"Laugh it up?" He choked out. "Do you even know me?"
Guilt rattled my bones as I regretted my words. I knew Sebastian wasn't the kind of person to laugh at another for feelings of the heart. He may have proclaimed to have sworn off of it, but he wasn't the kind of person to deny anyone else those feelings.
"I know you wouldn't laugh at me." I whispered. "Or judge me..." I trailed off.
"So why didn't you just tell me it was your book." He asked.
"I was scared."
"Of what?"
"What would happen, how it would change us. I didn't want to lose you again." I paused and looked him in the eyes. "I didn't count on you liking it. But I guess I was also scared that it could change my life... and I'm not sure I'm ready for that change. I'm sorry I didn't tell you."
Sebastian stepped forward, his hands reached out for mine and I took them, grateful for the human contact in the moment.
"After I read those first few chapters and I worked it out, I should have told you." He exclaimed. "But I was scared too. Telling you I knew, meant coming clean...."
His face flickered with something that seemed to cause him physical pain. He looked down, away from me and squeezed my hands.
"Coming clean?" I questioned, I could feel my eyes widen, like a deer in headlights.
"I remember that day... vividly. I remember waking up that morning filled with a ball of emotion in my throat, knowing I had to leave everything... everyone I loved. I wanted to run without saying goodbye." He stopped, his voice cracking. "I almost did."
"Seb." I whispered, it was like saying his name dulled the sharp ache in my chest.
He lifted his head and his eyes tracked back to mine, they were lined with tears.
"But I needed to see you, I needed to commit you to memory. You'd always been so cool. I hadn't expected you to be upset Em. So when you were I damn near lost it. Seeing you cry it broke me... See i'd spent the better half of the summer battling these feelings I didn't understand. Feelings I thought were wrong."
The world fell out from beneath my feet, I stumbled backward, my hands slipping from Seb's as I sat down on the bed to steady myself. My heart thumped hard against my chest
"When we kissed I wanted to make the world stop so that it didn't have to end."
I felt myself frown. "But you jumped away from me. You acted as though it was wrong."
"I thought it was wrong Em." He exclaimed. "You were 15. I was almost 19."
"So you rejected me and ignored me for years."
"I thought I was doing the right thing. I knew you were the love of my life Em, I'd known it all summer... and after we kissed I knew you felt something for me too, but we were too young for the intensity a love like that brings and If I didn't leave then, I was never going to leave. We both needed to grow... You know we did."
I knew he was right, but the way it had happened was wrong, we'd both tormented ourselves for years. I'd done things I regretted, sadness turned back to anger and I stood back up.
"You decided your way was the right way for both of us." I choked out. "You broke my heart then, and now it feels like you're breaking it all over again."
"No... no no no." Seb explained. "I don't want that. Please."
"What do you want?" I asked.
"You. Em. I love you. The other night when we had that moment I knew I needed to come back and end whatever it was I had with Julianne. You're the girl I couldn't talk about. I've always wanted you."
"I couldn't bear to lose you again." I whispered, my voice cracking under the emotion.
Sebastian shook his head and closed the gap between us, his arms engulfed me and he pulled me in close. "You won't Em."
His mouth caught mine, and it seemed like no time had passed, like we were back in his room all those years ago. For a moment I got caught up in him, forgetting the world around me, eventually though reality took hold and in a role reversal I pulled away from him.
"How can you be sure?"
"Because no matter what happens to us, You're home to me."
I wanted to run and hide because I was scared, just like he had been all those years ago. But running hadn't worked then and it wouldn't work now. We needed to face this, head on... together. Until now we'd been fighting against the current, away from one another... almost succumbing to the harsh waters. We needed to move together, just like we used too... but we also needed to evolve.
"You're home to me too." I whispered.
Sebastian caught me as I moved back into him, curving my body against his, we fit together like puzzle pieces. I stopped thinking about all the what ifs and gave into the moment. The moment our lips met, my ears filled with white noise and the world around me became hazy. My heart was thumping so hard I could feel it all over my body from the tips of my toes right up to my head.
Our lips met, and all those feelings came rushing back. The ones I had written about time and again, the ones I had resigned myself to being without. We had lost so much time, but none of that seemed to matter now. Sebastian lifted me off the ground, and instinctively I wrapped my legs around his waist. He pulled back from the kiss, and although it was brief my lips were already begging for his return.
"Should we take things slowly?" He murmured... his voice seemed to betray his words. Almost like he didn't want what he was saying but thought he should check anyway.
"Do you want to?" I replied. "Because I'm happy to move at your pace."
Aware Sebastian hadn't been with anyone I wanted him to be ready. He pressed his lips to mine and let out a shuddered breath. "I've waited years for you Emelia. I want to be with you... in every way."
