"Uh, coffee." I mumbled sitting up, twisting my body awkwardly for fast execution. "I'll make coffee."
Sebastian cleared his throat before he too sat up, although he sat as far away from me as the couch would allow. "I'll just use your bathroom." He replied. His voice croaky.
He pushed himself off the couch and walked quickly through the lounge, leaving me feeling dumbfounded. I wasn't sure when we'd fallen asleep but we had, and in doing so we'd crossed lines I knew neither one of us would be comfortable crossing. Despite my old, now new again feelings for my best friend... he was in a relationship and it wasn't with me. We'd allowed ourselves to get to close, and it had to stop.
I walked into the kitchen and robotically made coffee. I was just finishing up when Sebastian walked back downstairs. I slid his coffee across the benchtop before picking up my own. He picked up the cup and lifted it to his mouth, and like the voyeur I was when it came to him, I couldn't look away. Finally I closed my eyes, taking advantage of the one way I knew how to break contact.
"I'm sorry." I exclaimed, with my eyes still closed. "Maybe me coming to New York isn't a good idea after all."
I opened my eyes only to be met with Sebastian confused and unhappy face. His frown was deep, he shook his head and put his drink down on the bench.
"Because we were exhausted and fell asleep?" He replied.
"Next to one another." I added.
"And? Nothing happened." he shrugged.
I looked down, finally able to break eye contact. As always it seemed I was alone in my confused feelings. Sebastian shared none of them.
"Okay, well forget I said anything."
"You'll still come and stay?" He questioned.
I sucked in a breath and forced myself to stay composed. "Yes."
"Good." Sebastian drained the remainder of his coffee and place the cup down. "I should get back. Mom wanted me to help out with the setup of Dad's birthday. You're coming right?"
I nodded. Anne had invited me before I'd ever known Sebastian would be back. They had been in my life since in I was little. Anne and Ted were almost like a second set of parents to me.
"I'll pick you up at seven then?" He said softly.
"Sounds good." I replied.
"Okay, well see you then." He exclaimed. "Maybe you could pack?"
I nodded and sipped on my coffee. "Maybe."
Sebastian shot me his trademark smile before turning and walking out of the house. I frowned and leaned against the benchtop. I had to keep my feelings in check, Sebastian wasn't mine then, and he most certainly wasn't mine now.
I gathered the two cups and placed them in the dishwasher before heading upstairs to my room. It was with reluctance that I opened my closet and pulled out my suitcase. The dark green luggage looked almost new, with the exception of the thin layer of dust it had acquired after sitting hidden away for so long. I wrapped my fingers around the handle and closed my eyes. Dad had given me the suitcase the summer before he'd died. "For college." He'd insisted. He'd spouted off some long winded story about how he'd been given his first piece of luggage for college in high school as a motivator for the future journey to come. I wished I'd listened better, I'd taken him for granted.
I lifted the case onto the bed and unzipped the opening. I flipped it opened as I stood up to gather clothes, but before I could get too far, something caught my eye.
I looked down inside the case and saw an envelope, taped to the bottom.
My hands shook as I bent down and picked it up, my name was scrawled across it. Written in my fathers ever messy handwriting. Tears fell down the apples of my cheeks before I had a chance to stop them. I had never thought to open the case before, never thought to look.
I sat down on the bed again and held the envelope between my fingers.
Inexplicably, part of me was terrified to open it, to realize just how much of a disappointment I had become to my father. He had wanted so much for me and I had done nothing.
I turned it over anyway and opened it, slipping the letter inside out gently. I sucked in a deep breath before unfolding the paper.
Dear Emelia,
You hold the world in the palm of hands, you can be anyone you want to be. From the moment you were born, I knew you were special. I know that's a thing most parents will claim to know about their kids. But Baby... you are different.
No matter what you do. I will always be proud of you...
I opened an account in your name at Harolds Bank and put my life savings in it. It's only $8,000 but it's yours. You can access it from your 18th birthday. It could be for college, or a trip around the world... I don't mind as long as you live your life with it.
Because it can end in an instant.
Love Dad.
I stared at the paper, frowning deeply, unsure of to feel. All these years struggling and I'd had enough money to keep us afloat all along. I read over the last line again and bit my lip. It read like Dad had known he was sick. Like he had known he was living on borrowed time.
Angrily I threw the letter into the bottom of the case again. Why hadn't I looked earlier. I could had been a better daughter...
