her.