I smiled and lifted my hands to Sebastian's cheeks. "Then take me to your room." I whispered.
Sebastian listened, and we kissed frantically as he walked through his apartment. Blind passion leading us both to where we needed to be. Without much thought or grace we stripped one another, tossing remnants of clothing with little regard. Years of pining had ruined our patience, and it seemed neither one of us were capable of taking it slow and savouring the moment. There would be time for that later.
Sebastian lifted me onto the bed, and hovered over top of me. His breath was hot and quick on my skin.
Sebastian kissed me, along my collarbone and down over my breasts. I arched out involuntarily at the toe turning ecstasy of his touch. He drew his hands down my chest and over my stomach, stopping short of my center. His hesitation caught my attention and I looked at him, his eyes were on mine... dark and full of lust.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" I asked.
"Fuck yes." He groaned before covering my mouth with his.
I may have had sex before, but it had been nothing like this. We hadn't even done more than make out naked and I was on the edge of losing all control. My skin tingled at everything Sebastian did to the point I began to wonder if this was all some kind of lucid dream.
Sebastian leaned against me and let out a big sigh. "I don't have anything."
"I'm on the pill." I whispered. "It's okay."
My words were all the encouragement Sebastian needed. He kissed me hard, but at the same time softly. It became clear as we moved in sync and became one, that our bodies were only ever made for one another. We moved together, building tension that for once felt good and necessary. For the first time in forever I let go, gave myself to him as he gave himself to me. Exhausted by our admittance and the following love making we both fell apart, our limbs still entwined and drifted off to sleep
**
I wasn't sure how long I'd been asleep for when my eyes finally opened again. It was dark in Sebastian's room though, so I knew it was night. He was warm around me, our bodies still entwined together. As my eyes adjusted to the dull light I watched him as he slept. His eyes flickered open and he smiled sleepily as he stretched.
"Hey." He whispered.
"Hey yourself." I replied.
Sebastian lifted his hand to my face and brushed a stray hair back. "You're really here."
I nodded and leaned forward, pressing my lips against his. "I am."
"And that happened?"
"It did." I replied.
"I'm sorry I didn-" Sebastian went to speak but I lifted my hand to his mouth and shook my head.
"The past doesn't matter... We have one another now."
"Stay with me tonight?"
"With pleasure."
We fell asleep again, and the next morning when I woke, I woke up in Sebastian arms. He was still peacefully asleep so I slipped out and had a shower. Once I was done, Sebastian was up and in the kitchen.
"Coffee?" Sebastian asked as he walked over to the coffee machine.
"Yes please."
"I have work today." Sebastian sighed as I sat down at the table. "I just want to spend all day in bed with you."
I smiled and propped my head up on my hands. "I bet."
He stopped and turned around. "You could come in if you want? See what a publishing house is like... maybe reconsider the publishing thing?"
I bit my lip and shrugged. "I don't know..." I began.
"No strings attached, you don't need to make any hard and fast decisions."
Nothing had changed with my position, I couldn't commit to any kind of promoting, I needed to back home in time for Mom. I was all she had. Still, I was slightly curious. Curious enough to nod slowly. "Okay, fine." I whispered. "But no promises."
Sebastian grinned and walked over to where I sat. He leaned down and pressed his lips against mine. "I can introduce you as the author though?" he asked as he pulled back.
I tensed for a moment, but then relaxed. I didn't have to do anything I wasn't comfortable with.
"Yeah."
A few minutes later Sebastian placed a freshly brewed cup of coffee down on the table in front of me. "We might need to go shopping after I finish." Seb explained. "I don't have much to offer here for breakfast. The cafe by work does amazing breakfast bagels though."
"I'm alright." I mused lifting the warm cup to my mouth. "Coffee is good."
Sebastian sat down across from me, his hazel eyes focused on me, and it was as if he was trying to read me. He placed his hand over mine and shook his head.
"I'm really glad you're here."
"Me too."
After coffee we left the apartment and Sebastian drove us downtown to his works office. Situated right in the middle of the busy city area I was surprised at how flashy it actually seemed to be. The doorman clearly knew Sebastian by face and opened the doors for us to walk through.
"Morning Mr Tolley." He exclaimed. "And guest."
"Morning Glen, and I told you. The names Sebastian, This is Emelia, my girlfriend."
Glen smiled and nodded.
"Morning Glen." I said softly, as I forced myself not to melt into a puddle at the mere mention of Sebastian referring to me as his girlfriend.
The door closed after us, and Seb led me down a monochromatic corridor. The ground was black marble and the walls crisp and white. The words NY Publishing on our right were large and hard to ignore. Seb swiped his wallet against the access button on the elevator. The doors popped open a second later and we stepped inside.