I walked out of my room, packing was going to have to wait. I needed to clear my head. I walked down the hall and into Mom's room. I needed something to wear to Ted's birthday dinner and the nicest piece of clothing I owned was the dress pants and white blouse I'd worn to graduation. I sighed and opened Mom's closet. I gazed over the dresses that had hung in there for as long as I could remember. Even when Dad had been alive it was once in a blue moon I'd see her dressed up. I knew that once upon a time she'd been in a well to do family, fed with a silver spoon and brought up with wealth. Marrying Dad had caused a rift, his lower social standing something Mom's parents hadn't been able to get over. So her dresses had come with her, but her family had not. I wasn't supposed to know, but over the years I'd pieced the puzzle together.
I lifted my hand and brushed my fingers over the numerous outfits. They all seemed so lavish, and over the top. I needed understated, classic...
I hadn't worn a dress since Mom had put me in them as a toddler. Maybe the dress pants and blouse was the way to go after all. I was about to close the closet door when at the very end of the railing I noticed a black dress. Unlike all the others it was simple, sleek and perfect.
I pulled it out and lay it down on the bed. It looked as though it was just above knee length and body fitting. I nodded and looked down at the floor of the closet, spying a pair of black pumps.
I picked up the dress and shoes and left the room.
When I walked back into my own room I was confronted by the suitcase and the letter. I stopped dead in my tracks and backed out of the room. Not tonight.
I took the outfit and shoes into the bathroom. I hung the dress over the towel rail and placed the shoes on the wicker shelf that held various bath bombs and soap. I opened the bathroom cupboard and looked at Mom's makeup. Even if I knew how to apply I knew most of it had been sitting there for years untouched. I frowned and walked downstairs slipping my phone out of my pocket as I moved.
I dialled Judy's number, knowing it was her day off work.
"Emelia!" She squealed. "You called!?"
"Uh yeah." I mused. "I kind of had a favor."
"Oh girl, anything." She replied without even a hint of hesitation.
"I've got a birthday dinner to go to tonight... and I was kind of hoping to dress up. But I can't do anything more than a ponytail with my hair and Mom's makeup is past its use by."
What came next wasn't intelligible english. Judy let out a series of excited gasps and garbled words, speaking to herself as thoughts popped into her head. Finally she let out a giggle and said a clear. "Yes, When."
"I need to shower, and get dressed... Seb is picking me up at 7pm so -"
"Oh I see." Judy exclaimed, cutting me off.
I sighed, again she was getting the wrong end of the stick. So maybe she was right about me seeing him as something more, but the feeling was not mutual and I knew how to respect boundaries. I wanted to look the part tonight, because I knew everyone else would be too.
"Don't be like that. The Tolley's are a good family. The dinner is at the country club. For once I just want to look like I actually belong in the same room."
It was true that they had means, and if they wanted to, they could be awful snobby people. They could have spent my entire life looking down their noses at me, but they never had. I had been to the country club before, back in high school. I'd worn an old white t-shirt a pair of faded jeans and my almost disintegrated high tops. They hadn't cared, but I remember the looks.
"Well fair enough." She mused. "I can be at your place by 2pm."
"I know I'm a hot mess, but I don't think we need five hours."
"Emelia, I've been trying to get you to chill with me since I started at the diner. You're always alone and so down. Everyone needs friends."
I frowned, Was I really that transparent to everyone around me. I'd let myself regress, shutting out the world for years had become an addiction to me. It wasn't the same as alcoholism... but in many ways the effects were just the same.
"You're right." I whispered. "2pm sounds good."
"See you then."
"Bye Judy."
I ended the call and placed my phone down on the benchtop.
Around 1:30pm I showered. Afterward I wrapped my wet hair in a towel before wrapping another towel around my torso. I was about to get dressed, but a knock at the door stopped me in my tracks. Judy was early. I raced downstairs to let her in so she didn't have to wait while I dressed. I opened the door, expecting to find a pint sized brunette with big green eyes in front of me. However my expectations were not met. Sebastian stood there, holding a tray of coffee and small brown paper bag. I wrapped my arms around myself. Although I was wrapped in towel and everything was covered I felt completely exposed.
Sebastians face reddened and while his eyes connected with mine for a split second he looked away, down at the ground. My almost nakedness was making him uncomfortable.
First the falling asleep together gaffe and now this.
"Sorry." I mumbled, using the door to stand behind. "I thought you were someone else."
Sebastian looked back up at me, his hazel eyes burned into mine. "Oh." He mumbled. "I'll go."
He took a step back. "I should get back to the club."
"You don't have to go." I replied.
"Yeah... yeah I do." He exclaimed. He looked down at the coffee and paper bag. "I bought you lunch. A flat white and slice of the lemon meringue pie from sylvia's."
"My favourite." I murmured. "You remembered."
He nodded as he held the tray and bag out to me. "Share it with your guest."
