Edited
The journey was arduous and long, Alyssa had to put immense effort into processing her thoughts and not succumbing to the feelings of betrayal and anger she felt. She couldn't care less when the heavy rain started and she heard Ethan's constant loud disapproval from his seat on the riding horse. Alyssa shivered profusely her body was extremely weak but she could not allow herself to admit the truth. It was extremely hard for her to fall asleep when she could feel the cold skin deep. She searched the horse carriage for anything to keep her warm but her hands only came in contact with a thin blanket.
A sharp knock came from the opposite window, the door opened a dripping Lord Ethan poked his head in, "Would you mind sharing your sheltered transport with me, Miss Alyssa?"
Ethan tried to aim with his smouldering look when he dared to look into her eyes, but instead, he found the round eyes burning with anger. If only the fire could warm him a bit.
"Actually, I do mind," she replied, rolling her eyes and turning away to end the conversation. Unfortunately, Ethan was too selfish to care about her response, he had already tied his horse with the horses leading the carriage before asking for her permission. Climbing in, he removed his wet coat and hat leaving them in front of him, right by Alyssa. Alyssa shuddered doubly, once at the sight of him and secondly at the wetness threatening to touch her freezing self. Ethan made himself comfortable, somehow the rascal managed to find a thicker blanket under his side of the bench. Alyssa almost moaned at the idea of the warmth the blanket could provide. There was silence as both parties refused to communicate and Alyssa dared not to move too, in case the wet particles of clothing touched her. She was unaware of how much her body trembled in the cold, Ethan who had dozed off momentarily woke up to her teeth shattering and convulsions.
"Miss Alyssa, your shivering is so loud, I can hear them in my dreams, just come to sit next to me," he said half awake, without care for societal protocols.
Alyssa wanted to argue and insist he give the blanket to her, but she knew that his body warmth would be a great relief, that she would finally be able to sleep and she was exhausted. She moved slowly and gingerly. The moment she sat down she instantly felt his intense body warmth, he lifted the blanket to cover her legs and his warm hands found hers under the blanket. The relief of warmth spread so dreamily over Alyssa that she almost mewled. . Alyssa unconsciously allowed her head to rest on his shoulder. She knew she would regret this when she awoke but in her cold, weak tired state she had to let her wall of defence crumble to find some basic comfort.
Ethan stiffened when he felt her snuggle closer to him, he hadn't been thinking all of this through, he had been fast asleep. The sound she had made had clogged Ethan's throat with something primal. However, now the positioning was awkward and he was afraid to wake her and face her wrath. It had already surprised him awake that she had not said a single angry word but he assumed that the cold must have taken her last strengths away. He didn't want to risk waking up the fury and being kicked out of the carriage, not that he'd leave anyway. He was human too, the rain and cold affected him too. He found it hard to go back to sleep with the fragile girl beside him, she wasn't warm and soft like all the other women he'd known. She was cold and sharp. Ethan tried hard to think positive about her, to find something endearing, normally it was easy for him. He was always joking and seeing the good in others but her, well she just was too guarded. He couldn't understand her. He looked down to examine her profile. In her sleep, she seemed peaceful, in her unconsciousness, the wrinkles between her eyebrows were gone and her lips were not tightly pursed revealing plump lips that could probably offer a huge smile.
The rain ceased and Ethan eventually fell asleep, when he awoke, Alyssa was back to her original place with the thin blanket covering her face. She'd done it partly out of warmth and partly so he could not see her. They rode for another day, stopping out of necessity, for food and other business. The second night was spent in a tavern. Ethan was not so cruel to put Alyssa through ceaseless travel, no matter how much they were in rush.
The tavern was teeming with men and just a single barmaid. Ethan practically pushed Alyssa into her room away from all the female deprived men. He had paid for two rooms, but worry gnawed at him as he heard the loud drunkenness below them. Ethan took a dinner of stew, bread and cheese to Alyssa's room. Before entering he caught his reflection in the mirror and wondered why he looked so drawn, he, who always had a smile lingering on his lips. He was generally feeling very stressed. When he knocked on the door, he hadn't expected Alyssa to answer, she eyed him with distaste,
"I know that if I say, I am not hungry you will still persist, so let's get this over and one with,"
Ethan had watched her eat at every meal, making sure she'd eaten enough before they could re-start the journey. He settled the tray on the table, pulling a chair out for her. She settled into it, taking a bite out of each component of the dinner.
"Satisfied?" she crossed her arms,
"Nowhere near Alyssa," Ethan said, they were his first words of the night, "humour me, and have another bite."
Alyssa closed her eyes, which did nothing to hide her frustration, she took the smallest bite of the bread, sipped some water and watched Ethan devour his meal. Ethan thought he might as well finish his food as they would be in for a long night.
"Alyssa, please," he said tightly,
Alyssa suppressed a scream of anger, taking another spoonful of the stew.
"You better not be considering throwing this all up, later," Ethan said stonily. Alyssa swallowed the bile that rose from her anger.