Once the doors closed Sebastian let go of my hand and wrapped his arm around my waist. "You sure about coming forth as the author?"
"Not entirely." I admitted. "But it's fear that's holding me back. I've let fear control me for so long."
"We both have."
Sebastian leaned down and pressed his lips against mine. "Not anymore."
On the 10th floor the elevator stopped and the doors opened. The office was nice, flashy like the outside at been. The offices were all segregated by glass, Sebastian led me down passed the rooms until we stopped outside of his. Before we could walk inside a tall, black haired woman whose clothing was clearly inspired by the monochromatic decor of the building. Almost instantly I could tell she was Sebastian Boss.
"Morning Sebastian." She quipped dryly, regarding him with an almost disdainful look, before turning her attention to me. She looked me up and down, and frowned. "Who is this?"
"This is Emelia." He exclaimed.
"What is she doing here?" She exclaimed, talking about me as though I wasn't even there. I wanted to slap her, but thought better of it. I looked at Sebastian who was gazing at me, he smiled and then shook his head slightly. For some reason he didn't want to tell her I'd written the book anymore.
"She's interested in...." I lifted my hand and cut Sebastian off. I didn't want him to lie to his boss for me. I folded my arms across my chest and smiled as sweetly as I could in Cruella de ville's direction.
"I wrote My life in Detail." I exclaimed.
Her eyebrows raised and she relaxed slightly, a small smile crossed her face. "Is that so?"
"It is." I replied.
"In that case." She said grabbing my hand as she changed her tone from almost hostile to sweet. "We should have coffee and chat about how I can change your life."
"Madeline. Em isn't here to discuss a book deal. Not yet anyway." Sebastian said, his voice taut.
Madeline released my hand and returned a narrow gaze in Sebastian's direction.
"Very well. I'll be in my office." She exclaimed as she turned on her heel and stalked away.
"She's delightful." I drawled as Sebastian opened his office door and ushered me in. "A real people person."
Sebastian let out a dry laugh and walked around his desk. "She's all about the bottom line." He sat down and lifted up a folder. "And this person I had to come back and help set the book tour up for... well they're our most popular author, their last book barely scraped the top 100 books."
"Oh." I frowned. "So that's why she put the pressure on you... when you were back home?"
Sebastian nodded and set the folder down. "With so many smaller, indie publishers out there, willing to take chances... the market is flooded and the real gems often land with them. Obscured, until suddenly they're read by millions and turned into movies."
I smiled and looked around the room. Framed pictures of books covered the walls either side of Sebastian's desk. "Are these the books you've helped publish?"
Sebastian nodded. "My ability to discover new voices is what got me the job here. Only, I've been in a funk recently. Which is why I took a holiday."
"I recognise some of these books Seb. I've read some of them. They're amazing. You really do have an eye for talent."
Sebastian smiled. "Your book is amazing too Emelia. I knew as soon as I read the first page that it was something special."
"You really think so?" I scoffed.
"I know so." Sebastian said standing up. "Madeline wants you because you'll make her bottom line look good again. Em, the employed part of me wants you to seriously consider this prospect because it'll be a life changer for us both. You will be my greatest discovery."
He walked around the desk and stood in front of me. "And the part of me that wants you to stay here in New York wants to talk you into signing... but the part of me that loves you, wants you to do what you think is best... and after years of silencing that part of myself, I just can't anymore."
I smiled and placed my hands on Sebastian's chest, forgetting for a moment that the front of Sebastian's office was glass, and completely see through.
"You are a wonderful man." I murmured. "You said Madeline might work around my situation?"
"She has before."
"Then I can't lie and say I'm not even a little curious, because I am. Call her. Schedule a meeting."
Sebastian broke into a grin and lifted me up off the floor twirling me around on the spot like we were in some kind of romantic movie. I let out a laugh and buried my head into his chest.
"I'm not making any promises." I said softly.
Seb stopped and looked at me. "I know."
He placed me down before walked around his desk. He picked up the phone and made a call to Madeline. After less than thirty seconds he hung up and looked at me.
"She wants to see us now."
I gulped, I'd expected a meeting in a day or two... giving myself time to to prepare.
"Now?"
"I think she's afraid of missing out." He mused. "We shouldn't keep her waiting."
Sebastian walked around his desk and held his hand out for me. Full of nerves I took shelter in the comfort his hand provided and together we walked out of his office and down the corridor.
A/N I can't post the next chapter for another few weeks as it has to have been up on radish for at least four weeks before I can post it elsewhere. Or I need to be four episodes ahead. Anywho, Episode Eighteen will be free on Radish in half an hour and Episode Nineteen was just released on there. So if you don't want to wait for the next chapter you can head over there and check it out!