"The soul is healed by being with children."
-Fyodor Dostoyevsky
***
It had been decided that Jimin would get to spend one day with each of his brothers, mainly because Namjoon was worried about overwhelming Jimin with too much at once.
Namjoon was all right with the arrangement even though he would have to wait. It was enough for him just to see Jimin, just to know that he was okay, just to be able to touch him, even though his hands still shook as though he were afraid that Jimin would disappear into dust at the slightest touch.
Being able to tuck Jimin into bed - Namjoon almost started crying. He managed to hold off long enough to kiss his three youngest sons goodnight and rush out of their room, closing the door and leaning against it as he closed his eyes and let the tears run down for a second before blotting them out with his palms.
He'd finally gotten the corners right.
No more monsters would be coming for Jimin. Not now, not ever.
So it was enough.
It was enough for him just to have his son back.
***
Jin was excited because he got to have Jimin first. Namjoon had even given him the day off of school just so he could play with Jimin.
He woke up too early but was too excited to fall back asleep, so instead, he ran to the kitchen, his toes curling when they hit the cold hardwood floor, and grabbed two bowls, two spoons, Jimin's favorite brand of cereal (or at least what it had been 5 years ago), and the milk.
Then he sat and waited, swinging his feet back and forth because they were cold.
Jimin didn't come to the table for another thirty minutes, tugged along by Tae and followed quietly by Jungkook.
Jin brightened seeing the triplets - all three triplets, as it should be. "You're awake," Jin said, grinning at Jimin, who smiled back shyly, slightly uncomfortable. Jin understood somewhat; it had been 5 years. Jin had changed. Jimin had changed. It would take some getting used to, but Jin wasn't scared. He was excited, eager to explore every new facet of Jimin, from the way his hair was starting to curl in slightly at the edges to how he was self-consciously tugging his sleeves down past his fingers as he hopped from his left foot to his right foot.
And that's how Jin knew it would all be okay, because Jimin's feet were cold just like Jin's. They'd have differences, sure, but they were still brothers, and that was all that mattered.
"I got you a bowl," Jin said brightly, patting the seat next to himself. "And I saved your seat."
"What about our bowls?" Tae asked, mock-sulking, but he was in too good of a mood to actually be annoyed.
Jungkook was unusually quiet, and as Tae clambered to reserve the seat to Jimin's left, Jungkook just sat down next to Tae, not putting up a fuss.
Jin was a little bit worried, but he would talk to Jungkook later or maybe tomorrow.
Today was his day with Jimin.
"Aish, hyung, you're not supposed to leave the milk out!" Tae said, wrinkling his nose when he opened it and smelled it. "It's going bad! Seriously, you maybe be older but it's not true what they say about being any wiser."
"Oops," Jin said, winking at Jimin, who giggled before biting down on the inside of his left lip, looking guilty. "It's okay, you can laugh. You won't hurt my feelings."
"I...I'm not supposed to be loud," Jimin said, looking down before briefly meeting Jin's eyes and looking away almost immediately.
Jin stared at him. "What do you mean? Be as loud as you want. Like Taehyung, here. Sometimes he likes to read aloud in the bathroom, and I can hear the whole book from the kitchen."
Taehyung flushed red with embarrassment. "Hyung! You're not supposed to tell him about that! And it was once!"
"Twice."
"Okay, twice! I had 5 pages left and I had to pee really bad! What was I supposed to do, just...wait and leave the ending hanging?!"
Jimin started giggling again and once more forced himself to stop, only Taehyung was making overly dramatic hand gestures, and Jimin couldn't help but let his laughter bubble up from his stomach and out his mouth past his lips and into the chilly morning air.
When Jimin wasn't looking at him, Tae's feigned embarrassment slipped into a soft smile as he looked at Jimin laughing without restraint.
Jin reached out and tousled Jimin's hair. "See? You've got such a pretty laugh. It's a shame to bottle that up. As your hyung, I demand that you laugh more. Got it?"
Jimin giggled again, bobbing his head, and Jin was mesmerized by how his soft tufts of hair bounced up and down gently. Jin patted Jimin's head once more before widening his eyes. "Your hair is so soft! How did that happen?"
Jimin's laughter hitched once before dying out. "Mommy always brushed my hair before bed."
Jin wanted to say, She isn't your Mommy.
Jin wanted to say, Your hair isn't hers to brush.
Jin wanted to say, You belong with us.
But he said none of those, just remained quiet.
Tae, thankfully, broke the silence. "Nah, I think genetics just favored you more. Your hyung is just jealous."
Jin acted like he was offended, throwing his arms up. "No fair, Tae!" He pretended to wipe away a tear. "I just- I just want to be pretty."
And just like that, breakfast had gone back to normal, only Jungkook was still a bit off.
The house only got more lively as Hobi and Yoongi joined them, both of them yawning widely. Normally, Yoongi would sit down and immediately lay his face on the table, too tired to eat breakfast, but today, he sat in his chair and stared at Jimin, looking away whenever Jimin looked at him, but then going back to staring as soon as Jimin looked away.
