January 10th 2017
Karlie's POV
We were both discharged from the hospital a couple of days ago and after spending one night in Nashville, it became obvious to me that Taylor wasn't handling everything as well as she tried to make everyone think. Her house had become a media circus after the world found out about Maisie and everything with Adam, so we decided to escape back to London yesterday morning.
She hasn't slept since she was discharged, she's just been lying in bed with Maisie, crying and doing the bear minimum needed to keep them both alive. I don't know how to help her, she won't even tell me what happened, all I know is that she's broken.
"Taylor?" I knock on the door and walk inside but she's facing away towards the window. "Tay, you need to get out of bed." I sigh as I sit down beside her and she just shakes her head as Maisie holds her finger and stares up at me behind Taylor. "Please, Taylor. I'm worried about you." I touch her arm and she flinches so I pull away, sighing.
"Well let me take Maisie, maybe then you can get some sleep." I suggest but she just strokes the baby's cheek. I sigh and get up, walking round the bed. I take Maisie out of the dock-a-tot and Taylor looks up to me, "I'll be back for you soon, you're leaving this bed today whether you like it or not." I tell her and I take Maisie with me as I leave the room.
The baby has had almost zero stimulation for the last few days and I'm sure she's going to be going out of her mind. I lay her down on the playmat that's in the middle of the living-room floor and she watches the lights flashing and the toys dangling above her, so she seems amused for the minute.
I make a decision that I know Taylor isn't specifically going to like, she's not going to want anyone to see her in the state that she's in but right now we need the help. "Cara?" I ask as the person on the other end of the line picks up and the warm British accent comes through the other end. "Karlie? Is everything okay?" She asks and I sigh, "not really, I'm guessing you've heard about everything that's been going on." There's a silence and then she answers, "yea. How're you guys holding up?" I shake my head as I hold my head in my hands. "I got away with barely anything compared to Taylor. She's a mess and I can't get her to leave her bed, I don't know what he did to her but I know it had to be bad." I shake my head again as I watch Maisie, enchanted by the simplicity of some flashing lights.
"I was wondering if you could come over. I need to help Tay, so I was hoping you could come and watch Maisie. She could probably use a different face around her for a few hours." I give her my reason for phoning and she agrees, "of course, id do anything to spend time with that little munchkin. I'll be over as soon as I can." I sigh a breath of relief and thank her before we share quick goodbyes and hang up.
I know Taylor's in pain and she's broken but I can't go on watching her like this.
•••
Taylor's POV
When the door opens, I know it's Karlie. My eyes shoot open and I'm staring at the wall again, tear tracks are lining my face and I know that I must look a complete mess but I don't really care.
Karlie sits down on the other side of the bed, leaning her back against the headboard and bringing her knees to her chest. I'm facing away from her as she sits beside me, but she doesn't move. "Cara's downstairs." She states simply, "she's watching Maisie, so I'm going to stay here for as long as it takes to make you talk to me." I sigh but I don't turn around, I can't bring myself to look into her eyes because then she'll see how truly broken and worthless I really am. After what he did, nobody could ever love me again, she'll never be able to look at me the same.
"I know you don't wanna talk to me or anyone else right now, but I'm not going to let you hide out in here forever. You're stronger than this, Taylor- I know you are." She's really not up for giving in but neither am I. I wipe a stray tear that decided to fall from my cheek, if I was strong at all then I would've fought back.
"I drew you a bath. I thought maybe you'd feel better if you relaxed a bit." She speaks again a couple of seconds later and this time I turn over to face her. "I don't think I can do this anymore, Karlie." My admission stuns her into silence, I haven't said a word in almost three days. "You have to, Tay. Maisie needs her mommy and I need you." She speaks soothingly, "we can take baby steps, okay?" I nod in response, "first let's get you in the bath. It might help make you feel a little more human. I won't push you any further tonight, just in the bath and then straight back to bed if that's what you want." Her request doesn't seem too much, but I just nod my head feverishly as she stares at me in the dark. "Okay."
I take a deep breath as I push myself up and out of bed, my limbs are shaky and my body still aches all over so it hurts to move. I force myself out of the bed, but in all the idea of anything more than laying here in the darkness is enough to put me close to tears. Karlie reaches her hand out, knowing my likely reaction if she were to touch me suddenly, and I take it.
She leads me towards the bathroom where, like she said, she'd ran a bath for me. "I'll be right downstairs if you need anything." She gives me a small smile but I can't seem to muster the same in return, just nodding as she leaves.
I look around the bathroom and there are fresh towels hanging on the rack as well as a clean set of pyjamas on top of the hamper. I throw my scraggly wavy hair up, deciding that washing it would require more energy than I have right now, and when it's out of my face I start to undress.
I haven't been able to bring myself to look at the damage that monster did to my body yet, but I know it's bad.