"Have a bit more of the cheese, it was expensive,"
Alyssa did so but instead of swallowing it, she spat it straight at Ethan. Ethan froze before doubling over in laughter, his warm chuckle filling the room. He picked up the morsel and popped it in his mouth.
"I will not force-feed you, Alyssa, but I can find other ways to ensure you eat,"
Alyssa was shocked by his intimate gaze and the fact that he was munching the piece of cheese that had been in her mouth. She composed herself before she let the next words leave her mouth,
"Try me,"
"Should I make myself comfortable then," Ethan said, removing his jacket, Alyssa furrowed her eyebrows watching as he stripped his outer layer, revealing a waistcoat hugging a toned torso.
"By all means,"
Ethan rolled up his sleeves, revealing corded arms that showed strength and delicacy. Alyssa covered her nose with her hands and muffled a scream.
Ethan continued his venture into comfort, by lifting his feet onto the table, resting in a position of complete ease, it frightened Alyssa how at peace he looked. She got up, slamming the table, flipping her spoon onto him. Ethan raised an eyebrow.
"Is that your worse?"
Alyssa threw her head back and screamed, a scream of frustration that left the depths of her soul. A scream that hid so much pain. Ethan watched as the fury before him transformed. He had been so transfixed by her behaviour that he hadn't seen her pick up the butter knife and dash it at him. It hit him gently, she had been far away and barely had any energy.
"Even your attempt to hurt me is weak, eat up and try again" Ethan started, he got up, walking around the table to face Alyssa who was vibrating an anger he was sure, her body could not handle.
"Don't come any closer," she said, stepping back, "You take too many liberties, take me away from home, watch my every step, watch me eat and overstay your welcome, don't you dare come closer."
"Alyssa this whole thing would be so much easier if you see I am only trying to help,"
"Help... HELP, help," every repetition had been carrying a different emotion, shock, anger and then utter sadness. "You make everything worse, I was learning to control it all, I was ..." Alyssa stuttered, her sadness transforming to anger again, she stalked forward-pointing her finger, "You have ruined everything, you have made everything worse."
Ethan knew what she was doing, denying blame, it was a common survival technique, one they would deal with at the Rehabilitation centre. However, right now in the dimly lit small tavern room, he would try to take things, one step at a time, this release of emotions was good and it didn't matter if it was directed at him. It didn't matter that his stress was amplifying with every dirty look her blazoned eyes were giving him. It didn't even matter that he was afraid of what to say next, not wanting to push her in the wrong direction.
"I don't understand--" there was a loud bang at the door, the staggering of a heavy body upon the door. Alyssa snapped out of her emotions, her eyes widening in fear. Ethan felt a strong sense of protectiveness, as he stalked to the door to open it. There he found a drunken man, around 30 years of age leaning on the wall,
"Oh....I...musta gotten the wrong...door," he said, trying to save himself. The realisation hit Ethan like a brick of rocks, of course, these drunken idiots would try to barge into the room, housing the only female for miles. How could he have been so stupid? Rage filled Ethan and before he knew it, his fist had connected with the man's jaw. The man slumped with no reservation. Ethan kicked the body, he would leave it as a message to anyone else who tried. He soon felt Alyssa behind him, a scent of roses filling his nose.
"Oh my," she covered her mouth with her hands, staggering backwards. Ethan closed the door, locking it shut and moving a chair under the handle. He tried to rationalise his anger, the anger he felt at himself for putting Alyssa in this position of danger, the anger at the perverted man.
"YOU, it's your fault, all of this, it's your fault," Alyssa raged, tears streaming down her face. Ethan was lost, he had never seen such beautiful crying but at the same time, something within him was tearing apart. He felt the overwhelming need to protect her. "You are the cause of all of this, add this to your list of crimes, you endangered my virtue," she threw herself forward, punching his chest, relentless hits that did not hurt. Alyssa had lost her sanity, she was hitting a grown man, hitting him, releasing anger onto this stranger who had possibly saved her. Tears furled down, she sniffled, her blonde waves coming loose as she rolled out punches.
"Alyssa," Ethan whispered, he didn't want to touch her for fear he would startle her, but his fingers could round her wrist easily, "You'll just tire yourself hitting me, it's not even worth it, I barely even feel your taps," he continued. Alyssa ceased her hits, her knees giving out as she melted to the ground in a puddle of tears.
"Let it out," Ethan murmured, "It's part of the healing process,"
Her whole body trembled as her cries came out gutturally. Ethan squatted down, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder, before enclosing her in an embrace. She cried for what felt like hours to her but was only a few minutes.
"Whatever you choose to do, Alyssa, just don't keep it in, let it all out and be honest with yourself,"
Alyssa sniffled not pulling out of Ethan's grasp, strangely his arms were uplifting, providing her with physical and emotional solace. She hadn't been held like this in what felt like years. His last words echoed in her head as she hid her face, focusing on the rhythm of breathing. Eventually, she must have fallen asleep, because when she woke up she was in her bed, the covers tucked around her, no cold air could capable of entering. The warmth of the room only began to seep through the barriers of ice emotions she was so used to holding on to. In the firelight, she could see that Ethan lay in front of the fireplace. He had not left her side.