Hobi was less socially awkward and addressed Jimin directly, grinning. "Jiminie!!"
Jimin bit his lip before allowing himself to smile, and Hobi's grin stretched even wider.
"Jimin! I have so much gossip to catch you up on!" Hobi announced as he poured dry cereal into his bowl, not even questioning the lack of milk, and Jin shook his head, pointing his spoon at Hobi threateningly.
"Save it for your day! Today is my day with Jimin and I'm not letting you steal my time!" He pouted and Hobi relented, sighing.
"Fine, fine...but seriously, there are so many embarrassing stories you need to hear! Like the time when Yoongi took Lala and-"
Hobi broke off as they all laughed, Jungkook chuckling lightly, only Jimin looked on with a confused half-smile, the outsider of an inside joke. He felt left out, even though he knew Hobi hadn't meant to do it, but it hurt that there were jokes he didn't know and stories he'd never heard or been around to see.
Sometimes at the breakfast table, it felt like 5 years had been a blink of an eye, that they were all puzzle pieces. Take one away, lose it under a rug for awhile, find it and plug it in, and the picture is complete, perfect.
Only sometimes, it felt like 5 years had been a lifetime, a lifetime Jimin hadn't been part of.
***
Namjoon left to drive the kids to school and told Jin that he'd be out shopping and that he'd have his cell phone ringer on and that Jin could call if he needed anything at all. Then Namjoon gave Jin a kiss on the cheek before turning to Jimin and hesitating before bending down and kissing Jimin's cheek, his lips staying on a little too long, reassuring himself of Jimin's presence before he forced himself to get into the car. He was scared to leave Jin and Jimin alone considering the last time he'd left Jimin, but he knew that this was just a fear he'd always have, and it was better to work through it now than later. He'd told Jin that he had to shop, but he really just planned to sit somewhere for an hour or three and just force himself not to drive straight home and keep Jimin under a microscope every second of every day.
Once the house was empty, Jin grinned at Jimin and hugged him. "Today is our special day! What do you want to do?"
Jimin hesitated before swallowing and looking at Jin, forcing himself to make eye contact and hold it for at least three seconds before looking away out of nervousness. "Can we...um...just talk for a while?"
Jin was surprised, but he nodded, smiling. "What do you want to talk about?"
Jimin bit his lip once more, a habit he'd seemingly developed. "You. I want to learn more about you, about the things I forgot and about the new things."
Jin smiled, nodding. "All right, but only if we get to talk about you, too."
Jimin hesitated before shrugging, and Jin took that as consent.
"Oh! I have the perfect idea," Jin said, jumping up. "Stay here," he commanded as he ran to the triplets' room and dragged Jimin's nest of blankets into Jin's room and into his bed, making a comfy little niche. Then he skidded back into the living room. "Come on," he said, grabbing Jimin's hand and pulling him along.
His hand seems like it hasn't grown.
For some reason, that made Jin love it more, as though that part of Jimin hadn't changed while he'd been away.
Jin jumped into his bed and patted the mattress, pushing aside the blankets to make room for Jimin, who climbed in delicately. Then Jin folded the blankets over them so they were snug and toasty inside before he rolled onto his side to face Jimin. "You always loved cuddling," Jin explained. "Has that changed?"
Jimin hesitated before shaking his head slowly. "No. I like it a lot. Thank you, hyung."
Jin smiled victoriously. "Sure thing, Jiminie. Now ask me anything about myself and I'll tell you."
"Okay. Um..." Jimin made a distressed face. "It's hard to think of questions. Sorry, hyung."
Jin laughed. "Okay, how about this? I'll just talk about myself for a while, and if you think of anything, you can ask whatever you want. Okay?" He waited for Jimin to nod before he started rambling. "Okay, let's see. I'm twelve years old. I'm in seventh grade. I have a pink backpack-" He paused as he watched Jimin's face glow warmly.
"I remember that," he mumbled, a small smile of amazement on his face.
"-I do most of the cooking, and just so you hear it from me first and not one of the others, yes, I've set off the fire alarm three times, but the first was a long time ago when I didn't know what I was doing and the second time was when we had that picnic and I left the gas on the stove on so it wasn't really a fire alarm and the third time was when I misinterpreted what well-done meant and I left something in the oven too long and it sort of caught on fire and the fourth time was when I forgot to add water to one of those microwave meal things and it started smoking-"
"Hyung, I thought you said three times?" Jimin asked before flinching. "I'm sorry, I'm not supposed to interrupt."
Jin flicked Jimin lightly on the nose. "Aish, stop apologizing! I'm your hyung, not your teacher or principal. Which you should ask Yoongi about tomorrow because he knows the principal pre-tty well by this point cause he's a big troublemaker. And...well I know I said three but don't tell anybody about the last one because I sort of blamed it on Hobi because he was trying to make a cake."