I stand in front of the full length mirror in nothing but my underwear, and my eyes finally explore the purple bruises littering my whole body and I burst into tears, picking up the nearest object I can find and throwing it at the mirror which inevitably causes it to shatter around me, and I slide to the floor as gut wrenching, broken sobs leave my mouth.
•••
Karlie's POV
"What on earth was that?" Cara asks as we both turn towards the noise from upstairs. "Taylor." I mumble as I jump up and run towards the stairs, missing steps as I run up them and towards the bathroom, I'm still in pain from my ordeal but I ignore it.
"Taylor?" I knock on the door but receive no response, but I can hear her crying on the other side. "I'm coming in." I warn her and I give it a few seconds before pushing the door open. The sight in front of me leaves me confused until I find Taylor curled up against the wall sobbing loudly, breaking my heart.
"Oh Tay, what happened?" I ask as I kneel down beside her. She looks at me and uncovers the full extent of her injuries: her ribs are bruised, her shoulders and neck, her hips have fingerprint shaped bruises and her legs and arms are littered with them, all on top of the obvious ones on her face, but I don't piece everything together until I notice the bruising on her inner thighs. I hold back a gasp as my eyes fill with tears, "Taylor.." I whisper, having no idea what else to say. No wonder she's been so shut off, so terrified of anyone getting near her. "He raped me, Karlie." She manages those few words between her pain filled cries and gasps for air, but I just move to her side, carefully take her in my arms and try not to cry when I see the state of her back, guessing that's where she took the majority. She curls into my body and I can feel her shaking as I hold her as tight as I possibly can without hurting her.
"It's okay, I'm here now so nobody is ever going to hurt you again. I'm going to protect you." I tell her as she sobs, rocking backwards and forwards to try and calm her down, until eventually her tears stop. "Do you wanna try this again, or do you wanna go back to bed?" I ask, not wanting to push her too far. "I just wanna go back to bed." She sighs and I nod.
She sits up and I get up to help her to her feet. "Here, why don't you get dressed and I'll clean up this mess before someone hurts themselves." I suggest as I hand her the pile of clothes and look towards the shattered glass that's covering the floor. She nods and starts pulling on the clothes as I pick up the big bits of glass and then eventually I grab a sweeping brush from the hallway closet and sweep all of the little pieces into a pile and then put them with the larger bits in a trash bag.
When I'm done and Taylor's changed into a sleep shirt and some shorts, we go back to her room and now I know why she's been in so much pain the last few days, I had no idea it was this bad.
She gets into bed and curls up under the covers. I just make sure everything's the way she wants it and then turn to leave, assuming she wants to be alone. But as my hand touches the door handle, I hear her speak quietly behind me "stay," I turn to see her facing me and she continues, "I can't sleep when I'm alone and I'm so tired, I haven't been able to sleep properly in days." She quietly makes the admission and I nod, letting go of the door handle and crawling into the bed beside her.
She happily moves into my body as I fill the space on the empty side of the bed, she drapes her arm over my stomach and rests her head on my shoulder and I keep her tightly in my embrace with one arm around her shoulders and the other gently tracing circles on her back as she tries of drift off to sleep. "You'll be alright, no one can hurt you now." I whisper as she slowly starts falling asleep.
•••
I don't realise that I've nodded off myself, until I'm startled awake. Taylor's still asleep but she's starting to get restless, mumbling in her sleep and thrashing around, and it's clear she's having a nightmare.
"Taylor, hey, it's okay, I've got you." I tell her as she jumps awake, breathing heavily as the tears stream down her face. She collapses into me and cries and I try my best to comfort her. "Shh, it was just a bad dream. Just a dream, okay? None of it was real." I stroke her back gently and hold her as she cries, "hear my heartbeat? Just focus on that." I tell her and eventually she's calm again and I know I'm going to have to get her to try and tell me what happened.
"Do you wanna talk about it?" I offer, "it might help." She shakes her head profusely and I sigh, although I understand where she's coming from. I glance over to the clock beside the bed, she was asleep for a couple of hours which is better than nothing. "Can you bring me Maisie?" She asks, wiping her tears and sitting back. "I want her near me." That tells me what happened in her dream and if it's going to make her feel better, I happily oblige. "I'll be back in a minute." I smile as I get up from the bed and walk out of the room.
I find Cara and Maisie downstairs in the living-room. Maisie's in Cara's lap as the woman laughs and makes faces at her, trying to make her smile but Maisie doesn't seem to be cooperating. "Hey," I sigh as I perch on the edge of the couch and she looks up to me. "What's going on? You were up there for ages." She observes as sits Maisie up a little. "There was an incident, it's worse than I thought- he raped her, Cara." I sigh, talking quietly in case Taylor can hear me from upstairs. Her face turns to shock and then outrage, she then looks down and covers Maisie's ears. "That bastard! I'll fucking kill him!" I shake my head, I feel just the same. "She smashed the mirror in the bathroom, I can't blame her though, he's left her in a mess," I sigh as I hold my head in my hands, "she fell asleep a couple of hours ago but woke up from a nightmare, she asked for Maisie." I explain and the woman nods, picking the baby up and handing her over.
