"El thought she was pregnant"
Liam pulled back, shot out of Niall's grip like he'd been slapped. He stared at Niall in horror. "what?"
Niall winced, reaching again for Liam's hands. When Liam pulled away walking back to the bed and taking a seat, Niall followed him and settled for squeezing tightly to one knee as he stared at him in earnest. "Thats why I didnt speak to you for those three months Liam, but it was only a false alarm"
"It doesnt take three months to find out about a pregnancy" Liam says, not believing that Ellie's false pregnancy was the only reason Niall went ghost on him for three months.
"I - I know it doesn't, I also was trying to figure out how to go about with the divorce and how to start fresh with you"
"Divorce?" Liam questioned, his heart pounding.
Liam had been waiting for what seemed like years for Niall to divorce Ellie and now that it was finally happening, he just could not believe it. His heart was pounding so hard as he waited for Niall to confirm not only the divorce but the fact that he was finally ready to completely lead his heart to Liam.
"Yeah divorce, I filed the papers" Niall says, giving Liam a nervous smile before speaking again "I'm really sorry about the last three months, I just needed time to figure out what was going on in my head and to make sure that getting into a proper relationship with you was the right thing to do. I didn't want to hurt you this time liam because I know how bad I've hurt you these past few years. I want to treat you right this time round"
"All you had to do was give me a phone call and explain the situation to me. I would not have minded if you told me you needed three months to figure out your head, I would have preferred that then radio silence from you" Liam says "I know you had good intentions but you still hurt me to the fucking core"
Liam moved further up the bed, trying not to let the tears fall as he thought back to the toughest three months of his life. He'd struggled so hard trying to come to terms with the fact that Niall and him were done for good.
Trying to come to terms with the fact that Niall didnt want him.
"I know i did and im truly sorry Liam, please forgive me"
"I-I dont know if i can" Liam said as he sagged back against the headboard. He didn't pull away further, let Niall keep his palm pressed against his thigh. But he was having trouble looking at him. Looking at this man he loves so much.
"Liam, I - "
Liam pinched the bridge of his nose tightly, avoiding the way his nose was running and the tears that had started to steadily fall. "I'm - fuck, I'm so mad at you. So mad that its so fucking easy for you to hurt me"
"Its not easy for me..." Niall pauses before continuing "Do you honestly believe it is?"
Liam looked up at him before saying wetly "yes i do, I've never done anything to hurt you as badly as you have hurt me, I always put you first and you know that"
"I swear i never mean to hurt you Liam, please believe me"
"But you do, Niall." Liam managed not to yell at him. Instead he was just tired, so very very tired of feeling so sad. He moved back, trying to keep his distance from Niall. It was awful being right in front of him again, being next to him and smelling his familiar cologne and the soap that he used. It all just hurt a little too much.
Niall stared at him, eyes wide and his brow pinched. Liam hated the way he wanted to snuggle him close, pull Niall into him and tuck him under his arms because he looked upset.
"Liam, I - " Niall started then stopped, brushing his palms down the front of his jeans. He stared down at his hands for a long moment and Liam just eyed him cautiously letting him think for a long moment. When he finally looked up, his face was set determinedly, mouth pinched and eyes dark. "I love you. I have for the longest time. I know I've you hurt you and I am truly sorry for that, I promise you that this time round I'll treat you better because the three months that I spent not talking to you made me realise that I cannot live without you, I'm so fucking gone for you and I know that's hard for you to believe at the moment but I am. I love you so much, and - " he inhaled sharply before continuing. "I don't think my heart can take it sometimes with how much I love you" he smiled, lips quirking up and his eyes all of a sudden soft and fond. "the thought of never having you in my life makes me want to hurl"
"Niall." Liam mumbled, hands shaking as he reached forward to tentatively brush his fingertips along the back of Niall's hand.
Niall seemed to draw strength from that, snatching up Liam's hand and lacing their fingers together. "I know that it seems like I've spent years neglecting you and ignoring your feelings for me but I swear I haven't, I've just been trying to figure out how to end things between El and I without causing much damage but I realised that I was being an idiot because I caused you damage instead, I've been hurting you for years and I know no matter how many times I say sorry it'll never fix the hurt I've caused. I love you Liam, I've loved you all my life and that sometimes scares me because I can never see myself loving anyone as much as I love you. You don't know how much you mean to me and I know that's my fault because I never tell you enough. Your such a caring person and you always put me first and I don't deserve you because I can never be enough for you but I'm a selfish person and I always take things that I know aren't meant for me"
Liam sniffled, wiping at his nose with his free hand and squeezing Niall's fingers with the other. He felt the sob catch in his throat as he tried to swallow it down.
"You are enough for me and you'll always be enough. I - I love you"
"I love you too, Fuck I love you so much with all my heart"
Liam didn't want to think about how every word Niall was saying was all he'd ever hoped and prayed for. The way that Niall was looking at him in earnest, eyes big and wide and begging for Liam to trust him.
"You're an idiot." Liam said on a sigh, unable to fight the way his lips were trying to pull up in a smile.
"Do - " Niall swallowed nervously, eyes dropping from Liam's like he was having trouble keeping his stare. "Do you think we could try this again? But, like real. I don't want to mess about anymore. I want you - I want you in everything that I do."
Liam inhaled sharply.
This...this was Niall offering him everything he had ever wanted. It was Niall holding his hand tightly and staring at him like he was the sun. It was Niall erasing the months and months of heartache with a simple look.
"I - I don't know if I can. My heart wouldn't bear it if we ended again."
"I swear to you I'll be different. I'm not good without you. I'm not myself."
"Niall..." Liam breathed out, inching closer to Niall and reaching out to brush his thumb along his jaw. "I - "
"I love you, Liam." Niall brought both hands up to cradle Liam's face in his. "I promise you it'll be different. I can't be without you anymore but if you think you're better off without me," he swallowed and winced before continuing, "I'll understand. I know I hurt you but I think we could be good together. Really together."
Before Liam could say another word, Niall leaned forward to press a careful kiss to Liam's lips, barely applying any pressure. Liam's eyes fluttered shut and he caught himself before he could whimper into Niall's mouth because as bad as it had hurt, as awful as it had been to have Niall rip his heart out, he couldn't never say no to him - all he needed was for Niall to ask.
Niall pulled back just enough so that he could stare carefully into Liam's eyes. He waited patiently, brushing his thumb along the hinge of Liam's jaw, rubbing at the soft skin as he held his breath.
"Yes," Liam finally breathed out. Leaning forward to kiss Niall softly, tangling his fingers in the fabric of his shirt and clutching at Niall's waist. "Yes, please. But..." he hesitated and pulled back. "You have a lot to make up for."
Niall grinned, wide and happy he looked at Liam in a mixture of wonder and disbelief. "You mean it? You want me again?"
Liam snorted. "Niall, if you think there was a time that I didn't want you, you're an idiot."
"I am an idiot - I know I am. I'll be better, I promise." He started to mutter promises between kisses, climbing into Liam's lap, straddling him carefully and holding his face reverently. "I"ll be the best for you, babe, I promise. Just let me and I'll prove it."
"Okay." Liam smiled up at Niall, feeling his heart expand with love as he looked at this beautiful, idiotic boy that had finally realized that this was worth it - that he was worth it.
this was a long over due update and I apologize for the long wait, life has just been getting in the way. I promise I'll try to update soon.