Jimin giggled before asking, "What was the cake for?"
Jin hesitated, exhaling softly. "It was for your birthday, Jimin."
Jimin tilted his head. "I don't remember that."
"Because you weren't here," Jin said gently. "It was last year."
Jimin stared at Jin through big eyes. "You...celebrated my birthday? You made a cake for me?"
Jin looked down at the blanket, slightly embarrassed. "We all did, every year. And Hobi made the cake that year, not me. But yeah. We knew you were out there somewhere, and nobody deserves to be forgotten on their birthday." Jin laughed softly, but the sound was like rain, sad and earthy. "You should see the closet in your room. Daddy still bought you a new pair of shoes every year, although he had to guess on the size and just compare it to Tae's and Jungkook's. And he bought a winter coat and mittens and a hat and a scarf. All of that sort of stuff, you know." Jin looked back at Jimin, a sad smile on his face. "Because he knew you'd come home. He was ready every year, waiting."
Jimin took in Jin's words in silent amazement. "All of that, for me?"
"Who else?" Jin asked, smiling and playing with the upper hem of Jimin's shirt along his shoulder and collarbone. He looked up to meet Jimin's eyes. "That reminds me, I forgot to mention a few other things about me. I'm a lucky hyung to have five dongsaengs, I like to tease all of my dongsaengs very much so get ready for that, and I missed you." His last three words were simple, and they felt too fast somehow, like he should have kept talking to find some eloquent way to say what he'd been feeling, but Jin couldn't think of a better way to say it than the simplest way.
"I missed you," he repeated, lightly running his fingers along Jimin's bangs before trailing his fingers to Jimin's right earlobe and pulling gently.
When he looked back at Jimin's face, Jimin was biting his lip.
"You don't have to hold back on anything," Jin said. "Like being loud or laughing or interrupting or saying something. Whatever you have to say, I want to hear it, so don't even think about keeping quiet, all right? Nothing you could say would ever make me angry or upset with you, so don't think and just open your mouth."
Jimin swallowed before opening his mouth and whispering five simple words that, like Jin's, held so much more. "I missed you too, hyung."
And then Jimin's face was pressed up against Jin's chest, tears soaking Jin's t-shirt as he wrapped his arms around Jimin, stroking his hair and letting Jimin cry.
He let Jimin cry, because if Jimin was crying into his shirt, then Jimin wouldn't be able to see Jin crying too.
***
When Namjoon got home with the other kids, he scanned the living room and kitchen, his worry growing when he neither saw nor heard any sign of his two sons. "Jin? Jimin?" He swallowed.
Take it easy, Namjoon. Stay calm. This isn't a repeat of 5 years ago. There's probably some logical explanation.
Namjoon told himself to stay calm, but he still found himself walking faster than normal as he checked the triplets' room, swallowing when he saw no signs of life, but he paused in the doorway of the older siblings' room.
Jin and Jimin were asleep in Jin's bed, cuddled up together in a mountain of blankets, Jin's arms wrapped around Jimin protectively while Jimin snuggled into Jin's chest, seeking warmth or safety or comfort or maybe just Jin himself.
Namjoon exhaled deeply as he felt his heart beat evening out, and then he shut the door softly, letting his kids sleep. The sight both warmed Namjoon's heart and made him tired as well, seeing as he had barely slept for the past 5 years, too torn apart by grief and worry and stress and regret and too many other dark feelings that he didn't want to name.
But he'd been able to sleep soundly for the first time in 5 years as of last night, and a nap sounded good to him. He had a lot of sleep to catch up on.
The same went for Jimin. Namjoon had a lot to catch up on with Jimin, too.
With his kids in general.
He knew he'd been neglecting them, and having Jin as a son, cooking and cleaning and stepping up to be a parent when none were fully available, made it all too easy to forget that Jimin wasn't the only son he should be worrying about.
He hadn't been a very good father for the past 5 years.
But he was going to try his damnedest to make it all up.
Just, after his nap. Sleep first, and the rest would follow.
each sibling will be getting a chapter :)
and in response to a few people's questions -
haha, no, this is not over. hopefully, far from it. (although you're welcome to stop reading whenever you please)
in response to some unspoken thoughts -
haha, no, the angst is not over. it will never be over. :) but yes, i'll be toning it down a few hundred notches so relax and enjoy.
general note: only a few q&a responses left: jungkook, miscellaneous characters, and author. again, miscellaneous characters are literally any and every character mentioned that isn't part of the bts family. could be lisa, jaebum, youngjae, mark, yugyeom, bambam, wonpil, kihyun, wonho, shownu, sehun, pd-nim, jongup, hyukk, eungi, hyehyeon, chul, etc. etc. etc. that said, any questions that will compromise future plot spoilers may not be answered unless in general terms. also, *please post questions on the <<q&a<< chapter just so i don't lose them.* i think i've missed a few because i forgot that they were in odd places or something, so my apologies.
this is a really long note so i'll just end it here even though i think i'm forgetting something...idk