"She's completely shut down, Cara. She's barely talking and she cried herself to sleep. She can't even sleep alone, she hasn't slept in three days." She looks just as worried as I feel as I settle Maisie in my arms, "I fed her at two and I changed her diaper. She should be good for a while." I nod as I get up, "thank you, you're a lifesaver. I'll be back in a couple of minutes." I smile as I leave the room, Maisie in my arms. "Let's try and make mommy feel a little better, what do you think bug." I smile down at the baby as I stroke her cheek.
I push the bedroom door open and find Taylor laying down again. "Look Maisie, its mommy!" I smile and get Taylor's attention. She takes Maisie from me and hugs her tight against her chest and then wipes the remaining tears from her face. "She's been changed and fed so I think she's well overdue for some cuddles with mommy." She lays the baby against her legs and the little girl stares back at her and grabs her finger to hold onto. "Hey baby." The woman talks to her which makes Maisie smile in return. "Taylor! That's her first smile!" I coo at the baby as she sits there happily smiling at Taylor, who's in a puddle of tears beside me.
I wrap my arms around the woman, comforting her and she looks up through tear filled eyes and says "I think I'm going to be okay, not right now or probably not any time soon but as long as I have you two I'll be okay." That tiny spark of hope she has makes it clear to me, nothing is going to keep her down for long.
•••
Taylor's POV
"Hey, Taylor? Karlie made something to eat if you want to come downstairs and eat with us." Cara knocks as she walks into my bedroom. I debate with myself for minute. I don't want to move, I don't want to face them but I know at some point I'm going to have to. "Yea, I'm coming." I sigh, wincing as I get up from the bed. Every single part of my body aches, especially my back.
I'm only wearing shorts under my shirt and you can clearly see the bruising all over my legs and arms, trailing up my neck and onto my face and I'm so vividly aware of it now.
"Come on, bug." I sigh as I bend to pick up Maisie who's lying contently on the bunny rabbit shaped mat in the middle of the floor. "Do you need a hand?" Cara asks as I struggle to get back up and I nod, trying to lift Maisie and move without causing myself too much pain isn't easy. She touches my arm and it makes me flinch and she automatically pulls away, "sorry." I apologise, feeling immediately guilty and she shakes her head, "none of this is your fault." She reaches out to help me again and I make it off of the floor this time.
I follow her downstairs and into the kitchen and as Karlie turns to look, she notices me and smiles softly. "I was hoping you'd come down, I made your favourite." I know she's making an effort and I really truly appreciate it, but the idea of eating anything makes me feel sick.
I take a seat on one of the bar stools beside Cara as Karlie passes me a plate of food, I'm guessing having assumed I wouldn't wanna come down, she only put out enough for two. Maisie's swing is nearby so I grab it and strap her in and leave her swinging away happily as I turn back to the two women. "Your six week appointment is in a couple of days." Karlie looks at me as she speaks and I nod, I don't even wanna think about leaving the house. "I can take Maisie and rearrange your check up for another time, if you want." She smiles, but I don't know, I don't know anything right now.
I play with the food on my plate without really eating much, and I can feel Karlie's eyes watching me. "So, Karlie told me that jellybean smiled earlier." Cara tries to make small talk and I look over and nod, not really able to form words. "We've been trying to get her to smile since she turned a month old. She's given like half hearted smiles that I'm convinced was just gas, but today was her first real smile- it was like her whole face lit up." Karlie explains and I nod along, "it made everything seem worth it." I tack on the end and Karlie knows what I mean, Cara just smiles softly beside me.
"Your mom phoned again, I told her you were asleep, she's worried because she tried to call you and your phone was off." Karlie informs me and I sigh, "I know, I turned it off. My phone was going crazy." Karlie nods, "I just turned mine back on."
The paparazzi still haven't found us here which is basically a miracle at this point. They were all over my Nashville house and it was a nightmare trying to leave, we had to put my assistant Erica on a decoy plane and send it to Rhode Island, it's just lucky we look so alike.
"People are asking for interviews and appearances left, right and centre, mainly because of Maisie but also because of Adam and I'm not ever doing that. I'm not going to use my kid or my trauma to make money, it's not right." I sigh, this is probably the most either woman has heard me say all day. "I'll get Tree onto them, she's been calling too." Karlie sighs, we're both so done with everything to do with this situation, I miss being able to hide away.
"It'll get better soon." Karlie smiles, I know she's being optimistic and I hope for all of our sakes she's right.