It's nearly 6 in the evening when he storms through my door; his hair a mess, sweat coating his features, and his face contorting to show relief when he spots me perched on the end of my bed reading a novel.
"Why the hell did you come here? I meant go back to my place."
I watch impassively as he places his briefcase down on the floor before crawling onto the bed beside me. I don't say anything.
"I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry."
He meets my eyes, and I know he means his words, but that doesn't make me any less upset.
"You weren't supposed to find out like that-"
"-how was I supposed to find out then?"
He winces at my harsh remark, and I instantly recoil.
"I know I shouldn't be mad because we weren't together when it happened, but-"
"-no, you should be mad. You have every right to be mad. I'm a fucking idiot; I actually thought sleeping my way through my employees would erase, but it didn't. I couldn't move on."
His knuckles fall down my face, stroking my cheek softly before cradling my head with his thumb and forefinger.
"It meant nothing. She means nothing. I can even fire her if you want."
"You can't-"
"-yes, I can. And I will. Don't you see that? You mean the world to me."
I inhale sharply as a tear escapes my eye.
"No, don't cry."
His plead humbles me, and I blink rapidly to rid my eyes of the tears.
"You mean the world to me too," I confess, gazing into his vibrant green eyes and feeling as if I'm slowly sinking into them.
The last few days have been extraordinary; I've felt every emotion from outrage to love to undying lust... but the point is, Benjamin makes me feel them. He drives me absolutely crazy and calms me at the same time.
I see him shake his head, dismissing what I said as if he simply doesn't believe it.
"You do," I repeat, but he just shakes his head again, glancing around the room.
"Are you going to stay tonight?"
I change the subject when I realize this conversation is hopeless.
"If you'll have me."
I nod my head, my mood already lifted at the prospect of spending another night with him.
"So, what're you reading?"
He enquires as we lay back on the bed, his shoulder supporting my head as an arm slinks around my waist.
"Dunno," I say, hardly in the mood for small talk after what we just talked about. He arches a single eyebrow, green eyes smoldering.
"Let's play truth me."
My face falls, eyes widening, and he laughs at this.
"Come on, it's kind of...y'know- our thing." He mutters the last few words inches from my ear, and goosebumps are sent tingling down my arms.
I give in, as usual, and nod slowly to show I'm in.
"I believe it's my turn."
I roll my eyes, but don't object. Because I know he's right and I really don't feel like recalling the last time I asked him a question, after almost being run over by a car outside a café in Washington...I shudder at the memory.
"Truth me: why do you insist on talking to Julian?"
I sigh and he pokes me in my side, clearly wanting an answer.
"Why do you think?"
"I thought I was asking the questions?"
I sigh exasperatedly, rolling my eyes once more.
"Because he's my friend Benjamin. Believe it or not, I can have male friends."
He huffs.
"Have you ever had any feelings for him?"
"You asked your question, Benjamin."
I scold, but then I realize his lips are pressed together in a thin line and his eyes are troubled. Does he really think I could have feelings for Julian?
"No, Ben."
"Never?"
"Never."
"Okay, my turn," I mutter, anxious to get his penetrating gaze off of me.
"How many women have you slept with?"
My question comes from nowhere, and I avoid Benjamin's agitated gaze as a tense silence engulfs us.
"I...I don't want to answer that."
"You don't have a choice."
He begins to nibble on his lip.
"Hey, I told you mine. I won't be upset...as long as it's less than a thousand."
His eyes widen.
"It can't be more than a thousand?!"
"No, no, it's not."
I breathe a sigh of relief.
"I- I don't know. I haven't kept count."
I scoff in disbelief.
"We all keep count, Benjamin."
He rolls his eyes to show his displeasure at this allegation.
"Why do you want to know?"
I pull a pillow under my head and tuck an arm under it.
"For the same reason you wanted to know. Now tell me, please."
After a few more agonizing seconds of silence, he finally gives in.
"A lot."
I narrow my eyes.
"A couple hundred."
I stare at him.
"I'm sorry."
"Stop apologizing, Ben- it doesn't change anything," I mutter, only just keeping the ice from my voice.
Closing my eyes, I allow us to lay there for a while in a timid silence. I feel Benjamin watching me, clearly trying to gauge why I'm not lashing out, but I don't cave in to his steady gaze.
They were all before me; he didn't even know there would be a me.
"But...I'm different, right?" I say, with absolutely no conviction.
I feel his hands in my hair, tucking the strands behind my ear.
"Yes, you are. And I'll tell you as many times as it takes for you to believe it."
I force down the constricting in my throat. I don't want to cry, especially not when he's here, scrutinizing me like this. But it's just so much to take in. First Claire, now hundreds of other women to think about?
"Look at me, Ari."
I take a moment before doing so, and his glinting emerald eyes instantly seem to sedate all of my raging thoughts. For a moment it's just us in this world; no problems, no people, no other women.
He suddenly grasps my hand, pulling it to his chest. I look up at him questioningly, before I feel it; his pulsing heartbeat, emanating through his chest and into my palm.
"This is what you do to me."
I clench my fist to grasp the material of his shirt, focusing on the rapid pounding of his heart. And it's really rapid. Much faster than normal. I do this to him?