I held the towel up with one hand and took the coffee and food with the other. Sebastian didn't say anything else, he just turned and walked back down the path leaving me more confused than ever.
I walked back into the house and placed the items down. I was still working through my confusion when there was another knock at the door.
"Emelia." Judy's voice called out. "I'm a little early. But I figured we could have a late lunch."
Dumbfounded I walked back to the door. "I hope you're planning on wearing more than that to this birthday dinner." She giggled.
"My dress... " I mumbled. "Upstairs."
Why had Sebastian come back early? Maybe what had happened had affected him more than he let on after all. Maybe he felt guilty. Maybe he didn't want me to come for a holiday anymore. Perhaps that really was for the best. I sat down at the table and shook my head.
"You okay?" She exclaimed following me into the dining room. "Oh you had the same idea as me."
Judy placed coffee and burgers from the diner down on the table.
"Seb did." I replied.
"Huh?"
"Something happened. I did something stupid." I murmured.
"Sounds juicy. Spill."
"It's not." Murmured. "We just, we watched movies last night after dinner and fell asleep together on the couch. He has a girlfriend and it shouldn't have happened."
"You fell asleep." Judy repeated, her words and tone similar to how Sebastian's had been earlier.
"Next to one another."
"That's hardly the crime of the century Emelia. People fall asleep all the time. It's a natural human body function." Judy sat down and smiled at me. "Try not overthink it."
I nodded and picked up one of the coffee cups. "Yeah. I suppose you're right."
I dressed into my outfit, but slipped a white fluffy bathrobe on over the top to prevent any kind of spillage. For almost three hours we sat and talked. It was nice, something I hadn't been aware I was missing out on. Just having fun was a blessing, and I'd deprived myself of it for so long.
"I suppose we'd better preen you." Judy said picking up a black knapsack. "Do you trust me?"
"Yes."
Judy grinned and unzipped the bag. After she unpacked what seemed liked an excessive amount of hair products and makeup she stood up and grazed her hand over her chin
By the time it was 6:45pm, Judy was only just finishing. I felt amazing though, like royalty. Like for once I was not just Emelia, I was exquisite... like Julianne had been when I'd first met her.
"Done." Judy smiled. She stepped back and tilted her head admiring her hand work. "You look amazing. But I guess I had a pretty great canvas to work with."
She handed me a small mirror and I reluctantly looked at my reflection. For a moment I wondered if it was a picture, because I almost didn't look like myself. I touched my face and so did my reflection.
"It's me."
"Of course it is silly." She teased. Judy began to pack up her things, and was zipping up her bag when there was a knock at the door. "That'll be your date."
"Judy." I warned.
"What. It will be." Judy walked to the door and opened it as I stood up and removed my robe. "Sebastian isn't it. Come in... Emelia is ready."
"Oh okay. Hey." Sebastian voice filtered into the house. I turned around and gulped back an uncertain breath. Sebastian walked through the door. He was wearing black dress pants and a black button up shirt. It was stupid, but it almost seemed like we were about to head to prom together or something. Our eyes met and his were wider than I'd ever seen them.
"Em..." He mumbled. "You look..."
"It's too much isn't it." I whispered nervously.
Sebastian shook his head.
"Um, I can see my job is done. So I'll go. Call me some time Emelia. We can hang out again. I had fun today." Judy called out. I nodded in response, unable to formulate proper conversation in Sebastian's company right now for some reason. She left and then we were alone.
"Judy was the person... your guest." Seb exclaimed.
I nodded. "I needed help. I didn't want to show up at the country club in my jeans, t-shirt and high tops again. And I wouldn't know how to use half the stuff she just applied to my face even if I took a class in it."
Sebastian smiled. "You could make a hessian sack look good Evans. You don't need help."
"Why thank you." I grinned. "So we're all good then?"
Sebastian nodded. "Why wouldn't we be."
"I just got the feeling you were trying to let me down when you came over... Like maybe you didn't want me to come to New York anymore."
Sebastians smile faded a little he nodded. "I wanted to apologise. I realized you felt uncomfortable about how we fell asleep and I brushed it off. I guess I just lost my nerve."
"It's okay." I whispered. He was wrong, I hadn't felt uncomfortable with it, I'd felt too comfortable.
"You sure."
"I'm sure. We've got a party to get to Sebastian. If we spend all our time worrying like this it's going to pass without us."
Sebastian grinned and held out his hand. "Well then... shall we go."
I stepped forward and slipped my hand in his. "Yes. I think we shall."
A/N - Another update. I will update this again tomorrow. If you're following this book on Radish you will have read this chapter, however GOOD NEWS. I've just updated a NEW chapter for In The End over there too!