In The End

Episode Seventeen - You're Home To Me

"Laugh it up?" He choked out. "Do you even know me?"

Guilt rattled my bones as I regretted my words. I knew Sebastian wasn't the kind of person to laugh at another for feelings of the heart. He may have proclaimed to have sworn off of it, but he wasn't the kind of person to deny anyone else those feelings.

"I know you wouldn't laugh at me." I whispered. "Or judge me..." I trailed off.

"So why didn't you just tell me it was your book." He asked.

"I was scared."

"Of what?"

"What would happen, how it would change us. I didn't want to lose you again." I paused and looked him in the eyes. "I didn't count on you liking it. But I guess I was also scared that it could change my life... and I'm not sure I'm ready for that change. I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

Sebastian stepped forward, his hands reached out for mine and I took them, grateful for the human contact in the moment.

"After I read those first few chapters and I worked it out, I should have told you." He exclaimed. "But I was scared too. Telling you I knew, meant coming clean...."

His face flickered with something that seemed to cause him physical pain. He looked down, away from me and squeezed my hands.

"Coming clean?" I questioned, I could feel my eyes widen, like a deer in headlights.

"I remember that day... vividly. I remember waking up that morning filled with a ball of emotion in my throat, knowing I had to leave everything... everyone I loved. I wanted to run without saying goodbye." He stopped, his voice cracking. "I almost did."

"Seb." I whispered, it was like saying his name dulled the sharp ache in my chest.

He lifted his head and his eyes tracked back to mine, they were lined with tears.

"But I needed to see you, I needed to commit you to memory. You'd always been so cool. I hadn't expected you to be upset Em. So when you were I damn near lost it. Seeing you cry it broke me... See i'd spent the better half of the summer battling these feelings I didn't understand. Feelings I thought were wrong."

The world fell out from beneath my feet, I stumbled backward, my hands slipping from Seb's as I sat down on the bed to steady myself. My heart thumped hard against my chest

"When we kissed I wanted to make the world stop so that it didn't have to end."

I felt myself frown. "But you jumped away from me. You acted as though it was wrong."

"I thought it was wrong Em." He exclaimed. "You were 15. I was almost 19."

"So you rejected me and ignored me for years."

"I thought I was doing the right thing. I knew you were the love of my life Em, I'd known it all summer... and after we kissed I knew you felt something for me too, but we were too young for the intensity a love like that brings and If I didn't leave then, I was never going to leave. We both needed to grow... You know we did."

I knew he was right, but the way it had happened was wrong, we'd both tormented ourselves for years. I'd done things I regretted, sadness turned back to anger and I stood back up.

"You decided your way was the right way for both of us." I choked out. "You broke my heart then, and now it feels like you're breaking it all over again."

"No... no no no." Seb explained. "I don't want that. Please."

"What do you want?" I asked.

"You. Em. I love you. The other night when we had that moment I knew I needed to come back and end whatever it was I had with Julianne. You're the girl I couldn't talk about. I've always wanted you."