sorry had to add the gif because i didn't have time earlier today
Mark tried to stop laughing but he couldn't. "I'm sorry, it's just- your shirt-"
Namjoon sighed. "Let's just say that for all school has taught Jin, they haven't taught him the difference between bleach and softener."
Mark just laughed. "Yeah, my kids are pretty stupid. I've already given up. As long as they learn how to spell their names so they can sign the consent form for an attorney when they wind up at the police station for public indecency or whatever., then I'm good."
Namjoon shook his head but smiled. "I can imagine a kid of two or mine will be there with them, unfortunately."
"All right, less chit-chatting ladies, let's all get back to w- Namjoon-ah, what are you wearing?" PD-nim asked, staring at Namjoon's bleached shirt that looked like the unfortunate end result of a poor tie-dye experiment.
Namjoon just shook his head. "I think I'm going to have to buy a new one."
***
So, Namjoon had gotten out of explaining everything that night, using his job as an excuse, but Jin had made it very clear that Namjoon would be discussing the topic in the morning before school.
Namjoon was half-praying that Jin had forgotten.
But, on the other hand, he was sort of ready for them to know.
He was just sick of their reactions whenever his wife was brought up.
They all looked...
...excited. Happy. Eager.
Maybe he was just being petty, but he didn't want them looking up to her.
I'm right here if you want a parent so bad. Forget about her, he wanted to say, but he couldn't because he was their dad and he wanted them to be happy.
He knew that he wasn't going to make them happy with this news. But what choice did he have?
Hide it from them until they were adults?
He kind of wanted to.
But I can't, he thought, sighing. I want to protect them from the world, but it's not my right to choose.
I'll tell them.
In the morning.
***
Namjoon woke up and rolled out of bed, throwing on a bleached t-shirt and bleached jeans before walking out of his bedroom and into the kitchen, only to stop in the living room upon seeing all six of his children waiting patiently on the couch, sitting in a line.
Namjoon blinked. "So I'm not allowed to have a cup of coffee first?"
Jin shook his head but kept silent.
Namjoon moved to stand in front of all of them, but he felt awkward being the only one standing, so he sat down on the rug in front of the couch. "So..." He rubbed the back of his neck. "There's something I have to tell you all. About your mother."
"We know," Tae said, having already figured it out a while ago.
Jungkook turned and gave him a confused look. "What? I don't know."
Tae looked back at Namjoon, maintaining a look of complete seriousness. "I misspoke. We know nothing. Tell us, O Mighty One."
Namjoon felt the air lighten a bit, and he mentally thanked God for Taehyung. "Well...do you remember when I told you that Mommy was really busy?"
Six nodding heads.
"Well, that was a lie," Namjoon said, breaking eye contact because he felt ashamed that he'd lied to his own kids. And Jin had lied to me. Who else is lying to me? "Mommy is gone and...she's not...she's not coming back."
"Oh. Did she go in the box?" Hobi asked, and they all stared at him. "You know...it's a big box that they put people in, and then other people go to look at them while they're in the box..."
"Oh, oh, oh," Jin said, nodding. "He means, like..." He began gesturing before the word popped into his head. "Coughing?"
Namjoon blinked. "A coffin?"
"That one!"
"Noooooo, your mom is not in a coffin. That's for when people die. Your mom just left. She's still alive, but she doesn't want to be part of our family anymore."
Hobi blinked. "But why? Did we do something wrong?"
"I bet it was because of Yoongi," Jungkook immediately said. "She never liked his pictures."
"Aish!" Yoongi said, glaring at Jungkook. "If anything, it's because you look more like a coconut than a human."
"At least I know how to use more than one crayon!"
"At least I don't look like I was born on a palm tree!"
"Enough," Namjoon said, placing a hand on both of their heads. "Your mom didn't leave because of any of you. Okay? So don't think like that."
"Then why did she leave us, Daddy?" Jimin asked, blinking and tilting his head so it rested on Hobi's shoulder.
Namjoon sighed. He knew he was supposed to be telling them the truth, but he kept wanting to tell small lies to make it go down easier. "Mommy said that Daddy wasn't enough for her anymore," he said, his voice thick. "You know how I love you? Well, Mommy didn't love Daddy like that anymore, and she found a different Daddy to love."
"But why doesn't she love our Daddy anymore?"
Namjoon swallowed. "I...Because Daddy wasn't good enough anymore," he said, his voice weakening and growing softer. It was easier to talk in the third person. It made it feel less like he was talking about his own story. "He just wasn't enough."
Jin pouted, putting a hand on Namjoon's hair since he was still crouched in front of the boys. "I told Daddy that he's enough, didn't I? I said so. So why are you saying it's not true? Are you lying again?"
"No, I...Jin..." Namjoon sighed, hugging his oldest son. "I don't know why she left, sweetie. She got tired of loving D- ... She got tired of loving me and she found someone else who made her feel special. And I'm sorry that this is how it turned out because none of you are to blame for any of this but you still are affected by it. I know you miss Mommy-"
Hobi's eyes started watering.
"But...I'm not going anywhere, okay?"
"You said Mommy loves someone else now," Jungkook said. "So if she can love him, why can't we just make her love you again?"
Namjoon's heart broke. Had been breaking the whole time, really. It was probably layered in glue and duck tape and staples by this point. "That's...that's not how it works, sweetie. She doesn't want to love me anymore."
"Well, she'll come back, right?" Hobi asked, ready to cry. "Mommy will come back eventually, right? She just needs a time-out?"
"No, sweetie. She isn't...she isn't coming back. Not now, not ever."
"B-but I miss Mommy," Hobi said, finally crying, and Yoongi took Hobi's face in his hands and began wiping away his tears.
"Don't cry for her," Yoongi said, frowning. "She's the one who left us. She's the one who stopped loving us."
"Yoongi..." Namjoon felt awful. This was all going so much worse than he'd hoped. "Baby, it's not like that. It's my fault. I must not have tried hard enough. But the issue between Mommy and me has nothing to do with you kids, okay? She still loves you all." Probably. I don't know anymore.
"I don't believe you," Yoongi said immediately, and he tried to scowl to pretend to be strong, but his eyes were just as wet as Hobi's. "If she doesn't love Daddy, then she's wrong."
"Yoongi..." Namjoon tried to give him a hug, but Yoongi pushed him away, which worried him. Yoongi didn't like to show a lot of emotion, and Namjoon was scared that he'd hide his pain away. "Yoongi, listen to me. Forget about Mommy. Okay? Don't hate her, just...forget about her. I'm here, and I'll never stop loving you."
"Forever and ever?" Yoongi asked, his voice hiccuping a little as he tried not to cry.
"Forever and ever and ever."
"Forever and ever and ever and ever?" Jimin asked, his eyes wide and his lashes wet with tears.
Namjoon smiled, moving over to tousle his hair. "Forever and ever and ever and ever. Okay? You all got that?"
They all nodded, not together but out of tempo, all of their faces wet except for the few who didn't really understand the weight of Namjoon's words.
"Daddy?"
"Yes, Taehyung?"
"Can we have dinosaur chicken nuggets for lunch?"
"...Yes, I think we can."
angst :) but don't worry. there's always more angst to come